Chapter 13: A Handful of Kindness

It was clear who he was. It was obvious who would be waiting in the inner chambers after summoning him.

This man, standing right before him, was the Prince of Myeong.

The hand gripping Ahnok’s pale blue sleeve was large, with prominent knuckles on long fingers that gave an impression of rugged, wild strength. Following that hand, Ahnok’s gaze slowly traveled upward. He saw long arms clad in a deep purple robe with elegant patterns, and a stature that seemed a full head taller than his own.

Then, their eyes met.

They were deep, black eyes that seemed impossible not to fall into. The sharp corners of his eyes were terrifyingly indifferent. Though he had no double eyelids, his brow bone was deep and well-defined beneath thick, straight eyebrows, casting a sharp shadow over his gaze.

The arms holding Ahnok’s right arm and left waist were undeniably firm and steady, yet his eyes held no readable emotion. They were merely still—and, at a glance, almost bored.

Tension, fluttering excitement, fear, expectation. Ahnok, wandering through a complex web of contradictory emotions, suddenly wondered what his own eyes were revealing to a man so utterly different from himself.

I must look like a fool.

With that single thought representing his shrinking heart, Ahnok hurriedly lowered his gaze and twisted his body slightly. The man released him without resistance and adjusted his own sleeves.

Only then did Eunuch Seok approach and guide Ahnok to a seat. Yeo Jae-won, sitting across from him, remained expressionless. After busily pouring tea and placing the cups before them, the eunuch withdrew.

“I… I am called Ahnok.”

Yeo Jae-won, who had been sitting in silence, watched Ahnok without a word as the boy spoke with his head bowed low.

“Ahnok of the Seol family.”

Only after hearing his name uttered by Yeo Jae-won did Ahnok realize what had been missing from his introduction. Having lived his entire life without a surname, it simply wasn’t natural to him.

“Though it is before the wedding, I summoned you because there is something I wish to tell you.”

His voice was low and resonant, yet it was freezing cold.

By now, Ahnok couldn’t help but realize: Yeo Jae-won hadn’t summoned him to discuss building a happy life together after the marriage. He felt a surge of anxiety, unsure of what would follow.

“I heard you are an Eumin.”

“……That is correct.”

“I dislike Eumins.”

At that blunt declaration, Ahnok’s head snapped up instinctively, his eyes brimming with moisture. He was used to being hurt by the words of others; he had lived his whole life that way. But that didn’t mean he felt nothing when told to his face that he was disliked.

“Furthermore, I dislike the keeping of concubines.”

Ahnok’s brow furrowed slightly at the confusing addition. His large eyes clouded with a look of piteousness, but Yeo Jae-won remained impassive, merely tracing the rim of his untouched teacup.

“Your position will never be in jeopardy, so simply remain quiet.”

“…….”

“I would prefer it if you stayed out of other people’s sight—and mine.”

When their eyes met again, they were still calm. It was as if he hadn’t just reached into someone’s chest, torn out their heart, and left it covered in scars.

In that moment, Ahnok suddenly remembered Chusan’s words. That once he married, he would have a family. That he would marry a Yang-in, have a child or two, and live a blessed life…

Nauseating tears surged up within him. His long, arduous, unrequited love had been decapitated before it even began.

When Ahnok returned from his reminiscence, the pale crimson light of the setting sun was seeping through the window, faintly illuminating the floor.

Han-wol peeked in and asked if he should bring the evening meal, but Ahnok shook his head. Instead of food, Han-wol—noticing Ahnok was lost in deep thought—carefully lit the lamp and withdrew.

If anyone heard the story, they would likely ask why he ever came to adore Yeo Jae-won, given that their first meeting was the absolute worst. Yet, Ahnok had been unable to let go. He wasn’t naturally optimistic, but he couldn’t easily discard the hope that he might one day become a “true” family with Yeo Jae-won.

Having never had anyone he could truly call a blood relative since birth, his subconscious obsession with the concept of “family” was deeper than he realized. And so, Ahnok nourished his feelings with the crumbs of indifferent kindness Yeo Jae-won occasionally showed him.

