Chapter 77: The Weight of Unspoken Feelings

It felt like ages since Yoonwoo had slept so deeply, even though he had done little else but sleep since arriving for their honeymoon. His entire body felt refreshed and invigorated, allowing his eyes to open with ease. Yoonwoo, usually a heavy sleeper, found this effortless awakening quite puzzling. However, his confusion was immediately resolved.

“What? Four in the afternoon?”

Checking the time on his phone, Yoonwoo was utterly aghast. He couldn’t even begin to calculate how many hours he had slept. What he had mistaken for morning sunlight was, in fact, the late afternoon glow. Having slept through meals, his stomach immediately rumbled with a clamorous protest.

“Yeon-chae…”

Yoonwoo mumbled, hesitantly searching for Yeon-chae. He vaguely recalled falling asleep mid-act, almost as if he’d fainted. Yet, his body felt perfectly comfortable, and he was dressed in clean, new clothes. The bedsheets, which surely should have been soiled, were also fresh and crisp. Yeon-chae must have taken care of everything. However, Yeon-chae himself was nowhere to be found in the bedroom.

“Yeon-chae?”

After checking the bedroom, living room, and even the bathroom to no avail, Yoonwoo finally spotted Yeon-chae on the terrace. He was swimming in the sea with remarkable grace.

Yoonwoo’s condition was far better than usual, largely thanks to the thorough “shower” of pheromones he’d received. Still, the physical aches persisted. With every step he took, a sharp pang shot through his lower spine. Yeon-chae, too, must have felt the toll, yet here he was, swimming in the ocean. Yoonwoo wondered if it was his alpha physique, or simply his youth, that granted him such stamina.

“…Are you awake?”

After Yoonwoo had waited about ten minutes, sitting in a chair on the terrace, Yeon-chae emerged from the water.

His bare torso revealed prominent, muscular chest. His body, glistening with seawater, shimmered brightly in the afternoon sun.

A warm breeze swept through, tousling Yeon-chae’s thick hair. Patches of his skin, heated by the sun, glowed a faint red. Yoonwoo stared blankly at those crimson marks, then suddenly realized they were the very imprints he had left the night before, and his cheeks flushed.

“Oh, uh. I woke up so late. You should have woken me.”

“You were tired. You should rest more.”

“No… did you eat?”

“Not yet.”

“You swam without eating? Oh dear. You missed breakfast and lunch.”

Yeon-chae’s profile, with his eyes cast down, seemed melancholic. Droplets of water clung to his wet eyelashes, making them look like tears. The rut seemed to have passed without incident, yet Yoonwoo couldn’t fathom why Yeon-chae was acting this way, leaving him flustered and confused. It was true that things felt awkward and embarrassing after having gone through the rut together, which only compounded his unease.

“I don’t feel like it. Do you want to eat now, hyung? I’ll call room service.”

“Oh? Uh, I’m hungry… Why aren’t you eating? Aren’t you hungry?”

Yoonwoo tilted his head, a bewildered expression on his face. After spending the night as they had, and then swimming in the sea, Yeon-chae must have expended a tremendous amount of energy. It was strange for him to refuse food when he surely ought to be ravenous. Yoonwoo soon began to speak, his voice laced with concern.

“Are you not hungry because you’ve lost your appetite? Are you feeling unwell? If you’re sick, you should rest in the room, not swim…”

“It’s not that. I’m going to shower.”

However, Yeon-chae walked straight into the shower room without even glancing at Yoonwoo. Left alone on the terrace, Yoonwoo quickly felt a surge of embarrassment.

‘What is this?’

After realizing his feelings had changed, Yoonwoo struggled to conceal his heart. They lived in the same space every day, meant to stay by each other’s side. If Yeon-chae noticed the emotions constantly slipping out, their relationship could never be the same. Yeon-chae would grow wary and awkward around him, and Yoonwoo wasn’t confident he could endure that heavy atmosphere.

It seemed, however, that it was already too late.

Yeon-chae’s demeanor had abruptly shifted. Between yesterday and today, the only changes were the intimacy they had shared and Yoonwoo’s own burgeoning feelings. During their physical closeness, his emotions must have inadvertently surfaced, sharp and undeniable. Yeon-chae likely found this uncomfortable and unwelcome.

“Hey, you should still eat…”

From the shower room, the rush of water echoed. Yoonwoo mumbled towards Yeon-chae, knowing his voice wouldn’t be heard. Just as his changed feelings couldn’t be undone, no answer returned.

A wave of melancholy washed over him.

For several days, an awkward atmosphere persisted. Yeon-chae spent his time constantly in the pool or the sea. It was almost surprising that he even returned to the bedroom at night. Watching his retreating figure jump into the water at every opportunity, Yoonwoo clicked his tongue, muttering that his skin would soon turn pruney.

Yeon-chae remained silent. It was impossible for Yoonwoo not to realize he was being avoided. Yeon-chae didn’t even seem to be trying to hide it. Yoonwoo’s suspicion that Yeon-chae had noticed his feelings solidified further, and with that came a growing anger at Yeon-chae’s sudden change in attitude. It hadn’t been long since Yeon-chae had sworn to live his life faithfully as a household partner and baby’s father, never looking at another soul.

