Chapter 58: In the Hospital Room (5)

Friends visited me in the hospital, and the next day, I was face to face with the doctor.

“Now, if you look at the endoscopy screen here, you’ll see it’s all bright red, right?”

“Uh…yes, I see.”

“This is the condition of your colon right now.

And over here is a colon in normal condition.”

The doctor displayed a photo of my colonoscopy side-by-side with a photo of a normal colon on the screen.

Even to my eyes, which have no medical knowledge whatsoever, the two photos showed a significant difference.

To put it in simple terms, it was about the difference between an eye that’s bloodshot from conjunctivitis and a normal eye.

“…What’s the cause, exactly?”

“It’s hard to say exactly what the cause is in your current condition… We’ll need the results of the tissue sample to know.”

“How long does the tissue sample take?”

“Hmm…it’ll probably take about a month.”

A month.

It was such a long time, but at least they wouldn’t make me stay hospitalized until the tissue sample was complete.

I wondered when I would be able to leave the hospital and asked the doctor.

“I don’t have to stay hospitalized until the tissue sample is done, do I?”

“Not necessarily, but we need to watch the progress a bit more.”

“Then…how long?”

“It’d be good if you stayed hospitalized for about another week.”

A week.

Of course, it was shorter than a month, but I had already been off the air for almost a week.

If I took more time off from broadcasting, would my viewers still be waiting for me?

A sense of unease washed over me.

When I was younger, I used to think, ‘Why do people in the hospital keep asking the doctors to discharge them quickly?’

If you’re sick, just rest.

Shouldn’t you rest at times like that?

Why make yourself suffer and get sick on purpose?

But now that I’m an adult and responsible for myself and the people I carry on my shoulders, I think I know why.

So, I said the words that I couldn’t understand in my childhood.

“Doctor…um, is there any way I can get discharged a little earlier?”

The doctor answered nonchalantly, with an expression as if I wasn’t the only patient to say this.

“It’s still best to stay for about another week.”

“But I can’t take two weeks off work because I…”

It’s always like this, but for some reason, I feel endlessly small in front of doctors.

Seeing me hesitating and unable to express my opinion properly, the doctor glanced at the chart and said,

“Then, let’s just keep an eye on you for one more day and then start the discharge procedure.”

“Discharge procedure?”

“Yes, think of it as a temporary discharge.”

I looked at the doctor with a surprised expression at the words “discharge procedure.”

But the doctor’s expression still seemed indifferent.

It was like…no matter how much I tried to persuade them, I would definitely ask to be discharged, so just let me go, or something.

However, as if there was something left to say, the doctor gave me some precautions.

“If you get discharged, it won’t be covered by insurance right away, is that okay?”

“Yes, yes, that’s fine.

I can get it covered by insurance later, right?”

“The emergency room visit isn’t covered…but if you have insurance for your hospitalization, it’ll be covered.”

“Then I’ll go ahead with the discharge procedure tomorrow… Yes.

I’m counting on you!”

“Then, let me give you some precautions.

You need to eat a low-residue diet…”

The doctor told me about the foods I should be careful about in the future.

Since I had to minimize irritation to my colon, of course, spicy, salty, and greasy foods were prohibited.

If there was too much moisture, my colon wouldn’t be able to absorb it all, so excessive fluid intake was prohibited.

Foods high in fiber would activate colon movements, so they were prohibited.

….

Then what can I eat?

Under those conditions, there was almost nothing I could eat.

But I couldn’t say those words to the doctor, so I just nodded and listened attentively to the doctor’s words.

“Then, go back to your room and rest.

If you feel anything strange, press the call button.”

“Yes, thank you.”

After hearing all the doctor’s words, I returned to my hospital room, guided by the nurse.

“Shall I change your IV?”

“Yes, you’re not changing arms, are you?”

Now that she was used to my arm, she easily found the blood vessel and changed the IV.

“All done~ Then, rest well?”

“Yes, thank you.”

After the nurse left, I carefully raised my arm and turned on my phone.

As soon as I turned on my phone, I saw my cafe screen.

I pressed the refresh button and went to the full list of posts.

“Let’s see…newly uploaded posts….”

[Hiro is holding my breath until she comes back, inhaleㅡ]

[I cried because I missed Hiro noona…]

[Hiro-nim, praying for your discharge, day 5]

“….”

Looking at the newly uploaded posts, I tasted bitterness.

Not because of the titles or content of the posts, but because the fact that there were only three posts made my heart heavy.

“I really need to get discharged quickly and start broadcasting again…”

Immediately after being hospitalized, posts were uploaded very actively.

If I checked the cafe posts about an hour after seeing something else, dozens of posts would be uploaded.

