Chapter 84: The Weight of a Secret

“Haah… haah…”

I panted, leaning on my cane as I trudged along the dirt path.

The distance from Listening Wind Town to the harbor I’d visited yesterday was considerable; even by carriage, it would take several hours.

Following the river offered the shortest shortcut, yet the path itself was treacherous, making the journey incredibly draining.

Ah—

My foot slipped, and I tumbled heavily once more, my knee striking a sharp rock. The pain made me gasp.

My masculine pride forbade me from crying, though tears welling in my eyes. I desperately held them back, forcing them to retreat.

In truth, however, I was utterly exhausted. I had no choice but to sit on a nearby stone, attempting to recover and catch my breath.

Lowering my gaze, I stared at my slender feet, a bitter smile playing on my lips.

They had stumbled with me every step of the way, enduring so much hardship. These small feet, meant for elegant shoes, were now covered in wounds and mud, particularly my knees, which were terrifyingly red and swollen.

‘Perhaps it would have been better if I’d worn the shoes he gave me…’

Initially, when I’d set out, I had indeed been wearing them.

But as I walked, I realized those beautiful shoes would be stained by rocks and dirt. On a whim, I put them away and changed into my old, worn pair.

‘I brought this suffering upon myself. Why didn’t I just go through with it last night?’

I scoffed at my own foolishness.

But what choice did I have? This was the path I had chosen.

I had abandoned Governor Sherlock’s plan, secretly infiltrated his cabin, and rescued Lulona.

Though I believed it was an impossible feat for me, I was willing to risk everything to try.

After all, I was too useless, too useless even to harden my heart and kill a man…

Boom, boom, boom…

The sound of horse hooves, like a hurried drumbeat, gradually drew closer from the distance.

‘Someone else is on this path?’

‘How strange.’

I looked back along the way I had come, and soon, I saw a tall figure, urging their horse forward.

Astonishment…

Surprise…

Fear…

I quickly pushed myself up, scrambling towards the reeds by the river, hoping to hide.

But I was too slow.

“Stop!”

Rodd’s anxious shout echoed from behind me.

‘Discovered!’

‘I’ve been discovered!’

‘Why…’

‘Why me?’

‘I left so early, secretly planning my escape route, so why has he still caught up with me?’

‘You won’t catch me!’

Since I’d been spotted, hiding in the reeds would surely be useless. The river, however, was too deep for a horse.

If I could just cross it, I could shake him off!

Step by step, I waded in, my feet sinking into the mud.

The river water rose above my knees, a chilling cold and stinging wetness creeping up my skin.

“Stop!” Rodd called from behind me. “Don’t go!”

His voice now sounded close.

“Who would stop now?!”

I ignored him, pressing onward, further into the current.

I knew how to swim, which gave me the confidence to cross the river.

Yet, I had underestimated the river’s strength. The closer I got to the center, the swifter the current became. Though my feet could still barely touch the sandy riverbed, my upper body began to sway uncontrollably.

“Just a little further…”

I fixed my gaze on the swaying reeds ahead, stretching out my hand with all my might, desperate to grasp that lifeline and pull myself to the opposite bank.

However, just as my fingers brushed the reeds, my foot suddenly slipped.

‘It’s over…’

The moment that thought flashed through my mind, I was abruptly tugged by the river’s force, my body involuntarily swept into the turbulent current.

The icy river water instantly enveloped me, pressing down and stealing my breath. The roar of the current filled my ears, as if the entire world was spinning and churning.

I thrashed my arms, struggling to surface, but each effort was mercilessly thwarted by the river, like being caught in an endless vortex.

My vision blurred, the air in my lungs dwindled, and my consciousness began to fade.

In a haze, I felt a powerful hand seize my collar, yanking me forcefully from the water.

Still, breathing was difficult. I choked, my chest aching with an unbearable, piercing pain.

Something pressed against my chest, each push bringing intense agony. My mouth was covered by something warm, making it impossible to breathe.

After several repetitions, my body’s instincts finally kicked in. I convulsed, coughing violently.

“Ugh—!”

Expelling all the water from my stomach and airways, I finally felt a measure of relief. My consciousness gradually returned, and I noticed a figure beside me, watching me anxiously.

“Are you alright?”

His brown eyes were filled with concern.

‘Was it him who saved me just now, and gave me mouth-to-mouth?’

I didn’t answer him. Instead, I slowly stood up, intending to continue my journey.

But my legs had lost all strength. Even after forcing myself upright for a moment, I immediately collapsed again.

“Hey, don’t push yourself!”

He caught me once more.

‘Why, why must it always be him? Why is it always him?’