It was the same when he was learning to ride. The hands of a boy who had spent his life gathering wild greens couldn’t get used to leather reins. His palms were raw, and his inner thighs were constantly chafed; he grew to loathe riding. To make matters worse, his instructor was a rigid former military officer. Ahnok wasn’t the type to complain, and the instructor had sensed that the Prince’s consort lived in the residence like a ghost.

Rumors that the Prince didn’t mistreat his consort but didn’t favor him either had surely reached the instructor’s ears, leading to frequent scoldings over trivial matters.

He had been scolded that day as well. Ahnok stood with slumped shoulders, unable to even make the excuse that his palms were too torn to grip the reins properly.

“It seems it isn’t going as well as you hoped.”

He was staring at his raw palms and sighing deeply. During a short break, the instructor had disappeared somewhere, leaving only Ahnok and a horse that occasionally snorted as if complaining.

The low voice coming from behind was unmistakably Yeo Jae-won’s. Ahnok jumped up in surprise, hiding his hands behind his back. Yeo Jae-won looked down at him with his characteristically vacant expression.

“Y-Your Highness…. When did you arrive?”

“Just now.”

It was an answer so indifferent it felt mechanical. Relieved that the Prince hadn’t seen him being scolded, Ahnok bowed his head. He couldn’t even bring himself to ask why the Prince had come. Ahnok was busy hiding his wounds, and Yeo Jae-won calmly walked past him to stroke the horse’s muzzle.

“At this rate, you will be taking a carriage to the hunting grounds next spring as well.”

Yeo Jae-won usually spoke casually in their brief interactions, but when addressing his consort in his capacity as a Prince, he always used formal honorifics. It was a sign that his words were strictly official.

Realizing the Prince meant he shouldn’t give others a reason to criticize the Consort of Myeong for not knowing how to ride, Ahnok bit his lip.

Yeo Jae-won vanished as indifferently as he had arrived. He would likely never know—not even if he died—how much his few words could shake Ahnok’s world.

Ahnok spent the rest of the day replaying that voice—so devoid of emotion it hurt—until his already exhausted body was completely spent. When he returned to the inner quarters on the verge of collapsing, Lady Jo met him and held out a small box of ointment.

“What is this?”

“His Highness insisted that you apply it.”

As Ahnok stood frozen, blinking in confusion, Lady Jo pointed toward his hands.

“Your palms.”

“My palms? Ah… how…?”

I thought I hid them well, but he saw.

Forgetting how he had been sinking under the weight of the Prince’s cold words, Ahnok brightened at the sight of that single medicine.

Whenever he realized that the man who kept such a cruel distance was actually watching over him in secret, his unrequited feelings grew out of control. Ahnok’s heart swelled at the handful of kindness Yeo Jae-won deigned to bestow.

Humans naturally crave what they cannot have. Ahnok was no different. If Yeo Jae-won had been consistently cold and neglectful, Ahnok would have spent his time hating him and giving up. If there hadn’t been even that tiny spark of warmth…

Ahnok shook his head vigorously. In this life, he had decided not to make that man his reason for anything. He would leave him. He would escape him.

Whether the kindness Yeo Jae-won occasionally showed was a carrot to balance the whip of his neglect, or merely born of pity, Ahnok wouldn’t care. Those things no longer concerned him.

He could never be family with Yeo Jae-won. The Prince would never let him in, and Ahnok no longer desired that place.

Ahnok squeezed his eyes shut and then opened them, standing up. To clear his heavy mind, he opened the window, and a warm night breeze blew in softly. Standing there, it felt as if nothing had happened.

All the contempt and insults of his past life, the series of events that had torn his heart to shreds—none of it felt real.

But many things had happened. And in the future, most of what he suffered in his past life would happen again.

Just like now, where his marriage to Yeo Jae-won had become unavoidable.

Ahnok’s relaxed expression shifted, becoming as unreadable and indifferent as Yeo Jae-won’s had once been.