Chapter 37: The Lingering Shadow of Jung

“…What?”

My mind went blank in an instant. Why would a name that should never, could never, escape Han Jung-woo’s lips be uttered?

Han Jung-woo looked directly at my face, which was busy denying reality and telling myself I’d misheard, then delivered the killing blow.

“You were crying pitifully, calling out constantly. Jung-ah, Jung-ah, like that.”

My vision spun, and my legs, which had been holding me up, wavered. I dropped the clothes in my hand and searched for a wall to support myself, but it was regrettably too far.

Fortunately, Han Jung-woo caught me, preventing a fall, but the shock made it difficult to even stand.

“Are you alright?”

“I-I’m fi—”

“Let’s sit down first.”

Han Jung-woo took my subtly trembling shoulder and slowly guided me. After seating me on the bed, he lowered himself and examined my pallid face.

“Are you feeling unwell?”

“No, it’s nothing like that.”

Han Jung-woo, holding my chin as I tried to avert my gaze, was utterly serious. He likely believed I was truly ill, completely oblivious that he was the cause of it.

“Tell me if you need medicine.”

“I’m fine.”

I pushed Han Jung-woo’s hand away and steadied my ragged breathing. I had thought I was unusually drunk yesterday, but it seemed I had made quite a scene.

Even so, what right did I have to utter that name?

‘What an idiot.’

Self-reproach was useless; the deed was already done. Calling out that name so foolishly was one thing, but to have done it in front of Han Jung-woo of all people?

‘Just let it pass quietly.’

I desperately hoped Han Jung-woo would dismiss it as the ramblings of a drunk, but as always, nothing ever went my way.

“Why, are you thinking about that ‘Jung’ fellow again?”

An unsuppressed sigh escaped me. Looking into his dark eyes, which watched me without a single blink, I knew there was no way to gloss over this.

Han Jung-woo seemed determined to find out who Seon Woo-jung was from me. Though I couldn’t fathom why he was so curious about that person.

“Were you two something special?”

“No. We were nothing at all.”

“You called out to them so yearningly, enough to bother anyone who heard.”

“I was drunk.”

Ultimately, my chosen defense was to blame it all on intoxication. It was a transparent excuse, but Han Jung-woo didn’t know who ‘Jung’ was.

“Nothing special, you say…”

Han Jung-woo, pondering my words, crumpled his face. Then, he straightened his lowered posture and cast his eyes downwards.

“Right, it’s not as if Yoo Seo-jin would ever have a normal relationship.”

Han Jung-woo’s sarcasm grated on my nerves. The Yoo Seo-jin he knew might certainly fit that description, but I was not that person.

However, I couldn’t argue, so all I could do was glare at Han Jung-woo with all my might.

“You’re not someone capable of pure love, are you?”

“I imagine that applies to you as well, Han Jung-woo.”

From my perspective, they were two sides of the same coin. Han Jung-woo, who couldn’t easily trust people, and Yoo Seo-jin, who viewed them as tools.

Moreover, they both resembled each other in their promiscuous lifestyles. Did Han Jung-woo even know what Omegas called him?

Perhaps a mere plaything that pleased them if they played along.

“So, who is that person?”

Anger surged within me as the conversation returned to square one. Why did he keep trying to unearth what I was so desperately trying to forget? And of all people, my most uncomfortable companion.

“You said you were curious about my intentions, but isn’t your interest heading in a strange direction?”

“……”

Perhaps stung by the truth, Han Jung-woo fell silent. Yet, his gaze, brazenly demanding an answer, remained unwavering. A small, bitter laugh escaped me.

Rising from the bed, I strode purposefully towards Han Jung-woo. He flinched slightly at the unannounced proximity but didn’t retreat.

“Han Jung-woo, you said you disliked me, didn’t you?”

“……”

He neither affirmed nor denied it. His tightly sealed lips remained closed, so I interpreted his silence as I pleased.

That Han Jung-woo still disliked me.

“Don’t show this kind of interest in me again. We’re not that kind of acquaintance.”

*Tuk.* I pushed Han Jung-woo’s chest with my index finger. I expected him to stand firm this time too, but to my surprise, he docilely stepped back.

