Chapter 13: Between Fatigue and Familiarity

When I leaned toward the steering wheel and peered around, Jeongwon gestured, pointing out the way down to the underground parking lot.

I followed the gentle slope down and eased the car into a rectangular parking space.

The cars parked on either side were clearly not ordinary, so even though the space itself was wide, I couldn’t help but feel tense.

Still, I forced the car in there anyway.

Partly because it was close to the exit, and partly because it would look pathetic if I chickened out and avoided parking there for no reason.

There were a lot of reasons.

While I awkwardly backed into the space, Jeongwon didn’t say a word.

Maybe this kind of thing didn’t even make him nervous.

Still, you’d think someone would at least be a little concerned when someone else is handling their car.

After getting out, I handed him the keys and we went inside the apartment together.

We tapped the card and stepped through the glass doors into a lobby lit with cool white lighting.

While waiting for the elevator, I leaned against the wall.

Soft music was playing.

Something like classical.

I closed my eyes for a moment and listened.

Or rather, it would be more accurate to say it felt like a lullaby.

My painkillers.

My muscle ache meds.

Did I leave them in the car?

A hand came to my shoulder, tapping lightly.

I forced my eyes open— the elevator doors had already opened.

We got in together, and I leaned back again.

For a brief moment, an old memory surfaced.

That time before, when I was completely drunk.

That day.

But I didn’t even have the energy to feel embarrassed.

The numbers on the elevator panel climbed quickly—must’ve been a high-speed one.

When we got out and Jeongwon opened the front door, I kicked off my shoes and asked immediately,

“Where’s the pain relief patch? I’m dying of sleep. I’ll stick it on and head out.”

“You need to wash up first before using it.”

“Ah… right. Yeah…”

So what, I’m supposed to just sit on this sofa and wait?

The living room looked sleek and modern, like a model house, but that wasn’t the problem right now.

Jeongwon went into one of the rooms and came back, placing something in my arms.

Caught off guard, I looked down—it was a pile of towels and a robe.

“Why?”

“You should wash up too. You can use that bathroom.”

“I’ll wash when I get home.”

“If you just sit around while I’m washing, it’s a waste of time.”

“…Yeah. That’s true.”

While I stood there silently, he went back into the room again.

After a moment of hesitation, I dragged myself into the bathroom.

Practically crawled in, really.

Fine. I’ll wash up now and just collapse as soon as I get back.

Feels a bit weird though.

Like I’m just visiting a friend’s place.

…Or maybe not.

Seeing the large marble bathtub taking up one corner of the bathroom, I seriously considered it.

I want to soak in that.

Please.

I could just sink in there and die.

But that would be way too rude, so I stepped into the shower booth instead and turned on the water.

Standing under the warm stream, I almost dozed off and even bumped my head lightly against the glass wall.

Only after my whole body warmed up did I step out and dry off.

My already sluggish body now felt like… that.

Yeah.

Like seaweed soaked in water.

Like the limp, bloated seaweed floating in soup.

I was so tired my brain barely worked.

I picked up the tracksuit I had worn earlier and put it back on, then stepped out into the living room.

The dim space was lit only by a single floor lamp.

It was a familiar design—like a fishing rod arching down, with a half-dome lampshade hanging at the end.

Under that light, Jeongwon sat on a dark-colored sofa.

Maybe he had already washed up and changed—he was dressed in monochrome clothes.

His face looked sharper now, his cheeks slimmer, making his jawline and nose stand out more distinctly.

Even his deep-set eyes beneath his brow ridge.

“I thought you fell asleep in there.”

“……”

He spoke warmly, his unfamiliar expression softening into a bright smile.

I was so caught off guard watching that change that I missed my chance to respond.

“If you took any longer, I was going to check on you.”

“…Check what? I’d come out when I’m done.”

“Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

When he lifted his head slightly to look at me again, the angle of the light shifted.

At the same time, that unfamiliar feeling about his face faded a little.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“It’s nothing. Where’s the patch? Hurry and give it to me.”

I deliberately busied myself, opening drawers under the TV stand and rummaging through the living room.

When I crouched to look under the small table beside the sofa, Jeongwon got up and went into another room.

After some rustling, he came back with a first-aid kit and sat down again.

I sat beside him and opened it.

On the wall across from us, a digital clock displayed the time in bright white numbers.

3:09 AM.

