Chapter 41: The Weighted Scale of Choices

When I opened my eyes again, I was back in my own room. I had no idea how much time had passed, but the world outside the windows was already swallowed by darkness. The heavy sweater I had been wearing earlier had been changed back into my comfortable pajamas. Piece by piece, the memories of what had transpired right before I lost consciousness began to resurface.

It seemed it had simply been too difficult to endure. I thought I was holding up well, but I was wrong. Even though I knew exactly how broken my body was, I kept overestimating my own limits.

Despite the collapse, I woke up feeling surprisingly refreshed. Turning my head, I carefully scanned my surroundings. The soft glow of the nightstand lamp and the crackling fireplace cast a gentle light across the bedroom. Bathed in those faint, amber hues, the shadows felt surprisingly warm and comforting—almost as if the darkness itself was wrapping around me to offer consolation.

Drawing comfort from that quiet isolation, I exhaled a slow, heavy breath. The very moment I had nodded my head in agreement before Felix, I had once again made an irreversible choice. A faint, bitter sorrow pricked at my chest.

Resting near the head of the bed was a basin of hot water, steam still lazily curling into the air, alongside a folded cloth. The chair beside the mattress retained the distinct, lingering impression of someone who had been keeping vigil until only moments prior.

Seeing the hot water suddenly brought my attention to a damp warmth around my neck; reaching up, my fingers brushed against a wet towel wrapped securely around my throat. Even the blankets, fortified with warming enchantments, felt significantly hotter against my skin than usual. My physical frame must have grown profoundly cold during the episode.

As I slowly replayed the conversation from the Emperor’s office in my head, a separate memory from two months ago drifted into my mind—a conversation I had shared with the Goddess. I remembered weeping, desperately pleading with her that this time, I would be the one to do it. The Goddess had granted her permission, but even then, I knew deep down that her words were merely a gentle construct to soothe my frayed heart. After all, from the very beginning, the Goddess had made it explicitly clear to me: I would need every single one of them.

I was staring blankly at the ceiling, lost in my thoughts, when the door gave a quiet, metallic click. The heavy oak swung open, allowing the bright light from the corridor to cut through the dim room. It was Claire, dressed in relaxed indoor attire.

Stepping forward with near-flawless silence, he approached the bedside and spoke in a soft, low voice that gently brushed against my ears.

“You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

I stared up at Claire for a long moment before offering a slow, quiet nod. I wanted to voice a response, but the moment I shifted my parched lips, I felt the dry skin split, a tiny bead of blood welling to the surface. I closed my mouth immediately. Noticing the rupture, Claire delicately used a clean damp cloth to blot the moisture from my lips.

“……What… time… is it……?”

The words refused to form a proper sentence, cracking horribly past my throat. The heavy fog of sleep hadn’t entirely burned away yet.

“It is two o’clock in the morning. Approximately ten hours have passed since you collapsed.”

“I see.”

Turning my head back, I anchored my eyes to the ceiling. The peaceful, mundane routine I had enjoyed recently had been violently upended by the afternoon’s unannounced storm, leaving my mind thoroughly drained.

At the very least, Felix had successfully granted me the title of Duke, even if it was meant to be purely honorary. However, the moment the territory was brought to the table, I had been on the absolute verge of resignation—until Zeimer broke into the room at the perfect moment to grant me a desperate breath of air. I was entirely content with that small victory.

The fiefdom Felix had intended to force upon me was a prime territory that had recently lost its sovereign line; the previous ruling family had failed to evacuate in time when the third defensive line collapsed, slaughtered to a man. Situated directly adjacent to the northern perimeter of the capital, it was a highly lucrative estate, once renowned for its lavish resort districts and vibrant cultural performances, though human foot traffic had severely dwindled in recent years.

The aura Zeimer had radiated while locking horns with Felix on my behalf had been twice as frigid and menacing as usual. Though I could easily deduce the underlying reasons for his fury, I had merely willed him to keep his temper in check within my own thoughts, choosing not to pry any deeper. While Zeimer’s frantic efforts to protect me served as the ultimate emotional anchor for my sanity, I had already finalized my resolve to walk alongside Felix. On a path as treacherous as the one ahead, protective insulation would only act as a slow poison.

