Chapter 37: Side Story 9: Reflection and the Promise of the Autumn Outing

Ihan had never once doubted Hwaun’s love. After all, Hwaun was a man who had entered the deep, vast imperial palace all alone solely for the Emperor. He was someone who had wished to devote his entire life to being by his side, even if the Emperor never acknowledged him. Simply because Hwaun did not display blatant emotions on the surface did not mean his heart could be overlooked.

Rather, the Emperor had known this and thrown a tantrum anyway—because he wanted confirmation. Because he wanted to hear it more often. Because he wanted to see it vividly with his eyes, hold it with his hands, and embrace it in his arms. That was why.

Yet, in this moment as Hwaun calmly poured out his inner thoughts, Ihan felt, comically enough, an urge to run away. It wasn’t out of dislike; it was because he was so overwhelmed with joy that a chill ran down his spine. An intense desire bloomed within him—a longing so powerful he felt like devouring Hwaun whole.

Unaware of Ihan’s inner turmoil, Hwaun continued in his steady manner.

“For me, only Your Majesty is permitted, but for Your Majesty… you are in a position where you must seek others if you desire—no, even if you do not desire it. As long as I love you, no matter how composed I pretend to be, I must always carry a sliver of fear as if it were my own.”

“…….”

“Simply because I do not curse or envy others, can it truly be said that this is not the emotion of jealousy…?”

Ihan had always thought he was the only one who was anxious and afraid.

Hwaun was a strong man. While his body was frail, his core was firmer than even the Emperor’s. Thus, Ihan had believed that he himself would be the only one to crumble and break irreversibly if he lost the other.

He hadn’t been saddened by that fact. It only solidified his resolve to cherish and love Hwaun desperately, to hold onto his love forever. He had never imagined that Hwaun, too, harbored such anxieties.

It was because Ihan trusted his own heart too much—the heart that could never love anyone but Hwaun. Since his love was so absolute that changing was impossible, he had assumed Hwaun had no reason to feel insecure.

But as Hwaun said, Ihan was the Emperor. If he wished, he could bring in countless concubines from all over the country this very instant and call everyone in the palace to his bedchamber. Why hadn’t he realized Hwaun’s heart first?

Hwaun had become the Noble Consort in an unprecedentedly short time and enjoyed a favor no one else had ever possessed. Yet, how many had lived lives of anxiety under an Emperor’s whims, even from the position of Noble Consort or Empress? How many stories were there of concubines who ruled the Inner Court with the Emperor’s favor, only to be pushed aside by someone younger and lovelier, meeting a tragic end?

Several years had already passed since Ihan and Hwaun’s hearts connected, allowing them to call each other lovers without hesitation. Only now could the Emperor truly imagine the days Hwaun must have spent fighting countless anxieties as the seasons passed.

Ihan’s hands hurriedly wrapped around Hwaun’s. He wanted to apologize for failing to fathom his heart, for narrow-mindedly clinging to his own petty emotions and causing unnecessary trouble. But Hwaun gripped Ihan’s hands firmly first.

“But I was all right.”

“…….”

“The anxieties and fears lurking in the future could not make me unhappy or worried. Because, despite everything… I had Your Majesty’s sincerity, and I had my faith in that sincerity.”

Human affection can change. However, the nature of a person, once firmly set, does not change easily. Hwaun believed in the Emperor’s love, but he believed in his character even more. Even if the love cooled and that heart turned toward another, Hwaun was certain Ihan was not the kind of man to abandon him in isolation and never seek him again.

“So, Your Majesty… I hope you feel the same. It is regrettable that you could not share my past life, but I hope you find solace in the ‘me’ of today, who gives you a love and affection even more tender than what I held back then.”

One cannot simply erase existing anxieties or regrets. Hwaun knew this. Thus, Hwaun hoped that just as he was too happy to give anxiety any room, the Emperor would be so happy that he would have no time to spare for regret.

