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“Can’t you hear me? I told you to get lost.”
His voice, trembling precariously as if it might break at any moment, pushed me away.
He pleaded for me to leave, to never appear before him again.
Even as his words lashed out, seemingly intent on inflicting pain, I showed no agitation.
Or rather, I pretended not to.
Perhaps this was pure obstinacy.
A stubborn refusal to be swayed, no matter how much he tried to push me away.
“Damn it, you think I’m a joke too, don’t you?”
“…I’ve never thought that.”
For a moment, a surge of emotion almost made my voice rise, but I reined it in.
I reminded myself once more that Joon-hee was heavily intoxicated.
No significant meaning should be attached to the ramblings of a drunkard.
Once he sobered up, he would, as always, apologize.
‘He must have been drinking all day again today.’
The number of empty liquor bottles strewn across the floor grew daily, and Joon-hee seemed to crumble more with each passing moment.
While I understood the immense void left by his losses, it was time for his self-destructive behavior to cease.
“Have you eaten?”
“What business is that of yours?”
“That’s because I’m—”
My words caught in my throat.
Just a few months prior, I would have unhesitatingly declared my relationship with Joon-hee as lovers, but that was no longer the case.
As Joon-hee was collapsing beyond recovery, his agency swiftly announced the news of our breakup.
Though the article had been published arbitrarily, without my consent, Joon-hee seemed to interpret it as a formal declaration of our separation.
Unfortunately, I had been on an overseas shoot at the time.
Upon returning a few days later, I rushed to explain that the agency had acted without my consent, that I had never agreed to such a statement, but his heart had already turned away.
“We’re strangers now.”
Joon-hee cruelly drew a line once more.
The boundary, painted over countless times, remained stark and clear, as if telling me there was no going back.
Joon-hee’s heart had drifted to an irreversible place, but mine had not.
I had never once broken up with him, nor had I ever entertained the thought of it.
“So just go now. I don’t want to see your face.”
Turning away from me, Joon-hee resumed drinking.
Watching him in agony, desperate to destroy himself, I finally couldn’t bear it any longer and snatched the bottle from his grasp.
“Stop it, just….”
I could endure Joon-hee pushing me away and cursing me.
However, the act of endlessly letting himself go and destroying himself was something I simply could not tolerate.
“Hyung, please stop drinking and—”
“Aren’t you going to give it back?”
Joon-hee lunged fiercely, attempting to snatch the bottle back from me.
In the struggle, our legs tangled, and we both tumbled to the floor.
Though I wasn’t seriously injured, my back ached from the hard impact with the ground.
“Hyung, are you okay?”
“…Worry about yourself.”
Joon-hee, speaking indifferently, rose to his feet as if nothing had happened.
Relieved, I was about to stand up myself when Joon-hee suddenly climbed on top of me.
My eyes, staring up from where I lay unresisting, widened in shock.
“Why do you keep coming back, even when I tell you not to?”
“Because I’m worried about you, Hyung.”
“Is that truly all?”
“Of course—”
Joon-hee abruptly ripped off his shirt, forcing me to halt my words.
I couldn’t fathom why he was acting this way, yet I found myself unable to tear my gaze from Joon-hee’s body, which I hadn’t seen in so long.
“Isn’t this what you wanted too?”
Of all the words Joon-hee had ever spoken, these were the most painful.
I should have denied it, but I was too wounded even to manage that.
“Everyone says so. That a guy who even takes on sponsors must be incredibly good.”
“……”
“Ah, you’d know all about that. We’ve done it countless times.”
Haven’t we?
Joon-hee smiled softly, his question laced with cruelty.
Unable to contain the surge of emotion, I turned my head away from him.
For the first time, I found myself not wanting to look at Joon-hee.
“Where are you looking? You should be looking at me.”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why? Do you dislike my body now? You used to go wild for it every time.”
Far from disliking it, a fierce desire surged within me to flip Joon-hee over and thrust into him as I pleased.
The fact that I felt such lust even in this moment made me feel utterly wretched.
“Jung-ah.”
His voice, calling my name as he once did, brought a lump to my throat.
