Chapter 20: The Root of a Foolish Heart

Even at words that would have been profoundly unpleasant for any listener, Yeo Jae-won responded in a languid tone.

“Exactly my point.”

“…?”

“Since this is a political marriage anyway, everything else is useless, isn’t it? The fact that you are an Eumin, the fact that there are candidates with better conditions, the fact that you have a separate lover… and the fact that no matter what I do, you will never love me.”

Ahnok’s watery, doe-like eyes widened. Yeo Jae-won continued with an indifferent attitude, as if none of it mattered.

“It also means that no matter what excuse you put forward, I have no intention of breaking this engagement. …Your attempt to trade information regarding the late Crown Prince was commendable, but this is where I draw the line on your audacity.”

Even with a second chance, changing the course of fate remained a distant dream.

Is it because what is meant to happen must happen? Is there truly not a single thing I can change with my own hands?

As he bit his lip, the sharp contour of Ahnok’s jawline became more pronounced.

“I dislike Eumin men, and I also loathe taking concubines. Your position will never be in jeopardy, so just stay quiet… and out of everyone’s sight, including mine, as much as possible.”

Ahnok squeezed his eyes shut. It was a tedious repetition. Just like the first time he heard those words, he felt a surge of nausea.

“And one more thing.”

Ahnok opened his eyes and glared at Yeo Jae-won with a gaze heavy with resentment.

“Get rid of your lover before I find them, even if I have to turn the lands of Baekya-bu upside down. …Get rid of that heart you harbor.”

“What… do you mean by that?”

“I’m telling you to erase those feelings.”

Yeo Jae-won haughtily tilted his chin upward.

Seeing that look of disdain, Ahnok was reminded of the man he saw at the Gyoyeong Palace shrine—the heartless face that showed not a single trace of grief even while looking at their child’s memorial tablet.

These words, too, were likely born from a desire for the “perfection” of the person he had to take as a consort. It wasn’t anything like jealousy; it was merely a part of his absolute need for control.

The tip of his nose stung. Feeling tears welling up, Ahnok crumpled his delicate expression and stood up abruptly.

“If you have nothing more to say, I shall take my leave.”

After offering a curt, impulsive bow, Ahnok opened the door himself and stepped out. Eunuch Seok, standing outside, looked quite flustered, but Ahnok didn’t have the mental energy to care.

Only after reaching the end of the corridor and nearly exiting the building did Ahnok exhale the breath he had been holding. The tension finally drained from his stiff neck.

He couldn’t even remember with what mind he had returned to the annex. By the time he came to his senses, the sun had already set.

Sitting on the daybed beneath the window frame, Ahnok pulled his knees to his chest and sank into thought.

The traces Yeo Jae-won had left on him were too deep. It felt as if the shadow the man cast in his previous life was still reaching out to him even now.

He realized poignantly how foolish he had been to think he could change anything before actually facing him.

It was just as Yeo Jae-won said. Ignorant, pitiful people.

Ahnok admitted his own ignorance.

“Master Ahnok, I am coming in.”

The voice, dripping with coldness, belonged to Court Lady Cho.

He had sent even Han-wol away to be alone. Ahnok quickly straightened his posture, not wanting to show a pathetic side of himself to anyone, especially not Court Lady Cho.

“I heard you skipped dinner.”

Court Lady Cho, who hadn’t shown her face since asking a few investigative questions upon his return to the annex, seemed to have heard the news late.

Ahnok knew she didn’t actually care whether he ate or not. His gaze naturally drifted to the small wooden tray in her hands. On it sat a white porcelain bowl emitting a strong scent of medicinal herbs.

Recognizing its identity, Ahnok frowned slightly.

“I lost my appetite due to the fatigue of the journey, so I sent the meal away.”

“Is that so?”

Court Lady Cho agreed quite readily and pushed the tray a little closer to Ahnok.

“What is this?”

He pointed to the decoction in the white bowl. It was the medicine she had brought under the orders of Noble Consort Sa.

If an Eumin took it for a certain period, it could hasten their heat cycle. It was a potent drug, strong enough to shift one’s cycle in the short term after only a few days of use.

“This is a tonic personally sent by Her Grace the Noble Consort of Dam-yeon Palace, out of concern for the fatigue you must feel after your long journey.”

In his past life, he had been completely fooled by these words. He had even foolishly believed the Noble Consort was a kind person.

