Chapter 133: Exclusive Weapon — Xiaobai!

When it came to the topic of “exclusive weapons,” Lin Yu had been drooling over it for a long time.

Li Qing’s cute-but-deadly pink sniper rifle [Red Fox Fang] — she liked that one.

Chen Bing’s extremely safe and reliable energy shield [Great Wall] — she was very fond of that too.

As for Yayoi Hotaru and Su Xiaoli… although she’d never seen their weapons in full-release mode, they were surely cool as hell.

So, when she learned that she’d finally earned the qualifications to receive a custom-made exclusive weapon after her probation ended, the long-slumbering heart of a shut-in inside Lin Yu began to throb with long-lost passion.

A few days ago, she had already submitted to the Technical Development Department a detailed document titled:

《Weapon Customization Requirement Sheet》

1. Nothing girly!!
Sure, I wear skirts now, but my soul is a steel-blooded man! Guns like Li Qing’s pink one are way too girly. I want something black! Thick! Hard! Rock-solid!

2. Must be bloody, violent, and cool!
Best if it’s the kind that scares enemies into peeing the moment it’s raised — like a chainsaw sword! A blast cannon! Something to judge heretical pollutants with! (^_^)

3. Absolute defense!
I’m scared of pain. Very scared. I want full-range defense with no blind spots. If I get even a tiny scratch, I will file a complaint!

4. Suitable for close and long range, attack and defense both!
Like senior Yayoi Hotaru — I don’t want any obvious weaknesses.

5. Portable!
Best if it can fold into my pocket. I hate lugging heavy equipment like some laborer squeezing onto the subway every day.

“…You sure have a lot of demands.”

When this client-from-hell-like requirement sheet was slapped onto the technician’s desk, Sister Mei Ling — with two huge dark circles under her eyes — rolled her eyes so hard she nearly slapped the tablet onto Lin Yu’s face.

“You think this is a grocery market?! You think up requirements like you’re picking vegetables?! What, you think we’re Doraemon?!”

Sister Mei pointed at the screen, saliva flying:

“Look at this FIRST line! What do you mean ‘nothing girly’?! Your identity is magical girl! Get it?! Our weapon designs have underlying logic — they must be compatible with your phasic spirit-body’s 少女心相 (girlish heart resonance)! If you strap a chainsaw sword or a blast cannon to your back, your Gear-Spirit will explode in rage!”

“Here, you follow the magical girl rules — Cuteness. Is. Justice. Understand?”

After being brutally chewed out, Lin Yu drooped her head like a rain-soaked puppy and slunk out of the department.

What the hell…

She thought she could regain some masculine dignity through her weapon…

But in the end, she still had to comply with those stupid magical-girl regulations…

So lame…
/(ㄒoㄒ)/~~

So when Manager Qian told her to come to the training ground to receive the finished product, Lin Yu was not optimistic.

“Relax, Xiao Lin!”

Manager Qian, still smiling like the fox he was, patted her shoulder with enthusiasm and even gave a thumbs-up.

“Old Mei’s mouth is nasty, but her skills are legit. This time’s product — I guarantee — perfectly fits all your needs. Good-looking, safe, can be long or short, and even portable!”

“… …”

Lin Yu’s eyelid twitched.

Can be long or short? Portable?

Why did this uncle describe it like… like a condom ad?!

“Alright, don’t overthink it. Look — this is your exclusive partner.”

“…I hope it’s a surprise and not a horror show…” she muttered.

They reached the center of the test field.

Old Mei was already waiting there.

She looked even more exhausted than before — panda-level dark circles — but her eyes glowed with excitement.

“You’re here? It’s in there.”

She pointed at a silver metal case.

Lin Yu took a deep breath, stepped forward, and pressed the release button.

Click.

White refrigerant mist dispersed.

Holding her breath, eyes full of expectations, she looked inside.

She hoped for a cool lightsaber…
Or at least a somewhat badass-looking gun.

But instead—

Inside the box, under soft black velvet—

Was a…

White…
Fluffy…
Strange creature with rabbit-like ears and cat-like eyes…?

It was about the size of a housecat. Snow white. Not a single patch of color.
Big ruby eyes — blankly staring at Lin Yu.
Two gold rings around its neck.
A big fluffy squirrel-like tail behind it.

“…”

Lin Yu stared at it for a full ten seconds.

Then slowly turned her head, pointing at the thing with a trembling finger:

“WHAT… is that?!”

“I asked for a weapon! A cannon! Something that blasts tentacle monsters into ash! Why did you give me a plush toy?! Am I supposed to CUTE the pollutants to death?!”

“And also…”

She swallowed, staring into those blank red eyes.

“This thing looks TOO MUCH like that MLM bastard who tricks girls into contracts! Just looking at it feels unlucky!”

“Tsk. No taste.”

Old Mei rolled her eyes, grabbed the creature by the back of its neck.

It dangled limply like a corpse.

