Chapter 23: Things I Should Have Done

“I swear, this kid…”

“Hey, I didn’t even finish one can of beer before going to sleep, okay?”

Since I admitted it without much resistance, he only pretended to smack me before lowering his hand.

Honestly, that went pretty well—I didn’t get chewed out too badly.

Just as I took the iced Americano he handed me and brought the straw to my lips, Jeongwon—who had just gotten out of another car—pulled off his cap and turned toward us.

Even in the morning, his skin looked smooth and bright. Just wearing a plain white T-shirt, he looked like a still from a youth movie.

And with that fresh, clean look, he suddenly dropped a bomb.

“Hyung, I saw Yoon Jina recently.”

“What the hell are you saying?!”

“When did I ever?!”

The director’s voice shot up instantly, and I shouted back too.

Then, over his shoulder, I shot Jeongwon a desperate, subtle glance.

He definitely saw it.

There was no way he didn’t understand.

Honestly, I felt like putting my hands together and begging.

But with the director standing right there, what was I supposed to do?

Before his expression could fully turn sour, I rushed to explain.

“No—I didn’t go looking for her. It just… happened.”

“Of course you didn’t go looking. What idiot would willingly go see her again?”

“Exactly. I didn’t go looking. Right, Jeongwon?”

Right, you traitor?

Even with my forced smile and desperate look, Jeongwon calmly took his own iced Americano.

The way he placed the straw against his full lips looked like a coffee commercial.

And then—

he spoke mercilessly.

“Yeah. She came to his place.”

“Seo Jaehwa, you insane bastard! Are you out of your mind?!”

“Hey! You traitor!”

I tried to push past the director, but he grabbed my shoulder.

Then he snatched the coffee from my mouth and grabbed my cheek with his other hand, squeezing hard.

My face stretched as he twisted it.

When I met his eyes, I exaggerated my expression, acting like it hurt as much as possible.

That’s how you survived.

“Ow—hey—that hurts. How old do you think I am?”

“Should I put someone on you to watch you 24/7, huh?”

“I didn’t call her!”

“Then what did she do when she came?”

“She left quickly. Maybe five minutes?”

“Then why did she come?”

“She wanted to complain about the article. But when she saw Jeongwon, she just left. That’s it. Really.”

The director frowned slightly, like something clicked in his head.

He loosened his grip a bit, still holding my cheek.

In that brief moment, I shot Jeongwon a glare.

Why would he bring that up now?

What was he trying to do to me?

My words came out slurred from the grip.

“Jeongwon, you—!”

“What about me, hyung?”

He smiled lightly and took another sip of his drink.

Thankfully, another car pulled up just then.

While the director got distracted watching Yeonho hyung get out, I rubbed my aching cheek and stepped in front of Jeongwon.

I nudged the tip of his sneaker with my foot and leaned in close, whispering.

“Have you always been so well-behaved yourself?”

“Me?”

He leaned closer too, whispering back into my ear.

“I’ve only ever messed around with you, hyung.”

Before I could even respond, he pushed his coffee against my chest.

Startled, I took it.

The damp spot spread slightly across my shirt as I brushed it off.

Behind us, the director had already moved on to complaining about me to Yeonho hyung.

“Jaehwa needs supervision. You guys should move back into one dorm. Keep an eye on him.”

Seriously—making such a big deal out of five minutes.

I was about to snap back—

but Jeongwon beat me to it.

“Should we?”

The director’s eyes lit up like it was a great idea.

“I said no. I clearly said no.”

That look on his face—he was totally about to sell me out.

I knew it.

The director pressed his lips together, then went inside, continuing to badmouth me.

I spent the entire day getting scolded.

Woosung and I had made a bet about the music video location.

He guessed some warehouse out in Gyeonggi Province.

I picked a place in Seoul I’d overheard about.

I won.

The MV location was a tunnel built under a road during new construction.

