Chapter 30: The Weight of Unspoken Love

Ji Xiao had offered him the utmost tenderness.

The next morning, Wei Xiuyuan awoke feeling not the slightest discomfort, but rather refreshed and invigorated.

He even found himself wondering if he had perhaps misjudged Ji Xiao.

Could it be that Ji Xiao had genuinely intended to help him relax, preparing him for today’s provincial examination?

After an early breakfast, Ji Xiao meticulously prepared everything Wei Xiuyuan would need for the examination, then escorted him to the entrance of the examination hall.

“Ziyan, may your name be inscribed upon the golden roll of success.”

“Good.”

“Go on. I’ll be right here to meet you when you finish.”

Wei Xiuyuan’s lips parted, intending to decline, but encountering Ji Xiao’s earnest gaze, he simply nodded slightly. After undergoing a strict inspection, he entered the examination grounds.

****

Black Cat couldn’t resist tapping their Leader again.

[I think my host has changed!]

The Leader replied: [Tell me, and I’ll analyze it for you.]

Black Cat launched into a lengthy explanation.

The Leader responded: [Different people, different approaches. If you were to say the mission could be interrupted, your host would undoubtedly leave immediately, caring nothing for the mission target.]

Black Cat murmured: [But he seems so different around Wei Xiuyuan. Forget about a heart of stone; I almost thought he’d grown softer.]

‘I almost thought my host had fallen for Wei Xiuyuan, which is why he’s treating him differently.’

The Leader stated: [From what you’ve described, Wei Xiuyuan happens to respond perfectly to your host’s methods. Trust me, your host is extraordinary. Just watch, and everything will be fine.]

Black Cat sighed: [Alright.]

****

At the Wei residence.

Wei Xiuqin had an engagement with her girlfriends and had gone out.

Wei Mother was engaged in woodworking in the courtyard, with Ji Xiao assisting her. He remarked, as if casually:

“Ah, I heard something a few days ago that I still can’t quite shake off.”

Wei Mother looked up, puzzled. “What was it?”

Ji Xiao sighed softly.

“I had a cousin, barely twenty years old, who passed away tragically young.”

Wei Mother was startled. “How could that be…”

With a profound sense of regret in his voice, Ji Xiao continued, “My aunt and uncle, overcome with extreme regret, eventually wasted away and passed on themselves.”

Wei Mother involuntarily lowered her tools and looked at him. “Could it be that your cousin’s death was somehow related to your aunt and uncle?”

“Yes,” Ji Xiao said somberly. “My cousin, he… fell in love with a man. He simply couldn’t be with a woman.”

Wei Mother gasped in surprise. “How could such a thing happen?!”

“When he was nineteen, he discovered he harbored feelings for his close friend. He even secretly consulted a physician…”

“What did the physician say?”

“The physician explained that some people are simply born this way. Most keep it hidden deep within their hearts, afraid for anyone to know, and it doesn’t affect their daily lives.”

Ji Xiao let out another soft sigh.

“My cousin’s case was more severe. He was unable to engage intimately with women; he could only feel desire for the man he truly loved.”

Wei Mother murmured, “Then what could be done…”

“My cousin was the only son in his family. Upon realizing this, he naturally dared not conceal it from his parents and told my aunt and uncle truthfully.”

Ji Xiao shook his head.

“My aunt and uncle couldn’t accept it and forced him to marry.”

Wei Mother asked, “Then…”

Ji Xiao met her gaze. “My cousin dared not defy his parents and obeyed, taking a wife. However, he couldn’t feel desire for a woman. On their wedding night, his wife felt deeply insulted.”

Wei Mother sighed with a touch of melancholy. “Though it’s shocking, even a physician found no cure for this. How could your cousin be blamed?”

“As time passed, how could his wife endure it? Believing my cousin to be impotent, she returned to her family, seeking justice. She declared that my cousin’s condition was not disclosed beforehand, making it a fraudulent marriage. She demanded her dowry back, sought compensation, and then divorced him.”

Wei Mother remarked, “Your cousin truly was a pitiful soul.”

“Feeling that he had brought shame upon his parents, he took his own life.”

“…Your aunt and uncle must have suffered terribly.”

“Indeed. What shocked them even more was that my cousin’s beloved friend, upon hearing of his death, actually sought out my aunt and uncle. It turned out he, too, had harbored feelings for my cousin, but he kept them hidden, fearing he might ruin my cousin’s future. Upon learning of his death, he couldn’t bear it. He hadn’t dared to ask for anything in life, but only begged to be buried alongside my cousin after death.”