Han Jung-woo’s expression was impassive, yet he couldn’t control the tremor in his eyes. Why was he so agitated? I didn’t want to care.

‘Let’s go back.’

Brushing past Han Jung-woo, I picked up the clothes that had fallen to the floor. I dressed unhurriedly, taking my time, and was about to leave the room when he caught my arm.

“Yoo Seo-jin…”

His trembling voice was uncharacteristically plaintive. I shook his hand off without hesitation. I refused to be swayed by such ambiguous gestures any longer.

Thankfully, he didn’t try to stop me again. After glancing at his deeply bowed head and tightly clenched hands, I turned my back and returned to my room.

I locked the door and hadn’t taken more than a few steps before my legs, which had been holding me up, gave way. *Haaah.* The breath I’d been holding burst out.

“Ugh…”

I managed to brace myself against the wall, preventing a fall, but I couldn’t stand any longer. Slumping to the floor, I raised my trembling hands to cover my face.

It was utterly wretched. Though I had no memory of it, the fact that Han Jung-woo now knew that name—a name I must have repeated countless times—was utterly miserable.

“You idiotic bastard.”

To ask who that person was, all while bearing the same face as Seon Woo-jung—what a ridiculous spectacle.

Here, just as I was not Yoo Joon-hee, Han Jung-woo was not Seon Woo-jung. I knew that better than anyone. I had to.

“You know you’re a different person.”

I repeated those words like a mantra, but in truth, I knew. My weary heart was beginning to waver.

Every time Han Jung-woo showed uncharacteristic kindness, every time he appeared before me with the face from my memories, every time he offered a questionable favor, I kept seeing *you*.

‘You foolish bastard.’

Self-loathing crept up on me. I squeezed my eyes shut, swallowing the countless curses that rose within me, even as my insides were already festering black.

‘Nothing has changed.’

Some might say I should be grateful for being given a new life. And indeed, I was grateful. I had even tried my best to live well.

Yet, the shadow that had tormented me for so long simply refused to disappear. Here, I was Yoo Seo-jin, but at the same time, I was Yoo Joon-hee.

Outwardly, I appeared fine, but inside, the Yoo Joon-hee consumed by inferiority, twisted beyond recognition, was still alive.

‘Do you think you’ll ever succeed? You’ll be abandoned miserably. You’ll crumble more wretchedly than anyone!’

When the long legal battle ended, and I faced the burden of my ‘family’ one last time, my mother’s curse, spat out with a bloody cough, became reality.

I was abandoned more miserably than anyone, and I crumbled wretchedly. As if that weren’t enough, I even severed the precious connection that remained, all due to my inferiority complex.

If asked what I regretted most, I would, without hesitation, think of you. If I had known that day was our last, I never would have said those words to you.

Never.

‘I’m sorry, hyung. I should have come sooner.’

He had rushed to me as soon as his overseas filming concluded, looking somewhat exhausted, yet he was unchanged from before. No, he was even more radiant, sparkling brightly.

You, with nowhere to go but up, and I, who had fallen. Crushed beyond any hope of recovery, I unleashed all my fury upon you.

‘You make me want to die. Please, don’t come. Because next time, I’ll die right in front of you.’

Hearing my words—that I would die in front of him—he crumbled for the very first time. And I, pathetic as I was, felt a small sense of superiority seeing his devastated, distorted face.

‘I shouldn’t have done that.’

After he left, I lived every day consumed by regret. The loss was so immense that even alcohol, which used to blur reality, couldn’t alleviate the pain.

And I could not fill that void. I still lived as an empty shell. From then until now, ceaselessly.

There was no room for confusion. I was simply too exhausted, clearly enchanted by a capricious tenderness. How foolish I was to feel bewildered, even though I knew it wasn’t real.

I had to remind myself again: just as I was Yoo Seo-jin and not Yoo Joon-hee here, Han Jung-woo was not Seon Woo-jung.

‘Just a little longer, I have to endure.’

In a few days, Han Jung-woo, who had tormented me, would return to his homeland, meet Jung Hee-soo, and fall in love. He would live well, forgetting someone like me. And I, as always, would be left alone.

This was how it was supposed to be. I decided to believe that.