Chapter 19: The Imprint and the Kiss

“No, that’s not it,” Yanis clarified. “Imprinting isn’t something that happens so easily. I haven’t experienced it myself, so I don’t know much about it.”

“However,” he continued, “I’ve seen an imprinted Esper and Guide couple. They say that at a certain point, they feel the two of them become one—a connection they instinctively understand.”

“Ah…”

Emil nodded, taking in Yanis’s explanation. He wasn’t sure if he should feel relieved that his mother and Yanis hadn’t imprinted yet.

“That’s fascinating,” Emil mused. “Even so, I think imprinting would be wonderful. It means you can perfectly communicate with the other person, doesn’t it?”

“They say imprinting is possible even if two people aren’t perfectly matched,” Yanis explained. “However, one of them usually has to make a great sacrifice.”

“This aspect isn’t yet fully understood, and research is still ongoing. Typically, such research falls under the purview of Guides.”

“Ah…”

Each new detail was more astonishing than the last. It was astounding to Emil that such things occurred in a world he knew nothing about.

Even scholars who had spent decades researching within the Order were largely unaware of these intricacies. At school, they had only been taught about the existence of Espers and Guides, their origins, and how their presence violated religious doctrines.

“One thing is certain, however,” Yanis stated firmly. “Imprinted partners cannot kill each other.”

“…Are they normally able to kill each other?” Emil inquired.

“Absolutely. In combat, the strategy of eliminating the Guide first to incapacitate an enemy Esper is commonly employed. Yet, no matter how much of an enemy they are, if they are an imprinted partner, neither can kill the other for any reason.”

“They would rather choose to flee. The exact reason hasn’t been definitively proven, but it’s presumed that if an imprinted partner is killed, the corresponding Esper or Guide cannot find peace.”

“Wow…”

“Because once imprinted, a person cannot deeply connect with anyone else.”

Emil nodded, as if entranced. He mentally organized the new facts Yanis had explained, adding them to what he already knew. Yanis patiently waited for Emil to process his thoughts.

“‘Communication’ must be what they call ‘Guiding’,” Emil finally murmured. “I learned it by the term ‘Guiding’.”

“Ah, that’s right,” Yanis confirmed. “I deliberately used a more familiar term, as I thought ‘communication’ might sound less alien to you.”

“It’s… astonishing,” Emil said, his voice trailing off. “That such a world exists is astonishing, and that it’s possible in reality is equally astonishing.”

“And I find the cross on your back equally mysterious.”

Ah. A small gasp escaped Emil’s lips. The first day he realized the cross had appeared on his back, he’d felt the exact same way. He had repeatedly traced his own back with his hands, and even scrubbed it vigorously several times, just to see if it would wash away.

When the cross on his back stubbornly remained, he finally sought out the cathedral.

That day had been a day of celebration. For someone bearing the mark of God to appear in their village held such profound meaning.

“It’s truly astonishing,” Yanis repeated.

“What is?” Emil asked.

“That there exists such a narrow-minded and dogmatic entity,” Yanis began, “one that dares to declare this world its own creation, asserting that only its words are truth.”

Yanis’s words were perilous. If the Order were to learn of his blasphemous remarks, they might rage uncontrollably. The man was openly belittling and mocking the existence of God.

“…And yet,” Yanis added, “it also claims the power to arbitrarily save and forgive humanity.”

Yanis gazed at Emil with a steady, profound look. It was by no means an expression that blasphemed his own deity. Rather, it held a mixture of reverence, astonishment, admiration… and something far beyond that.

Emil subtly averted his gaze, his ears burning. He couldn’t decipher to whom the deep, intricate emotions in Yanis’s eyes were directed.

“May I see it once more?” Yanis asked.

Emil immediately understood what Yanis was referring to. The man had asked very politely, and Emil knew it wasn’t a demand. Yet, after a moment’s hesitation, Emil removed his top in front of him.

