Chapter 34: So to Speak, Gray Crystal — Officially Born!

The world began to collapse.
Not in an explosion, not by tearing apart—
But in a strange, silent dissolution.

The high-grade wool carpet beneath my feet, the luxurious bed behind me, the chandelier overhead, dazzling beyond earthly splendor… All of it faded at unstoppable speed, shedding its glamour, its pretense of reality, returning to something cold and void, like a data stream of pure white light.

Until at last, the whole world became boundless white— a whiteness vast enough to drive anyone insane.
And I, too, reverted back into the real, the pathetic self, clad in a JK uniform—
[Gray Crystal].

I knelt wretchedly in the center of the white.
The “happiness” that seemed to last an entire lifetime was nothing but a nightmare, vivid to the point of nausea, cut short in an instant.
Now, awake, what greeted me was a reality colder than any nightmare.

(…Where… am I?)
My mind was blank, leaving only that instinctive, dazed question.

“Here lies the reflection of your innermost self.”
A familiar voice came from directly ahead.
I jerked my head up— and saw “me.”

No—
Not me.
The perfect version of me, the one I could never become, the “successful Lin Yu” from that dream.

He wore a fitted custom suit, stood tall, hair slicked immaculate, a smile on his face that only true winners in life could wear— calm, confident, lofty, looking down on me.

“……”
I seemed to understand.
Everything just now had been an illusion spun by that Phantom Jellyfish.
Too real.
Inside it, I had lived as though truly—extravagantly—walking through a flawless life.
A life like that…

“That is the life you want, isn’t it, Lin Yu.”
The “me” before me spoke.
No anger. No ridicule.
Only an icy pity that felt as if it came from a higher dimension.

“Peers grateful. Parents proud. Juniors respectful.
Power. Wealth. Beauty. Happiness. Health.
You stood atop life itself, perfect, lacking nothing.
So why… why choose to wake?”

He sighed softly, clicking his tongue, slowly shaking his head, his eyes gazing down like at hopeless, self-ruined trash.

“Awake, you must face what?
A black-hearted company that wrings you dry.
Cruel seniors who despise you.
The cross-dressing job you can never confess to your parents.
The radiant former idol that overshadows you.
Pressure… such crushing pressure.
Reality… how cruel, how helpless.”

The more he spoke, the more his smile turned into pity.

“……”
I curled in on myself, like an insect with its spine crushed, hugging my arms, unable even to offer the weakest rebuttal.
Each word he spoke was salt soaked in venom, sprinkled hard into my bleeding wounds.
All of it true.

(Why… why did I wake up? What am I even clinging to?)
The thought spun through me, my will wavering, starting to crack.

(Am I just sick?
Born pathetic, fated pathetic, a masochist doomed to take the most painful, hopeless path?)

“Child…”
A voice.
So warm. So loving.
A gentle hand lifted my chin.

Before me— a dreamlike radiance of rainbow hues, filling my vision.
The heavenly voice, soft as silk, drifted into my ears:

“Abandon that useless, painful life.
You should be accomplished.
You should have a family.
You should be respected by all.
You should possess everything you desire…
You deserve it.”

(…I… deserve it?)

“Yes, you do…
No more dangerous missions.
No more crushing your parents with disappointment.
No more comparisons.
No more forcing yourself to be some ridiculous… magical girl.”

“…Magical girl?”
The word escaped me like a dreamer’s murmur.

“Yes. You only signed that sinister contract for work, for money, to survive.
Forced yourself into a girl.
Forced yourself into this laughable skirt, wandering through this damned city.”

“The sneers of strangers, the filthy words of scum, the daily ridicule of so-called companions, the bone-deep terror of monsters—”

The voice faltered, trembling as if about to cry.
“All that meaningless pain… those burdens never yours to bear…
Abandon them. Forget them…”

I was wrapped in that radiant warmth.
It felt like lying lazy in spring fields under sunlight.
No—warmer. Safer.
Like the arms of my mother after school, where I could cling and be spoiled.

I opened my mouth, but no words came.
Because it was right. The monster was right.

In reality I was a rat, hiding in shadows, doing filthy jobs, lying even to my family.
Twenty-six years, nothing achieved, not even steady work.
My peers already pillars of society.
My parents old, gray, still worrying for me.

