Chapter 27: A Lingering Guilt

“What?”

“Are you feeling unwell?”

His father, who had always been by his side, was now deceased. By his mother’s side, however, stood Yanis.

A memory from earlier, concerning his mother, resurfaced, causing Emil to briefly furrow his brow and shake his head.

Seeing Emil’s expression, Yanis approached him, his voice laced with concern.

“No… I’m fine. It’s nothing at all.”

He felt awkward admitting to the man who would soon be his stepfather that he had been thinking of his biological father. He certainly couldn’t reveal that he knew of his mother’s infidelity either.

The man, who had already stepped close to Emil, brushed the dirt from his hands. Then, he gently placed the back of his hand on Emil’s forehead.

“You don’t have a fever, it seems. If you feel unwell, you must tell me. It could be a side effect of the Resonance.”

“Oh, I’m truly fine. I’m not in any pain.”

“Side effects from Resonance can be more severe than you might expect. Even if it’s subtle, you must let me know if you feel anything out of the ordinary.”

Yanis knelt down, meeting Emil’s gaze directly. His eyes were filled with genuine concern.

“I’m truly fine.”

‘Ah… Yanis was such a good person,’ Emil thought. Ever since he first helped Emil, he had always approached him with such sincerity.

Emil felt a pang of guilt for keeping silent about his mother’s infidelity. Despite his busy schedule, Yanis showed great affection for Lauren, preparing for their wedding at every opportunity.

He also displayed immense interest in his fiancée’s grown son. It was Yanis who had first extended a hand to the hesitant Emil, making an effort to get along.

Yanis could certainly find a good person, even if it wasn’t Lauren. Moreover, he was said to be quite skilled as a Guide.

Could it truly be considered a virtue to conceal his fiancée’s immoral conduct from such a person?

After scrutinizing Emil’s face for a long moment following his answer, Yanis finally smiled softly, his expression relieved.

“That’s a relief.”

Watching his face, a dull ache throbbed in Emil’s chest. Perhaps this was Emil’s own greed.

If Yanis and Lauren didn’t marry, the connection between himself and Yanis would naturally vanish. As Emil was soon to become a priest, he would have no excuse to meet Yanis, a Guide.

Therefore, this moment was the only time he could spend with this man.

‘Could this truly be right?’ he wondered.

To harbor affection for a man, especially one who would soon become his stepfather, was a sin in itself. Furthermore, as someone soon to be a priest, he had turned a blind eye to his mother’s adultery.

He had tacitly allowed her fiancé to become a victim, knowing full well what would happen.

All for his own selfish desire! Beyond the pretense of him being his mother’s husband, his stepfather, Emil had no other reason to be with Yanis.

“I need to go see the Priest this afternoon, so I should head back down now,” Yanis said. “Since it’s your first day, why don’t you go home and rest?”

“…Alright.”

Emil nodded at the man’s suggestion. Having been bent over for so long, aches had begun to prickle all over his body. Come to think of it, it had been a long time since he’d done such physical labor.

The man walked ahead, descending the mountain path, his broad back drenched in sweat. Emil, walking behind him, paused for a moment, recalling how long it had been since he visited his mother’s house.

“Yanis.”

“Yes?”

The man stopped at Emil’s call and turned to look back.

“I’d like to meet my mother for a moment,” Emil said. “You can go on ahead.”

“Ah.”

Yanis let out a short sigh, then nodded.

“Understood. Oh, Emil.”

He called out, stopping Emil who was about to head straight for his mother’s house.

“If you happen to feel anything strange while you’re with Lauren, come out immediately.”

“Anything strange…?”

“Yes. Both of you are Espers, and the nature of your powers is completely different, which could have a negative effect.”

“Ah…”

“But…”

As if something had just occurred to him, Yanis started to speak, then tilted his head and closed his mouth.

“But, why?”

“It’s nothing. Will you be back before dinner?”

“Yes, I will.”

“Understood. I’ll see you this evening.”

Emil returned Yanis’s greeting, then turned towards Lauren’s house. He wondered why Yanis had cut himself off mid-sentence, but seeing no inclination to elaborate, Emil couldn’t press further.

****

After crossing a small hill and walking a considerable distance along a winding path, he could see his mother’s house. While walking along the path, Emil noticed a trail leading up the mountain.

‘Had such a path always existed?’ he wondered. He had lived in this house ever since settling in Calei, right up until he entered the seminary, yet this path was unfamiliar.

The path was too wide for his mother to have made it. Certainly, his mother didn’t possess the strength to clear stones from a rugged mountain and forge such a trail.

‘Am I simply not remembering it?’ he pondered, tilting his head.

Emil then resumed his walk towards his mother’s house. In the distance, Lauren’s small house came into view.

