Chapter 2 Part 1: A Delusion for the Sake of Delusion

“Beautiful as always.”

Killian, who had tied my hair with a silver-thread embroidered ribbon, smiled with satisfaction.

I glared at the bastard as he picked a sugar cube from the small bowl on the table and popped it into his mouth.

“Lord Tower Master, you are quite the donkey.”

“I didn’t know you saw me as such a cute creature.”

There was no retort for such an off-kilter response.

After being bedridden for two full days, when I finally managed to get up, Gideon had already been kicked out of the Tower.

When I asked about his whereabouts while still feverish, Killian told me he had sent him back to the knight order, since keeping them together even in the afterlife wouldn’t serve as punishment.

“I could show you a stallion-like form if you want—how about it?”

But this bastard, really.

“Rudan!”

Just as my irritation surged, the terrible abdominal pain that had been tormenting me for days started up again.

At first I thought it was a sign of miscarriage from engaging in strenuous activity during early pregnancy, but watching it progress, it didn’t seem to be that.

It was a horrific pain, as if something was gnawing at my insides.

“Hah…….”

To support my swaying body while seated, I blindly grabbed at whatever was nearby, and the familiar feeling in my palm told me it was El.

The boy, who had rushed over with a worried face, had moist eyes.

“A-Are you okay?”

“No.”

I usually tried not to show weakness in front of a child, but it hurt so f*cking much that I had no room for bravado.

Leaning completely on the boy, I muttered.

“You know…… that tea you used to give me every night at the castle.”

“Yes, yes.”

“Could you bring me a cup?

I’d like to drink that.”

That tea, which relaxed my body and made me drowsy after drinking it, felt more effective than any nerve tonic or sleep aid I’d encountered.

A question crossed my mind—was it even okay to sleep when I was practically confined to this room?

But at the very least, I needed to be in a state where I could move before I could attempt escape or anything else.

“I’m sorry, Rudan.

The ingredients are hard to come by in the capital……”

“What do you need?

I’ll get it for you.”

Killian abruptly offered to El, who was trailing off.

El looked flustered, glancing between Killian and me, gauging the situation.

“My Rudan wants it, so I should oblige.

Speak.”

If you could just disappear from my sight, that would be even better.

After hesitating for a moment, El asked for paper and a pen and slowly wrote down over ten ingredients.

His handwriting was neat enough to rival any adult’s.

Killian scanned the contents of the list with a casual attitude, then immediately folded the paper into the shape of a bird.

He opened the window and tossed it out.

Why is he suddenly being a decent human being?

“Haha!

Relax your expression—you’re ruining that pretty face of yours.”

At the same time as his light voice, the paper bird began to flap its wings.

With movements so lifelike it seemed alive, it flew off into the distance, clearly heading toward some destination.

A messenger bird…… of sorts?

“Wow…….”

El let out a small exclamation.

His sparkling eyes were filled with wonder.

The boy couldn’t take his eyes off it until the bird had flown far enough to disappear, then chattered in a clear voice.

“It would have been even cooler if it were blue.

That’s a shame.”

“You don’t know anything.

Simplicity is the most beautiful.

And if you’re going to add color, purple would be better than blue anyway.”

Sometimes the kid spoke as if his brain had been scrubbed with bleach, and I worried he might one day end up hanging upside down from the Tower Lord’s hand, but surprisingly, those two got along rather well.

“Is that so?

Well, if it were amethyst-colored like Rudan’s eyes, that would be truly beautiful.”

“Exactly.

And you’d tie a red ribbon around the neck.”

“Hmm, if it were me, I’d put a sparkling diamond necklace on it.”

“Do you have the money?”

“Hmm…….”

Listening to this useless conversation, I roughly wiped the cold sweat from my forehead with my sleeve.

The lace felt scratchy against my skin and wasn’t exactly refreshing.

Killian seemed to regard me as a doll or a pet at best.

The flashy, frilly clothes were heavy and uncomfortable with all their decorations.

At least if anything happened, I could rip off the jewels here and there and use them for something useful.

I felt no guilt about roughly handling clothes that clearly looked expensive—I’d never asked to wear them in the first place.

“Rudan, if you’re too tired, shall I lay you down on the bed?”

“……The bed?”

I shot a glare at the large, lavish bed in my line of sight.

A chilling sensation tightened around my spine, and acid rose in my throat.

The creeping nausea felt different from morning sickness.

An instinctive revulsion was taking over my body.

