Chapter 20: Sweetness and Stagnation

A week has passed since then. During that time, the overprotectiveness has reached such an extreme that I can barely do anything. I feel like I’m going to die of boredom.

Lazing around is fine for a day or two, but being forced to lie there wide-awake every day because I can’t sleep is making me twitchy. They won’t let me sit up, they won’t let me read, and they won’t even let me feed myself. Consequently, I’ve fallen into a strange cycle of wandering around secretly at night and sleeping all day.

“Ilya.”

I called out to Ilya, who had come to put out the lights for my “bedtime.” Seeing him here meant he was likely staying at the palace again after working late into the night.

“Yes, Ian. Is something uncomfortable?”

“I want to learn how to read and write.”

“Ah, I heard about that from Zeimer. I am looking for a tutor for you, so please wait just a little longer. Your recovery comes first.”

“I’m fine now. You know that.”

Ilya, who had extinguished all the lights except for a dim nightlight on the wall, stepped closer. I reached out and switched on the small lamp on the bedside table. It was powered by mana.

“Ian! You shouldn’t be using mana yet…!”

“A little bit is fine.”

Ilya rushed over, looking panicked, to check my complexion. Since I had used mana openly, Felix or Zeimer would likely come running if they were nearby.

Sure enough, Felix burst through the door without knocking, looking alarmed.

“Ian’s mana…!”

I waved a hand at Felix. His eyes were momentarily drawn to my fluttering fingers before he snapped back to reality and inspected my face.

“Is it truly alright for you to use mana?”

Felix channeled a golden glow into his palm and slipped his hand inside my clothes to press against my chest. He had seen I was fine with his eyes, but he seemed to need to feel it to be sure.

As I stared blankly at him, Felix let out a sigh of relief and pulled me into an embrace.

“I thought… I thought something had happened again.”

Zeimer didn’t show up—perhaps he was out today—but this was enough. These two were the ones most involved in the minutiae of my life.

“I want to learn to read,” I said, patting Felix on the back while he held me. He pulled away, and I sat up properly.

I picked up the book sitting on the nightstand next to the lamp. It was a philosophy book with a difficult title that Zeimer had left behind.

“I want to be able to read things like this.”

“You mustn’t overexert yourself yet, Ian,” Ilya cautioned.

“Yes. Just a little, a little more rest and—”

I irreverently cut off the Emperor.

“I’m fine. Please teach me.”

Felix stared deep into my eyes. My conscience pricked a bit at the sight of his gaze, which was filled with genuine worry. I turned my head and sent a pleading look toward Ilya.

“I can sit up by myself now, and I’m not losing consciousness as often as before. I can even use a little mana.”

“Your body hasn’t fully recovered yet.”

“My body will be like this forever. Honestly, this might be the ‘best’ state I’ll ever be in.”

“Ian!”

Ilya’s face contorted, and the grip of Felix’s hands on my shoulders tightened.

Even so, I pushed forward stubbornly, like a child throwing a tantrum. I already knew how to recognize letters. Felix and Ilya likely understood what I truly wanted. It wasn’t just the alphabet; I wanted to learn how to read. I was asking for an education.

There were so many things I didn’t know. Because of that, I was often ignored wherever I went, left to hover on the fringes of groups, unable to keep up with even basic conversations, let alone deep ones. No matter how hard I tried on my own, I couldn’t decipher full texts with my limited vocabulary.

In truth, I was beginning to realize something. Now that I had become the Hero, I could never go back to being a commoner. Even if I left the palace, a part of me would be tethered to the Imperial family forever.

The Imperial Palace was a different kind of battlefield than the front lines. To survive here, I had to know how to protect myself. I was done with a life of being used.

I turned my gaze back to Felix. I had no intention of living my life as a perpetual invalid. I wanted to learn, save money, and stand on my own feet as soon as possible. Of course, I wasn’t saying I was going to storm out of the palace right this second.

Despite having a few annoying friends, this was arguably the best place to lounge around doing nothing. And then there were the Goddess’s words. Until a new oracle descended or I found an answer, I couldn’t leave this place regardless of my own will.

After a long staring match, Felix finally sighed and opened his mouth.

“Fine. I will prepare a tutor for you.”

Granting me lessons was one thing, but using mana was strictly forbidden. This was because the moment Felix finished his sentence, blood had trickled from my mouth. Seriously, Goddess… please… I thought we had finished our talk on good terms? Due to this “communication error” with the divine, my lessons were postponed.

Zeimer entered today as he always did—quietly opening the door only to make a racket once inside. It was a consistent pattern. He opened the door softly just in case I was sleeping or might be startled, and once he confirmed I was awake, he would come rushing in.

“Ian, let’s eat.”

Despite my clear efforts to prove I could eat on my own, they continued to visit me in shifts. It was starting to get genuinely annoying. I never asked for help in the first place, so this excessive kindness felt like a burden.

Regardless of my opinion, they had set a schedule. Today was Zeimer’s turn, and he arrived right at lunchtime. Since Felix usually had a late formal luncheon, he would likely stop by briefly in an hour.

