Chapter 1 Part 9: I, Who Was a Top in Reality

I am a person with excellent self-awareness.

It’s not at the level of trauma, but that outing incident probably played a significant role in shaping my current personality and preferences.

The thought of myself whimpering underneath a man—just imagining it makes my stomach churn.

“Lord Rudan……”

And yet, that very thing was about to happen right now.

“Let go of me.”

Gideon, silently removing his uniform and peeling off the ribbon and clothes that had been wrapped around me with rough hands as if tearing them apart, climbed onto the bed and pinned me down.

His grip on my shoulders was so strong that even when I tried to shake him off with force, he didn’t budge an inch.

It felt like I was being crushed by a boulder, not a person.

The man, who must have been well over 190 centimeters, had a chest that far exceeded ordinary human standards.

If I were in my original body, would I have stood a chance?

No.

I had never in my life encountered someone with such overwhelming physical strength.

“Let go!”

“I’m sorry.”

A knee slid between my legs, and hot breath drew closer.

His vivid green eyes gleamed with an unusual light, as if he were under a spell.

Nothing had even happened yet, but Gideon’s face was already flushed red.

The desire written so clearly on his face was repulsive.

“Are you really going through with this?”

As the situation grew urgent, my mind raced frantically.

I didn’t know the details of the setting, but judging by Killian’s attitude, this man seemed to have arranged the hiding place where Rudan had been staying.

And with such fervent eyes, I couldn’t help but notice—Gideon was completely bewitched by Rudan.

So if the person inside has changed, shouldn’t you f*cking realize that?

Why are you getting hard everywhere?

“Yes, I must.”

“……Even if I don’t want it?”

It wasn’t difficult to hide my irritation and cast my gaze down pitifully.

The rapid breathing from the surging anger could be passed off as fear.

My body trembled slightly from the effort of suppressing my emotions.

If I could have squeezed out tears, it would have been perfect, but even that alone seemed to rattle Gideon slightly.

He bit his lower lip.

Good, just a little more prodding and……

“Everything is for your safety.”

Just then, with a gust of wind, my body was flipped over.

With my face buried in the pillow, I couldn’t tell what was happening behind me.

All I knew was that a solid arm had slipped between the bedsheet and my stomach.

Gideon used one arm to support me, lifting my waist, and pressed his dry lips to the back of my neck.

“Trust me and let yourself go.”

The area near the tattoo on my neck tingled.

In my barely lifted field of vision, I caught sight of my wrist—now marked with a golden ring that definitely hadn’t been there moments ago.

“I won’t hurt you.”

His calloused palm swept down my back.

I felt my stomach tense up with anxiety, desperately racking my brain for a way out of this f*cking mess.

“Killian!”

“Hm?”

The spectator who had been watching with his arms crossed answered lightly.

I caught my breath and made a proposal.

“How about the opposite?

I’ll show you me taking that bastard apart.

I think it’d make for a pretty good show.”

“Hmm.”

“You said he needed to be punished too, didn’t you?”

“Well……”

After a long pause, the bastard let out a voice tinged with amusement.

“That doesn’t seem like it would be a punishment for either side, does it?”

Continue.

At the brief command, Gideon removed his hand from my waist.

Soon, a small clinking sound was heard.

Focusing on my hearing, I felt a slippery liquid trickle down between my buttocks.

The deep, spreading scent made my stomach churn.

I wanted to punch the bastard on top of me and get the hell out of here right now, but I couldn’t.

Ever since the golden rings had appeared around my wrists, my arms refused to move as if held fast by something.

This goddamn wizard……

“I’m going in.”

A thick finger dug into the place moistened with oil.

“Ugh…….”

My knees and thighs, which had been supporting me, tensed up at the unfamiliar sensation.

As much as I tensed, my backside also tightened, making the sensation inside more vivid.

Instead of forcing his caught finger to move, Gideon toyed with the shallow part and pressed his lips to my ear.

“I need to loosen you up enough so you won’t get hurt.”

The voice, gentle as if coaxing a child, was the kind that might have felt quite tender—but only to Rudan.

To me, who felt nothing for him, it offered no sense of comfort.

Instead, only a thick layer of alienation piled up.

Should I tell him about the baby in my belly?

Would he stop this insanity right away?

Would escaping the situation that way be the right choice?

I couldn’t find the answer.

There must have been a reason Rudan fled as soon as he learned of his pregnancy—a compelling motive strong enough for even that indecisive man to make a firm decision.

“Wait.”

Killian’s voice cut through my tangled thoughts like a knot.