Sin in me.
Roots of trouble in me.
Everything wrong in me.

I, Lin Yu, was nothing but a burden to them all.
A burden to society.

If I vanished…
If I stayed forever in this perfect dream…

My sight blurred.
Hot, humiliating tears slid uncontrolled.

“So come, my child.”
The radiance shifted, condensing into a form I knew best, the one I could never resist—

My mother.
Her gaze, loving.
Her face, gentle.
Her expression, endlessly forgiving.

“Together, let us go to that new, happy world, that belongs only to you.”

She extended a hand.
Those hands—clean, warm, full of maternal power.
If I just held them, I could leave all pain, all filth behind, and return to perfect happiness.

My body trembled.
I knew— I knew I should refuse.
This was poison wrapped in sugar.

But…
Was it wrong?
My life was a joke.
I was a disgusting freak, neither man nor woman.
I was a burden.

(…Yes…)
The last of my resistance melted in the warm ocean called “happiness.”
(…To end it here… maybe that’s fine…)

I lifted my head slowly, like a prisoner resigned to fate, ready to extend my trembling, girlish hand to clasp that “deliverance”—

But at that instant—!
The moment before my fingertips touched that warmth— a stabbing pain seared my ears!
Like a red-hot needle piercing my eardrum!

“██████losing███!”
(…What? What voice? What’s it saying?)

That hesitation— I strained to hear.
And then— a sharp, familiar, energetic girl’s voice split the darkness like gray lightning:

“Don’t lose!!”

BOOM————!!!
Gray thunder ripped across my vision.
My whole body plunged into ice.
My hand froze mid-air.

(…This voice… Li Qing?!)

“The comm window’s short… All I can say… Ying-chan… she doesn’t want… to look down on you ever again!!”

“Ying-chan… doesn’t want to look down on me again…”
I murmured the words, dream-like.

Then—another voice.
Cold, weak, but filled with unyielding resolve.
Like fate itself crashing into my skull:

“Rookie!!”

At once— Everything I had buried, abandoned, everything drowned beneath this “happy nightmare”— Returned!

Like a black flood bursting a dam, world-shattering, roaring back!

I saw— myself in the hospital, weeping, staking all dignity, making that childish, foolish promise to Yano Ying.

I saw the training field, Chen Bing’s cold face, Li Qing’s mischievous grin.

I saw the midnight skewer stand, Luo Shaotian’s gleaming uniform, his broad, reliable back shielding me.

I even saw— in a memory long buried, a little boy before a TV. Clutching an Ultraman toy, watching cities burn, monsters roar, people flee—

Until— A figure of light appeared.

I laughed, silent, at myself.
So I’d forgotten all this?
So reality’s grind had erased even that silly, innocent dream?

I had once wanted to be that hero of light.
But I hadn’t.
I’d become instead…a tiny, cute magical girl.

And yet—
That fiery desire to stand tall, was real!
That courage to tear apart despair, was real!
That belief called “protection,” rising when comrades fell—
Most real of all!

I raised my head.
The green eyes, once gray with despair, now blazed again— a fire fierce enough to burn away all falsehood.

“You’re right, monster.”
I looked at the radiant face of “my mother,” and with a hoarse, yet steeled voice, declared:
“Lin Yu’s life is a failure.
Poor. Weak. Ashamed. Nothing but delusion.
But—!”

I rose, standing from the void of white.
“Only after donning this ridiculous skirt did he first gain the dignity to pay rent on time!
Only after becoming a magical girl did he first gain the resolve to make a promise to grow stronger!
Only after gaining this body of Gray Crystal did he first, truly, touch that forgotten dream of being a hero!”

“He envies that perfect self.
He resents his peers who outpaced him.
But—”

I raised my hand.
That slender, pale, girlish hand curled into a fist!

“—This life of pain, humiliation, struggle, and defiance— is the only thing he owns his most real treasure!!”

The passion erupted like a volcano.
The radiant “mother” quivered in terror.

“To hell with you, Phantom Jellyfish! Remember this—”
“Standing here now, and smashing you to pieces—”
“—is the future’s strongest magical girl—”
“—her name is—”

My fist crashed forward!

“[Gray Crystal] AAAAAAAA!!”