“Zeimer, please open the window.”

“No. The air outside is getting truly cold now. I put an air purification spell on the room instead.”

“Still. Just because.”

Zeimer scowled, appearing to deliberate. But since I knew he was secretly soft-hearted and weak to my requests, I already knew how this small argument would end.

“Don’t look at me like that. I’ll open it. But I’m casting a warming spell.”

“Without the warming spell.”

“No.”

“I wanted to smell the autumn air…”

Zeimer looked down at me, appearing baffled. After a brief struggle, he gave in, making sure I knew he wasn’t happy about it.

“Ah, dammit! Fine, but only while we eat!”

Waking up from a post-breakfast nap only to be greeted by lunch… it was a luxurious life. I didn’t know what one looked like, but I felt like a lion on the savanna.

At some point, the servants had started preparing meals for two. Initially, what I ate couldn’t even be called a “meal” by normal standards, so everyone would just sit with me and then leave to eat separately. Fortunately, I had progressed to a soft, low-sodium version of regular food, saving them the trouble. And now, I could eat by myself.

A table was set on the bed with food for two. Mine was, of course, simpler and smaller in portion than Zeimer’s. While the table was being set, Zeimer produced a sweater from somewhere and put it on me. He must have remembered me groaning when I lifted my arms last time, because he carefully threaded my sleeves first.

“It’s cold. the air is chilly.”

His hands were surprisingly soothing as he dressed me and massaged my shoulders. Zeimer was thin enough to look sharp, but he was incredibly strong. His grip strength alone was enough to crush an apple with his bare hands without any help from mana.

Zeimer pulled his chair close, almost touching the bed.

“Is this bland stuff actually good?”

As soon as I picked up my spoon, he snatched it away. This was why I didn’t particularly enjoy “mealtime” with Zeimer. He couldn’t stand me doing anything for myself and insisted on doing everything for me.

“Sigh…”

I looked at him with a sigh, but Zeimer had no intention of giving up the spoon. Faced with his unnecessarily solemn expression as he held a spoonful of soup to my lips, I gave in and opened my mouth.

“I actually prefer this to the food served at banquets.”

“Why?”

“I don’t think stimulating flavors suit me.”

“And yet you’re obsessed with sweets.”

“Cough—”

I choked, startled by his completely unexpected comment. Zeimer held a handkerchief to my mouth and rubbed my back.

“Cough, who told you that?”

“It’s obvious just by looking at you.”

Zeimer smirked.

“If you eat your lunch nicely, I’ll give you a present.”

“A present?”

“Yeah. Hurry up—no, eat slowly. I’ll give it to you after you finish and the window is closed.”

Since my sugar intake had been strictly limited to honey water since the terrace tea incident, I couldn’t hide my excitement. I ramped up my snail-like eating pace to the limit, earning a chuckle and a scolding from Zeimer to slow down.

I waited patiently until Zeimer finished meticulously wiping my hands. He was being intentionally slow just to tease me. When I gave him a sharp glare of annoyance, he burst out laughing again.

“Here.”

“Huh…?”

Contrary to my expectation that a servant would bring something in, Zeimer pulled a paper parcel from his pocket.

“It melted a little, but it should still be good.”

It was maple taffy.

“You wanted this, didn’t you?”

It was the same maple taffy sold at the street markets. Back when I used to deliver envelopes to the orphanage, I would stand in front of the stall for a long time wanting it, only to turn away every time.

‘What’s wrong? Why are you standing there like an idiot?’

‘Ah, Archmage. Hello.’

‘Are you standing there because you want that?’

‘No, it’s nothing.’

A memory surfaced. Shortly after I became the Hero, I had run into Zeimer in front of the palace. It was a time when every single copper coin mattered.

Zeimer was perceptive. And his memory was sharp enough to recall something from five years ago perfectly. He remembered even the oldest stories.

The paper parcel in my palm crinkled. When I looked at Zeimer, a deep smile spread across his face. It wasn’t a smile filled only with joy.

“Back then… I wanted to buy it for you. I thought, ‘What a fool. He should just buy it and eat it.'”

“…”

“I’m sorry. For calling you an idiot back then. I have a habit of saying things the wrong way.”

Zeimer’s face contorted. He didn’t drop the smile, giving him a very strange expression.

“I didn’t mean you were stupid. I meant your nature—being so foolishly kind—was stupid.”

“—Zeimer.”

“Live for yourself now, Ian. Your happiness comes first.”

In the silence that felt as if time had stopped, only Zeimer’s eyes burned with intensity. Just as when I first met him, I stared into those eyes as if enchanted.

Zeimer leaned over me for a moment in that slightly slouched posture before leaving with a brief goodbye. Looking at his back as he walked out the door, he seemed lonely for some reason. Even after he was gone, I couldn’t take my eyes off the spot where he had stood.

And that day, I never did eat the sweetness Zeimer had placed in my hand.