The rustle of the fabric seemed incredibly loud, and his heart pounded as if he were committing a grave transgression.

It was neither shameful nor a sin; the cross was a divine mystery, proof of God’s existence, and something utterly beyond human comprehension.

“Ah, just as I thought.”

The moment Emil turned his back to the man, he forcefully suppressed a sudden urge to cry. The cross etched onto Emil’s back was a marvel in itself.

“H-h-!”

As the man’s hand touched his back, Emil flinched, hunching his shoulders and twisting his waist. However, he quickly straightened his back and sat upright, pretending it was nothing. The pounding of his heart was so intense it hurt his chest, and his hands trembled uncontrollably.

Slowly, the man traced the shape of the cross with his fingers. He was genuinely awestruck.

Of all the people Emil had ever met, Yanis was the most genuinely moved by its wonder. And yet, Yanis was the only one among them who could not receive salvation. He could not be blessed by God’s grace, nor could he be resurrected on the day the world ended.

Despite this, his admiration was sincere and profound.

“Emil.”

“Uh, yes…?”

“May I… kiss it?”

“……!”

“Allow me to pay my respects. To your God.”

‘Please.’

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

The sound of his own heartbeat echoed in his ears. He clenched his fists tight, restraining the urge to cover them. His fingernails pressed painfully into his palms, yet he felt no sensation of hurt.

“Emil?”

The man pleaded for permission in a wistful voice. He was the first person ever to make such a request of Emil. Among the many who had seen the cross on his back, this man alone was beyond salvation. Yet, he wished to worship.

Yanis’s warm breath ghosted against Emil’s nape, causing the fine hairs on his shoulders and arms to prickle.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

“Emil, please.”

At that earnest plea, Emil squeezed his eyes shut and nodded. As God’s proxy, it was the only action he could take.

“Thank you,” Yanis whispered from behind him.

Emil wanted to say it was nothing, but his breath caught in his throat, rendering him speechless. The man’s breath slowly drew nearer to his back.

Each time that warm breath touched him, Emil inhaled sharply, then exhaled, his breathing growing ragged. His heartbeat still boomed loudly, now even faster, even stronger.

Thump, thump, thump, thump, thump, thump…

“Ah…”

Soon after, lips brushed against the center of his spine. The man kissed him slowly, gently, as if soothing him, handling something incredibly precious. It felt as though Yanis’s pulse was being transmitted through those warm lips.

His wildly pounding heart began to subtly alter its rhythm. Emil fell into the illusion that he could hear Yanis’s heartbeat. Through the lips pressed against his back, it felt as though Yanis was conveying that sound to him. And at a certain point, their heartbeats merged into one.

Thump, thump, thump…

When Emil’s heart beat, Yanis’s beat with it. Just as he had explained. Yes, it was as if…

…he was truly communicating with him.

****

After a long while, Emil was finally able to dress again. His hands trembled throughout the entire process. Strangely, he felt on the verge of tears.

“Emil, are you alright?” Yanis asked, concerned.

“No, I’m fine.”

“You seem troubled. If you’re tired, would you like to lie down and rest?”

“No, I’m really okay.”

Though his voice wavered with unshed tears, Emil forced himself to act normal. He had no idea why he was crying, nor what this emotion was. He didn’t want Yanis to worry about him over something like this.

“Do you have any other questions?” Yanis asked.

Yanis continued to watch him with a worried gaze. Emil deliberately avoided his eyes and changed the subject.

“Hmm.”

Yanis pondered for a moment before speaking.

“Once, when I visited the northern regions, I saw a truly magnificent sacred flame…”

Emil listened intently as Yanis slowly began to recount his experiences. What was a strange and wondrous experience for Yanis was, conversely, quite familiar to Emil. Just as Emil was curious about so many things Yanis knew, Yanis found everything familiar to Emil to be wondrous.

