Chapter 32: A Kiss that should not have happened.

“Don’t you have something to say?”

When the impertinent servant urged him, the Duke returned his averted gaze to me.

“Are you not afraid of me?”

I couldn’t answer because I didn’t properly understand the question. As the gap lengthened, the Duke’s face became expressionless. I don’t know the reason, but he seemed anxious, and now disheartened.

“Should I be afraid of the Duke?”

The blue irises, half-hidden by lowered eyelids, were clearly revealed. With wide-opened eyes, the Duke stared intently at me.

“I…”

His red lips tried to smile but failed and distorted.

“I tore people’s limbs apart.”

He didn’t hide his face, which crumbled instantly. With trembling lips revealed, he spoke to me.

“They begged me to spare them, but I didn’t listen. I cut off the two hands begging me, and crushed the mouth asking for forgiveness so it could no longer speak.”

The confession, started with a trembling voice, ended roughly. Only after hearing the self-mocking confession did I understand the Duke.

When I heard the spy’s words, I got goosebumps at the King’s so-called education, but that fastidious boy was ruminating on the results brought by his own power.

There was no need for that. Han Jay, the Korean, might have thought such acts were terrible crimes, but I here do not.

“They must have done something to deserve such a fate.”

I understand a little how enchanting and coveted the Duke’s powerful pheromones and magical power are to mages.

There was power derived from his pheromones and mana in my body too. It was a power much purer than the mana I originally possessed. The efficiency of mana breathing and magic manifestation was incomparable to before.

It was a change created by a small fragment that would be only a tiny part compared to the amount of mana he possessed.

The royal mages would have recognized the value of his power much better than I did. Since the King gave them the justification of direct education, how unrestrained must they have been?

“You did well.”

At my words, his blue eyes widened and then were hidden again.

Eyelashes slightly darker gold than his hair showed slow movement like petals fluttering in a breeze. Every time the trembling blue irises were blocked by the golden curtain and revealed again, I couldn’t help but be captivated. It was like light scattered by sapphires.

On my hand resting on the floor, a temperature cooler than the marble floor warmed by my body temperature touched. I remember the moment this body temperature touched me softly, the moment it reassured me.

A moment that happened only once, and should have ended with that once.

Even when I curled my fingers, the cool body temperature didn’t leave me.

Before I knew it, blue eyes were right in front of me.

Lips redder than petals touched my lips. As if petals blown by the wind fell on my lips.

At the pure kiss, I felt like tears would fall.

The cool body temperature held my hand scratching the marble floor with fingernails tightly and didn’t let go. However, in my eyes that couldn’t close, I saw the Duke’s blue eyes wavering. As if regretting the impulsive action.

I could only turn my head belatedly. The Duke’s lips, sliding off mine, brushed past my cheek and earlobe, touching the nape of my neck.

“Duke.”

When I barely made a voice, I heard him inhaling breath. As if searching for a scent that wasn’t emitted.

“Duke.”

This time I could make a clearer voice. With the other hand not held by him, I pushed his shoulder. Only then did his lips slowly move away from me.

“…Sorry.”

A subdued voice asked for my forgiveness. His cool hand gripped my hand once more and then slowly released its strength.

When his fingertips brushed past the back of my hand, I stood up from my seat. The Duke’s gaze followed my movement.

I pulled up the corners of my mouth with force until they felt stiff.

“This impertinent servant cannot say the words wishing you a comfortable rest tonight. See you tomorrow.”

I bowed and turned around. Even though the employer’s permission hadn’t been given, I dared to open the door of the banquet hall and leave. Only when I reached the landing could I stop the steps that moved as if being chased.

I turned around again and confirmed that the banquet hall door was closed. I gasped for the breath I had held.

Unlike the Duke’s bedroom door, which closes precisely without any gap, the banquet hall door was hung with a slight gap from the floor.

It seemed to be an intentional design to let the bright lights and music of the banquet hall leak out. So that people who couldn’t enter inside would harbor longing and envy.

Like me right now.

My lips, which had merely touched, felt hot. Even though the Duke’s body temperature was rather cool.

