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Join the Server“Is a masquerade ball always like that?”
“I’m not sure.
Usually, wouldn’t it be a bit more romantic?”
As El had predicted, the space beyond the curtain was indeed a lounge.
Separated by only a single thick curtain, outside noise did filter in, but it was much quieter than hearing it directly, so it was bearable.
The sofa was long enough to lie down on, which I liked.
After undoing a couple of the shirt buttons I’d kept fully fastened to cover my neck, I sprawled out and felt like I was in heaven.
El curled up on a nearby one-seater sofa and stared blankly at me.
In the quiet, as I examined his clothes closely, I noticed some places where the finishing was rough.
Come to think of it, he’d said he wasn’t skilled at material magic.
Well, it was still a difference that an unobservant person probably wouldn’t notice.
“You made this sofa too comfortable.
It’s easier to fall asleep here than on the bed.”
“Would you like to get some rest?
I’ll wake you when it’s about to end.”
“Never mind.
Sleeping in a noisy place like this would just give me a headache.”
Lying on my side, the large, ornate patterns on the wall caught my eye.
As I absentmindedly counted them in my head, a thought suddenly struck me.
“Actually, couldn’t we slip out unnoticed right now?”
“Ugh…….”
To get outside, we’d have to go back through the ballroom, but it was chaotic enough.
If we mixed in with the crowd, the chances weren’t zero.
“If we change our clothes!”
“That could work?”
“Yes!”
El answered brightly, hopping off the sofa and approaching me.
The moment he placed his hand on the tattoo on my neck, the clothes I was wearing began to change shape.
Having my clothes change while I was lying down—what was I, a magical girl?
“Let’s go now!”
“Your clothes need to change too.”
After calming the impatient child pulling at my hand and fixing the few flaws, I propped myself up on the sofa.
A hopeful feeling suddenly washed over me.
But then.
“Ugh…….”
“Ah, Rudan?”
The abdominal pain that always came just when I’d forgotten about it struck again.
“Why now of all times…….”
A fierce pain, as if something inside my belly was tearing my body apart, made me freeze solid.
A sensation like my fingertips had gone numb, and I couldn’t move.
El, frozen with me in panic, stammered.
“A-A doctor…….”
“No!”
At my urgent shout, the child’s eyes went wide.
A doctor?
No way.
If a doctor saw me, they’d find out about the pregnancy.
And there was no guarantee that information wouldn’t reach Killian’s ears.
In a situation where I didn’t even know who the father was, letting the most unhinged of the male leads find out?
That was a recipe for disaster.
“……No doctor.
Just go out and get me some cold water.”
If I drank cold water, maybe my stomach would settle a little.
El nodded repeatedly in agreement and scurried away.
“f*cking timing.”
It was a golden opportunity that had come my way.
Even if I’d been caught trying to leave, I could have easily excused it as needing fresh air because of the motion sickness.
It would have been a low-risk attempt.
But I’d blown it—because of some unknown bastard’s baby.
I’d let a chance slip by that might not come again.
“Hah…….”
Frustration surged with nowhere to go.
“I’m going to kill them.”
Whoever made me like this—I needed to see their face.
I’d find out first, and then I’d beat the hell out of them, or I wouldn’t be satisfied.
Afraid the pain might worsen, I couldn’t even touch my stomach and just clawed at the sofa fabric instead.
With Rudan’s weak arms, the fabric wouldn’t tear, and only my nails got filed down.
Just then.
“Lord Rudan!”
A large man pushed through the curtain and stuck his face in.
“……Gideon?”
With a flushed face and moist eyes.
But what caught my attention wasn’t the bear-like man who looked ready to cry at the slightest touch.
“Isn’t that the brat you’re carrying by the scruff of his neck?”
It was the kid he was holding up with one hand, dangling.
“Rudaan!”
The man hastily set the child down, and the kid came running to me.
Pulling the crying child closer, I looked up at Gideon.
“What?”
At my sharp question, the man flinched.
“Well…….”
“Can’t you speak properly?”
Gideon wiped his sweaty palms on his knees and took a deep breath.
He probably wasn’t used to Rudan treating him like this.
