Chapter 39: A New Room, Old Despair, and a Cathartic Outburst

Compared to the Coldwind Estate, the Moon Island Lord’s castle was undeniably much more dilapidated.

Its exterior stone bricks were weathered, as if eroded by countless harsh winters and scorching summers. Inside, the rooms were mostly filled with cobwebs and dust, exuding a desolate aura.

Allen led me through the corridors, searching for the servants’ quarters. He seemed unfamiliar with the place himself, pulling open several doors in a row without finding the right one.

Anxiety and embarrassment were etched across his face; I thought he was about to blush to the tips of his ears.

Unable to bear watching any longer, I offered a subtle reminder.

“Generally speaking, don’t the rooms for servants attending the lord tend to be located near the lord’s own residence?”

Allen’s face instantly lit up with an expression that screamed, ‘Ah, of course!’ He then quickly led me to the highest floor.

After following him up what felt like five flights of stairs, I finally spotted a relatively pristine door.

It was a heavy oak door, inlaid with several rust-red iron plates. Beneath the oxidized layer, faint, intricate patterns were barely visible.

Through the crack in the door, I could see that the interior was newly renovated and meticulously clean, boasting linen-woven carpets, a tidy large bed, and a long desk for work. It stood in stark contrast to the dilapidated rooms downstairs.

“Is this my room?” My heart surged with excitement, and my eyes brightened.

“How could it be? That’s my brother’s room. Yours is the one next to it.” Allen pointed towards a room in the corner of the corridor.

I followed his gaze, and with just a glance, I couldn’t help but sigh inwardly, ‘Just as I thought.’

Compared to the lord’s clean and spacious bedroom, this servant’s room appeared quite spartan.

There was no soft wool carpet, no sturdy oak desk, and it even lacked a single window. Only simple wardrobes, a table, chairs, and a large bed, inexplicably sized for two, furnished the space.

Allen departed shortly after leading me here, claiming he needed to attend to the injured members of the retinue. The arrangements for me, his new maid, would be decided later that evening.

“If there’s nothing urgent, do not leave this castle afterward. You saw today, even our lord’s own retinue was dared to be attacked by bandits. How much more so a frail young woman like you?”

Before leaving, Allen admonished me with a grave expression, and I nodded obediently.

Once his last silhouette vanished into the distant corridor, my tightly wound nerves finally unwound.

“Ah, finally, I don’t have to face those people for a while…”

I flopped onto the bed, not caring how long it had been since the sheets were washed, nor how much dust accumulated around. I simply collapsed onto it, lying supine.

Perhaps sometimes, one should not quiet down, for once that happens, a mind that should be resting inexplicably begins to ponder many things.

My first thought was of Lulona. I wondered how the child had fared at Coldwind Estate after I left her.

Had she been assigned arduous tasks? Would she have opportunities to eat and sleep properly?

Then I thought of Aisha. She had helped me so much; would she now be targeted by Bena and the Young Mistress? Would I ever have a chance to see her again?

Finally, I inexplicably thought of Rodd, the man always enveloped in an aura of mystery.

I could not fathom his motives for such attentiveness towards me.

Why had he helped me remove my collar?

Why had he appeared precisely when the Young Mistress was about to punish me?

And why had he snatched me away from the Young Mistress’s side?

How would he treat me next?

I pondered for a moment, thinking that if he were an ordinary lord, he would likely ‘take his pleasure with’ a newly acquired beautiful young maid one evening.

“Speaking of this bed…”

I lifted the bedsheet and glanced underneath, indeed discovering some faint, aged marks.

“So this bed has seen such use before…”

An inexplicable pang of sorrow swelled in my heart, a numb ache. I felt like a piece of meat on a chopping block.

Either tonight or tomorrow night, I would surely end up like the previous occupant of this room, with the lord next door.

I suddenly felt truly ridiculous. I had thought of so many problems, yet only now did I realize the most crucial point.

Rodd, that man, must be interested in my body.

He was a powerful man, in his prime, holding a high position, and yet unmarried. Under the sway of hormones, it was not unusual for him to occasionally desire to unleash his urges upon one or two young bodies.

This body of mine was made to entice men; the parts that should be large were large, and the parts that should be small were small. Although I hadn’t had the chance to employ any schemes, it was reasonable that the lord would be captivated by me at first sight.

So, following the natural course of events, either tonight or tomorrow night, either in my room or in his bed, I would…be with him.

He appeared gentle and kind on the surface, but who knew if he would completely tear off his disguise when that time came?

Perhaps his desires were exceptionally strong.

How, then, should I confront him?

Or should I… accommodate him?

At this thought, I involuntarily shivered, feeling as though I was leaping from one hardship to another, the shackles around my neck still firmly in place.

Was this my fate?

This oppression by destiny, this resentment towards my enemies, this despair for myself—these emotions accumulated in my heart like sludge, unable to be expelled, growing stronger and fouler.

This surge of emotion suddenly propelled my weary body to stand up. I went to the door, and after ensuring no one else was present, I closed the dilapidated wooden door securely and drew the wooden bolt.

Then, I turned, took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and lowered my voice, shouting towards the wall:

“Axas, I… I curse your mother, you worthless piece of shit bastard, may you never have a son!”

“Kachel, I curse… your mother, you fat-headed, big-eared pig, even dogs wouldn’t eat you if you were roasted!”

“Cassina, I… I also curse your mother! You’re not even as pretty as I am, what men are you seducing? I’ll steal your man and make you wash my stinky socks!”

“And… and all you bastards who harmed me, I curse all your mothers, I curse your entire families, your eighteen generations of ancestors, ahhhhhh!”

Having spewed so many obscenities, I felt both exhilarated and terrified. Exhilarated that I could finally heartily curse these powerful figures who had always lorded over me, and terrified that Axas’s spies might accidentally overhear my ranting.

It wasn’t my fault; in Coldwind Territory, Axas’s informants were everywhere. Even a whispered secret to Lulona would be discovered.

And even now, in this unfamiliar place of Moon Island, I remained wary, for I remembered the old man telling me that even if I stayed on Moon Island, I shouldn’t dream of escaping his watchful eyes.

However, when I finished my tirade and felt no changes in my surroundings, I couldn’t help but curse again:

“Curse your mother, Axas! You were just trying to scare me, weren’t you? I knew there was no way you could be so powerful as to even…

“Done cursing, you little b*tch?”

A cold voice came from behind me.