The beam of light leaking from under the door lost its strength under my feet and became faint.

If I enter that door again, surely the Duke will be surprised. Then he might smile soon. Brighter than a flower.

And we will be comforted by each other’s body temperature like young animals licking each other’s wounds. Not knowing the licked wounds are festering.

Words like the King persistently wary of the Duke, war fighting for interests, and the Beta-hating Prime Minister were clear. They were things seen more distinctly in the dark.

I turned around briskly and went down the stairs. The lights of the banquet hall, already scattered, couldn’t even cast a shadow under my feet.

The feelings I thought I had already pulled out might still remain. However, they have become so small and fragile that without water and nutrients, they will dry up quickly.

Surely it will be so. It had to be.

I crossed the boundary dividing the main building and the annex. Walking ten more steps, I could enter my room.

A mirror now uncovered, a desk sufficient for design sketches, a few books owned by me on it, a bed not hard even without springs, a thick duvet blocking the cold.

My room, simple but lacking nothing for living.

I took off my shirt and pants and hung them on the chair to prevent wrinkles. I put on a one-piece pajama over my thin body with ribs still showing despite eating well and sleeping deeply.

My body was extremely tired. I should sleep first. Sleep and wake up 30 minutes early in the morning to wash up.

After quickly drying my hair, I have to wear the soft shirt given to the exclusive servant, thick stockings I don’t like at all but must wear, and black shorts made of wool.

After wearing a black vest of the same material as the pants and black shoes with quite high heels that required practice to walk without making noise, I have to go to the kitchen in the main building.

There, with Philip, I have to load a glass of cold water, enough beans to brew two venti-sized cups of strong coffee, a coffee cup set, a pot, and a newspaper onto the wagon to serve the Duke.

Nowadays, the Duke keeps the limit of three cups of coffee a day well, but sometimes he demands two cups of coffee only in the morning.

Then the impertinent servant dares to scold the employer but gives up to two cups obediently. The Duke, having drunk two cups in a row, doesn’t demand more in the morning to drink the last cup after enduring as much as he can.

Such a daily life will start tomorrow too. The day after tomorrow, and the day after that.

A year later. Maybe even two years later.

Three years later, as the Duke once said, I might go to university. I recalled the university Han Jay attended for only one semester and quit, and the school he got accepted to but eventually couldn’t go.

The university the Duke said he would send me to would surely be completely different from the universities I know. Yet, no expectation arose at all.

I just hope every day is a mundane day, boringly so. Even if things to laugh, be surprised, or get angry about happen occasionally, I hope they are days where I forget everything the next day and remember yesterday as having nothing happened.

Not a day like today that seems hard to forget even after quite a long time passes. Not a day where I come to miss someone I will eventually lose.

I pressed my lips with my palm. It felt as if I was burned by the heat of vaporization left by the cool body temperature.

I closed my eyes. Hoping tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow, won’t be like today.

My wish was granted.

During a little less than two years, while my height grew roughly to the average of a Beta, and having suppressed the Duke’s Rut once more and purified contaminated gems, increasing my mana amount, I was still the Duke’s impertinent exclusive servant who had to wear shorts.

I was satisfied with the daily life unchanged even at seventeen.

****

“Hello.”

It seems today was a day for surprises. A person standing with Philip, thin like a cornstalk and tall only in height, too young to be called a young man, bowed abruptly to me in greeting. Still, compared to the tense posture, the voice wasn’t loud.

“How old is he?”

Asking Philip, a ridiculous answer of sixteen returned.

Han Jay was unfortunately not 180cm but 178cm, which people believed if he lied about being 180 somewhere, and I grew to 170cm at least, the average for Beta males in this country in this era. Since my body age is still seventeen, I hope I might grow a little more.

And the child in front of me, said to be sixteen, looked as tall as the Duke who has now completely finished growing. Meaning he looks about 190cm.

“Name?”

Asking the child directly—even if he’s 190, he’s a child by age anyway—an answer returned immediately.

“It is Ian.”

Is this the sixth, or the seventh time? I tried to count how many children I educated and got employed in total but stopped.

I can’t properly remember the faces and names of the children who already left the mansion.