Was it because the bedding I’d grown accustomed to over the past few days reminded me of that night?

Or was it because every time I fell asleep here, I had nightmares?

I already knew the reason, actually—these two issues weren’t separate things that could be untangled.

“No, I’m fine.”

At this rate, I’d rather be back in that godforsaken stone castle.

Having myself carried while unconscious would be more mentally restful than walking there on my own.

El looked like he wanted to suggest it again, but after seeing my expression, he clamped his mouth shut.

I liked that he was quick on the uptake.

I ruffled the boy’s hair messily.

El, looking like a dandelion puff, grinned like an idiot.

***

I’d learned something over the past few days.

Killian is a useless bastard.

Every time I said something, he’d give some ambiguous, incomprehensible answer or spout perverted nonsense, making proper conversation impossible.

To put it simply, the way he seemed to regard me more as a toy than as an equal didn’t sit well with me.

Having concluded that I’d have better luck extracting information from a different target, I decided to contact Gideon once more—uncomfortable and unpleasant as it was.

Fortunately, Killian gave me permission to go out with surprising ease.

‘Oh?

Well……

I see.

Don’t forget I won’t be lenient twice, alright?’

He said it in a tone that implied I’d be fucked if I tried to run again, but whatever.

I had no plans to escape right now anyway, so it wasn’t something to worry about.

Thus, El and I headed for Gideon’s estate, with two wizards Killian had assigned to accompany us trailing behind.

The wizards wore identical black robes and white masks—their builds and faces concealed.

With only their heights to distinguish them, there was no way to tell them apart, but since they never spoke and just followed like shadows, there was no need to differentiate anyway.

El kept stopping along the way to look back.

It was certainly the kind of sight that would frighten a child.

“Is anyone there?”

When I knocked on the gate, there was a sound from inside.

“Who is it…… oh my.”

A woman in an apron, looking like a startled rabbit, ran back inside.

Soon the door opened again, and children spilled out through the gap.

“It’s a wizard!”

“What?

Why’d they come?”

“There are Tower people too!”

This is why I don’t like children……

The noise made my head throb, and I couldn’t think straight.

Frowning and roughly scanning the crowd, I noticed that both the children of various sizes and the adults cautiously observing from inside all looked similar.

Most had brown hair and green eyes, with kind-looking faces.

A large family?

“I came to see Gideon.”

When I cut straight to the point without responding to the children, one particularly sharp-looking kid raised his hand and answered.

“Hyung isn’t here!”

“Idiot!

It’s not hyung!

He said to call him Lord Gideon!”

“That’s wrong!

He said we could call him hyung!”

El muttered beside me.

“Calling someone pushing three hundred hyung…….”

The two wizards, who had been as silent as if their mouths were glued shut, were stifling laughter.

The people inside visibly relaxed once Gideon’s name came up.

A woman who appeared to be about his mother’s age approached me cautiously.

“Lord Gideon doesn’t visit the estate often.

This place is usually used by the family.

If you’re looking for him, perhaps try the knight order’s quarters?”

That bastard Killian—he’d made me waste my time on purpose.

My insides were boiling, but it wasn’t the kind of emotion to show to someone who’d been kind to me.

I gave a decent-looking smile and bowed my head.

“Thank you, madam.

If the opportunity arises, I’ll be sure to repay your kindness.”

Not that I’d likely see her again.

Shaking off the children who wouldn’t stop their barrage of questions, I changed course toward a new destination.

Fortunately, it wasn’t far from the estate, so I didn’t need to postpone things for another day.

El, who had grown noticeably quiet, only spoke again as we were nearly at the knight order’s quarters.

“I’ve heard that Imera’s wizards sometimes maintain friendly relations with their blood relatives, but seeing it in person is strange.

How is that possible?”

His voice was subdued.

So this was the source of the unease I’d been feeling all along.

Honestly, I found it strange too—in some villages, persecution of wizards was simply taken for granted.

It was obvious what kind of thoughts a child abandoned by their parents would have.

They’d be mulling over the reason they were cast out, and now they’d realized that it wasn’t inevitable.

“It’s because they have money.”

“……Pardon?”

“People always have a knack for finding the sweet spots to suck honey from.”

I smirked like a villain, one corner of my mouth raised.

The boy looked up at me with wide eyes.

“Better not to have something like that.

So don’t overthink it.”

El tightened his grip on my sleeve.

I didn’t bother adding any gentle words.

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