Chapter 38:The Unyielding Heart

Predictably, Yoonwoo never contacted Yeon-chae after that Christmas. As the long winter break unfolded, Yeon-chae gradually realized just how fragile and thin their relationship had become, like a sheet of ice.

It was a connection destined to break if Yeon-chae didn’t initiate contact. He had spent a year desperately struggling to hold onto it, but now, lying on his bed, Yeon-chae stared blankly into space, his thoughts drifting. He no longer wanted to do anything.

Yet, Yeon-chae tried to hate Yoonwoo, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. Whenever he closed his eyes, Yoonwoo’s smile would surface, only to dissipate like smoke.

Some nights, the longing was so intense that he tossed and turned, unable to sleep. Time continued to pass, even as he neither ate nor slept properly. Yeon-chae lost a bit of weight, and, strangely, grew a little taller; he couldn’t fathom how he had grown without eating properly.

And then, spring returned, a season he thought might never come again.

The new semester began. Yeon-chae succeeded in registering for most of the same courses as Yoonwoo.

He recalled subtly asking Yoonwoo about his next semester’s courses near the end of the last one, even memorizing the names of professors Yoonwoo had mentioned. With that information, he managed to select three major courses and two electives.

As a sophomore, Yeon-chae had to seek out several professors to gain permission to enroll in fourth-year subjects. The process was arduous, but he ultimately succeeded. And then, he felt utterly miserable.

‘What was the point of all this? He had already been completely rejected.’ His own reflection, still chasing Yoonwoo’s shadow, seemed so pathetic and pitiful that tears threatened to spill, but he barely managed to hold them back. There was no one left to find him cute, even if his face swelled from crying, so he refused to weep.

Secretly, Yeon-chae had hoped Yoonwoo wouldn’t be able to register for his planned courses, thus altering his schedule. However, Yoonwoo seemed to have successfully created a timetable he was pleased with.

No matter which lecture Yeon-chae attended, Yoonwoo was there. Every time he saw the black hair swaying on the back of Yoonwoo’s round head, Yeon-chae’s heart would plummet.

He missed him, and he was glad to see him. Yet, he didn’t want to be noticed by Yoonwoo, so he furtively hid, grateful that these were large lectures with many students.

Still, the day inevitably came when they had to face each other. It was a day Yeon-chae had overslept and arrived slightly late for class.

He rushed in, spotting an empty seat, only to realize it was right next to Yoonwoo. Yoonwoo looked up, his small, white, beautiful face, with its wide, black eyes, utterly unchanged.

It was a face that seemed untouched by any hardship or heartache. Of course. ‘Why would Yoonwoo have any heartache?’ Yeon-chae thought, his mind twisting with bitterness.

Yeon-chae wanted Yoonwoo to know how deeply he had been hurt and how difficult things were for him now. He wished Yoonwoo could experience even a quarter of the pain he had endured.

So, instead of calling Yoonwoo “Sunbae,” he addressed him as “Sunbae-nim,” adding a formal honorific.

To prove he was doing perfectly fine without his senior, his lips trembled as he feigned laughter at the professor’s unfunny jokes. Yoonwoo didn’t seem to notice at all; he appeared utterly oblivious.

When he finally visited his regular hair salon for a haircut, the owner and staff rushed over, eager to ask about the confession.

Yeon-chae lowered his gaze and replied.

“It didn’t work out.”

“Oh my!”

The small groups of people gathered around started chattering, each adding their two cents about how strange and terrible it was to reject such a pretty and handsome person.

Yeon-chae felt a pang of irritation. Yoonwoo wasn’t strange or terrible; he was just a bit oblivious and simply didn’t like Yeon-chae.

‘Would he live like this forever? Unable to approach Yoonwoo, forever longing for his presence from afar?’

This was Yeon-chae’s biggest worry these days.

That day, Yeon-chae was emptying beer glasses, vowing to finally let go of his sixteen-year-long unrequited affection.

It was exactly one year since he had reunited with Yoonwoo. Seasons had passed, and once again, it was the evening of the freshman welcoming party.

No matter how hard he tried to avert his gaze, his eyes kept drifting towards Yoonwoo. Yoonwoo was caught by a senior he didn’t recognize, drinking with them.

The speed at which he emptied his glass, a reluctant expression on his face, grew faster and faster. Yeon-chae grew a little anxious, seeing how much Yoonwoo was drinking, but he was no longer in a position to interfere or stop him.

In truth, they had never truly been that close.

With a heavy heart, Yeon-chae emptied the glass before him. The pungent, transparent liquid, smelling of alcohol, burned as it slid down his throat.

Perhaps it was the alcohol, but his entire body felt flushed and hot. He hadn’t even had many drinks, yet his stomach began to churn.

