Chapter 66: Unspoken Loves and Fading Connections

“…What?”

I nearly spit out my soju, like a scene from some famous drama. If I’d been drinking, I probably would have.

What shocked me more was Hyung Joo’s reaction—he frantically put on and took off his cap, scratching the back of his head, clearly mortified by his own words.

Is he serious? No way… it’s a prank, right?

Despite his panic, he saw my dumbfounded look and scowled, a rare flash of his old temper.

“I’m not lying.”

That’s what made it more shocking—it didn’t seem like a lie. I stammered.

“Why… why?”

The alcohol’s haze cleared instantly. Hyung Joo ruffled his hair, muttering, “I wasn’t gonna say that much…” He looked more flustered than I was. Seeing that, I oddly calmed down.

“You still… feel that way?”

“No! It was just back then. If I still did, could I sit here drinking with you so casually?”

“Right…”

If he didn’t, that was a relief. Then I remembered Do Yoon crying, yelling that I must never accept a guy. Did he know?

“Do Yoon knows.”

I hiccupped. Can this guy read minds?

“That’s why he was a jerk about me contacting you when we were younger.”

I stared, eyes wide. That’s why? Thinking back, Do Yoon did react sharply to Hyung Joo’s calls. Dazed, I asked.

“But… why me?”

I genuinely didn’t get it.

Hyung Joo, who’d been fidgeting like he wanted to bolt, regained his calm. He looked at me like it was obvious.

“Who wouldn’t fall for you?”

“Why?”

I really didn’t understand. He downed two shots, face flushed, muttering curses but answering.

“Honestly, I had no dreams or hopes in high school. Hung out with bad kids—embarrassing now, but I wanted attention. If they feared me, at least I was something. At school, teachers and kids ignored me. At home, I couldn’t stand watching my grandma struggle.”

I nodded. I knew his past, roughly.

“Then you showed up. That day we ate sundae soup, you scribbled your number on a napkin—I memorized it instantly. But I was scared to call. Thought I was misreading you.”

“Misreading what?”

“Some people help to feel superior, pretending to care. You can see it in their eyes.”

“Oh…”

I got it. Some people help but look at you with pity, making you feel small. Even without malice, it stings. I’d felt that in my past life. You’d be told not to twist their kindness, but it still hurt.

“But you didn’t seem like that. You barely cared about me. When you gave me your number, you looked annoyed. Know that?”

I flinched. This guy’s sharp.

“But you said even if we’re strangers, there’s at least one person in the world who’d do that. You said it like it was your duty—hilarious, like you’re Jesus or something.”

I chugged my drink, heat rising. I thought I’d hidden it well, but he saw through me. My black history was being exposed, and I was the embarrassed one.

“No lie, I thought about you all day after that. Maybe because I did, a few days later, you walked right past me. I grabbed you, and you remembered me.”

He looked away, suddenly shy.

“…No one gets how I felt then.”

I gaped. I hadn’t realized that encounter meant so much to him. Guilt hit me. Recognizing him was inevitable—I was on edge back then because of the novel and Hyung Joo. I’d lose sleep even now thinking about it.

I didn’t respond, caught between shock and guilt. Hyung Joo, suddenly gruff, rambled.

“And? You dragged your brother along, tutored us, bought food, checked in on school, got my grandma a better job—how could I not fall for you? Even my mom couldn’t do that. If you weren’t a chaebol’s son, I really…”

“Really what, punk?”

“…That’s how it was.”

Don’t dodge! I narrowed my eyes.

“Don’t do that to just anyone. I thought you liked me too.”

“Why?”

“You’d ask anyone passing by. They’d say you were hitting on me.”

Is this guy drunk out of his mind?

“But that’s just who you are. And, well, no reason for someone who has everything to like me.”

“…Someone might.”

I comforted him reflexively, then, startled, added.

“Just so we’re clear, even if I wasn’t loaded, you’re not my type.”

“Ugh, seriously!”

He snapped, and I smirked inwardly. Seeing him get mad instead of hurt meant he was over me. His feelings were probably more about trust, reliability, and gratitude toward an adult who cared.

“Thanks, though. For liking me back then, and for not now.”

“You know you seem all nice but can be brutally cold sometimes?”

“It’s the truth. Lying to you would be rude.”

“Ugh, damn it.”

He chugged soju, muttering, “This is why you drive people crazy.” I teased.

“Drove you crazy?”

“Nope, I’m totally sane.”

We glared, then laughed. The liquor hit nicely for once. Chuckling, I said.

“If you still liked me, we couldn’t hang out like this, right?”

“Obviously. Back then, I was a wreck around you.”

Didn’t seem like it. But if he says so, fine. He tugged his hair, reminiscing.

“Man, I agonized so much back then…”

“But a girlfriend fixed that?”

“Nah, not that.”

His playful tone turned serious. He paused, choosing words carefully.

“I saw someone… hopelessly in love.”

The mood grew heavy, and I got cautious. He seemed more careful than when talking about himself.

“Oh?”

“Yeah.”

Silence fell. That someone must’ve done something wild. He glanced at me, chugged more soju, and said.

“Seeing them, I realized I wasn’t that bad. I liked you, but I could date others. When you got engaged, I was sad but moved on. But they… couldn’t handle it. Said being around their crush felt like dying.”

I nodded.

“They must’ve loved them a lot. Got rejected?”

He frowned at me for a while before answering.

“Worse. Never confessed.”

“Why?”

“…Just reasons. Why’re you prying into someone else’s business?”

I scowled.

You brought it up! I pulled out my cigarette pack. He looked shocked.

“You smoke?”

“Yeah.”

“Since when? You didn’t before.”

“Started recently. Picked a smoking bar for a reason. If you mind, I’ll step out.”

“It’s fine.”

He eyed my pack, surprised.

“Wow, even my work buddies don’t smoke stuff that strong.”

“Strong? Didn’t feel it. You’ll see plenty in the military. Speaking of, you’re up soon, right? Good luck. Should’ve gone with Do Yoon.”

“I was busy with business! And don’t lecture me about the military, Mr. American.”

I burst out laughing, wiping tears from my eyes.

“Right, I’m American…”

For a moment, I wasn’t sure if I was Choi Seung Hyun or Park Seung Hyun. If my life was just this novel’s setting, what were these emotions?

Lighting a cigarette, I thought of Do Yoon again.