Chapter 22: The Lounge and Lingering Regrets

Han Jung-woo, who I had expected to do something grand, instead headed for the resort’s lounge.

The lounge, which had transformed into a bar as evening fell, held a scattering of people conversing softly and sipping their drinks.

“Let’s sit over there.”

Han Jung-woo pointed to a secluded corner, far from the gaze of other patrons.

Han Jung-woo settled first at a table shaped like a bisected oval. Seeing the awkward seating arrangement, I chose the furthest end, putting as much distance as possible between us.

[If you need anything.] The employee handed over the menu, then quietly withdrew. The menu, filled with foreign script, made it difficult to discern the drinks. I picked out a few I recognized, then settled on one.

I thought I had made my selection rather quickly. Yet, Han Jung-woo had already closed his menu and was waiting for me. The moment I closed mine, he raised a hand, summoning the server.

Shortly after we ordered, our drinks arrived. The cocktail, served in a delicate glass, shimmered with the cerulean hue of a deep ocean.

It was as if a tiny sea had been captured within the glass.

‘Its name was something like ‘Ocean,’ I think.’

Recalling the cocktail’s name—one I couldn’t remember without the menu—I took a sip. A refreshing lemon aroma mingled with a sharp, potent alcoholic kick. It was stronger than I had anticipated.

“Do you like alcohol?”

Han Jung-woo asked. Distracted by the cocktail, I had momentarily forgotten Han Jung-woo was sitting beside me.

Just moments ago, I’d imagined a pleasant buzz. Now, with Han Jung-woo here, that prospect was ruined. I had to remain completely sober tonight.

“Order anything else you want to drink. Don’t just stick to alcohol; get some appetizers too.”

*Hmph*, he was flaunting his wealth as a rich *chaebol*. While I, too, possessed enough money to order such things without a second thought, Han Jung-woo’s words made me feel free to indulge without reservation.

As I continued to add various appetizers and drinks, the spacious table soon became laden with dishes. Though I had ordered impulsively, the sheer quantity of food was far too much for just two people. My cocktail choices had been equally thoughtless.

“You must have been really hungry.”

“Well, a little.”

In truth, I had only recently finished the sandwich Jae-hyun had bought me, so I wasn’t truly hungry. Hesitantly, I picked up a fork and speared a nearby french fry.

The fries, perfectly fried to a crisp, were both crunchy and piping hot.

‘Delicious.’

Even though I wasn’t hungry, the french fries tasted wonderful. Reflecting, french fries had always been on my list of favorite foods, ever since I was Yoo Joon-hee.

How could freshly fried, crispy potatoes dipped in tangy ketchup *not* be delicious? Picking at them one by one, I soon found myself having devoured an entire plate of fries on my own.

A slight embarrassment washed over me, wondering if I had eaten too quickly. It was truly astonishing; they say there’s always room for snacks, but I couldn’t believe how much I’d consumed after already eating.

‘Han Jung-woo isn’t eating anything.’

I glanced over to see Han Jung-woo had only taken one sip of his initial cocktail, leaving it untouched since. Why he had even come to the lounge remained a mystery, but as I was enjoying myself, I decided not to dwell on it.

My first cocktail had long been emptied, so I moved on to the others I’d ordered. Before long, five empty glasses were lined up neatly in front of me.

“You drink like that, and you don’t get drunk?”

“No, I have a high tolerance.”

After that incident, I’d been drinking constantly, and comically, I had developed a high tolerance. Previously, a single shot of *soju* would make my cheeks flush, but now I could easily finish three bottles.

It was truly ironic.

The alcohol I’d started drinking to forget my troubles had now become so familiar that it no longer erased anything.

‘How ridiculous.’

Ever since I became Yoo Seo-jin and came to this place, I had been drinking every day. Not aimlessly like before, but just enough to feel a pleasant buzz.

It wasn’t even about wanting to forget something specific. It was a vague form of avoidance, a hazy state of intoxication where I endured half a year, trying to push away unwanted memories.

“If you get drunk, I’ll abandon you here.”

“Don’t worry, that won’t happen.”

At my confident reply, Han Jung-woo let out a small chuckle. He then took a sip of the cocktail he had been neglecting, quickly emptying the small glass.

“Are we really just going to sit here like this?”