For a while now, various smells in the vicinity had been mixing, assaulting Yeon-chae’s senses. The increasingly potent and nauseating odors were slowly suffocating him.

Yeon-chae groaned, pressing a hand to his forehead. He definitely felt feverish.

‘Should he just leave?’ As he considered this, setting his glass down, a faint, subtly sweet aroma drifted from somewhere.

It was a fresh, sweet scent, like coconut milk, that seemed to melt in his mouth. ‘Was there such a menu item?’ He felt as though just a sip would instantly clear his congested stomach.

Even though he didn’t care for sweets, that coconut milk scent was strangely, intensely appealing.

Yeon-chae recalled the menu he’d glanced at when ordering, and then looked around. There was no specific dish that caught his eye.

Yet, the fragrance continued to linger around Yeon-chae. He had decided to go home a while ago, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave his seat.

One by one, people started to leave, and soon, the few remaining were barely coherent.

Then, a thud echoed from a nearby table. Yeon-chae, startled, whipped his head around, instantly spotting Yoonwoo, who had passed out and was now sleeping soundly, one cheek resting on the table.

It felt as if the alcohol clouding Yeon-chae’s mind vanished in an instant.

Among those assigned to clean up, Yeon-chae found himself in charge of Yoonwoo.

“You’re the closest to him, after all.”

Da-eun said, as if it were obvious, as she foisted Yoonwoo onto Yeon-chae. Yeon-chae narrowed his eyes, scrutinizing Da-eun.

He suspected some ulterior motive. However, Da-eun merely stared at Yeon-chae in confusion, then quickly lost interest and darted over to the tall senior who was dry-heaving in the corner.

Beside them, Da-eun’s friend, Myeong-tae, whispered.

“She’s always been interested in that senior, and now he’s in big trouble. His virtue is at risk tonight.”

Yeon-chae was a little surprised, showing uncharacteristic interest by even asking his classmate a trivial question.

“Didn’t Da-eun like Yoonwoo Sunbae? She even confessed at the MT…”

The memory of Da-eun’s confession at the MT and the subsequent chain of events still felt like a wound, causing his voice to tremble faintly at the end of his question. Myeong-tae glanced up at Yeon-chae with an incredulous expression.

“Dude, how long ago was that? Wasn’t that even before Da-eun dated her string of ex-boyfriends?”

“…”

In that moment, Yeon-chae genuinely envied Da-eun. ‘How could love be so easy?’

Yeon-chae truly intended to take Yoonwoo home properly. However, things rarely went as he wished, especially anything involving Yoonwoo. Yeon-chae ultimately ended up bringing Yoonwoo to his own officetel.

Having impulsively brought the drunken Yoonwoo home, Yeon-chae found himself in a moment of self-reflection. Even though Yoonwoo hadn’t given him a proper address, even though Yoonwoo was swaying precariously, unable to walk properly after stepping in mud, and even though Yoonwoo had instantly climbed onto Yeon-chae’s back, wrapping his arms around his neck and falling into a deep sleep, it was still wrong to bring Yoonwoo to his own officetel.

‘What’s wrong with letting a junior or senior stay for a night?’ He couldn’t think so casually, and that’s how he realized. Yoonwoo still occupied a vast space in Yeon-chae’s heart. It hadn’t shrunk even a tiny bit.

‘What should I do?’ Yeon-chae bit his lower lip, agonizing over the situation. Yoonwoo, oblivious to the danger he was in, slept soundly with an innocent, peaceful expression, even letting out soft snores. Each time Yoonwoo’s chest rose and fell with his breath, Yeon-chae’s heart plummeted and pounded ten times over. He felt it would be impossible to spend the night beside the sleeping Yoonwoo with a clear and composed mind.

Fortunately, the officetel was spacious. Yeon-chae, who had previously grumbled that he didn’t need such a large place, felt grateful to his father for the first time. If he put Yoonwoo to sleep in the second-floor bedroom and then curled up on the first-floor sofa, he could surely get through the night without incident. He doubted he would sleep, but he couldn’t bring himself to be a beast.

Yeon-chae carefully removed Yoonwoo’s mud-stained clothes, changed him into his own pajamas, and then laid him on the bed. His fingertips trembled so much they kept slipping. Even as he softly covered Yoonwoo with the blanket, Yoonwoo remained blissfully asleep, utterly unaware of the world. And Yeon-chae felt like dying…

The gently rising and falling chest, the rosy, soft cheeks, the soft, rhythmic breathing.

He was adorable. For a moment, Yeon-chae was lost in thought. Lying sideways beside Yoonwoo, gazing down at his sleeping face, countless moments slipped by.

He intended to only watch him. Yeon-chae possessed strong patience and endurance; otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to linger around Yoonwoo for an entire year.

It seemed that night might pass without incident.

If only the rut hadn’t suddenly come.