Chapter 35: Memories Under a Starry Sky

Upon arriving in the village, I immediately headed to my regular pub. Though it was quite early for a drink, the establishment was already bustling with patrons.

“Hey!”

“Jamie!”

Just then, Jamie emerged from the kitchen, recognized me instantly, and greeted me warmly. As I settled into my usual spot, Jamie promptly handed me a beer.

“So, how have things been lately?” Jamie asked.

“Oh, just… you know.” I trailed off.

“A friend?” Jamie pressed.

“Well…” I murmured, my voice fading. Before my thoughts could become convoluted once more, I drained the glass of beer.

As expected, the alcohol tasted unusually sweet today. It was likely due to the sheer excitement of finally having some time to myself.

As the once quiet pub filled to capacity with patrons, Jamie became too busy to spare a moment for conversation. Even after being left alone, I continued to empty glass after glass.

Drinking in silence, I hadn’t realized I had far exceeded my usual limit. With no one to rein me in, I continued ordering drinks without imposing any boundaries upon myself.

“What is all this?!”

Much later, Jamie found me, their eyes widening in utter disbelief at the sight of the empty glasses densely covering the table. Even then, I was already sipping at a freshly ordered drink.

“You know, we…”

“This is enough.”

“Not tonight.”

The glass Jamie snatched away still held half its contents. I pouted in disappointment, but it had no effect on them.

“Can you make it back to the resort?”

“I’ll be fine.”

The moment I confidently stood up, the world tilted sideways with a resounding thud. My eyes widened in alarm, and Jamie clicked their tongue, as if they had expected as much.

“Alright, alright.”

As I righted my body, which had collapsed onto the table, Jamie handed me a glass of cold water brought by a staff member. Inside the palm-sized glass, my disheveled reflection shimmered alongside the pub’s lights.

A faint chuckle escaped my lips.

“Drink up.”

Jamie gently patted my back. I swallowed the water in the glass in a single gulp.

As the icy liquid slid down my throat, a brief moment of clarity returned, only to dissipate just as quickly.

“Jamie, you…”

“Seo-jin.”

Though their tone was brusque, I knew without a doubt that Jamie cared deeply for me. Even in that single glass of water I had just consumed, I could feel their underlying kindness.

I liked this place.

The people here were kind, yet they knew how to maintain an appropriate distance. They never tried to pry into my affairs.

Here, I could simply be myself, not Yoo Seo-jin. I had been living well, drifting alone without mingling with anyone, but those unwelcome guests had ruined everything.

“I’m leaving.”

Setting the empty glass back on the table, I exited the pub. Jamie followed me to the front of the establishment, expressing their concern and urging me to go straight back to my lodging instead of wandering off somewhere inappropriate.

As I walked along the continuous road, I suddenly remembered that I hadn’t said goodbye to Jamie. While there was still time, it was uncertain whether I would return to the pub.

However, I had already come too far to turn back. After a moment of contemplation, I severed my lingering thoughts and continued walking along the path.

My staggering steps were precarious. Having consumed far more than my usual limit, my vision blurred and swayed, causing me to nearly collapse onto the ground several times.

Fortunately, before I could embrace the asphalt, I managed to sit on a roadside bench and catch my breath. Leaning back comfortably as if I were in my own room, I gazed at the myriad stars dotting the pitch-black sky.

‘Ah, a reply.’

Why had the message, which I had forgotten all this time, suddenly come to mind? Fumbling, I pulled out my phone, found Han Jung-woo’s name, and began typing a reply I hadn’t sent.

[I’m drnk_]

Due to the small screen, my fingers kept slipping. How many times did I type and delete the garbled sentences? Eventually, I managed to send the reply.

It felt like finishing a long-postponed chore. Just as I was about to proudly put my phone away, a frantic vibration rattled in my hand. Flipping the screen over, I saw Han Jung-woo’s name prominently displayed.

‘It’s a call.’

I briefly tapped the green call button. Before I could even utter the full four syllables of ‘Yeoboseyo,’ an urgent voice emanated from the other end.

–Where are you right now?