Wei Mother imagined the scene. “A man and a man… to have such deep affection and devotion.”

“My aunt and uncle naturally refused. My cousin’s friend didn’t press the matter. However, on the very day of my cousin’s burial, his friend took his own life before his grave.”

“This…”

“My aunt and uncle were devastated by the loss of their beloved son. Seeing his friend’s profound love, to the point of sacrificing his life, deeply shook them. After learning he was an orphan, they buried him next to my cousin.”

“Alas.”

“After that, my aunt and uncle were filled with immense regret. They often thought, ‘What if he loved a man? Their love was so profound; we should have let them be together. They could have adopted children later… anything would have been better than both of them descending to the Yellow Springs.’ ”

Ji Xiao’s voice was very soft.

“My aunt cried daily, washing her face with tears, and before long, she too wasted away and passed. Having lost her beloved son, and then her beloved wife, my uncle couldn’t bear the blow and also left this world.”

Wei Mother couldn’t help but feel pity. “Why did it have to come to such a tragic end…”

“After I heard this story, I went to consult a physician,” Ji Xiao continued. “I asked if this ‘condition’ could be cured. The physician, however, said it wasn’t an illness and couldn’t be treated. Some people are simply born this way; it is merely not tolerated by societal norms, and thus suppressed.”

Wei Mother was at a loss for words.

Ji Xiao added, “Actually, I’ve also seen many wealthy young masters who, despite being married, still frequent male courtesans and keep male companions. Now that I think about it, they too must have loved men, but due to societal expectations and family disapproval, they took wives.”

Wei Mother’s brow furrowed. “Then aren’t their wives pitiful?”

“Indeed. If one is responsible, they should either take a wife and fulfill their duties, refraining from mischief outside, or simply remain unmarried for life.”

“…”

Noticing the heavy atmosphere, Ji Xiao seemed to suddenly snap back. “Look at me, what am I telling you all this for? Let’s not talk about such things, Auntie. Does this wood need shaping? I’ll help you.”

“Oh, yes, please.”

Estimating that the examination was nearing its end, Ji Xiao informed Wei Mother and left to pick up Wei Xiuyuan.

When Wei Xiuqin returned, she noticed Wei Mother seemed somewhat distracted while working. Concerned, she asked, “Mother, are you worried about Brother? Don’t worry; Brother’s talent is extraordinary, praised as a genius by his tutor. He’s sure to pass with flying colors.”

“It’s not that…”

Wei Mother sighed with worry.

“Today, Chen Xiao told me something…”

By the end of the story, Wei Xiuqin’s eyes were red. “Even the physician said it’s not an illness; it’s how some are born. Even if society doesn’t accept it, isn’t it enough to live happily? Why must it come to such suffering?”

‘Four lives gone in an instant.’

Wei Mother sighed. “Alas.”

Wei Xiuqin’s eyes were misty with tears. “Mother, don’t sigh anymore. What’s done is done…”

Wei Mother’s eyes showed even deeper sorrow. “Your brother is already twenty-two. Ordinary people his age already have several children, yet he has never shown affection for any woman. Is it truly just because he’s busy with his studies?”

Wei Xiuqin gasped. “Mother, are you suspecting…?”

Her heart churned with unease.

‘It’s true.’

‘In all these years, she had never seen Brother speak of any young lady.’

‘When he came of age, Mother had wanted to arrange a marriage for him, but he refused, citing his desire to focus on his studies and achieve success in the imperial examinations.’

“Your brother’s classmates, who are taking the examination with him, are all married, yet they are still taking the exams…”

“Mother!” Wei Xiuqin couldn’t help but exclaim, “Did Brother Xiao discover something, and purposely bring up his cousin’s story to you?”

Wei Mother put down her tools. “I don’t know, either.”

Wei Xiuqin pleaded, “Mother…”

****

Ji Xiao didn’t wait long at the entrance before Wei Xiuyuan appeared.

He looked somewhat haggard, but he was far better than some candidates who could barely walk and seemed on the verge of fainting at any moment.

Ji Xiao stepped forward, helping him into the carriage.

Wei Xiuyuan didn’t resist. He leaned against Ji Xiao’s shoulder and closed his eyes.

Ji Xiao took his hand and kissed it. “Rest for a bit. I’ll wake you when we arrive.”

Wei Xiuyuan’s eyelids fluttered, and he softly hummed in acknowledgment.

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