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Join the ServerAfter rejecting his confession, encounters with Seon Woo-jung became strangely infrequent. The annoying man who used to linger around the waiting room even on days our filming schedules didn’t overlap had disappeared. I should have felt relieved, yet an inexplicable emptiness gnawed at me.
Perhaps it was the absence of his incessant chatter. I started listening to music I rarely bothered with, though, of course, it had no effect.
‘He’s not here today either.’
Even after meticulously reading the script, there were no scenes where Yoo Seo-jin and Han Jung-woo met in this episode. Yet, there were so many scenes with Jung Hee-soo.
For the first time in a long while, a sense of helplessness washed over me, realizing I wasn’t the lead. Swallowing down these negative emotions, I closed the script and picked up my phone.
[Photo] Seon Woo-jung, An Actor Whose Next Move Is Highly Anticipated
[No. 1 Male Celebrity People Want as a Son-in-Law: Seon Woo-jung]
[Seon Woo-jung Selected as Shaiel Global Ambassador]
I tried to read articles I rarely bothered with, only to find they were all about Seon Woo-jung. I belatedly realized my news feed was set to entertainment and changed it, but my mind was already consumed by thoughts of him.
‘Don’t think about him, please.’
I flipped my phone face down, trying to clear my head, when a knock sounded. A flicker of hope ignited as I turned, but the person who entered through the wide-open door was my manager.
“What, did you think it was Seon Woo-jung?”
“…No, I didn’t.”
Annoyed by my manager’s teasing, I pouted and tapped my phone with my thumb. My reflection in the dark screen looked utterly foolish.
I had to admit it. For a brief moment, I had hoped.
Hoped that Seon Woo-jung had come looking for me.
“If you miss him that much, just go see him.”
“Go where?”
“To Seon Woo-jung.”
If only it were that simple. The reasons I couldn’t were plentiful and overwhelming. Of course, my manager had no idea I’d rejected Seon Woo-jung’s confession.
Swallowing the circumstances I couldn’t confide in anyone, I set my phone down and leaned back deeply into the sofa. There was no reason to feel so weary, yet my profound exhaustion struck me as strange.
‘From the very beginning, I intended to reject his confession.’
Though his confession came sooner than expected, I would have had to reject Seon Woo-jung’s confession no matter when it occurred. A relationship with him meant I had more to lose than to gain.
I didn’t know the depth of Seon Woo-jung’s affection, but I was the most important person to myself. I couldn’t afford to miss the chance to rise from a perpetual supporting role to a lead.
‘Seon Woo-jung… wouldn’t understand this.’
I recalled something an acquaintance, an older actor, had once said in jest: that the leads in dramas or films were already predetermined, and those beneath them, no matter how hard they struggled, would never succeed.
At first, I tried desperately to deny those words. Yet, with each passing day, I found myself conceding their truth.
Just look at me. Despite years of acting, I couldn’t surpass a rookie who had only been active for a year. Unlike Seon Woo-jung, who effortlessly landed lead roles, I remained a perpetual supporting actor no matter how much I struggled.
‘How pathetic.’
Seon Woo-jung claimed to like me, but I harbored a deep inferiority complex towards him. I envied him for effortlessly obtaining what I so desperately desired, and simultaneously, I resented him for it.
It was right not to even begin. My deeply rooted inferiority, even if hidden, would eventually erupt and pierce him like a thorn.
Would Seon Woo-jung still love me then? I was certain he wouldn’t.
‘This is the right choice.’
I remembered words once hurled at me like a curse by those closest to me: *Who would ever truly love someone like you?*
I conceded the point to some extent. If I couldn’t even love myself, how could anyone else—unless they were a saint—possibly love me completely?
Thinking this way, the role of a villain felt perfectly suited for me. Who else could be as fitting for the position of someone who desperately yearns for love but is met only with universal hatred?
‘Seon Woo-jung will be no different.’
He had simply been deceived by my dazzling facade. In time, his infatuation would inevitably fade. I dreaded the cold shift in his gaze when that happened.
Having rationalized that it was better not to start at all than to be hurt, I cut off my deepening thoughts.
A self-deprecating laugh escaped me.
****
Time flowed swiftly.
