Chapter 18: A Past Confession

During Mo Lin’s hospitalization, Ji Xiao consistently brought meals to the hospital for Qu Qian to deliver to him, come rain or shine.

Qu Qian had, on occasion, attempted to mention Ji Xiao to Mo Lin while delivering the food.

However, the mere mention of Ji Xiao would cause Mo Lin’s mood to visibly dip. He would only state that their relationship wasn’t deep, refusing to elaborate further.

Understanding the hint, Qu Qian didn’t press the matter, concluding that the misunderstanding was likely significant and she shouldn’t interfere.

The evening before Mo Lin’s discharge.

“Brother Mo is being discharged tomorrow morning, so you won’t need to bring meals anymore,”

Qu Qian paused.

“Will you come to pick him up?”

Ji Xiao chuckled, “Of course.”

****

That very night, he decided to come clean to Zhou Jinzhu.

Of course, he made sure to exhaust Zhou Jinzhu until his legs were weak first; otherwise, dealing with him, whether he wanted to fight or flee, would prove quite troublesome.

Ji Xiao sat on the edge of the bed, clad only in a bath towel, and lit a cigarette. “A-Zhu, I’m not a good person.”

Zhou Jinzhu, sprawled limply on the bed, scrolling through a novel app, blinked. ‘Having read so many novels, why does this sentence feel like the prelude to a breakup?’

The thought had barely crossed his mind when he dismissed it. He had just gone three rounds with him; how could Ji Xiao suddenly turn hostile and disown him?

“Mhm, you’re not a good person,” he replied, his tone dismissive.

Ji Xiao reached out and patted his rear. “Alright, save the scrolling for later. We’re talking serious business.”

Zhou Jinzhu dutifully tossed his phone aside, took Ji Xiao’s hand, and kissed it. “Alright, alright, serious business. To be honest, I’m not a good person either.”

Ji Xiao’s lips twitched. He took a deep breath. “I made a mistake once, a long time ago. I hurt someone.”

Upon hearing Ji Xiao’s serious tone, the smile on Zhou Jinzhu’s face faded.

“From the moment I gained consciousness, my parents were solely focused on their business, busy with work. I was always alone at home; the person I saw most often was the nanny,”

Ji Xiao took a drag from his cigarette, his voice faint.

“When I was a child, I nearly became withdrawn until I met the first friend of my life.”

Zhou Jinzhu seemed to realize. “Mo Lin?”

“Yes.”

Ji Xiao stubbed out his cigarette, then rolled over and embraced Zhou Jinzhu, his voice muffled. “He was my only friend, which made me extremely possessive. I clung to him, never allowing anyone else a chance to get close.”

Zhou Jinzhu didn’t return the embrace, his dark eyes fixed on the dim yellow lamp on the ceiling. “And then?”

“By the time we graduated high school, I realized my feelings for him had changed, though I couldn’t pinpoint when.”

“My possessiveness wasn’t solely rooted in friendship.”

“I…”

Ji Xiao fell silent for a moment. “I did something wrong. I took advantage of his intoxicated state and forced myself on him.”

Zhou Jinzhu felt like he should have been furious, yet he could distinctly feel his own rationality. He even hummed a soft, acknowledging “Mhm.”

“The very next day, my parents were in a car accident. I waited in the emergency room for a long time, but they ultimately succumbed to their injuries.”

Ji Xiao’s arms around him tightened slightly. “When I returned home, I discovered that Mo Lin and his family had already moved away.”

Zhou Jinzhu calmly stated, “And you never saw each other again until you ran into him a few days ago, and you took him to the hospital?”

“Yes.”

Zhou Jinzhu’s hand, which had been limp, moved slightly. “When you saw him, did the spark in your heart rekindle?”

“No,” Ji Xiao pushed himself up, his eyes meeting Zhou Jinzhu’s directly. “I don’t love him.”

“Then what about me?” Zhou Jinzhu asked.

Ji Xiao lowered his head and kissed his eyes.

Zhou Jinzhu instinctively closed his eyes, then heard Ji Xiao’s deep, affectionate voice: “In this life, you are my only one, until death do us part.”

Zhou Jinzhu’s previously splayed hand wrapped around Ji Xiao’s waist. He opened his eyes. “Brother Xiao, what do you intend to do?”

