Chapter 9: A Conversation That Won’t Come Out

Ah… should I say it or not.

My thoughts spun so tightly that I couldn’t even properly taste the chewy texture of the expensive abalone.

Maybe I should just casually bring up our comeback.
Kill time talking about the music video schedule or the concept.

Or… should I ask?
Why he suddenly confessed.
And why it was me.

I should ask.
But I didn’t want to.

Pathetically enough, right now everything feels overwhelming.
Even something as positive as this.

Even with Jungwon sitting right in front of me—bright, sincere, more dazzling than anyone else.

Jungwon rubbed at the corner of his eye again with his long fingers, and I just stared at him blankly, unable to say anything at all.

“Eat before the noodles get soggy.”

“Are you tired?”

“It’s just a habit. I’m fine.”

“What kind of habit? You don’t have a habit like that.”

After saying that, I scooped up another spoonful of broth.

Jungwon’s chopsticks slowed.

Watching him, I slowly chewed a shrimp bursting with flavor.
Slowly.

By the time I finished chewing, I made up my mind.

It had been sudden and a bit reckless, but Jungwon had clearly expressed how he felt.

Ah… even thinking about it again, it was still absurd.
Up until today, I’d been half doubtful.

I wasn’t even sure if I should take that drunken incident seriously in the first place.

But seeing him go this far—just to get me jjamppong because of something I’d casually said—made it clear that things needed to be sorted out.

Properly.

I didn’t want to just disappear without a word either.

So I had to say something.

Maybe because I was finally eating proper food after so long, it felt like my tongue was melting.
It wasn’t even heavily seasoned—maybe I’d just gotten used to bland diet meals.

I kept eating without stopping.
Alright, just one more bite, and then I’ll say it.

Chewing, I straightened my resolve and looked directly at Jungwon.

Just as I was about to speak—

“Jungwon…”

“Excuse me.”

A beat too late, his voice overlapped mine as he called for the staff.

The employee approached quickly.

Jungwon looked at me, catching that I’d been about to speak.

“Do you want more?”

“Huh? No, I—”

“How about dongpo pork and beef meatballs?”

…That’s not what I meant.

I hadn’t meant I wanted more food.

Had I eaten too enthusiastically?

A little embarrassed, I scratched my cheek and glanced at the still half-full bowl of jjamppong.

The staff had already taken the order and quietly walked away.

Another staff member came, refilled the side dishes we’d barely touched, and poured more tea into our cups.

Then they left too.

Once again, it was just the two of us.

Trying to pick up where I left off suddenly felt difficult.

So instead, I tossed out a different question.

“Are you okay continuing group activities?”

“Why?”

“You keep getting offers from other agencies and scripts, right?
Shouldn’t you be moving into acting?
Isn’t this just taking up your time? Everyone already knows.”

And not just rumors—
Everyone was already joking about the inevitable headlines.

‘Top FA market star Yoo Jungwon finds a new agency.’

Something like that.

No matter how you looked at it, our current company wasn’t particularly strong in acting connections.
They probably had more contacts for recording studios than drama productions.

Even if everyone was openly treating this as our final promotions,
the one whose ending was most obvious was Jungwon.

I said it casually, then took a sip of tea and set the cup down.

But the expression Jungwon gave me in response was… strange.

It was hard to describe.
For a grown man, “pouting” didn’t quite fit, but—

His sharp eyes narrowed slightly, as if something bothered him.

Before I could find a better word, Jungwon spoke in a calm, serious voice.

“We should focus on what we’re doing right now.”

“But—”

“Hyung, aren’t you putting a solo track in this album?”

“No. It’s not even my solo album. Forget it.”

“Either way, the priority is the Cross album.
It should be for you too.”

“Yeah, well… I mean…”

I didn’t have any other schedules after this anyway, so it wasn’t really a choice for me.

But saying that here would just make me sound shallow—
so I didn’t.