But gradually, the number of posts decreased, and now, even after several hours, it was rare for a new post to be uploaded.

And the reduced number of posts felt like a reduced interest, which chilled my heart.

What if no one comes when I turn on the broadcast again?

What if only barely over thirty viewers remain, like before?

What if I have to start all over again?

That thought kept swirling in my head.

I felt that I couldn’t keep taking breaks from broadcasting, but at the same time, I was becoming increasingly afraid of turning on the broadcast.

When I turned on the broadcast, would everything I had managed to get my hands on disappear like a bubble?

Would I go back to the days when I was worried about tomorrow?

If I didn’t turn on the broadcast, I could ignore that reality.

That thought kept swirling in my head.

So, I turned off the cafe screen and turned my attention to other things.

Newly uploaded YouTube videos

Newly uploaded webtoons

Newly uploaded web novels

I spent time watching them all one by one.

To shake off the anxiety.

But because I had been hospitalized for almost a week, there were no more unread YouTube videos, webtoons, or web novels left.

“Nothing new uploaded yet…nope.”

So, before long, I had consumed everything I had been watching and there was nothing more to see.

If I started watching something new, it felt like I would have to postpone it again when I resumed broadcasting, so I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

So, I ended up wandering around internet communities, spending time reading meaningless posts with my mind blank.

Just like before I started broadcasting, when I was completely ruining my life, holed up in my house, doing nothing but killing time.

[Hey, when is Seopseop going live?]

[LOLOLOLOL Sensei was so legendary today]

[Honestly, isn’t all the Seungmin praise a bit disgusting?]

[Ah, the drama is so boring, is the gallery dying?]

“…Sigh.”

But even that wasn’t easy.

Unlike before, when it was completely someone else’s business, now I was included in the drama that they were talking about in the community.

I couldn’t even enjoy it as purely someone else’s business like before.

Having failed at this and that, I put down my phone and sighed deeply, looking at the ceiling of the hospital.

“…Sigh.”

Killing time like this without any meaning was making me feel increasingly mentally exhausted.

“I want to broadcast…”

In the end, it seemed that broadcasters were happiest when they were broadcasting.

Just the fact that I couldn’t broadcast was making me so tired and unhappy.

Broadcasting was not just a means of making money for broadcasters, but also a means of self-satisfaction for receiving attention and recognition from people.

“…Wait, how much income am I missing out on this time?”

Suddenly, a fact I had forgotten popped into my head.

The fact that I had been off the air for a week was not just a matter of being gradually forgotten by people.

Being off the air for a week also meant that a self-employed person had closed their store for a week.

There was no such thing as paid leave for broadcasters, so that week was a period with no income.

Considering the expenses for hospital bills, the losses were enormous.

“This is a disaster, how much support did I receive this month…”

I remembered roughly how much it was, but I couldn’t remember exactly.

Rather than trusting my poor memory, it was most certain to check it directly.

I picked up my phone again and logged into the donation site.

When I logged in with my streamer account, a screen showing the total amount of donations for this month and the daily donations was displayed on my phone.

And before long, I was able to find something strange on the screen.

Why

Is there donation money received during the past week??

Even the amount was not small.

Amounts of at least tens of thousands of won were displayed as daily donations.

Wondering what was going on, I went to the donation details tab to check the contents of the donations, and

There were letters written that had not been broadcast, that could not have been broadcast.

[Winter Streetlight Road / 50,000 won]
[Hiro-nim, I always enjoy watching your broadcasts.

Please take care of your health first and foremost, and I hope to see you again in good health.]

[Benirof / 100,000 won]
[I feel bad that we might have troubled you so much that you collapsed…

It’s not a lot of money, but I hope you’ll use it for your hospital bills and get healthy so you can make fun broadcasts again.]

“….”

[HiroThighsSoftSoft / 100,000 won]
[Noonaaaaa when will you stream?

When will you stream?

When will you stream?

When will you stream?

When will you stream?

When will you stream?

You know I love you, right?

You have to stream when you get out of the hospital, okay?]

[Mireflin / 50,000 won]
[I don’t usually chat much, so Hiro-nim might not know much about me, but I always enjoy watching your broadcasts.

Please recover quickly and stream for a long, long time in the future.

Thank you for always making fun broadcasts.]

“…Haa.”

The last week.

I couldn’t broadcast anything.

So

Since it wouldn’t be broadcast, I wouldn’t be able to receive any attention.

Maybe I wouldn’t have even been able to confirm that they had written these letters.

Even so

Just hoping that I would come back healthy

Just hoping that I would turn on the broadcast again

Just
Without expecting anything in return
Looking at the people who were sending me donations, no, support.

“……You fools, idiots.”

I sat on the hospital bed and cried.

I cried for a long time.