A time that drains your energy in every possible way.

When I tore open the patch, a sharp medicinal scent rose up.

Even that smell felt delayed to me.

What if I just collapse and die somewhere on the street?

I rolled up Jeongwon’s pant leg to above his knee.

His leg was longer than I expected.

As I felt around it, I let out a small laugh.

His trainer used to make him do leg extensions every day.

Guess this was the result.

My hand moved along the well-built muscle beside his shin.

The bruising spreading around his kneecap was worse than I thought.

Seeing it turn yellowish, I frowned.

“Won’t this turn into a blood bruise tomorrow?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Nothing, my ass.”

“When I was filming a drama, a lighting rig fell on my back once. Compared to that, this is nothing.”

“What? When?”

“A long time ago. When I first started acting.”

“So what did you do?”

“I just kept filming. The director rushed me.”

“…Which bastard was that?”

“Director Joo Minho.”

“I’m not letting that slide later.”

“Sure.”

He answered obediently, but I could see the corner of his lips curl up slightly, like he found it amusing.

He could at least pretend to complain.

Even though I knew he’d grown up, those old feelings of treating him like the youngest still crept in.

I wrapped the patch around his knee and started digging through the kit again.

Looking for something else—maybe a gel for muscle pain.

Or something to help the bruising fade.

I felt a presence lightly approach over my shoulder.

I paused for a moment, then pretended not to notice and rummaged more busily.

The presence of Jeongwon resting his chin lightly on my shoulder disappeared again.

This time, his hand came up.

“How’s your shoulder?”

“I didn’t get hurt today.”

“Not that.”

A finger pressed lightly into the center of my shoulder before lifting away.

Even that slight touch felt heavy beneath the skin.

“You said it still hurts sometimes from when your former manager threw something at you.”

“It’s not just that. I’ve done plenty of punishment exercises, and I fell on that shoulder during a performance before too. So yeah, it aches sometimes. It’s nothing serious.”

My parents used to worry that if I became an idol, I’d live like some delicate greenhouse plant.

Reality was nothing like that.

Things are better now, but for the first year or two after debut, we got punished every time we messed up choreography.

Once, that hot-headed CEO threw something, and I got hit in the shoulder trying to block it.

Another time, the stage floor was slippery and I slipped right off it.

It was a tougher job than people thought.

Even now, with dance practice and constant schedules, I practically live on painkillers.

Just then, I spotted a single pill in the kit.

I popped it out and placed it on my palm.

“I’m taking this.”

“Want me to get you water?”

“I’ll just swallow it.”

I pushed the pill to the back of my tongue and swallowed it dry.

I was used to it.

A slight bitterness rose up, but it didn’t matter.

As I closed the kit, Jeongwon, still holding my shoulder, spoke.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

“You know… about you retiring.”

“So you did remember. Thought you forgot.”

“Is it because it’s hard?”

I turned to look at him.

His eyes had narrowed slightly.

Rubbing my tired eyes, I answered,

“No.”

“Then?”

“It just doesn’t suit me anymore.”

The mood was starting to get heavy.

I patted the hand on my shoulder and stood up.

My knees almost gave out, but I managed to stay upright.

“I’m leaving.”

“Stay the night.”

He pulled my arm from behind, and this time I collapsed back onto the sofa.

“Let go, idiot.”

“You’re going to the practice room tomorrow anyway. Let’s go together.”

“Why would I sleep here when I have my own bed?”

“That bed you’re talking about is at least a twenty-minute taxi ride away.”

“It might take less than twenty.”

“You still have to walk out of the apartment complex to catch a taxi.”

“…Damn it. Why do you live somewhere like this?”

Saying it out loud made it even more annoying.

I should’ve just asked someone else.

If it was about Jeongwon, the manager would’ve come running even in the middle of the night.

Feeling oddly gloomy, I sank into the soft sofa.

My body practically melted into it.

In the end, I gave in.

“Just bring me a blanket. I’ll sleep here.”

“Go to the bedroom.”

“I’m too tired. Just give me a blanket.”

We argued a bit, but once I stretched out on the sofa, Jeongwon gave up trying to drag me.

Though calling it a sofa didn’t do it justice—it was huge.

Big enough for several people to sit comfortably side by side.

There was even a separate side sofa.

As I lay flat with my legs stretched out, Jeongwon came back carrying an armful of blankets.