Chapter 21: A Song That Feels Too Steady

When the music stopped playing, the studio fell into a dead silence.

I rested my elbows on the console, buried my face in my hands, and lowered my head.

My mind was blank.
It felt like I had a fever.

I pulled my hands away from my forehead and stared at them.
Beside me, Black hyung spoke like he was practically begging.

“Jaehwa, what are you trying to fix now? I did everything you asked. These tiny tweaks don’t even show. The choreography’s already done—why are you like this, seriously? Let’s stop. I’m gonna lose weight at this rate.”

“Hyung… you know.”

“What. What are you unhappy about?”

“When I was a kid, watching people on TV… I used to think they were all amazing.”

“You were a kid.”

“Right? But doing it myself… there’s nothing more chaotic than this. Our comeback too. The song’s not even finished, and we’re practicing off a rough melody while still using it. We already shot the concept, and now we’re swapping the track at the last minute. It’s all just patched together. Ah… is it because we’ve flopped that things are this messy?”

I shouldn’t have said that last part.

I was so sleepy my thoughts just spilled out.

Maybe caught off guard, Black hyung spoke up for us instead.

“What do you mean flopped? Jeongwon’s doing great, and the others are all holding their own.”

“Yeah, that’s true. The others are fine. I’m the problem.”

“…What’s wrong with you? No wonder Jeongwon keeps sticking to you and looking after you.”

Good thing I was too tired to react.

Instead, I deflected before the conversation could go further.

“It’s because you keep writing songs like that that I ended up digging myself into a hole.”

“Ah, damn. I admit I’ve been struggling with songs, but still. That’s why I’m grinding here with you, right? What’s your complaint?”

“Complaint? Of course I have complaints. Hyung, I mean…”

Yeah. I had plenty of complaints—that’s why I kept tearing the song apart and rebuilding it like this.

I stared at the glossy black edge of the console, then lifted my head and looked at the main recording room beyond.

Of course, the stage we’d perform on wouldn’t be one where a mic just hung neatly like that, but still…

“…It’s good, right?”

“Hey. It’s damn good. Don’t you dare leave my name out.”

“I won’t. I couldn’t have made this alone.”

“That it?”

“That’s it.”

Clap, clap, clap.

A small, almost pitiful round of applause echoed in the studio.

Both Black hyung and I looked just as pitiful.

“Amazing project—picking the title track last, huh,” I joked, patting his back.

He shot me a look with his half-buried eyes and grumbled.

“Tell your members to practice their parts properly before recording. Especially Woosung. Lowering the key is one thing, but he should practice first and only lower what he can’t hit. Don’t let him ruin the song from the start. Do you know how many songs I’ve had to butcher trying to match you guys?”

Yeah… I didn’t really have anything to say to that.

I could at least strum a guitar and adjust things somehow, but Woosung—he had no excuse.

I stood up, pulling my hoodie down low, and tried to defend them anyway.

“He’s for variety shows. He’s cute.”

“And Hwan?”

“Choreography.”

“Still. Make sure they push themselves and get it right.”

“Yeah. I don’t want to ruin my own song either.”

“Hey… Jaehwa actually managed to write his group’s title track.”

I looked at his raised hand and weakly lifted mine for a high-five.

A hollow laugh slipped out.

Well… it’s basically a throwaway project anyway.

Still…

It was something.

I couldn’t quite feel it yet.

It was just a song I’d scribbled out, recorded on my own, occasionally listened to, sometimes shared with the others—

and somehow, it had become this.

This industry really was chaotic.

But still…

I hoped it would do well.

The expectation started to swell again in my chest.

I forced it down.

If it was going to be crushed anyway, better to suppress it myself.

Experience had taught me that.

Black hyung slung an arm around my shoulder, his eyes half-lidded, and said—

“Jaehwa. You started dating recently?”

“…What?”

“No?”

“Why—why would you suddenly say that?”

“Because the song sounds normal. Or whatever. Anyway, it’s stable now.”

The sound of him stacking paper cups from instant coffee echoed loudly.

As he stood up and started cleaning, I asked—

“…Does that kind of thing show in my songs?”

“Yeah. A lot. I told you before—when you go through a breakup, your emotions overflow.”

“That’s everyone.”

