Chapter 44: The Weight of a Decision

Yeon-chae, with a tense expression, opened the passenger door for him.

Though his face showed a hint of apprehension, Yoonwoo was too lost in his thoughts to notice.

Carried by Yeon-chae’s driving, they were once again headed somewhere new.

Outside the window, spring trees and flowering bushes blurred past. It was the height of spring, yet Yoonwoo’s mind was a tangled mess.

The image of Yeon-chae’s expression, as he stared down at the ultrasound photo the doctor had handed them, resurfaced.

Then, the sight of Yeon-chae’s sleeping face the morning after that incident flashed before his eyes.

At that time, Yeon-chae had called out someone else’s name.

It was more than just a mumble in his sleep; his voice, heavy with emotion, had been filled with a desperate longing.

To think he harbored feelings for another, yet, upon learning of Yoonwoo’s pregnancy, this twenty-one-year-old had brazenly offered to take responsibility.

Yoonwoo found Yeon-chae’s audacity not just surprising, but pitiable, leaving him with a heavy heart.

Yeon-chae seemed to assume Yoonwoo would carry the baby to term, but in their current circumstances, such a reckless decision was simply not an option.

That morning, Yoonwoo recalled the name Yeon-chae had uttered.

‘Yoon-hyung.’

“Yoonwoo-hyung?”

“Huh?”

Snapping back to reality, Yoonwoo found Yeon-chae peering at him with a puzzled expression from close by.

The sudden sound of his own name startled him.

Yeon-chae, who had been intently watching Yoonwoo, soon let his lips soften into a smile.

“What are you thinking so hard about?”

Yeon-chae’s gaze was soft and gentle, like the warm spring sunlight.

Yoonwoo, staring blankly back at him, inadvertently blurted out his true feelings.

“Just thinking… I probably can’t have the baby.”

Looking back after much time had passed, that day became just another memory, but at the time, they were quite serious.

Yoonwoo, with a clouded expression, looked up at Yeon-chae, consumed by guilt as he thought of the other person Yeon-chae had called out.

The smile that had lingered on Yeon-chae’s lips gradually faded, vanishing without a trace.

As the warmth vanished, Yeon-chae’s face hardened, looking desolate.

A throbbing ache filled Yoonwoo’s chest.

He reached out a hand towards Yeon-chae, but couldn’t bring himself to touch his cheek, grasping only at empty air.

However, Yeon-chae caught Yoonwoo’s hand as it fell, losing its strength.

Then, slowly stroking his long fingers, Yeon-chae’s eyes curved into a deep smile.

“I’m sorry, hyung.”

“Huh?”

“You’ve been through a lot alone, haven’t you?”

“…”

Yeon-chae was twenty-one at the time. It had been less than two months since he shed his freshman skin and became a sophomore.

With a boyish face, he spoke.

“Whatever decision you make, I’ll be by your side. Don’t struggle alone.”

The tender scent of spring blossoms filled his chest.

Yoonwoo tightly closed his eyes with a sigh, but on that day, when spring was in full bloom, even with his eyes shut, the world before him remained bright.

Yeon-chae had taken him to a sirloin steak restaurant overlooking the Han River.

Yeon-chae sat beside Yoonwoo, grilling the meat until beads of sweat formed on his forehead.

Each piece placed on Yoonwoo’s plate melted in his mouth with every bite.

It was as if his body’s cells ravenously absorbed the sirloin steak, making the days he’d spent vomiting everything he ate seem utterly meaningless.

Only after eating his fill, consuming an unknown number of servings, did Yoonwoo finally put down his chopsticks.

A sense of fullness and happiness enveloped him.

With his stomach satisfied and his body languid, Yoonwoo forgot all his intense worries, drifting into a state of blissful indifference.

As he leisurely gazed at the Han River outside the window, Yeon-chae, with his eyes softened and a clear, innocent face, gently asked.

“Shall we go to that chocolate shop you like, hyung?”

“…Shall we?”

Yeon-chae, who had already paid for the expensive sirloin steak without Yoonwoo noticing, now offered to buy him chocolate for dessert.

Feeling embarrassed by how much he’d already been treated, Yoonwoo hovered awkwardly beside Yeon-chae, then offered to buy the chocolates himself.

“No, it’s alright. I’ll pay.”

Yeon-chae lowered his gaze and gently shook his head.

It seemed to be part of his “I’ll take responsibility” initiative.

Yoonwoo, still feeling terribly guilty about not confessing, ‘Actually, you kept wanting to go, but I said no,’ gently took Yeon-chae’s elbow, saying, “Why are you paying again?”

Yeon-chae, as if stating the obvious, replied.

“Because I was the one who asked to meet today, wasn’t I?”

“Oh…?”

‘Was it?’

“Since I just showed up without an appointment, the person who asked to meet should pay.”

“Huh?”

‘Is that so?’

While Yoonwoo blinked, inwardly flustered, they had already reached the car.

Yeon-chae opened the passenger door and gently guided Yoonwoo inside.

With a dazed expression, Yoonwoo quietly accepted Yeon-chae’s hands as he fastened his seatbelt.

Yeon-chae swiftly moved to the driver’s side, got in, and with a fresh, bright face, turned to look at Yoonwoo.

“It’s a bit cold today, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

“I’ll turn on the heater. It’ll take about thirty minutes, so get some sleep. I’ll wake you when we arrive.”

“No, it’s fine, I—”

“You said you haven’t been able to sleep for days.”