As I slowly turned my head, Joon-hee bent down and kissed me.
He licked my tightly sealed lips with his tongue, coaxing them to part.
“I’ll give you what you want this one time, so just take it and get lost.”
His face, smiling gently as he looked at me, was so beautiful, which only made me hate him more.
Clenching my teeth so hard that dimples appeared in my cheeks, I grabbed the nape of Joon-hee’s neck and kissed him roughly.
“Hmph.”
I forced my tongue into the narrow opening, licking his hot mucous membranes.
Joon-hee signaled that he was running out of breath, but I ignored him.
I had no desire to heed him now.
“Open your mouth properly.”
At my cold command, Joon-hee trembled and parted his lips.
When I inserted my fingers and wantonly stirred inside him, Joon-hee retched, struggling against the intrusion.
I slid my now-slick fingers between his thighs and rubbed them over his tightly clenched opening.
When was our last encounter? It felt like ages ago.
“That part is still— Hnngh.”
The tight opening barely accommodated a single finger.
I roughly thrust into his hot, clinging inner walls, forcing a path.
Clutching Joon-hee, who was leaning into me, I pushed in another finger.
“Shit…”
I knew he wasn’t sufficiently loosened to receive me yet, but I could no longer hold back.
Frantically unzipping my pants, I pulled out only my penis and then sat Joon-hee down on top of me.
“Aargh…”
“Relax.”
Kissing Joon-hee’s shoulder, I pressed down on his thighs, which were resisting my descent.
The sensation of his strained opening slowly, laboriously swallowing me whole was utterly intoxicating.
Only after I was fully inside Joon-hee did I reach down to check.
Though it seemed difficult for him, thankfully, there was no blood.
That was enough.
“Can you see? That I’m all the way in?”
His sunken lower abdomen bulged distinctly with the shape of my cock inside him.
As I tapped it, Joon-hee convulsed violently, as if struck by an electric shock.
In the past, I would have waited for Joon-hee to adapt, but not now.
I firmly restrained his squirming body and relentlessly thrust my hips upward.
His emaciated body, incomparably thinner than before, did not look good by any stretch of the imagination.
Yet, simply because it was Joon-hee, I was aroused like a madman.
I was desperate to go deeper, and my thirst intensified with every moment.
Joon-hee simply wasn’t enough.
“This is what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“Aargh, ah!”
“You said you wanted to be treated like a cheap whore, without emotion.”
Though I had been intimate with Joon-hee countless times before, there had never been a single instance without emotion.
But now, it was different.
There was no emotion whatsoever in this act.
“How could you do this, even to me? How could you, Hyung, to me—”
I still loved Joon-hee, but I hated him just as much.
Knowing better than anyone that his heart had already turned away, I couldn’t even beg for his love as I once had.
All I wanted was to simply be by his side.
“Do you really hate me that much?”
I asked, gazing into Joon-hee’s aroused eyes.
He exhaled a deep sigh, then gently caressed my cheek.
Just as I was about to lean into his tender touch, everything shattered around me.
“Every time you come looking for me, I want to die.”
“……”
“So don’t ever come again.
If you ignore my words and keep coming—”
I’ll die right in front of you.
Those words became a sharp ice pick, tearing my heart to shreds.
Watching me writhe in pain, Joon-hee smiled beautifully.
“Ugh.”
Unable to face him any longer, I flipped Joon-hee over and began to move.
With every rough thrust of flesh against flesh, my fractured heart scattered in all directions.
It was beyond repair, too broken to ever be pieced back together.
Each time I buried myself deep inside him and ejaculated, a wave of emptiness and exhaustion washed over me instead of satisfaction.
What was this, exactly? All I could do was let out a hollow laugh.
Yet, knowing full well that this was our last time, I held Joon-hee, who was trying to escape, and pushed in, thrust, rocked, and came.
Completely abandoning what little sanity I had left, I behaved like a beast.
“Please, just look at me.”
My desperate plea was lost amidst the moans, unheard, and so, the two of us met the worst possible end.
A week later, Joon-hee died.
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