“Not like you. It’s worse for you. I didn’t say anything before because I didn’t think you’d fully compose, but seeing you write now… I figured I should. Get a handle on your emotions. Right now, you’re fine.”

“I didn’t even write a love song.”

“That’s not it. The song feels stable. You don’t realize it, but you get affected even by the bad things happening to people around you.”

“…Huh?”

“What do you mean ‘huh’? Sure, that sensitivity helps you capture emotions and shape sound—but you need to be careful. Got it?”

Having dropped that bomb, Black hyung casually shoved me toward the door.

Thinking back… maybe he had a point.

No—everyone’s like that.

It’s not just me.

But then again, lately, when I was at my lowest, all I could produce were songs that dragged along the ground.

Maybe he was right.

I moved mechanically, pushing open the basement door and heading up the stairs.

Black hyung had already changed the topic entirely.

“Jaehwa, we should grab a drink.”

“A drink? You want me dead?”

“Just beer. Come on, we finished the song—this is historic. Cheers, yeah? You wrote your group’s title track. Do you even know how much the royalties could be?”

“That only matters if it charts well. We barely make it onto charts. It’s always just articles saying we’re dragging Jeongwon down.”

“…Still.”

Well… I’d probably make at least a little money.

Maybe.

I scratched my nose and gave him a small bow.

“Thanks, hyung. I’ll treat you to drinks for sure, but I think I need to head off today.”

“Why are you so stiff about it?”

“And when I get paid, I’ll get you an air purifier instead. Seriously.”

“I don’t need that.”

“I do. I feel like I’m gonna die in there. Please just accept it.”

It wasn’t even exaggeration—the basement air really did feel suffocating.

We climbed the stairwell lined with lights, and Black hyung pushed the door open.

I lingered behind, pretending to be very interested in turning off the stair lights, slowly pressing the switch.

He let out a tired sigh.

“Oh—Jeongwon. Why didn’t you come in?”

“I just got here.”

“What, curious about the song?”

“I was passing by. Came to pick Jaehwa up.”

…See? This is why.

Black hyung looked between us with mild curiosity and stepped outside.

I tried to act like this was completely normal.

Jeongwon stood against the faint blue of early dawn. He must’ve slept a bit—his face looked better.

Behind Black hyung, I weakly raised my hand and waved.

A sign that I was still alive.

I’d tried telling him not to come pick me up so often, but lately I felt like I was dying anyway, so I gave up—come if you want.

There was some kind of “compensation,” but nothing worth making a fuss over.

So…

Black hyung glanced between us again and made one more offer.

“Then come grab a drink together.”

“What?”

“Jeongwon, your title track’s done today. Jaehwa nearly died for it. Go have a beer.”

“I drove here.”

“Ah, right. Damn, that doesn’t work then. Next time. Jaehwa, come here.”

“Why?”

I thought he was going for another high-five.

But instead, his arm shot out and wrapped around me, pulling me into a sudden hug as he smacked my back repeatedly.

I flinched, shoulders tensing.

“Ow—hey—”

“Good work, you punk. You better buy drinks later. After promotions, you’ll have time.”

“Yeah. You too, hyung.”

Just as suddenly as he’d grabbed me, he let go.

I ended up in a weird position—my right arm still half-raised from expecting a high-five.

Behind me, Jeongwon grabbed my arm so tightly it felt like my elbow might snap.

Even seeing that awkward scene, Black hyung just said—

“I’m heading out. Call me.”

—and walked off casually.

Yeah… he was probably too sleepy to notice anything.

His large figure disappeared into the dark alley around the corner.

I tried shaking off the hand gripping my arm, but Jeongwon stepped closer, standing right beside me, looking down at me from the corner of his eye.

“Jaehwa hyung.”

“That wasn’t my choice.”

“Seems like everyone likes you.”

“Not like that’s a bad thing…”

“Everyone likes you. Must be nice.”

“Why are you being childish?”

He smiled lightly—but it was oddly neat, too controlled.

“Let’s go. You should sleep.”

“Yeah.”

Part of me wanted to just walk on my own today.

But since I’d left my car behind, I ended up getting into the car with Jeongwon anyway, a guy who still felt like he was acting the part of a perfectly composed psychopath.