He had drunk the medicine without a shred of doubt, and as a result, he had suddenly entered his heat cycle on his wedding night with Yeo Jae-won.

Originally, Ahnok’s heat cycles were not frequent. Even among Eumin, a man’s cycle was typically longer and more irregular than a woman’s, and Ahnok was no exception. But because that cycle had started on his wedding night—and in front of a husband who loathed Eumin—everything had been tangled from the start.

…Wait, couldn’t I use this as an opportunity?

Even if everything wasn’t exactly the same as his previous life, the fact that Yeo Jae-won hated Eumin remained unchanged.

If an annulment was impossible, he had to choose a fallout as the next best thing. Judging by their conversation today, Yeo Jae-won wouldn’t let him go easily. In that case, it seemed more likely he could reach a breaking point by being neglected or cast out due to his “misconduct.”

“Since you skipped dinner, you should at least take your medicine,” Court Lady Cho urged again.

She was trying to act nonchalant, but it was obvious she was anxious, wondering what she would do if Ahnok refused.

“Her Grace the Noble Consort must be a very meticulous person. To care for someone like me, whom she has never even met.”

“Did you not know? Her Grace is also a male Eumin like yourself. She has thought of you specially even before you arrived in the capital.”

With a smirk disguised as a smile, Ahnok reached for the porcelain bowl.

“I was internally frightened because I didn’t know what was in a tonic sent by such a person, but now my mind is at ease.”

“…I see.”

As if struck by a guilty conscience, Court Lady Cho subtly avoided Ahnok’s eyes. Ahnok, watching her, picked up the bowl with a composed hand.

Perhaps because of the memories of that wedding night, Ahnok had been unable to endure the thought of going through a heat cycle ever since. Though it was an event that only happened a few times a year, he had hated it so much he had even regularly taken medicine to prevent it from occurring.

The heat was still foreign and unwelcome. The thought of the fever unpleasantly heating his entire body was horrifying. Thinking about being left alone again in a well-decorated room, surrounded by ornate jewelry and layers of wedding silk, made a sense of misery rise up to his knees like thick mud.

Still, if it was something that would earn Yeo Jae-won’s disdain—if it could move him further away from the man—it was worth enduring.

Ahnok closed his eyes as he looked at Court Lady Cho and swallowed the bitter decoction in one go. As he placed the empty bowl back on the tray, Court Lady Cho pointed to a small box beside it.

“And His Highness said to give you this.”

“…This medicine?”

“Yes. He saw you when you were at the main building; he said you have a scratch on your cheek and told me to make sure you take care of it.”

“Ah…”

Why did the memory of his palms being scraped raw while riding a horse come to mind? Even then, Yeo Jae-won had sent medicine without saying a single word. That kind of tenderness, the kind that held his ankle captive, was supposed to end with his last life…

Ahnok bit his lip.

“Would you like to apply it now?”

Since her hands were full, Court Lady Cho placed the tray on the table. It was Ahnok who stopped her as she reached for the ointment box.

“Leave it, and I will apply it myself.”

“…I will leave it in front of the dressing table.”

After placing the box on the vanity in the corner of the room, Court Lady Cho gave a silent bow and exited.

Only after the sound of the door closing did Ahnok exhale a deep sigh and lean his body against the daybed.

He truly couldn’t grasp Yeo Jae-won’s heart. He thought the man had zero interest in him, yet he said he took a liking to him—and yet, the command to live quietly and out of sight remained the same.

An unreadable man.

He covered his eyes with his forearm, turning his vision completely black. Ahnok tried his best to consciously avoid thinking of Yeo Jae-won or their shared memories.

—Get rid of your lover before I find them, even if I have to turn the lands of Baekya-bu upside down. …Get rid of that heart you harbor.

A hollow laugh escaped him. Even if Yeo Jae-won turned the lands of Baekya-bu over a thousand or ten thousand times, he would never find the lover.

Because Ahnok’s lover had only ever been one person, and that person was Yeo Jae-won.

Right after he had ended his own life before his child’s memorial tablet and realized he had returned seven years into the past, Ahnok had made a resolution.

That he would never hold Yeo Jae-won in his heart again. The moment his feelings for the man became true affection, he would undoubtedly make him the reason for his existence once more.

More than anyone else, it was Ahnok who wanted to get rid of this tedious, foolish heart. He wanted to exterminate this heart that stubbornly survived, rooted deep within him by nothing more than the tiniest bits of kindness or trivial favors Yeo Jae-won occasionally showed.

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