For someone who suggested we talk, his conversational attempts were remarkably sparse. It felt more like we were two strangers sitting at the same table, drinking independently.

While I certainly enjoyed being able to drink as much as I pleased on someone else’s dime, a subtle unease gnawed at me. He couldn’t have called me here just for this triviality.

I couldn’t fathom Han Jung-woo’s true intentions.

“You’re not planning anything else, are you?”

“No, we just need to be like this. Occasionally, we’ll exchange a few words, and Yoo Seo-jin can eat what he likes, drink cocktails, and just exist.”

Although I couldn’t entirely shake my suspicions, I decided to go along with it since Han Jung-woo had said so. Not that I hadn’t already been doing exactly that, even without his explicit permission.

“May I ask just one thing?”

“You may ask several.”

Han Jung-woo, chin propped on his hand, turned his body fully towards me. There was no need for such a direct posture, and the intense eye contact was so burdensome that I took another sip of my cocktail.

It helped somewhat.

“Han Jung-woo, you don’t dislike me, do you?”

“Yes, I dislike you.”

“…”

“I continue to dislike you.”

After this double confirmation, the meaning behind all the questions I had prepared vanished. Han Jung-woo still disliked me. That was all there was to it.

‘This must just be a fleeting indulgence.’

My feelings remained unchanged. While I still couldn’t fathom what thoughts resided in his head, I was certain his intention was to torment me.

Since I wouldn’t see this man again after two weeks anyway, I felt like letting him do whatever he pleased for now. If I could just endure that time, it would be a permanent farewell.

Dismissing all my worries, I drained my glass and savored the sharp, sweet taste lingering in my mouth. The alcohol was exceptionally sweet.

“Is that all?”

“What do you mean?”

“What Yoo Seo-jin is curious about, regarding me.”

There was nothing else to ask. I had no curiosity about Han Jung-woo. Though, it would be more accurate to say I didn’t possess even a shred of interest in him.

“Yes, that’s all.”

Unlike my own sense of relief, Han Jung-woo showed a hint of disappointment. Yet, he didn’t seem inclined to prolong the conversation either.

As I ate the delicious appetizers, feeling relieved, I suddenly felt a gaze upon me. Naturally, everyone’s eyes were drawn to Han Jung-woo.

The lounge’s lighting was dim, yet Han Jung-woo still stood out distinctly. He was the kind of man who would shine even in rags, so dressed up as he was, it was impossible not to notice him.

‘Because the shell belongs to Seon Woo-jung.’

Even with the same face, Han Jung-woo and Seon Woo-jung were different to me. While Han Jung-woo evoked no emotions even when this close, Seon Woo-jung was another matter entirely.

When I was with him, I would find myself smiling unconsciously, feeling happy and warm. In my lonely and arduous life, Seon Woo-jung had been a gift.

And now, he was a person whose mere thought brought a pang to my heart.

‘How shameless of me.’

A self-deprecating laugh escaped me. As I took a long sip of my cocktail, Seon Woo-jung, who filled my mind, became a little clearer.

I miss you, but why aren’t you here?

Is it because I don’t even deserve to see you?

“Why are you laughing?”

“Whether I laugh or not, it’s none of your concern.”

Perhaps due to my slightly slurred tongue from the alcohol, my pronunciation wasn’t precise. Unaware of my own intoxication, however, I pulled a fresh glass closer.

“You seem to have had too much.”

“I’m not drunk yet.”

“You don’t look it at all.”

Han Jung-woo tapped one of the empty glasses lined up on the table. It seemed to be a subtle hint to stop drinking, but I defiantly emptied another glass.

“I won’t cause you any trouble, Han Jung-woo, so just leave me be.”

“…Well, if you say so.”

He shrugged, then withdrew his attention from me. Though my mind registered that I shouldn’t drink more as the intoxication surged, my hand was already reaching for another glass.

This was a habit.

A bad habit of trying to erase unwanted memories with alcohol whenever they surfaced.

‘I should have said I was sorry.’

It was a regret that replayed every time I got drunk. ‘If only I had known that was our last moment, I wouldn’t have said such harsh words.’

I know I don’t even deserve to remember you like this. If I had any conscience, how could I reminisce about you, or long for you?

‘Please, just let me stay by your side. Don’t let me leave you. Don’t do this to me.’

And yet, I had inflicted such a profound wound upon you, who were a gift.