“Even so…”

He felt guilty constantly falling asleep next to the person who was driving.

Yoonwoo’s seatback had already been reclined all the way back, but he desperately tried to stay awake.

But Yeon-chae was an exceptionally good driver.

The car glided smoothly over Olympic-daero. The sunlight streaming through the window was warm, and the unknown classical melody felt like a lullaby.

Soon, Yoonwoo succumbed to a sweet, deep slumber. It was the first time he had slept so profoundly in almost a month.

Yoonwoo had truly intended to have the surgery. This was before Yeon-chae knew about the baby in his womb—in other words, this morning.

However, Yeon-chae, with a face drenched in tears, had asked if it was a terminal illness, and Yoonwoo felt such pity that he’d dropped the bombshell of his pregnancy.

Less than half a day later, the situation had spiraled into unforeseen territory.

Yeon-chae, who had taken Yoonwoo to the obstetrician after his confession about the baby, then treated him to sirloin steak.

Now, at a cafe, Yeon-chae bought Yoonwoo a hot chocolate piled high with whipped cream, and with a calm expression, he asked.

“What do you want to do, hyung?”

‘What do I want to do?’ Yoonwoo stared blankly at Yeon-chae, lost in thought.

‘Surely, terminating it is the right thing to do.’

While hesitation wasn’t entirely absent, Yoonwoo was only twenty-three, and Yeon-chae was an even younger twenty-one.

Neither had graduated from school, nor did they have any income.

Beyond that, there was another issue: ‘Yoon-hyung,’ or rather, ‘Yoon-hyung.’

Considering the overall situation, it was practically a plotline from a melodramatic soap opera.

‘Therefore, it must be terminated.’

Now that Yeon-chae unintentionally knew, Yoonwoo tried to steel himself, determined to make a firm decision.

‘I’ll tell him to contribute half of the surgery cost.’

Having reached this conclusion, Yoonwoo set his hot chocolate down on the table with a decisive clink.

But when he actually faced Yeon-chae, the words wouldn’t come out.

“…What about you?”

Yoonwoo hesitated, asking tentatively. Yeon-chae offered no reply.

He sat still like a doll, merely blinking his eyes.

His unnecessarily long, abundant eyelashes fluttered like butterfly wings.

His face was as beautiful as if painted with a brush.

“I…”

The few seconds spent waiting for an answer stretched into what felt like an eternity.

Finally, Yeon-chae lowered his long-cornered eyes and replied in a choked voice.

“I’ll follow your decision, hyung.”

‘Who would believe that with a face like that…?’

Seeing Yeon-chae’s expression, one that looked ready to burst into tears at the slightest poke, Yoonwoo felt like crying himself.

‘Ah, what is this kid really thinking?’

For about thirty minutes, both remained silent.

A warm Americano sat before Yeon-chae.

He looked like the kind of person who would only drink Americano, and indeed, that’s all he drank.

Yoonwoo couldn’t understand why anyone would pay money to drink something so bitter.

Yeon-chae took a few sips of the black coffee, then simply watched Yoonwoo finish his hot chocolate, even scraping out all the whipped cream.

“Hyung.”

“Hm?”

“Is it okay for the baby if you eat whipped cream?”

“…What?”

‘Is whipped cream alcohol? Or cigarettes? Or at least coffee?’ It was absurd, but Yoonwoo couldn’t actually say, ‘It’s perfectly fine,’ as he didn’t know for sure.

Still, Yeon-chae’s abrupt question in this situation felt a little annoying.

Yoonwoo pressed his lips together and glared silently at Yeon-chae. Yeon-chae, sensing his gaze, looked up and widened his eyes at Yoonwoo’s expression.

He seemed surprised.

“Why are you only like this with me?”

“Pardon?”

“Why are you stopping me from eating whipped cream? Then you shouldn’t drink coffee either. I don’t know about whipped cream, but coffee is completely harmful to babies.”

“Pardon…?”

Yeon-chae, as if unexpectedly slapped, blinked with a bewildered expression.

They stared at each other like that for another five minutes.

“…I’m sorry.”

Yeon-chae was the first to speak. His face, as he apologized in a subdued voice, was crestfallen.

Yoonwoo, who hadn’t intentionally picked a fight to receive an apology, was inwardly flustered. He was about to say it was fine, but Yeon-chae continued.

“I won’t drink coffee.”

“…”

Yoonwoo felt like an intimidating senior who had snatched an Americano from a junior two years his younger. It wasn’t even Yeon-chae who had a baby in his womb.

Thinking this far, he inadvertently asked.

“Do you really want me to have the baby?”

‘What are you going to do?’ He felt he needed to hear what this twenty-one-year-old, so lacking in foresight, was thinking. ‘Don’t you have someone you like? What about Yoon-hyung? How can you be like this with me?’

‘Are you really just going to give up on someone you like so much?’

However, considering he harbored feelings for another, Yeon-chae’s demeanor was excessively calm for someone who was supposedly coming to Yoonwoo out of obligation due to the pregnancy.

It was as if ‘Yoon-hyung,’ whom he had called out so desperately, didn’t even exist.

Or perhaps ‘Yoon-hyung’ was a forbidden, unrequited love that could never be realized? Or even… could they already be… deceased?

All sorts of thoughts swirled in his mind as he waited for an answer.

However, Yeon-chae merely continued to stare blankly at Yoonwoo.

Yoonwoo was slowly growing frustrated. ‘No, just say something!’