Reaching up, I placed my hand over Claire’s fingers as he gently brushed the stray hairs from my forehead. His hand was remarkably large and intensely warm. Yet, my mind involuntarily recalled how this exact same hand had, without a single shred of hesitation, crushed the skulls of soldiers who had been corrupted into monsters. It was a memory that should have left me cold with dread, but paradoxically, I found his touch immensely tender. I felt a profound sense of kinship with Claire—though, perhaps, that was merely a delusion born of my own isolation. Pushing the childish urge to act spoiled to the back of my mind, I relaxed.

Claire gently took my hand, tucking it securely back beneath the warm layers of the duvet. Carefully lifting my head, he slid the damp towel out from behind the nape of my neck. By all accounts, the moisture should have soaked through the fabrics, but Zeimer must have woven a drying enchantment over the bedding, leaving my clothes and the mattress completely crisp and dry. I quietly surrendered my weight to Claire’s steady hands.

As the residual tension from the grueling afternoon finally bled out of my muscles, a dull ache rippled through my frame, forcing a faint groan from my lips. I wanted nothing more than to dismiss Claire immediately so I could circulate my mana and unpack the physical knots, but the Knight Commander settled firmly into the chair, clearly intending to keep watch until sunrise. His massive, broad silhouette cast a heavy, undeniable presence across the darkened room.

“Sleep further.”

“Ah……”

A coarse, gravelly sound slipped past my lips like a faint sigh.

Claire offered a small, gentle smile before reaching out to cover my eyes with his palm. Feeling a strange, echoing sense of deja vu, I closed my eyelids once more. The hand shielding my vision… was incredibly kind.

When I finally opened my eyes again, the world outside had already progressed deep into the late afternoon. Whether it had been Claire or someone else, the unmistakable signs of a silent vigil remained scattered around the bedside.

Sitting up, I surveyed the quiet room and carefully began to circulate the mana within my core. I made absolutely certain to erect a localized barrier strictly around the perimeter of the mattress, ensuring the energy wouldn’t leak out to alert Zeimer. A vibrant surge of vitality began to pulse through my vessels, rising steadily from the tips of my toes. The deep crimson mana and the brilliant blue mana vibrated in opposing directions, aggressively asserting their dominance against one another within my soul. Only when a profound wave of clarity finally washed through my rejuvenated limbs did I let out a long, sweeping exhale.

Once my body felt thoroughly weightless, I meticulously dismantled the barrier. The chamber was entirely serene, save for the rhythmic, comforting pop of the logs burning within the hearth. Having consumed absolutely nothing since yesterday’s luncheon, an audible growl echoed from my stomach; however, since I didn’t feel any actual hunger, I ignored the sound entirely, sinking back into the mattress and burying myself beneath the heavy duvet.

Ah, today’s lessons must have been canceled again.

Now that I thought about it, today was the day Madame Anne was scheduled to arrive. The instructional hours had been set for the morning, which had long since bled away. I forcibly suppressed a pang of disappointment. The luxuries and education the Imperial Court bestowed upon me did not truly belong to me.

With every passing second, I actively fought to ensure I never grew comfortable with the Empire’s hollow hospitality.

Turning onto my side, I reached an arm toward the nightstand. Rested beneath the lamp was a collection of recording crystals and premium mana stones that Zeimer had left behind. They were masterfully crafted, top-tier artifacts engineered to activate automatically without requiring the user to inject external mana. I fumbled blindly across the polished wood, picking up the first crystal my fingers brushed against. It was merely a tool to kill time, so the content was entirely irrelevant.

Despite choosing entirely at random, the stone I held was one of my personal favorites. It contained a series of brief, whimsical stories Zeimer had personally recorded for me. As I cupped the pebble-sized mana stone in my palm and rubbed the smooth surface, Zeimer’s calm, unhurried cadence drifted into the quiet room. I closed my eyes, letting the sound wash over me as the hours ticked away. I could have easily pulled the cord to summon a servant, but since dinner was rapidly approaching and I found the effort unnecessary, I simply chose to wait for someone to enter.