‘Was he just going to break his word so easily?’

As he stretched his limbs out on a long terrace chair, watching Yeon-chae swim in the sea, a surge of anger welled up within him.

They were already married. Their new home was set up, and they were currently on their honeymoon. Moreover, a baby was growing inside him. Even if Yoonwoo had fallen for Yeon-chae, and Yeon-chae disliked that fact, there was nothing they could do to reverse it immediately. Divorce proceedings, if they were to happen, would have to wait until the ink on their marriage certificate had at least dried.

Had he known Yeon-chae would react so sternly, he would have tried harder to hide it.

It must have been impossible for Yeon-chae not to know, given Yoonwoo’s reactions during their intimacy. He had cried and clung to him so desperately.

‘But what was I supposed to do if I liked it?’

With a gloomy expression, Yoonwoo kicked at the floor. White sand, swept onto the terrace by the waves, crunched beneath his bare feet.

Since spending Yeon-chae’s rut together, Yoonwoo’s condition had been exceptionally good, almost infuriatingly so. The doctor’s words that he would feel more comfortable the more he was exposed to pheromones after entering a stable phase had proven true. He was on a rare overseas trip by the sea, feeling great, yet the injustice of not having entered the ocean himself brought tears to his eyes. He couldn’t let their honeymoon end so vaguely.

That was why. Yoonwoo pulled Yeon-chae, settling him onto the living room sofa. Yeon-chae, his face puffy as if brimming with unspoken complaints, kept his eyes downcast, not even looking at Yoonwoo.

“Are you going to live with me like this, never speaking, for the rest of our lives?”

“…”

Who *wants* to fall in love? If anyone had reason to feel wronged, it was Yoonwoo. It was already heartbreaking to be ensnared by unrequited love, but to be actively rejected by the object of that affection was even worse. If Yoonwoo’s heart had been any weaker, he would have long since succumbed to despair and flown home alone.

Regardless, Yoonwoo wanted to get along with Yeon-chae. Living by his side, even if it meant suppressing his own feelings, was preferable to not seeing him at all. However, that required Yeon-chae’s cooperation. With a frustrated expression, Yoonwoo pressed Yeon-chae.

“Are you really that displeased with me?”

‘Is my liking you really so repulsive?’ Instead of asking directly, he phrased it as a challenge.

“…It’s not that.”

Yeon-chae’s voice, as if squeezed out unwillingly, lacked all strength.

Yoonwoo wanted to smack Yeon-chae’s sullen lips. He likely would have, had Yeon-chae’s eyes not been so red and swollen.

The path ahead seemed anything but smooth. Yoonwoo could only sigh. It was then that Yeon-chae’s mournful voice reached him.

“Hyung, are you truly unaffected?”

“…What?”

Yoonwoo was speechless, simply blinking. He wondered if he was expected to feign death just because his feelings for Yeon-chae had been discovered, not for some other reason, but during their intimacy.

Yeon-chae, still not raising his head, continued to speak in a desolate voice.

“Even if I try not to, I just can’t…”

“Yeon-chae.”

“It keeps bothering me, I keep thinking about it…”

“…”

Yeon-chae’s thick eyelashes were subtly damp. Faced with this unexpected reaction, Yoonwoo found himself unable to speak. For days, Yoonwoo had been so preoccupied with managing his own feelings that he hadn’t considered what Yeon-chae might be experiencing.

The first intimate encounter that had brought Yoonwoo and Yeon-chae to this point had been a mistake. Both had pretended not to remember, making it easy to dismiss as if it never happened. It was, after all, common for people to make absurd mistakes in life. Though the cost of that mistake had been excessively high, they had found a fairly decent solution.

However, their decision to spend Yeon-chae’s rut together a few days prior had been a conscious choice. While Yeon-chae might have been out of his mind due to the rut, Yoonwoo certainly wasn’t. Perhaps at that point, returning to their previous relationship had already become impossible. Furthermore, if Yeon-chae had perceived Yoonwoo’s feelings, his mind would have been even more muddled.

Yoonwoo had been leaving a confused Yeon-chae to his own devices, stewing in his anger. Now, a bitter taste filled Yoonwoo’s mouth.

“Don’t be like that, Yeon-chae.”

Yoonwoo knelt on one knee, carefully settling in front of Yeon-chae. The rug felt coarse against his bare feet. He placed both hands on Yeon-chae’s cheeks, his palms gently cradling the smooth, clear skin.

“Don’t overthink it so deeply. That day, it couldn’t be helped. We weren’t in a situation to get suppressants, and even if we had, it would have been too late.”

Yeon-chae’s gaze met Yoonwoo’s. His eyes, damp as he stared intently at Yoonwoo, looked utterly pathetic. Each time Yeon-chae blinked, droplets of moisture fell from the tips of his long eyelashes. He wore the helpless expression of a lost child.

Yoonwoo hardened his resolve.

This was enough. The weight of the feelings he had briefly experienced was far too heavy, ill-suited for their relationship. Even if Yeon-chae had noticed, Yoonwoo could simply deny it. He decided to erase these fledgling emotions, which had only just awakened.