Chapter 18: The Weight of a Name

The moon was the symbol of the Goddess. Since the distant beginning of time, the sun belonged to the Dragon, and the moon belonged to the Goddess.

Goddess.

Sitting still, I tried calling out to her.

Outside of the Temple, the Goddess’s power weakened significantly. Especially within the Imperial Palace, which sat under the Dragon’s protection, her influence struggled to shine. This meant that calling her from here resulted in a response that was entirely random at best. Since it wasn’t a full moon tonight, her power would be particularly faint.

Still, thinking I had nothing to lose, I called her. Goddess!

Even though I shouted internally with a hint of desperation, she didn’t answer. I guess she’s sleeping, I thought.

Giving up on further communication, I lowered my gaze without lingering regret. My room wasn’t very high up. It was located not far from the palace where the Emperor resided. While this specific building was technically a dormitory where various officials lived and ate, it was also where high-ranking administrators and nobles stayed, so it was decorated with a fair amount of luxury and grandeur.

I had to be careful sitting out on the terrace. Zeimer and Ilya’s rooms were directly above mine. Of course, Ilya spent more days commuting from his family estate, and Zeimer often frequented the Magic Tower for research or wandered elsewhere, so I wasn’t sure if they were even in tonight.

To my left was the Emperor’s Palace. Only the Emperor and Empress were permitted to stay there. In front of it stood the palace containing the offices and the State Council chamber. Seeing the lights glowing in both Ilya’s and Felix’s offices, it seemed they were both still hard at work.

I scanned the sprawling, beautiful—yet artificial—gardens until my eyes reached the towering wall at the edge. That was the inner wall of the Imperial Palace. Beyond it lay the knights’ quarters and various support facilities. Naturally, the 1st Knights had their headquarters closer to the Emperor’s Palace, inside that inner wall.

In my mind, I scaled the inner wall and climbed the outer wall. Once over the outer wall, one would find themselves in the very center of the bustling capital. The Imperial Palace sat at the heart of the Empire, and the city had developed in concentric circles around it.

An empire built upon the foundation of faith in the Dragon and the Goddess did not crumble easily. This was not a nation held together by mere mutual interest; it was a place bound tightly by the birth of myths and the belief in them. Absorbing neighboring kingdoms one by one, the Empire had finally unified the continent a thousand years ago. The history of the Empire was rewritten at that moment of unification. It was the start of a millennium of history.

The Empire hadn’t been forged through war alone. The continent, built upon the physical body of a Dragon, naturally desired a sovereign who possessed the Dragon’s power. The thirty-six nations scattered across the land had slowly but firmly merged, eventually being reborn as a single Empire.

No nation was free from the Empire—or more accurately, from the Dragon. There were a couple of tiny kingdoms at the far edge of the continent, but even those functioned merely as principalities.

This Empire was a place where the Emperor was the absolute center of power. The weight of the entire realm rested on Felix’s shoulders. And I had absolutely no intention of sharing that burden.

As I sat motionless, the dawn dew began to settle on my body. I shook off the moisture and, careful to avoid Zeimer—wherever he might be—I quietly climbed onto the roof of the palace. I wanted to see the sun rise over the outer wall.

After waiting for a long while, occasionally nodding off, the dark sky began to brighten from the edge of the earth. I loved this time of day best. The hour when the highest point is the darkest and the lowest point is the brightest. That middle shade of violet connecting the black of the sky to the orange of the land. The clouds turned transparent in the dawn light.

It was time to wake up.

Perhaps because I had been on edge all night, worried someone might enter the room, I fell into a deep sleep the moment I returned to bed.

Instead of the servants who usually woke me for breakfast, Zeimer came today. He shook me gently at first, then seemingly changed his mind. He pulled up a chair and sat down. He likely decided to let me sleep since I had been ill.

Since I was already partially awake, I tossed a bit and opened my eyes.

“…Zeimer.”

My voice was thick and congested from sleep. Without a word, Zeimer brought me water, helped me sit up, and handed me the cup. Even after handing it over, he kept his palm under the bottom of the cup, as if anxious I might drop it.

“Did you sleep well?”

Zeimer said nothing. The atmosphere was very different from usual. Though we were looking at each other, it felt like Zeimer was looking at something other than me. Around his black pupils, blue mana ebbed and flowed like waves before settling.

“Zeimer?”