Emil patiently answered Yanis, who had stumbled upon a mysterious experience. Yanis remained focused on Emil’s explanations throughout, occasionally asking questions or rephrasing what he understood. He proved to be as excellent a student as he was a teacher.

“You grasp things remarkably quickly.”

“That’s only because you explained it so clearly,” Yanis replied.

“It was so difficult for me at first,” Emil confessed. “The priest who taught the lessons had a very droning voice.”

“Perhaps it’s because your voice is pleasant to listen to, then.”

“Ah, ha ha ha.”

Emil couldn’t find an adequate response to the man’s tenderness. Yanis remained consistently gentle and kind to him. When Tag suddenly barked excessively outside, Yanis would step out briefly to quiet him before returning.

Realizing that his barking summoned his owner, Tag, being clever, continued to act fiercely. He would scratch at the door or behave as if he were about to leap through the window.

“Tag!”

Each time, Yanis would sternly fix his expression and deal with Tag. Initially, Tag would wag his tail, simply happy to see his owner’s face, but eventually, he would only whimper.

“My apologies,” Yanis said. “That rascal keeps interrupting us.”

“Oh, it’s fine.”

Tag still disliked Emil. Emil tried to make amends, greeting the dog and using his proximity to Yanis as a sort of shield, but Tag merely bared his sharp teeth and snarled. When Emil visibly recoiled, Yanis moved to reassure him.

“Tag doesn’t typically take to other people,” Yanis explained gently. “He’s been following me everywhere since I rescued him from abuse.”

“He wasn’t your dog originally?” Emil asked.

“No, he wasn’t. He unilaterally decided to ‘woo’ me, you could say. Somehow, I ended up raising him.”

The man wore a somewhat flustered expression. While he seemed troubled by unexpectedly taking on a dog, Emil couldn’t help but feel a pang of envy. No matter how many times he tried to reach out, animals invariably avoided Emil. It was often a relief if they didn’t outright attack him.

The conversation, which had begun with explanations about the Order and Espers, continued at length. Sometimes it drifted to Emil’s seminary life, other times to Yanis’s travel stories. Yanis mentioned he had journeyed extensively.

“In Capella, one can hear tales from all corners of the continent,” Yanis recounted, “but I felt it would be different to experience them firsthand. That’s how my travels began.”

Listening to stories of a younger Yanis was quite delightful. He spoke of being chased by winter wolves in the North and nearly dying after getting lost in the West. Emil found immense joy simply in hearing his tales.

“Oh my. Look how late it’s gotten,” Yanis exclaimed.

Seeing the moon high in the sky, Yanis rose in surprise. Emil also stood up with him, but his eyes darted around restlessly.

He wished to stay a little longer. There were still so many stories he wanted to hear, and so many he wished to share. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d conversed for so long, oblivious to the passage of time.

“Allow me to escort you,” Yanis offered.

Yanis put on his coat, preparing to go outside. Emil felt inexplicably annoyed by Yanis’s offer to take him back to his lodging.

“It’s fine. I can go alone.”

“Please, let me accompany you. I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

Perhaps sensing Emil’s petulance, Yanis pleaded with great earnestness. His worried tone caused Emil’s resolve to waver.

“Lauren would be very upset if she knew you got hurt on your way home from my place.”

“Ah…”

At Yanis’s subsequent remark, Emil looked at him with a somewhat hurt expression. At the very least, Yanis’s concern for his safety was genuine. The problem, however, was that Yanis seemed more concerned about Lauren’s feelings regarding Emil’s potential injury than about Emil himself. The root of the man’s kindness was solely Lauren.

A wave of disappointment washed over Emil. Yet, even as he recognized his resentment toward the man, he couldn’t quite grasp its reason.

“Emil, may I accompany you?”

“…Yes.”

“Thank you.”

‘My mother is with another man, not you—’

A petty thought flashed through his mind. Simultaneously, the memory of Jack, which he had momentarily forgotten, resurfaced. Emil forcefully pushed the thoughts away and followed the man out.