Chapter 19: Possession

That night, Gu Qiuhang had a dream.

In the dream, he returned to when he was five years old, the dark period when he lost his mother and almost lost his father.

At that time, Tang Xi had also lost his only family member, his adoptive father Tang Wanli. Gu Heng was hospitalized with severe injuries, his life hanging by a thread. Aside from the servants, only the two children were left in the house.

Tang Xi was only three years old. Every day he cried, calling for his father. He had been used to falling asleep every night nestled in his father’s warm embrace, that warmth had been the source of all his sense of security.

With Tang Wanli gone, his world completely collapsed. Abandoned by his family and bereaved, all he had left was the Gu household.

Gu Qiuhang was the same. At just five years old, facing such upheaval, his world had also fallen into hell.

The difference was that beside him, there was an even younger child who needed care.

Tang Xi’s crying irritated him, made him want to cry recklessly as well.

So with reddened eyes, he said, “If you keep crying, I won’t want you anymore.”

Even though he knew it was a dream, hearing his younger self say those words made his heart ache so much he could barely breathe.

These long-forgotten memories had somehow resurfaced. Back then, he hadn’t understood, but now he did. He understood how terrified Tang Xi must have been.

And Tang Xi truly had been terrified.

He sobbed in hiccupping breaths, too scared to cry out loud, while tears streamed endlessly from his dark eyes, like a river that would never run dry. Who would have thought a person could have so many tears?

In the end, Gu Qiuhang couldn’t bear it and hugged him.

“Don’t be afraid. I’ll protect you.”

Tang Xi nodded, choking on his sobs. “I’ll be good.”

He had already lost his father, he couldn’t lose this home as well.

Disaster had forced this three-year-old child to understand things far too early.

Gu Qiuhang himself had countless worries.

His father lay gravely injured in the hospital, his mother gone forever. The weight of the entire household suddenly fell upon his shoulders.

Even if the young him didn’t fully understand what it all meant, his instincts pushed him to suppress his grief and act strong, like a little adult.

From that day on, he never showed a trace of weakness in front of others.

Even when he was truly afraid, even when he cried countless times alone at night, in front of others he remained composed, obedient, strong, unshakable.

But his fear was vast and silent, known to no one.

In kindergarten, Wang Haozhe’s mother passed away from illness. Not long after, his father remarried a young and beautiful woman.

The stepmother treated him poorly; his body was often marked with injuries that frightened others.

Yet his father believed it was because he was disobedient, that the stepmother was simply disciplining him.

Later, she gave birth to a younger brother, and Wang Haozhe became even more pitiful.

Gu Qiuhang thought his own father would surely remarry as well. He would end up just like Wang Haozhe.

That vague fear finally erupted one afternoon.

During nap time, he couldn’t sleep and lay there listening to the teachers whispering. After talking about Wang Haozhe, they mentioned him too, sighing that men were all the same.

Though he didn’t fully understand, he trembled in fear, hiding under the blanket and crying silently.

He didn’t want to become like Wang Haozhe.

He had to become strong, so strong that no one could ever hurt him.

He also dreamed of the time after Gu Heng was discharged from the hospital.

A young couple came to the house and spent time playing with Tang Xi.

By then, Tang Xi no longer cried as much. Though he still timidly longed for his father, the worst of his grief had passed.

He was too young, he forgot things quickly.

At that time, Tang Xi was like a little milk dumpling, fair, round, and still not fully weaned.

Every night, Gu Qiuhang would prepare a bottle of milk for him before bed. Sometimes, if Tang Xi clung too much, he would hold him while sleeping.

The couple liked him very much and repeatedly promised to come back and visit him again.

That night, Gu Heng came to Gu Qiuhang’s room and told him that Tang Xi would soon go to another family—the couple wanted to adopt him.

“Why?” Gu Qiuhang asked.

Gu Heng said that with only one man in the household, it was impossible to properly care for two children, and Tang Xi needed a normal family.

But Gu Qiuhang refused.

He lifted his small face and said stubbornly, “I’ll raise him. I’ll raise Tang Xi. You don’t need to worry.”

Gu Heng froze, then laughed. “You’re still a child yourself. You can’t even take care of yourself.”

Gu Qiuhang pressed his lips together and said after a long pause, “I’ve already lost my mother. You can’t make me lose him too.”

Gu Heng’s smile stiffened, sorrow surfacing in his eyes, turning his expression almost awkward.

But Tang Xi stayed.

In that short year or two, Gu Qiuhang grew up quickly. He understood things children his age shouldn’t have to think about.

He became stronger, more mature, and learned how to move his father and fight for what he wanted.

So later, when Tong Yuemei entered the household with Gu Donghang, he wasn’t particularly afraid.

He had already anticipated it, having seen this so-called pattern in Wang Haozhe’s family.

His only wish was to grow up faster.

Over the years, he rarely felt true happiness. He was always tense, always moving forward relentlessly.

In the quiet of the night, he often felt exhausted.

The only rebellious phase he ever had was because of Tang Xi, because of those confusing changes in him.

The deliberate attempts to please and seduce him, the timidity mixed with flattery, it all made him feel like a ridiculous clown.

He had avoided him, lashed out at him, but more often blamed himself.

He felt that he had raised him the wrong way.

At one point, he even thought about giving him money and sending him away.

But in the end, he never said it.

They had rushed forward desperately, chasing their own sense of security. And when he looked back, the boy had already grown up.

His features hadn’t changed much, but he was no longer chubby and round, he had grown thinner.

And he no longer clung to him like before. He had learned to make friends.

Then Su Bei appeared in the dream.

Tang Xi looked at him with joy and happiness—free from the restraint he had when he was with Gu Qiuhang.

It was pure happiness, clean and bright, as if he had never suffered.

Gu Qiuhang thought perhaps Su Bei had changed him, made him happier, purer, better.

He should have been happy for him.

But he wasn’t, not even a little.

The emotions he had long suppressed in waking life surged violently in the dream, nearly consuming him.

He felt the jealousy and anger deep within him twist into something almost monstrous.

He was the one who raised him, not Su Bei.

When he saw Su Bei embrace Tang Xi, he kicked him away without hesitation and pulled Tang Xi into his own arms.

Only he was allowed to hold him. No one else!

The reckless satisfaction filled him, lifting him as if into the clouds.

So this… was what it felt like to let go and indulge himself.

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