The long drama shoot was finally ending this week. As always, I expected to feel more relief than bittersweetness, but this time, it was different.
Whenever I had a moment, my thoughts drifted to Seon Woo-jung. I was the one who rejected his confession, yet I was also the one left with lingering regret. How truly strange.
Seon Woo-jung no longer treated me as he once had. It was only when I saw him pass by with a casual greeting, unlike his former friendly persistence, that I understood.
Our continued connection until now had been entirely due to Seon Woo-jung’s efforts.
It was natural for us to drift apart since I hadn’t accepted his confession. I knew this intellectually, but seeing his distant demeanor always left me feeling wretched.
There wasn’t much time left to see each other, yet it seemed I was the only one who felt a pang of regret. Seon Woo-jung appeared to have already severed his lingering feelings.
‘He’s not even looking at me now.’
Despite being close enough for our eyes to meet with a mere turn of his head, Seon Woo-jung never once glanced my way.
Perhaps that was why. Even in the same space, an invisible wall seemed to divide us.
Outside of drama filming, there would be almost no point of contact with Seon Woo-jung. Our agencies were different, and the projects we received were different.
This drama would only further elevate Seon Woo-jung’s standing. I’d heard he already had scripts for his next projects piled up like mountains, but regrettably, I was not so fortunate.
My manager claimed things would change once the drama aired, but I knew the truth. An opportunity like Seon Woo-jung’s would never come my way.
‘There it is again.’
Though I quickly tried to erase my pathetic inferiority, self-loathing had already fully consumed me.
It was solely my problem that had led our relationship to this point. Even in this situation, my twisted inner self remained unchanged.
“Actor Seon Woo-jung’s face is going to have a hole burned through it.”
The stylist, waiting with me on set, whispered softly. Startled, I tried to protest that I hadn’t been, but I’d been staring at Seon Woo-jung for quite a while, so I clamped my mouth shut.
“Did you two have a fight?”
“It’s not like that.”
We didn’t fight; I rejected his confession. But I couldn’t tell anyone that, so it had to appear as if we’d naturally grown distant. However, the stylist clearly didn’t believe a word I said.
“Even so, Oppa, there’s still regret in your eyes… No, never mind.”
The stylist abruptly stopped mid-sentence. I wanted to ask about the awkwardly cut-off end of her remark, but then a staff member announced that filming would begin soon.
Reluctantly, I rose and gave the smiling stylist a look that promised to continue our conversation later.
‘For now, let’s focus on work.’
In this state, it was obvious I couldn’t act or do anything else. Taking a shaky breath, I resolved to become Yoo Seo-jin for this moment.
Seon Woo-jung and I stood on a set that perfectly replicated a prison visiting room. I felt the myriad cameras and gazes directed at us.
“Rolling!”
At the assistant director’s shout, I completely erased Yoo Joon-hee, who was tangled in personal emotions. Then, I faced Han Jung-woo, who had come to visit Yoo Seo-jin.
Him, who endlessly despised and scorned me.
“Action!”
The once glamorous villain had fallen ignominiously, and Han Jung-woo had come here solely to mock me.
With Haeun Construction crumbling and his last lifeline gone, Han Jung-woo was Yoo Seo-jin’s only remaining hope.
Yoo Seo-jin launched into an absurd self-justification, claiming everything he did was out of love for Han Jung-woo. Naturally, what he received in return was Han Jung-woo’s merciless condemnation.
“That’s love? Don’t make me laugh. You only wanted to use me.”
“No, Jung-woo. I loved you. I—I admit my methods were wrong. But this is still love, isn’t it? If this isn’t love, then what is it?”
Yoo Seo-jin clung to Han Jung-woo’s feet, sobbing. Han Jung-woo, stripped of even the slightest affection for the man still trying to package his sins as pure devotion, lightly shook his foot free.
“Just disappear. From my life.”
With those words, Han Jung-woo exited the visiting room. Left alone, Yoo Seo-jin screamed Han Jung-woo’s name until his throat was raw, but the closed door remained shut.
Plunged into despair, Yoo Seo-jin surrendered everything, and as his vacant eyes stared into nothingness, the screen gradually faded to black.
“Cut!”
Thus, my final scene as Yoo Seo-jin concluded.
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