Chapter 3 Part 2: The Last Sound of Sand

“Rudan.”

He met my gaze from very close.

“Rudan…….”

I could see the edges of Abaddon’s eyes softening.

So subtly that I wouldn’t have noticed at this distance, if not for the proximity.

Quietly.

I still couldn’t tell what lay in those deep blue eyes, but that would have been a strength rather than a weakness in front of Rudan.

This man’s elegant, unreadable nature stimulated the imagination of those close to him.

The kisses that started on my cheek traveled down past my neck.

Chest, ribs, navel—his lips touched and withdrew as if trying to leave invisible marks on each part of my body.

The lukewarm sensation of light stimulation made my stomach feel oddly restless.

Abaddon never stopped kissing, nor did his hands pause, and eventually he managed to strip off my pants as well.

“Why have you gotten so thin.”

At his question, asked with his teeth lightly grazing my knee, I kept my mouth shut.

Why had I gotten thin?

Because the constant pain made me forget hunger, and even when appetite returned, the smell of food made me nauseous.

“How much did Killian torment you.”

Since I couldn’t tell the real reason straightforwardly, it was fortunate that he was jumping to this conclusion on his own.

It was true that Killian was one of my stressors, after all.

His hand, slowly stroking my side, moved up to my stomach.

Twitch.

My body, which hadn’t reacted to the continuous stimulation, tensed up sharply.

Not because of arousal.

“Hm?”

Because I might get caught.

No matter how I looked at it, my flat stomach didn’t seem to contain a child that was starting to quicken, but if he felt movement while touching it, he’d inevitably notice something was wrong.

“Or is it because of me?”

Looking at his shadowed face, my heart tightened.

Like some instinct engraved in my bones.

“Am I still making you sad?”

Each of his words sounded like the confession of an awkward man.

It was the atmosphere created by his low, weakened voice and the childlike motion of rubbing his cheek against my chest.

‘Rudan would have thought that way.’

But listening carefully, his words were all vague and drawn with clear lines.

They seemed to reveal his heart, but never established the relationship.

He spoke of the future as if it were natural, but never promised eternity.

The essence of this man, who could act as romantically as needed to win favor, was probably made of extreme rationality.

“No.”

And there was a set way to rattle such a man.

“Why would I be sad because of you?”

Abaddon stopped moving and stared at me with hazy eyes.

“I hold no feelings for you.”

The moment he realized that what he believed he held was actually already out of his hands—white sparks flew in the man’s eyes.

“……What?”

Let’s burn it all down.

“Let me be clear.”

I gripped his solid wrist and sat up.

At a distance close enough to touch noses with just a slight movement, I met his gaze with upturned eyes.

“Abaddon, I don’t love you.”

Smack.

I pressed my lips to his beautifully sculpted jaw.

“And I never will.”

The man seemed to realize that the action was laced with mockery and gritted his teeth.

Pat, pat.

After patting his shoulder and getting up, Abaddon remained motionless in that spot.

Even when I grabbed one of his shirts instead of bothering to pick up my own inconvenient clothes and left the bedroom—he stayed frozen like a stone statue.

***

Finding the bathroom wasn’t difficult.

Abaddon’s mansion was large and full of doors with unknown purposes, but I wasn’t in a position where I needed to be cautious.

I opened whatever doors I came across, and the moment I ran into someone, I asked them for directions.

The servant, who had been polishing dishes, seemed to think Rudan had suddenly gone mad—he couldn’t hide his dubious, bewildered expression.

“……Here it is.”

“Thank you.”

Everyone I encountered seemed shocked.

I did look like a mess.

My hair was filthy from the dried black tea I’d spilled on it, and I was only wearing underwear with one of Abaddon’s shirts haphazardly thrown over it, leaving my pale legs and bare feet exposed.

Well, obviously it wasn’t a pleasant sight.

But what’s the big deal about a man showing a bit of leg?

Ridiculous.

“Um, you used to use this place often, how did you forget the location…….”

Ah.

I hadn’t thought of that.

