Chapter 22: Too Close to Pretend It’s Nothing

After riding in Jeongwon’s car home a few times, I’d gotten shamelessly used to it.

The car would glide along roads just barely turning into morning, and I’d sit in the passenger seat—closing my eyes for a moment, only to open them again and already be in front of the dorm.

I rubbed my eyes and checked my phone.

4:48 a.m.
Another terrible hour.

Absentmindedly, I opened a browser and typed three characters.

Yoo Jeongwon.

I didn’t have the courage to search my own name, but I was curious for once.

He said he was busy—so how did he even have time to come pick me up?

Scrolling through, even just the main entertainment headlines made it obvious his schedule was packed.

“You going overseas next week?”

“I have a show to attend. I’ll be back soon.”

“A Prada show?”

You’d think he’d at least show off a little, but Jeongwon looked completely indifferent.

“I have to go since I’m under contract. This is why you should read contracts carefully.”

“Prada, huh. Wow.”

“Not that great.”

“Why?”

“I have to wear only their clothes. I want to wear other things.”

“Like what?”

“Versace. Floral shirts and stuff.”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“And their clothes are small. It’s uncomfortable.”

“Ask for a bigger size.”

“Even then, it still feels off. They say it’s just the brand’s style.”

He spoke so seriously about how the brand’s clothes didn’t suit him that it was almost cute.

Did he even realize how cute he sounded—complaining about not being able to wear what he wanted, like a kid?

I tilted my head and took my time looking at him.

Each feature—eyes, nose, lips—was striking on its own, but together they blended so well it looked clean and refined.

That’s why neat shirts and suits suited him perfectly.

Versace, huh…

Well, with his sharp features, it probably wouldn’t look bad either.

If he slicked his hair back with mousse…

Yeah. That’d work.

Even though he didn’t seem like someone who drove often, Jeongwon’s driving was smoother than I expected.

Blinking slowly, I muttered what I’d been thinking about earlier.

“You know Black hyung? He said I’m easily influenced.”

“In what way?”

“Writing songs… it shows.”

“Yeah, it does.”

“How would you know?”

I glared at him half-asleep, but he just shrugged.

“When you’re not doing well, your tones get gloomy.”

“Wow. You can tell that too?”

“Of course. I’ve been an idol for nine years—how many of your songs do you think I’ve heard?”

Lately, I’d gotten good at pretending not to hear things like that from him.

“But… he said I’m fine these days. That’s good, right? I had to write the title track, after all. Good timing.”

“Mhm. Wonder why you’re fine.”

“Maybe… because we’re promoting?”

“Yeah, right.”

I heard him chuckle faintly.

By then, I was already drifting off.

Through my fading vision, I heard him mumble—

“Maybe it’s because you’re seeing me.”

I didn’t respond.

I just closed my eyes.

Sleep took me almost instantly.

My head tilted, resting against the seat. I could feel warmth beside me.

Even that felt distant.

A warm palm cupped my cheek—I dozed again, only waking when fingers brushed lightly near my eyes.

When I opened them, Jeongwon was looking at me.

His gaze was as warm as the hand that had been holding my face.

“Wake up. Go upstairs and sleep.”

Rubbing my swollen eyes, I got out of the car.

At some point, even riding the elevator together had become natural.

The mechanical hum and slight floating sensation made my head spin.

As I leaned a little, Jeongwon supported me and murmured—

“If it’s like this, wouldn’t it be better if you just stayed at my place?”

“I finished the song.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“You say that, but you always end up fixing it again. I can’t even tell the difference when I listen.”

“You said earlier you could tell everything.”

“I can’t listen obsessively like you do—picking apart every note.”

“Anyway… it’s really done.”

I brushed off his attempt to coax me again and walked down the quiet hallway of the officetel.

I entered the passcode and stepped inside.

Before taking off my shoes, I turned around.

Then, without thinking much, I raised my arms slightly and pulled Jeongwon into an embrace.

Warmth filled my arms.

I didn’t know how it had become something we did every day.

But it felt nice.

Maybe because I was sleepy, it felt like I was floating.

I blinked hard, staring at the top of the closed front door, and patted his back lightly.

“Jeongwon. Thanks for today, too.”

Normally, he’d answer right away.

But today, he was slow.

As I tried to pull away, his arms slid along my sides and wrapped around me.

They tightened lightly around my back.