When I called his name again, only then did he blink and wipe his face with one hand.

“Sorry.”

His voice was also hoarse, as if he had just woken—or perhaps he hadn’t slept at all, given how red his eyes were.

Zeimer ran his fingers through his fluffy hair, messing it up. It was a habit he had whenever something didn’t go his way or he couldn’t find an answer.

“Can you eat?”

“Yes. I’m okay.”

He was acting so strangely. Usually, Zeimer talked incessantly in front of me to keep me from being bored, but now he just kept his mouth shut and silently spooned soup for me.

He patiently fed me the thin soup and a bit of mashed potato at a slow pace. After meticulously wiping my face, hands, and even my feet with a wet towel, he finally spoke.

“Ian.”

I felt a bit of tension at his uncharacteristically low voice. Something had definitely happened while I was asleep. And once again, I was the only one who didn’t know.

“With me…”

“…”

“Shall we leave together?”

His words, coming after a long hesitation, were quite unexpected. Blue mana surged within his eyes.

“No. Let’s leave together.”

Time felt like it had stopped. Or perhaps Zeimer had actually stopped time.

“Why?”

I swallowed hard before asking. Zeimer didn’t open his mouth for a long while, as if choosing his words.

“You…”

“…”

“This isn’t the place for you to be.”

As if Zeimer really had stopped time, the moment he finished speaking, the noisy sounds of the hallway returned. It was the typical bustle of a busy morning. Zeimer stood up, pulled my head toward him with one hand, and whispered against my crown.

“Think about it carefully.”

I could feel Zeimer’s breath against my hair as he pulled away. He then stood up fully.

“Hero, you need to wash your hair. It smells.”

He ruffled my hair into a mess, much like his own, and then left abruptly. I rubbed the top of my head with my fingers.

“…It doesn’t smell, though.”

Felix showed up before the lunch banquet, as he usually did. The Emperor worked even while eating lunch, meeting with various officials.

Since the banquet happened a bit later than a normal lunch hour, Felix usually stopped by around the time I had finished my meal, digested it, and was lying down again. Today, no one had interrupted my lunch, so I was quite satisfied having eaten as much as I wanted, whenever I wanted.

Felix pulled over the chair Zeimer had been sitting in earlier. Since the servants had put it back in its place, he had to bring it over again.

“Ian.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

Felix seemed to have given up lately; he hadn’t asked me to call him by his name in a while.

Did everyone eat something wrong today? Just like Zeimer earlier, Felix just stared intensely into my eyes without saying anything. Feeling burdened by the gaze, I looked away. You said you were busy. You’re busy, aren’t you?

“Ian.”

After fidgeting with my hand in silence for a long time, Felix finally spoke, uttering my name once more. My name flowed from his lips like a sigh.

“What should I do with you?”

“…”

I was at a loss for words when Felix suddenly came out with such emotional lines and a desperate look in his eyes. First Zeimer with his cryptic talk, and now this. What was wrong with both of them today?

“What am I to do?”

I stared blankly up at Felix. I wondered if it was just my imagination that his eyes seemed to shimmer as if tears were welling up. It must have been an illusion, because the moment that thought crossed my mind, the look in his eyes changed.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“I see. My heart was heavy, worrying that the trip to the Temple was too much of a strain.”

“It wasn’t that.”

“Get some rest.”

Even though he had only just arrived, Felix stood up as if he had to leave. I tried to sit up, but he gestured for me to stay down, so I lay back. It was as if they had all made a pact; everyone was remaining tight-lipped about what had happened with the Goddess at the Temple.

Since they were all deeply religious, they were likely trying to look away, but because they knew I had been severely ill after the trip, they seemed to be putting off any discussion about it for my sake.

Felix left so quickly I wondered why he had even stopped by. Being the Emperor was no easy task. This world ran on the power of the Dragon. The contents carved into the legal code became Dragon Words, maintaining the order of the world. To activate the powerful Dragon Words of the code, the Imperial Seal was required, and its use demanded a constant expenditure of Dragon power. The accumulated fatigue must have been considerable.

Perhaps, it finally seemed like Felix was contemplating. Whether to let me go, or to keep holding on to me.

When evening came, Claire and Ilya also visited in turn, and just like the two who came before them, they spouted nothing but cryptic nonsense. They said they would do whatever I wanted. That they were on my side.

It was a day that felt no different from any other, yet felt strange in every way.