“The last time we met, I could tell his state wasn’t right. It might be because that incident from back then caused him immense trauma. He seems… to have some psychological issues,”

Ji Xiao leaned his forehead against Zhou Jinzhu’s, speaking softly. “A-Zhu, I need to help him.”

“How will you help?” Zhou Jinzhu asked.

“Fight poison with poison… I can’t let him fear me anymore. So many years have passed, and I can still sense his fear of me.”

Upon hearing Ji Xiao’s words, Zhou Jinzhu’s gaze sharpened. “With me, there’s no such thing as a casual fling.”

‘Thinking of using compensation as an excuse to get intimate with his first love? No way!’

“You’re overthinking. I just want him to see me more often, to let him know that I won’t and can’t harm him again. I’m just an ordinary person.”

Ji Xiao chuckled softly. “As I said, you are my only one, until death do us part. There will be no one else.”

Zhou Jinzhu gave a light huff. “Suit yourself.”

“A-Zhu, can Little Lin and I move in?”

“Move in. Are you giving your house to Mo Lin?”

“Yes, so he can see me frequently, live in my house, and then realize that I’m unlikely to ever harm him again; that I’m just a normal person.”

“Will you move back there later?”

“No, we’ll live together, and then we’ll find a bigger house. That one will be sold.”

“Alright.”

“Then I’ll go pack some things? He’s being discharged tomorrow.”

“Mhm.”

Ji Xiao leaned down and exchanged a deep kiss with him before getting up, putting on his pajamas, and leaving the room.

After he left, Zhou Jinzhu sat up.

His usually smiling eyes were now deep and somber.

He spotted the cigarettes on the bedside table, pulled one out, lit it, and casually picked up his phone to make a call.

“Assistant Zhou?”

Zhou Jinzhu sat on the edge of the bed where Ji Xiao had been sitting, his voice low. “Brother Xie, when A and B discuss the past, even though they use the first person, they speak without emotion, almost narrating. Why is that?”

Editor Xie Wei looked utterly bewildered. “Huh? Are you brainstorming for a new book?”

Zhou Jinzhu continued, “Either A is cold-hearted and unemotional, unmoved even when discussing his parents’ accidental death and his own lonely childhood.”

Editor Xie Wei was speechless.

“Or what?” Zhou Jinzhu prompted.

Xie Wei mused aloud, “Or A might be transmigrated or possessing another’s body. Those aren’t his experiences, so he has the memories but no empathy, which explains the lack of emotional fluctuation when he speaks of them.”

“Nonsense,” Zhou Jinzhu retorted.

‘How could Brother Xiao be transmigrated or possessing another’s body?’

Xie Wei said exasperatedly, “You’re the one who asked me. You never consult me when brainstorming new books. What, hit a bottleneck?”

“Nothing.”

Zhou Jinzhu hung up the phone.

He lowered his head, beginning to recall every detail of his acquaintance with Ji Xiao.

He and Sheng Xiao hadn’t interacted much before they started dating.

He only knew that Sheng Xiao was a single father with a son, had a conglomerate managed by a professional CEO, and appeared to have a calm and gentle demeanor.

Not long after they started dating, he realized that the calm and gentle impression was merely an illusion.

But he was gay.

Sheng Xiao was handsome and quite appealing to him, so when Sheng Xiao pursued him, he agreed without much thought.

It was only after they became intimate that he discovered Sheng Xiao had an amazing physique and was quite capable in bed.

He was quite satisfied with such a boyfriend.

Then…

“Hiss—”

The cigarette had burned down to his fingers without him realizing, scorching his hand.

Zhou Jinzhu instinctively loosened his grip.

Then, with swift precision, he picked up the cigarette that had fallen to the floor and extinguished it in the ashtray.

He didn’t smoke himself. This ashtray was for Brother Xiao.

When Ji Xiao finished organizing and packing his things, Zhou Jinzhu was leaning back on the bed, reading a novel.

Ji Xiao opened the suitcase and neatly put away his belongings one by one. “Little Lin is still asleep…”

“Tomorrow, we’ll get up early to get ready, then I’ll take them to school, and you’ll pick up Mo Lin,” Zhou Jinzhu said without looking up.

“Okay.”

****

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