Chapter 111: What I Should Have Been

“I came quickly because I missed you. Sorry.”

“…Sit.”

Wooju pointed at the sofa in the living room.

Then he casually tossed the towel he was holding into the laundry basket, landing it perfectly, and headed into the kitchen.

While he rummaged through the refrigerator, Jitae sat awkwardly on the sofa and carefully scanned Wooju’s house with his eyes.

He might not be able to come here again, so he wanted to store everything in his memory somehow.

The interior was neat, just like Wooju’s personality, and traces of his scent lingered throughout the space.

“Here.”

At that moment, Wooju suddenly held something out in front of him.

“This is…”

“Right? You like this.”

The drink he received was Jitae’s favorite brand of chocolate milk.

It was the exact one he used to put into the cart every day while grocery shopping during shoots.

“I went grocery shopping recently and bought it to try it myself. But it was too sweet—I couldn’t drink it.”

Wooju sat down about two steps away from Jitae.

Jitae stared blankly at the item in his hand, radiating a faint chill.

“Kang Wooju, I’m sorry.”

“For what.”

“That time… when I suddenly quit everything and left like I was running away without telling you anything. And even when you kept asking, I brushed it off and didn’t tell you the truth… all of it.”

Jitae ended by saying that at least to Wooju, he should have spoken honestly.

Silence settled between them.

Under Wooju’s gaze, Jitae lowered his head deeply like someone who had committed a grave sin.

Back when they trained together, or even when they lived together for a month, there had never been a moment of silence when they were this close.

They would talk and argue endlessly.

But lately, this awkward and heavy silence had become something that visited them often.

“When I was overseas.”

Wooju’s flat voice broke through the silence.

“I struggled because I couldn’t adjust. I couldn’t understand the language, dealt with ridiculous racism, and even felt inferior seeing players better than me. Honestly, it was the worst period of my career.”

Jitae already knew Wooju had played in an overseas league.

But this was the first time he was hearing about what he truly went through.

“I can usually sleep anywhere the moment I lie down, but there… I just couldn’t sleep no matter what. I was irritated, anxious… and at that time, I called you once.”

“What?”

Jitae flinched in shock.

“You probably didn’t know. You didn’t pick up. So I deleted your number right away.”

That was the truth behind why Wooju no longer had Jitae’s number saved.

“That…”

Jitae’s lips trembled.

No matter how hard he tried to recall, he had no memory of receiving a call from Wooju.

Even when he was living recklessly overseas, he had been extremely careful not to lose the phone that had Wooju’s number saved.

But at the same time, he had tried his best not to look at that number.

On nights when he was heavily drunk, he would mistake any incoming call for Wooju.

Afraid he might accidentally call him while drunk, he had even started keeping his phone away.

If the call had come during that time, it was possible he simply didn’t know.

But even if he had answered… would anything have changed?

“Won Jitae, if you had picked up that call, and I complained about how hard it was overseas, saying I couldn’t do it anymore… what would you have said? Would you have called me weak and told me not to bother you again?”

“What are you talking about? Why would I ever say that to you?”

If he had heard something like that, he might have dropped everything and gone to see Wooju—no matter where he was.

“I’m the same. Even if you had told me everything back then, I would’ve taken your hand. Just like I did in that gym.”

The day Jitae had first confessed to his father about doing sports and was dismissed, he had gone to a community gym by chance.

And it was Wooju who helped him regain his resolve.

Because Wooju had crossed the line without hesitation and held out his hand.

“…I’m sorry.”

As Jitae apologized again, Wooju, who had been staring at his profile, let out a deep breath from the depths of his chest.

“Now, let me talk not as your rival, but just as an ordinary Kang Wooju.”

As Wooju shifted slightly, the distance between them narrowed a little.

“After hearing everything from you, I got angry, right?”

He had gotten so angry that he even grabbed Jitae by the collar while nearly in tears.

“My anger was overflowing, and at first, I thought it was directed at you. But the more I thought about it, that wasn’t it.”

“You weren’t angry at me?”

“I was angry at myself.”

Through everything that had happened recently, Wooju had finally sorted out his thoughts and emotions.

Talking with Coach Kim, hearing Dongha’s admiration, meeting Sunhyeok, and finally reading the magazine interview—

Only then did he face the true nature of everything that had been hidden.

“Why?”

Wooju turned his head and stared straight at Jitae.

When their eyes met, Jitae avoided his gaze like a guilty puppy, his ears turning red.

“You were having a really hard time back then, right? You couldn’t play, and then your family… going through all that, it must have been incredibly difficult.”

“It wasn’t that hard…”

“Don’t lie. I’m telling you everything honestly too.”

“…Yeah, it was hard.”

Wooju nodded as if he had expected that answer.

How could it not have been hard?

He had lost both his future and his family at just nineteen.

“Right. You were going through all that, but I didn’t know anything.”

“Well, of course. I didn’t tell you.”

“That’s not the point.”

Wooju shook his head firmly, his still-damp hair swaying.

“When you were struggling like that, when you were in pain… I wasn’t by your side. That makes me angry.”

At first, putting aside Jitae’s feelings for him, Wooju had been furious that someone who had been his rival could leave without a word.

But thinking from Jitae’s perspective, it made sense.

It wasn’t easy to talk about sensitive family matters, and at that time, they weren’t close enough to be called best friends.

There was no obligation to tell him.

And in truth, Wooju himself had been completely focused on their rivalry back then.

Even so, the burning anger inside him never went away.

He hadn’t understood why until now.

“But you were suffering that much overseas, breaking down like that… and I didn’t know anything. I even resented you. And in the end, you overcame all that pain alone. That makes me so angry.”

The moment Wooju realized where his anger had truly been directed, his mind cleared instantly, like he had reached some profound realization.

“So I lashed out at you and even said harsh things about your feelings. I’m sorry.”

“Kang Wooju.”

Jitae still hadn’t opened the chocolate milk Wooju had given him.

He was holding it tightly in his hand.

“This might not be the right time to ask… but since we agreed to be honest…”

“Yeah.”

“What you just said… it’s just because you think of me as a precious friend, right…?”

Instead of meeting Wooju’s eyes, Jitae revealed his emotions through his reddened ears and neck.

The corners of the milk carton were slightly crumpled from how tightly he was gripping it.

It was his way of suppressing the rising hope inside him.

At that question, Wooju fell silent.

He glanced at the pattern of the rug, then at the square light on the ceiling.

“To me, you’re not just someone simple. You’re…”

“W-wait.”

At that moment, Jitae reached out and covered Wooju’s mouth with his hand.

Wooju frowned, wondering what he was doing.

“I know. I know I’m just a precious friend to you. Not a simple one, but still… I know. So you can just skip answering that question.”

Wooju narrowed his eyes and glared at Jitae, who spoke as if pleading.

“You coward.”

That was the first thing Wooju said after removing his hand.

“I know. I know better than anyone that I’m a coward.”

But what could he do if he didn’t want to hear it?

He had come prepared for the worst outcome.

Instead, Wooju had accepted everything and understood him deeply.

He was grateful for that, but if it all came from just friendship, it left a bitter taste in his mouth.

At the same time, the desires he had locked away kept stirring up strange expectations, making him feel restless.

“Even if you’re a coward, listen. The important part starts now.”

“Can I take a short break before hearing it?”

“Will you listen if we stay up all night?”

“…Sorry. Go on.”

Seeing Jitae press his cap down anxiously, Wooju let out a small laugh.

“Do you know my younger sibling is really good at studying?”

“Saetbyeol? Why are you suddenly talking about them…?”

“I feel like I need to explain things step by step for you to understand.”

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