“Let go…”

“I won’t take you back. Just tell me where you want to go, and I’ll take you there!”

“Release me…”

“Stop tormenting yourself like this. Give me a chance, I promise I’ll—”

“Whoosh—”

The sound of a blade cutting through the air interrupted Rodd’s words.

It was the dagger I kept strapped to my thigh, a gift from Ms. Sharon.

The dagger sliced a bright arc through the air, flashing from lower right to upper left, swiftly thrusting towards his chest.

For a split second, a flicker of surprise crossed his eyes.

For reasons unknown, he didn’t dodge. He simply stood there, watching.

“Pfft—”

My dagger plunged into his clothes, piercing his chest and drawing blood.

But it wasn’t very deep.

Because the moment it tore through his clothing, I had a premonition.

‘The dagger won’t go through…’

Indeed, only a trickle of blood emerged before it stopped. The dagger, having pierced the skin, halted there.

I trembled, my head bowed.

‘Useless!’

‘Why, why can’t your heart be a little crueler?!’

‘It’s such a simple thing, can’t you do it?!’

My jaw twitched slightly, my eyes stung, and a surge of emotion threatened to erupt from my throat.

‘No, I can’t, I must hold it in!’

‘I’m not some tearful little girl, and I won’t make a fool of myself in front of this man!’

“Get lost…”

I growled, staring at the ground.

“If you don’t leave, I’ll kill you!”

This was the first time I had ever spoken to him with such ferocity, uttering such a menacing threat.

Rodd didn’t respond, as if bound by some invisible force, standing motionless.

“Leave… Just leave, hurry up and leave!”

I growled again, my voice betraying a bitter tremor.

“Don’t you understand, you idiot? Everything I showed you before was a damn act! I’m not some low-born maid; I’m the Lord of Coldwind’s dog, a spy planted on Moon Island! I came to you with the sole purpose of killing you!”

He still didn’t move, standing calmly.

‘Still not leaving? Is that it?’

‘Fine…’

“Good… Good… Good… In that case, I might as well lay everything bare…”

I sneered, deciding to reveal a truly astonishing truth to him.

“Actually… Lilian isn’t my real name at all. I was originally a poor male servant who became the Lord of Coldwind’s steward through self-degradation and adopted a loli as my daughter.

“Later, the Lord of Coldwind wanted to send my daughter to Moon Island to be his mistress. To stop this farce, I told him I would sacrifice everything for this matter.

“The Lord of Coldwind then found a witch who gave me this vulgar body, instructing me to use every means possible to seduce you, tempt you, and corrupt you…

“The plan was going smoothly, but at yesterday’s banquet, your identity as an imposter was exposed. No, not just to the Governor of Azurewater Port, but even the Lord of Coldwind knows you’re an imposter!

“So, my mission has changed from being your lover to being an assassin sent to kill you!

“Yesterday, when I returned, you asked why I kept looking at you, didn’t you? Ha, you didn’t expect that, did you? At that time, all I could think about was how to kill you!

“Even when you were sleeping, I stood guard beside you with a dagger, calculating the quickest way to strike without waking you!

“I even thought about how to inform Sherlock after killing you, and how to escape… I’ve thought about these things a hundred, a thousand, ten thousand times in my head!

“Heh heh…

“How about it, you fool? Are you regretting it now, disgusted after learning the truth?! How does it feel to kiss a man, to flirt with a monster? If I were you, I wouldn’t need anyone else to do it; I’d find a place and bash my head in, ha ha ha ha ha!”

I laughed for a long time, but the man before me seemed utterly unaffected, maintaining his calm demeanor.

‘Infuriating…’

‘So infuriating!’

‘How can you be so calm?’

“Hey, say something.”

“Say what?” He finally responded, a rare occurrence.

“Say you feel disgusted, regretful, that you want to die…”

“I don’t feel that way.”

“You should feel that way!”

I grabbed his collar with my other hand, pressing my head forcefully against his chest.

“Don’t pretend to be calm! I had ten thousand chances to kill you yesterday. Since you’re still alive, you should be deeply grateful to me and repay my kindness exactly as I say!”

A warm touch came from behind me. The hand holding the dagger was enveloped by a large, rough palm.

“If that’s the case, then why didn’t you kill me?”

His soft voice, each word imbued with the warmth of the sun, reached my ears.

“Why… You ask me why?”

“Heh heh… Heh heh heh…

“Ha ha… Ugh… Wuwuwu…”

My body trembled incessantly, the emotions in my throat no longer suppressible. He lifted my chin, and my vision blurred.

“I damn well want to know why too…”

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