The food arrived again, and I pretended to be very interested in eating, tearing into the tender braised pork with my chopsticks.

Ah… it really melts.

Even as I ate, I felt a bit wronged.

The way he said it made it sound like I was the only one thinking like that.

Yoo Jungwon, you bastard.

Why do you think our group is called Cross in the first place?

Outsiders liked to say it was about crossing different musical styles to create something unique.

But the truth?
It was because we were literally a mix of members pulled together from different places.

Five of us, gathered and thrown into a group.

That was us.

And because we were thrown together like that,
our backgrounds and directions were all completely different.

Wooseong, who used to rap elsewhere.
Hyung Yeonho, who had trained for years.
Me, who got in through an audition without knowing anything and only had a few online singing videos.
Hwan, who’d built a name in an underground dance team.

And Jungwon.

Even back then, his agency had wanted to raise him as an actor,
but he insisted on becoming an idol instead.

His well-off parents just let him do whatever he wanted.

And in the end, he became the face of our group—
for that, I was grateful.

As I chewed the soft meat, I suddenly looked up at the man sitting across from me.

Compared to the younger Jungwon I remembered, walking down into the basement practice room with me,
the person in front of me now felt unfamiliar.

He noticed my gaze—his chopsticks slowed even more.

So I spoke lightly.

“I was just looking. Eat.”

After that, I focused on my meal again.

Jungwon continued eating slowly.

And until we finished, I didn’t bring up anything else.

Since he insisted on paying, I let him—but the price was ridiculous.

586,000 won.

The place was expensive, sure,
but when two starving grown men decided to eat properly, it just didn’t stop.

Even if Jungwon clearly had money, it still felt like a burden.

Standing behind him as he swiped his card, I glanced back once at the half-finished bowl of jjamppong before leaving the restaurant.

After getting into the car outside the hotel, I spoke casually.

“I’ll pay next time.”

“Okay.”

“If there’s something you want to eat, just tell me.”

“Got it.”

He nodded easily, seemingly pleased.

Meanwhile, I sat in the passenger seat, worrying to myself.

What if he asks for something ridiculously expensive next time?
Like premium beef.

…Well, what of it.
I’ll just buy it.

Honestly, if it costs more than today, it might even feel better.

I mean—what kind of older brother lets his junior pay like that?
All this just for a bowl of jjamppong.

But then… when am I supposed to bring it up?

That topic.

As we drove toward my dorm, I thought about bringing it up again—
but stopped.

Right now felt too awkward.
Being alone together like this made it worse.

Yeah.
It was too quiet—that was the problem.

While the car stopped at a red light, I pointed at the audio system.

“Can I play some music?”

“Go ahead.”

He gestured lazily with the hand on the steering wheel, so I pressed a button.

The sound that filled the car was incredible—whatever system he had installed was no joke.

Thump. Thump.

I skipped the track.
Then skipped again.

The car moved forward slowly as the light changed.

Then—

A familiar melody.
A familiar voice.

I turned to look at Jungwon.

As if nothing was wrong, he met my gaze without even the slightest change in expression.

“What?”

“Nothing. Just drive.”

Stay calm.
It’s probably just this section.

But no matter how many times I skipped,
it was all songs from my solo album.

Turning it off now would feel too obvious, so I just leaned back with my arms crossed and listened.

It had been a while since I’d heard my own songs.
Didn’t expect it to happen like this.

My voice filled the car, following the rhythm.

‘This moment, you and I together… we are in love.’

I tightened my crossed arms and shut my eyes briefly before opening them again.

I never liked those lyrics to begin with.
No—
I didn’t like that entire album.

Seriously.

Fourth year since debut,
pushed to exhaustion, barely allowed to sleep,
forced to produce that album—
and not a single one of my opinions was reflected in it.

I’d always sworn I’d burn it all down someday.

And now here it was.

But the worst part—

Was that Jungwon, in his low voice, was quietly humming along to my song.