I slowly blinked, then surveyed my surroundings. With only the sea and the road in sight, I honestly didn’t know where I was either. All I could say was ‘somewhere on the way back to the resort.’

–Yoo Seo-jin, I asked where you are!

When I didn’t respond, he repeated his question. I mumbled that I didn’t know. He then let out a deep sigh.

–Stay right there. Don’t go anywhere.

“Why?”

–Because I’m coming to you now.

Click. With that final remark, the call ended abruptly. Displeased that Han Jung-woo had simply said his piece and hung up, I vented my frustration by tossing my phone onto the bench.

‘I’m sleepy.’

I needed to leave before Han Jung-woo arrived, but as my concentration waned, an overwhelming drowsiness began to creep in. My body felt as heavy as waterlogged cotton.

Before I knew it, I had completely forgotten the need to move, and found myself dozing off while still seated on the bench. As I remained in a half-conscious state, a familiar voice drifted into my ears on the wind.

‘Joon-hee hyung.’

At the sound of the voice calling my name, my drowsy eyes snapped open. Waking instantly, I quickly scanned my surroundings, even though I knew it was impossible.

As expected, there was no one there.

‘Was it a hallucination?’

A hollow laugh escaped me at my own foolishness. Embarrassed, I pretended to run a hand through my hair before dropping my gaze to the ground.

‘Of course he wouldn’t be here.’

It was truly strange. I existed here, yet I was told I was someone who didn’t exist. Therefore, no one Yoo Joon-hee knew was present in this place.

No one remembers me, and I remember no one. So, you wouldn’t be here either.

‘He must be doing well, right?’

Unlike me, who had been falling endlessly, he had soared higher with each passing day. Unlike me, a perpetual supporting character, he had always been the protagonist bathed in the spotlight.

I truly envied him, and yet I was jealous. I tried to conceal my ugly inferiority complex, but it must have been painfully obvious.

After all, you could always read my true feelings just by looking into my eyes.

Yet, he embraced even that side of me. To me, who was sharp-edged and riddled with wounds, he said he liked me, that he loved me.

From him, I received a complete love that even my parents had never given me. So happy and grateful that it brought tears to my eyes, I once wished to spend my entire life with him.

If that incident hadn’t happened, perhaps I would have.

‘Just this once, can’t you lean on me? I’m allowed to, aren’t I? I’m special to you, hyung.’

When the entire world turned its back on me, he remained by my side until the very end. It was he who soothed and comforted my anxious self, telling me that even though things were hard now, they would get better someday, allowing me to persevere.

For a fleeting moment, I harbored hope that things would improve, but reality proved cruel. Despite this, it was my utterly useless pride that pushed him away when he tried to stay by my side.

Because I hated myself so much, because I detested myself so deeply, I didn’t want to show that version of me to you.

‘What’s the point of all this?’

The reason he, whom I had tried so hard to forget, kept becoming vivid again was all because of Han Jung-woo. Because he keeps lingering around me with a face that resembles him, I can’t help but remember him.

“I truly hate this.”

I felt utterly wretched. So much time had passed, enough to forget, yet his distinct voice still called my name—a name that would never be spoken again.

Sunbae-nim. Joon-hee hyung. And sometimes, Joon-hee.

“Ah…”

My cheek felt itchy, and when I touched it, it was damp. I had thought it was raining, but the night sky was flawlessly clear. Only then did I realize I was crying.

When was the last time I had truly cried? There were times I wondered if I had forgotten how to grieve, as tears would never come unless I was acting.

‘I didn’t even cry when we broke up.’

Tears that hadn’t flowed even when my heart felt like it was tearing apart were now gushing out like a broken faucet.

I wiped, and wiped, and wiped, but they kept coming.

“Damn it…”

I drew my knees up sharply and buried my wretched face deep within them. His name kept threatening to escape through my tightly clenched teeth, so I bit down even harder.

The moment I uttered his name aloud, I feared the longing I had so desperately ignored would crash over me like a wave, and I, who was barely holding on, would crumble.

But the truth was… there was never a moment when I didn’t miss you.

“—Ah.”

My vision was then dragged into an unfathomable darkness.