His mother’s figure, humming cheerfully with a bright face, was faintly visible. Though he had felt a secret surge of happiness at the thought of seeing her, the memory of what had happened earlier suddenly made his back stiffen.

It was nothing short of contradictory emotions. ‘Had he made a mistake offering to visit his mother?’ he wondered.

His mind was still unsettled, and the act of setting off before resolving his feelings made him uneasy.

‘What was the source of this discomfort?’ he mused. ‘Was it because he knew of his mother’s private life, or because it was an act of infidelity?’

‘Or perhaps it was because he harbored different feelings for his mother’s lover.’ Regardless, his heart felt equally heavy.

Emil cautiously made his way towards his mother’s house, trying to soothe his growing unease. If he heard any sign of another person, he intended to pretend ignorance and turn back.

He paused.

Emil couldn’t bring himself to knock immediately, so he needlessly walked around the house in a wide circle. His constant hesitation led him to these pointless actions.

The house was no different from how it used to be, with only the traces of time visible here and there.

Gazing at the remaining traces, Emil recalled childhood memories one by one. He remembered collecting small twigs, claiming he was helping his father build the house.

He also remembered nearly cutting off a finger while chopping wood, and wild animals approaching the house, scaring him so badly he wet himself.

He chuckled softly. ‘Why had he been so wild and naive as a child?’ he wondered.

His own naive and absurd childhood brought a smile to his face. Yet, the animals that relentlessly followed, barked, and threatened him had been truly terrifying.

He had tried his best to escape, but he simply couldn’t shake them off. Calling out his father’s name, he ran for his life, tears streaming down his face.

His father, seeing the animals in hot pursuit, immediately understood the situation and chased them away. It had been so impressive to witness… but how had he driven them off?

“Huh?”

Strangely, his father’s image didn’t come to mind. He clearly remembered his father playing with him and indulging his antics, but that specific scene remained elusive.

‘Was I severely traumatized?’

Emil tilted his head. Well, he had been very young, so it wasn’t unreasonable not to remember. Though nothing else came to mind, he vividly recalled not being scolded for wetting his pants.

Instead, both his mother and father had comforted and hugged him tightly through the night.

Just as he recalled sleeping in his father’s arms, a cracking sound came from beside him.

“Oh, no.”

Snapping back to reality, Emil saw ice clinging between the stacked logs. When did that happen? In his flustered state, he tried to break it, but physical force was useless against the ice.

Things created by an Esper’s abilities were not easily removed by physical strength. He had experienced this before, yet when faced with the same situation, no other solution came to mind.

“What should I do…?”

“Emil?”

As Emil fumbled, quickly wiping the ice with his sleeve and blowing on it, a familiar woman’s voice called from behind him. She was returning home, carrying a few vegetables harvested from the garden.

“Oh, Mother.”

“My goodness! What brings you here, without a word?”

“I just… wanted to see you, Mother. I stopped by for a moment.”

“Is that so? But what are you doing there?”

Lauren smiled brightly at her son’s words, saying he wanted to see her. However, seeing her son’s inexplicable posture, Lauren tilted her head and approached. Oh, no! He couldn’t tell his mother he had become an Esper.

She was someone who had suffered so much pain and humiliation as an Esper, more than anyone else. Emil desperately tried to cover the frozen part. His posture naturally became comical, but hiding his ability was more important.

“Huh?”

“…Why?”

His mother, now close, was looking at Emil. He responded as if nothing were amiss. His mother tilted her head several times, then reached out a hand. Oh, no! Could it be…!

His vision swam. Emil could do nothing but squeeze his eyes shut. Suddenly, a warm sensation enveloped his cheek.

“My son, you look a little thinner after all this time. Have you been unwell?”

“…”

“Are you not eating properly?”

His mother scrutinized his complexion with a deeply worried gaze. Her affectionate eyes instantly sapped his strength.

“…I’m not eating poorly. In fact, I’m eating better than I did at the seminary.”

“Are you? Then that’s a relief, but…”

His mother still seemed unconvinced. Fortunately, Lauren didn’t appear to have noticed. Emil offered a reassuring smile to his worried mother and quickly added,

“If you haven’t had lunch, may I join you? It’s lunchtime, after all.”

“Would you? If I’d known you were coming, I would have prepared more generously.”

At Emil’s suggestion, Lauren’s face brightened, then quickly clouded over. Emil lightly hugged his mother and began to walk. He wanted to get away from this spot quickly.

“It’s my fault for coming without notice. Anything you make, Mother, is wonderful.”

“Still, it feels so meager…”

“It’s fine.”

He continuously reassured Lauren, whose face was filled with concern, as they entered the house. On the spot where Emil had stood moments before, the ground was frozen in the shape of his shoes.

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