I stumbled a bit, my back hitting the shoe cabinet behind me.

Jeongwon rested his chin on my left shoulder and murmured.

His weight leaned into me, heavy—like my eyelids.

“This isn’t enough today.”

“What? That’s against the contract.”

“I saw you do it with someone else earlier.”

“Black hyung isn’t ‘someone else.’ And I didn’t even do it first.”

“Still.”

His voice came closer, whispering near my ear.

“I don’t think I can let go after this.”

“…Then what are you going to do?”

A soft breath brushed the skin between my collarbone and shoulder.

I shivered slightly.

Because of the loose sweatshirt, I could feel it clearly.

I tried to pull my shoulder away, but as I moved back, his nose—and then his lips—brushed against my neck.

My heel hit the wall with a dull thud.

His arms tightened around my sides, pulling me closer.

Then he buried his face against me.

My heart beat slowly, heavily.

The motion sensor light flickered back on.

“Hyung.”

“…Jeongwon. You—”

I couldn’t finish.

His lips pressed against mine, cutting off my words.

He pressed gently against my lower lip.

I froze, lips closed.

Then he tugged lightly, sucking at it.

My brows furrowed involuntarily.

His expression was soft—almost gentle—as if he were clinging to me.

Then, taking advantage of my hesitation, his tongue slipped in.

Slowly, carefully, it moved inside my mouth.

No matter how careful he was, kissing another man carried a certain roughness—

and no matter how gently he explored, it still felt like he was claiming me.

When he lightly bit down on my tongue, my expression tightened.

One of his large hands, supporting my lower back, tightened suddenly—

pulling me closer.

Heat pressed against me.

Then—

thud.

My body jolted backward.

The shoe cabinet shifted, and something crashed down from above.

“Ah—! Jeongwon, are you okay?!”

The stack of shoe boxes we’d precariously piled up came crashing down.

More precisely, they fell onto Jeongwon, who had been leaning over me.

I quickly pushed him away and checked him over.

I avoided looking at his swollen lips on purpose, instead brushing through his messy hair where the box had hit.

He stared at me for a moment, then glanced up and muttered a quiet curse.

“That must’ve hurt. Did it hit a corner?”

“…I’m fine. Are you?”

“I’m fine. Barely got hit. It all fell on you.”

“That’s a relief.”

He dusted off his shoulder, adjusted his hair, then exhaled deeply while looking at the fallen boxes.

“…Right. Hyung. I should go.”

“Yeah. Go. Be careful.”

“Yeah… I should.”

He nudged a box aside with his foot and opened the door.

For a moment, it sounded like he muttered something under his breath—but when he turned back to say goodbye, there was no trace of it.

“Hyung. See you tomorrow.”

He smiled lightly.

I smiled back.

“Yeah. See you.”

The door was almost closed when I heard something outside.

I opened it again and peeked out.

Jeongwon was facing the wall, then turned to me.

“What? Want to say goodbye again?”

“No… just go already.”

I wanted to ask if I’d really heard something like a kick earlier—but looking at his calm face, I didn’t.

I waved awkwardly and closed the door.

Standing alone in the entryway, I left the fallen boxes untouched and walked inside.

I rubbed my lips hard.

Then my neck. My jaw. My ears.

Everything felt strange.

Hot.

“…Let’s just drink some beer.”

They say alcohol makes you swell—but for me, it was especially bad.

My face puffed up ridiculously.

No matter how many times I washed with cold water, it was too late.

Even though I’d hidden it under a cap and hoodie on the way down, the moment my manager checked the rearview mirror, he saw everything.

The second the car stopped at a light, the scolding began.

“Jaehwa. You drank again yesterday, didn’t you?”

“It was just a little beer.”

“Doesn’t matter how little. Seriously?”

I crossed my arms and leaned my head against the window, pretending not to hear.

Then I caught my reflection in the glass and got annoyed all over again.

Because I swelled so badly, I’d never even considered plastic surgery—something most people at least tried once.

Apparently, I was the type where swelling would last for years.

Not that I wanted it—but knowing I couldn’t even consider it felt… strange.

When I got out, the director was there for the first time in a while.

Probably because of Jeongwon.

That’s what I thought—

until he saw my face and his expression hardened.

“Jaehwa. What did you do last night?”

“I slept.”

“You drank.”

“Just a little. Just a little!”