Predictably, the heavy door swung open only a short while later. Guessing it would be either Felix or Zeimer, I turned my head toward the entryway. Zeimer’s recorded voice was still drifting softly from the stone resting in my palm.

“Your Majesty.”

It was Felix. He advanced toward the bedside with unhesitating strides; before I could even attempt to push myself upright, his hand came down firmly against my shoulder, pinning me gently back to the pillows.

“Stay down. Claire informed me that you were wracked with fever throughout the night.”

Felix pulled the duvet up, tucking it securely right beneath my chin, before reaching out to cut off the flow of energy to the mana stone. Zeimer’s voice vanished instantly, plunging the room into silence.

Though it was technically categorized as dinner time, the sun was still lingering on the horizon, suggesting Felix had carved out a brief window from his grueling administrative duties to visit; he was still clad in his immaculate, heavy imperial uniform. My eyes instinctively fell to his wrists, noting the absence of the custom cuffs he wore without fail every single day. They had likely been permanently ruined by the corrosive nature of the blood I had vomited all over his sleeve yesterday afternoon. Tracking the direction of my gaze, Felix calmly shifted his hands behind his back, removing them from my line of sight entirely.

“Is your body holding up?”

“Yes, I am perfectly fine.”

Perhaps because I had already revitalized my systems with my own mana prior to his arrival, my voice rang out exceptionally clear and pristine. Upon hearing my response, a visible wave of relief washed over Felix’s features. He had evidently been carrying a heavy burden of worry.

“It seems I have caused you pain once again.”

I rolled onto my side to face him fully, tilting my head back to look up into his eyes.

“It isn’t your fault. This happens all the time anyway.”

Though he was desperately trying to maintain a serene, stoic facade, a faint crease remained locked between Felix’s brows. Given the structural collapse of my vessel, the situation was undeniably grim—yet, watching the slight misalignment of his brow and eyelashes, a small, genuine smile bloomed within my chest. I desperately wanted to reassure him with absolute sincerity.

“You truly do not need to worry, Your Majesty.”

In the end, Felix would never waver; he would march straight along the rigid tracks assigned to him, never permitting a single deviation or regression. On the opposing end, Zeimer was actively gathering his strength to tear those very tracks apart. The two paths were so starkly polarized in their weight and consequence that they didn’t even warrant being placed on the same scale.

“I have chosen the exact same path,” Felix murmured, his voice laced with a profound, hollow gloom. “And once again, I shall push you directly into the jaws of death.”

I stared up at Felix as he actively avoided my gaze, before reaching out to gently tap his forearm. Only then did the Emperor shift his eyes to meet mine. Beneath the golden strands of his meticulously styled hair, his sharp, striking features were illuminated by a strange, unreadable light.

Memories of our final moments—where our conflicting resolves had ultimately driven each of us to our respective ends—surfaced in my mind. I had sought to cradle and absorb the sins of the entire world, while Zeimer had sought to judge and execute everything in existence. Felix had pushed relentlessly forward, while Claire had stood vigil, defending the realm while bearing witness to the tragedy.

I felt a deep, piercing pity for the man standing before me. I remembered the absolute, hollow desolation that had anchored his eyes at the end of the war. The solitary monarch of a tragic, shattered world was a magnificent yet heartbreaking sight.

And that was precisely why I had resolved to walk alongside him this time as well.

Reaching out across the sheets, I gently closed my fingers around his hand.

“Do not worry.”

I suspected that, on some subconscious level, Felix was already privy to the truth. Yet, I was entirely satisfied. Because this time, I would ensure that the choices I made would ultimately save my own life.

The atmosphere in the room was beginning to grow heavy, threatening to drag my own spirits down into the dark along with it. Locking my eyes firmly onto his golden pupils, I deliberately elevated my voice, injecting a forced, bright note of cheerfulness into the quiet chamber.

I was absolutely terrified.

“I am completely fine!”

What a bittersweet moment between Ian and Felix. Despite the heavy cycle they are trapped in, Ian’s resolve to change the outcome for himself this time brings a spark of hope.

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