“Who receives punishment this way?”

“……”

“To think you can’t even do this properly……

I suppose I have no choice but to step in.”

“Lord Killian, that is—”

“Don’t like it?

Then you should have done it right.”

Gideon, looking grim, picked up a leash lying by the bedside.

Surely he wasn’t going to put that around my neck.

But the tension was brief—the click of the buckle came from above.

He had fastened the leash around his own neck.

“Good.”

Killian murmured with satisfaction.

And then.

“Hah…….”

Gideon let out a deep sigh and firmly gripped my hips with both hands.

A chill ran down my spine at the ominous feeling.

I could feel every tiny hair on my skin stand on end.

A blunt object touched the entrance.

The sensation was completely different from his fingers.

“Please, forgive me.”

Thrust!

An unbelievable pain pierced through my entire body.

“Ah!”

“Kugh…….”

I felt like a fish impaled on a harpoon.

My body, absorbing the shock, trembled like someone thrown into the cold.

The sensation I felt down there was too surreal.

This—right now—how far had it gone……

“Ugh…….”

“You need to breathe.

Please, relax.”

This won’t do.

It needs to stop right now.

But all I could do was resent my uncooperative body and stare at the dizzying patterns on the wall above the headboard.

The hot mass filling my insides was impossibly large, matching his massive frame.

Feeling how tightly we were joined, a sudden fear gripped me.

What if it doesn’t come out?

Even knowing it was irrational, it felt like it could happen.

“Move.”

Killian gave no time to recover, issuing the command.

“Hah…….”

Gideon let out a suppressed groan and thrust his hips vigorously.

Thud, thud.

I was shaken helplessly like a paper doll, enduring the impact that struck deep inside.

It felt like I was getting motion sickness.

“Ugh, hnn, hugh…….”

Drip, drip. Warm droplets fell onto my shoulder one by one.

At first I thought it was sweat, but even considering the intensity of his movements, the amount was excessive.

Why was he the one crying?

Is he insane?

The absurdity of it made some swirling emotion inside me recede like an ebbing tide.

My unnaturally trembling body now only moved with the natural rhythm of my quickened breathing.

Only then did I realize—I had been afraid of something so trivial.

“Haha.”

A small laugh came from a distance.

“Seems like he’s definitely not a rabbit after all.”

That bastard—the moment I get a chance, I’m going to pull out his front teeth.

“Then there’s no need to go easy on him, is there?”

“No, that’s—ack!”

Just as I was starting to get used to the sensations, Gideon lifted my prone body and set me on his kneeling lap while still connected.

The penetration deepened, stimulating places that hadn’t been touched before.

“Hik…….”

With my waist held fast, I couldn’t pull away.

Only when my desperately reaching hand grasped his solid thigh did I realize the rings restraining my arms had disappeared.

Not that it improved anything—my vision spun wildly.

“Ugh, hnn, hnngh!”

My sensitized nerves no longer allowed me to swallow my moans.

If my face hadn’t already been flushed red from the heat, the surging shame would have been plain to see.

It’s okay.

This isn’t me—it’s Rudan.

“Lord Rudan…….”

Gideon whispered in a hazy voice.

“Look here—you can see we’ve become one.”

He stopped moving while maintaining deep penetration and stroked my belly.

When I lowered my head to look down, I could see a bulge protruding from my flat stomach.

I instinctively placed my hand over it and felt a pulse, as if it were a living thing.

This is insane……

Before I could even process the shock, Gideon, fully aroused, gripped my thin waist with both hands.

The sensation of his grip was accompanied not just by pleasure but by heavy pain.

As if he had been holding back until now, his inconsiderate movements sped up.

“Ah, ugh, haa, aaah!”

“Hah, hah…….”

The bastard, intoxicated by his own emotions, was treating me like an object, using me as he pleased.

The overwhelming sensation teetered on the edge of pleasure—and finally tipped over beyond it.

“Ah…… ah…….”

Now I understood.

Just as anything in excess becomes poison, pleasure too becomes abuse when pushed too far.

My vision burned white, and I felt my body slump forward.

It felt like my entire body was on fire.

One by one, my senses shut down, starting with the dullest.

Sight, then hearing, then smell……

Finally, feeling the warmth spreading inside me, the consciousness I had barely held onto slipped away.

I thought belatedly—I didn’t know for sure, but if the belly wasn’t showing much, that meant it was early pregnancy.

Wouldn’t doing this cause a miscarriage?

“Thank goodness…….”

Whether I’d uttered those unfinished words aloud, I wasn’t certain.

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