“I have no sense of direction.”

“Aha…….”

As I opened the door and stepped inside, the servant lingered in front, neither entering nor leaving.

It was clearly unnatural behavior.

“What are you doing there?”

“In case you need assistance.”

“I don’t.

Go.”

“Yes!”

He sure was happy to be told to leave.

The place I was guided to was the bathroom I’d seen in my dream.

After tossing Abaddon’s clothes carelessly on the floor and stepping into the warm water, a sigh of relief escaped me naturally.

“Hah…….”

It felt like even my brain was melting.

The reason I’d acted coldly toward Abaddon wasn’t just to escape being forced into unwanted acts.

If the situation had required it, I could have smiled and played along.

As for s*x…… I could just close my eyes and get it over with.

“It seems like this could work.”

El had called it “magnified emotions,” but from what I’d experienced, it was closer to intense compulsion.

Like actions driven not by the head or the heart, but by the spinal cord.

Whether it was Gideon’s protective instinct, or Killian’s strange, indescribable impulses.

With those two, it took some time to get a feel for them because they still had human-like aspects.

But this one—he was just too much like a tin man.

It’s hard to find a single acorn in a dense forest, but if it’s sitting alone in an empty plain, it catches your eye immediately, doesn’t it?

‘He looked like he’d been punched.’

Unless he truly loved Rudan, the reason he was so shocked just by losing control was easy to pinpoint.

A desire to control what’s in his grasp.

Possessiveness.

Something like that.

‘If it’s not that……’

Anxiety or anger over a plan gone wrong?

That didn’t quite fit.

The important thing was that it was very inconvenient for Rudan to keep acting like this.

He’d have to change his heart somehow, which was why he’d stopped halfway through forcing himself.

If I could maintain this state, it would be much easier to extract information from him.

Knock, knock.

Just then, a small sound came from the distant door.

Whoever it was seemed to know I was here.

“What?”

“May I come in?”

……A familiar voice.

“Up to you.”

Creak.

The door opened at a timid speed, as if reflecting his psychological state.

Ezekiel, clearly dressed for going out, approached awkwardly.

He stood around me hesitantly, shifting his feet and choosing his words.

“Come to make excuses?”

“Hmm…… not exactly.”

With a wry smile, he sat down on the floor without caring about getting his clothes wet, as if to close the distance.

With the height difference reduced, it was easier to meet his eyes.

“If I were to clarify one thing—taking you to the academy wasn’t intended to drag you here.”

“Then?”

“I’m not sure what Rudan wants, but the reason you wanted to come here wasn’t because you wanted to stay here long-term.”

Between the words I’d carelessly thrown out, assuming a child wouldn’t understand, he seemed to have read something.

“There’s something you need to find out.

Isn’t that right?”

Rudan couldn’t possibly be unaware that this place was clearly a place that could trap him.

Yet he was trying to go there willingly—which meant there was a reason for it.

He didn’t mention Abaddon at all, so it didn’t seem like he wanted to meet him.

All this time, I’d been giving Ezekiel too many clues to reach that conclusion.

“……You’re right.”

“If that’s the case, I thought the academy was more suitable than coming all the way here.

There are quite a few professors who travel back and forth here for research.

If you could access the library, you’d be able to gather the most information across both worlds.”

It wasn’t a pleasant space for me, but…… trailing off, Ezekiel changed the subject somewhat unnaturally, as if he’d said something unnecessary.

“You’re well aware that I didn’t want Abaddon and you to meet.

I don’t think I need to explain that, do I?”

To summarize, he’d only done what he had to do, and had even tried to help me, for reasons unknown.

There were no contradictions in his explanation, and considering his position as Abaddon’s right arm, his actions were understandable.

But.

“……Hey.”

It just didn’t sit well with me.

“Not going to apologize?”

Grabbing him by the collar and asking, Ezekiel’s eyes went wide.

Seeing his startled, rabbit-like expression, I let out a scoff.

They looked so alike—why hadn’t I realized that the kid was him at all?

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