He seemed to be feeling fear beyond just confusion.
“I…… have a small house nearby that I use as a hideout.”
“So?”
“I can’t send Lord Rudan back to Lord Killian in this state.
At least for a while, you could recuperate there…….”
“Fine.
Let’s go.”
“I know it’s unpleasant for you to see my face, but for the sake of not harming your health…….”
“I said let’s go.”
“……Yes!”
The moment he realized permission had been given, Gideon scooped up both me and El, who was in my arms.
It was deeply unpleasant, but now wasn’t the time to be picky.
He was right.
It was better to get away than to let Killian see me like this, even if it meant dealing with consequences later.
“Gideon.”
This guy seemed like the type who’d listen if I stubbornly insisted on not calling a doctor.
“……Don’t do anything without my permission.”
“Understood.”
With a faint sense of relief—thud—the consciousness I’d barely held onto slipped away.
***
The moon hung over the lake.
Like a scene from an absurd romance, a large full moon floated white in the deep blue lake, embroidering the water with light.
The surface was calm, and everything was silent.
And before it stood a hunched man.
Thin fabric fluttered, bare feet stepped on the wet mud by the water’s edge.
His back looked precarious—whether because of his thin frame relative to his average height, or his unsteady gait.
‘This dream again.’
At least this time I could watch from a distance from the start.
The barefoot man, Rudan, walked with a rather forlorn look, like someone walking into the moon reflected in the lake.
Rustle.
At the sound of rustling bushes, he suddenly turned around.
Gideon stood expressionless, watching Rudan’s back.
With a face as still as if not even a needle could pierce it.
Then Rudan reached his arms forward and quickened his pace.
His hunched body looked like someone about to step into the water at any moment.
And then……
“No.”
Gideon’s expression changed at his quiet murmur, like a drop of dark ink falling into clear water.
With dilated pupils, trembling lips, and pale cheeks, the paladin began to run.
Rudan turned around at the sound of those powerful footsteps.
“…….”
His face, still not yet submerged, was wet with tears.
The two stared at each other for a while, at a slight distance, without a word—as if exploring one another.
It was Gideon who spoke first.
“If you, if you die, that would be a problem.”
Rudan smiled bitterly.
“……Because I’m the strongest vessel?”
Gideon couldn’t answer.
It didn’t seem like he was avoiding it; he just hadn’t yet found the thread of the new emotions beginning to sprout in his heart.
“I wish I’d never had this ability.”
Overwhelmed by the thick despair weighing down on him, Rudan collapsed weakly.
His lower body, submerged in the shallow water, was drenched.
“Then I wouldn’t have wanted things I shouldn’t want.”
If he hadn’t…… Rudan fell silent, but the paladin knew what words would follow.
He would have wanted to live as an ordinary person, not knowing loneliness, not being rejected by anyone.
“So you tried to die?
Because not getting what you want is despair?”
Rudan smiled weakly.
“As if.
Nothing was ever mine from the start.
I was just trying to wipe my face.”
Gideon strode forward, closing the remaining distance.
He grabbed his wet arm like a fish being caught and pulled him up.
“I want a world where humans and wizards can live together in harmony.”
“……Pardon?”
“What is it that you want?”
Rudan’s eyes darted nervously.
The moonlit night held a magic that drew out hidden feelings.
Rudan chewed his lips before finally confessing his long-held wish.
“I want to be safe.”
From the world.
“I want to be free.”
From the shackles I bear.
“I want to be loved.”
Like ordinary, commonplace people.
“……That’s all.”
To speak of betrayal—he had received too much from Abaddon.
Perhaps the reason he’d played the part of his lover was because he’d read those eyes, craving affection.
It was merely a simple response.
Gideon stared at Rudan’s resigned face for a long, long time.
“I will make it happen.”
He threw everything away.
“So please, don’t cry.”
He had never seen anyone so deserving of protection.
The adventure continues! If you loved this chapter, Even if I’m Just a Little Sparrow, I Really Want To Improve is a must-read. Click here to start!
Read : Even if I’m Just a Little Sparrow, I Really Want To Improve
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