Today’s shoot was a long-take running scene through it.

Woosung tossed me a pack of cigarettes.

“How’d you know it was here?”

“Just a guess. What about you—why did you think we’d use a warehouse?”

“They said they were setting one up. Thought it was ours.”

“I heard the manager on the phone.”

“Damn. That’s cheating. Give it back.”

The cigarette pack I’d just stuffed into my pocket was quickly taken back.

I didn’t really care.

Leaning against the wall, I let the cold seep through my thin jacket.

The stylist came to check my makeup and outfit, then moved across to Jeongwon.

He stood there with his eyes lowered, letting them carefully touch up his eyeliner with a thin brush.

His straight posture, the line of his neck—

the lights poured down over him.

I watched for a moment, then raised my hands, forming a rectangle with my fingers, framing him.

I couldn’t help but smile.

People like him were meant to be celebrities.

As for me…

Well, my relatives were good-looking too.

Back in elementary school, girls used to ring our doorbell.

I got along well with the boys too.

I’d even been class president—a popularity contest, really.

Won awards. Sang and danced at school festivals.

It felt like a warm world back then.

When my cousin said she wanted to become a celebrity, I thought it’d be something like that.

It wasn’t.

This was something people like Jeongwon should be doing.

Meanwhile, that cousin—who used to sulk every holiday because she failed auditions—enjoyed popularity in college and recently got married, looking happier than ever.

I didn’t go.

I got the invitation, but sent money through my mom instead, saying I was busy.

She kept pestering me to come sing, so I just ignored her calls.

Even though I knew I’d regret it.

That day, I just didn’t want to be seen.

There were days like that in this line of work.

She doesn’t bring it up anymore.

Just asks for autographs and little favors now.

I envied her.

When I saw her wedding photos—smiling brightly, arm linked with a man who suited her perfectly, surrounded by family and friends—

that feeling only grew stronger.

Everyone was there.

Talkative uncle. The aunt always curious about my income. My parents. My sibling.

All of them.

That kind of happiness…

would’ve suited me too.

And then regret crept in.

What if I had tried harder?

What if I’d fought for more parts when we debuted?

What if I hadn’t let myself get pushed into narration?

What if I’d spoken up about concepts I didn’t like?

What if I’d cut off Yoon Jina earlier?

What if—

I’d gotten to know Jeongwon better?

That thought slipped in suddenly.

These days, thoughts of him kept intruding at random.

And with everything already weighing on me, it felt like too much.

A cameraman suddenly shoved a camera in front of me.

Reflexively, I fixed my expression and smiled.

My eyes felt dry and stiff.

Then the questions came.

“We’re rolling. What did you do before coming here?”

“I slept.”

Short answer.

The questions kept coming—about the concept, the members.

He was clearly trying to get usable footage, but I could only give awkward smiles and short replies.

My mind was a mess.

Words wouldn’t come out properly.

Eventually, the cameraman gave up.

“Man… try to put in some effort.”

“Sorry.”

I apologized briefly.

As he walked away, I saw him spit to the side.

He looked exhausted, irritated.

More than being annoyed, I just felt sorry.

I knew this wasn’t right.

I lightly slapped my cheeks, trying to snap out of it.

Instead, my eyes started twitching.

I closed them.

Why did I feel so off today?

When I opened them again, Yeonho hyung was beside me.

He placed a hand on my shoulder.

Lately, he hadn’t been disappearing as much.

That was at least something.

If it had gone on longer, someone would’ve said something.

“Jaehwa. What’s with your answers today?”

As he said that, Hwan passed by and tossed in a comment.

“Since when did you start caring?”

Like that.

I grabbed Yeonho hyung’s arm before things could escalate.

No need to make the atmosphere worse.

“I’m just tired. Sorry.”

“…Alright. Just manage your condition better.”

Luckily, he chose to drop it.

I nodded slightly, forcing a smile.

Yeah.

I should do better.