“It’s called Xiaobai. It’s a ‘Self-Regulating Phasic Armament’ built using the newest liquid nano-metal tech and an independent AI core. Our latest masterpiece. Way better than Li Qing’s or Chen Bing’s.”

“Self… regulating… what??”

“Couldn’t you just give me something solid and reliable? This—this thing looks anything but reliable!”

“Heh. Shows what you know. Normally, it’s just an adorable mascot — perfect for the ‘magical girl must have a pet’ stereotype. It scouts, navigates, and you can carry it through security checkpoints.”

Old Mei casually tossed Xiaobai at her.

“Whoa— hey!!”

Lin Yu fumbled but caught it.

Soft and fluffy, but cold like metal, and surprisingly heavy.

“Alright, stop rubbing it.”

Old Mei waved and signaled for the staff to activate the firing range.

“Give it a try. Input your psychic energy and say the activation phrase.”

“…What phrase?”

Old Mei grinned with malicious delight.

“Since it must follow the magical girl setting, obviously the phrase must fit the theme.”

She cleared her throat, imitated Li Qing’s sweet sugary voice, and said:

“—Pure heart, bond link! Transform, Xiaobai!”

“……”

Dead silence.

Lin Yu’s face instantly turned liver-colored.

“You… are… JOKING, right?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

Old Mei pointed at the fluffy white creature.

“It’s hard-coded in the lowest protocol. Can’t change it. If you don’t say it, it won’t activate.”

“I— I f*cking—”

This was TOO MUCH!

More embarrassing than wearing a skirt for the first time!

“Come on, Xiao Lin! The targets are ready!”

Manager Qian added fuel to the fire.

“I… I…”

Her face was boiling.

But—

But—

“…Haa… haa…”

Lin Yu sucked in deep breaths.

Then—

For the weapon!
For strength!
For the dignity of a man!!

She steeled herself.

“Ugh—”

She shut her eyes and shouted with tragic determination:

“PURE HEART!
BOND LINK—!”

“—TRANSFORM!! XIAOBAI!!!”

BZZZZZZT—!!!

The moment the shameful chant left her mouth—

Xiaobai’s red eyes lit up!

“Command confirmed. Bond verified. Restrictions lifted.”

A cold mechanical voice spoke.

The next second—

Crack crack crack— fzzzz—!!

Xiaobai exploded into countless streams of liquid metal, flowing up her arm like living mercury!

BANG!!

A powerful shockwave erupted.

Lin Yu turned around—

And her jaw dropped.

Behind her floated a two-meter-tall heavy mech torso!

A dark silver composite armor shell.
Left arm: massive tower shield with blue energy lines flowing.
Right arm: a monstrous long-barrel cannon.
Red electronic eye glowing coldly.

A silent steel guardian floating behind a tiny girl.

This “JK girl + heavy mech” visual contrast—

Absolutely decimated her XP system.

Holy crap!

It really CAN be long or short!

And really portable!

Not just condoms— even weapons can do this?!

“Th-this is…”

She reached out with trembling hands and touched the cold armor.

Tears leaked out from her smile.

“This is its battle mode — Da Bai (Big White).”
Old Mei said proudly.

“Attack and defense in one. Perfect for your ‘cowardly but wants to look cool’ needs.”

“As for attack—”

She pointed to a distant alloy target.

Lin Yu instantly understood.

She didn’t even need to speak—only thought.

And the mech responded.

The cannon raised—

VWOOOOOOOOM—

“BOOOOOOOOM!!!!”

A huge blue beam vaporized the alloy plate, melting a hole through it.

“Ho…ly… SH*T…”

What JK skirt?
What magical girl?
What shame?

Screw all that!!!

THIS was masculine romance!
THIS was mecha glory!

With this behind her, who dared call her girly again?!

She was a true heavy-armored lol— cough, heavy-armored MANLY warrior!!

Lin Yu grinned idiotically at the mech.

“Uh… Xiaobai is way too girly for a name. Not cool at all.”

“From today on, your name is—
Dreadnought Mecha Unit!!
How’s that? Cool, right?!”

Zzz—

The mech suddenly made a static noise.

Then—

POP.

It deflated instantly, all armor liquefying and shrinking—

Turning back into the white fluffball and dropping to the floor.

“Huh?! Why did it change back?!”

She squatted and tried to poke it.

But Xiaobai… took a step back.

Its ruby eyes narrowed, full of disdain.

Then it turned around, presenting its fluffy butt to her—

Tail flicking like:

“Peasant. Do not touch this lord.”

“Pfft—”

Old Mei burst out laughing.

“Looks like it’s expressing its strong disapproval of your naming ‘sense’. Forgot to tell you — its AI core uses a ‘prideful personality’ model. The temper is huge. Give it a chuunibyou name and it’ll absolutely go on strike.”

“……”

Lin Yu stared at the creature showing her its butt.

Her heart was exhausted.

Not only did Manager Qian trick her.

Not only did Old Mei roast her.

Now even her own weapon despised her.

This damned magical-girl life…

When will it END…
/(ㄒoㄒ)/~~