Finally, having received the full weight of Hwaun’s sincerity, the Emperor spoke.

“…I was truly foolish. I… I have already gained more than enough, yet I was ungrateful and threw a senseless tantrum at you.”

“I am all right. Being cherished by you so deeply is a wonderful thing for me as well.”

“…….”

“It is only that… it weighs on my heart to see Your Majesty feeling even slightly sorrowful because of it.”

Hwaun only wished for the Emperor to feel joy and happiness when looking at him. That was all.

Ihan carefully tucked a stray lock of Hwaun’s hair behind his ear and stroked his pale cheek.

“They say falling in love makes one endlessly childish, and I am exactly like that. What can be done? It was you, Noble Consort, who made me this way.”

“…Then I suppose I have no choice but to take full responsibility for Your Majesty.”

Hwaun replied without a hint of fluster, accepting Ihan’s joking complaint. At a moment like this, Ihan truly felt the weight of the seasons they had spent together.

Hwaun still thought the Emperor’s favor was more than he deserved and considered himself a burden to the Imperial family; nevertheless, the accumulation of time spent living as Yeon Hwaun meant he had grown accustomed to it. The sight of Hwaun naturally accepting the love Ihan poured out was, to Ihan, a source of thrill, ecstasy, a reason for living, and his greatest joy.

His heart lightened, Ihan pulled the hand that had cupped Hwaun’s cheek and carefully overlapped their lips. Because Hwaun had just recovered from an illness, his lips were slightly drier than usual, and as Ihan meticulously licked them with the tip of his tongue, Hwaun moved his mouth as if eager to take that tongue in.

The corners of the Emperor’s mouth lifted pleasantly. The fact that Hwaun responded so passionately even to a single kiss was entirely thanks to their shared affection. Seong Ihan was the only one who knew Hwaun’s attitude toward his lover, across both his past and present lives, and it would remain so forever.

Filled with peace as if the anxious days had never existed, Ihan pulled Hwaun closer by the nape and pushed his tongue deep into Hwaun’s mouth as he desired. The tender flesh entwined naturally; it was nothing but sweet.

“An incognito outing, you say?”

The Empress, Jaran, who was personally pouring a cup of warm tea for the Emperor after their lunch together, asked back with a rare look of surprise. The Emperor nodded, savoring the subtle scent of the tea.

“The complex matters of late have been settled to some extent, so I have some leisure time… and it occurred to me that it has been quite a while since my last incognito trip. I thought I should see for myself if the people are truly living well…”

“Indeed, it has been a long time since we welcomed such a peaceful autumn.”

Jaran nodded in agreement. This summer had been an exceptionally good season. Unlike the past few years, there were no droughts or floods to plague the nation of Anguk, and thanks to that, infectious diseases were kept at bay. The crops grew vigorously, and a great harvest was certain.

Even without that, Anguk under Seong Ihan’s rule enjoyed an era of great peace every year, and the people’s praise for the Emperor was loud. With good fortune continuing throughout the year as if the heavens were helping, the people’s love for the Imperial family was indescribable. It was said it was hard to find a house that didn’t pray every night for the longevity of the Emperor and Empress.

Ihan sometimes made time to go out in disguise during times of trouble to grasp the reality of the people’s suffering, but he also enjoyed going out on good days like these to see their happy lives up close.

In the meantime, the Emperor naturally took the teapot from the Empress’s hand as she tried to fill her own cup and poured the tea for her. Even for an Empress, having the Emperor personally pour tea was not only against protocol but also an unprecedented act.

Watching the steaming tea rise silently, Jaran spoke with a refined smile.

“…Are you going with the Noble Consort?”

At that moment, the Emperor’s hand, which had just finished pouring, froze in midair. Had he been a second slower, he would have spilled the precious tea on the table. Setting the teapot down, the Emperor turned to look at the Empress and then burst into laughter, shaking his head.

“I truly cannot hide anything from the Empress’s eyes.”