Chapter 33: The Weight of Freedom

Before setting out, I had always speculated about Lord Rodd’s character.

According to Aisha, he was greedy, lecherous, and indulged in song and dance. He sought women the moment he awoke each day, truly a quintessential noble degenerate.

Yet, what I had just witnessed was utterly contrary to her words. Although I was no lovesick maiden, I had to admit that the moment Lord Rodd drew his sword and displayed his might, my heart stirred with a tremor of admiration.

However, this admiration was swiftly shattered.

It was shattered by Rodd himself, no less…

“Having fallen to your current plight, you have no one but yourself to blame.”

Inside the cramped, dilapidated carriage heading towards Windwhisper Town, Rodd spoke to me with an indifferent expression.

“Truthfully, I never intended to annul my engagement with that woman. I merely wished to frighten her.”

“I was about to tell her, ‘I will overlook today’s events if you agree to set this maid free.’ But what happened? You actually chose to side with someone who doesn’t even treat you like a human being? Tsk…”

“I truly don’t understand what you were thinking.”

His voice was calm, yet his gaze held a sharp intensity that pierced my heart. I felt as though a heavy stone had been tied to my chest, making even breathing difficult.

‘Alas…’

‘Lord Rodd, oh, Lord Rodd, how could you possibly understand?’

‘Was there ever a moment I didn’t yearn for freedom?’

‘I longed for it, desperately, to the point of madness.’

‘But freedom, to me, held far less weight than the life of that child.’

‘Rather than eke out a solitary existence, I would willingly remain in this crushing, despairing cage, all for the slim possibility that she might grow up safely.’

‘To this world, I was nothing more than an insect, crawling in its dark underbelly.’

‘So lowly and despised, I had long lost the ambition to climb higher the moment I debased myself. There was no turning back.’

‘Let it be. This is fine…’

‘Yet, sinking into such agony paradoxically gave me a…’

‘A sense of being alive?’

Many thoughts swirled within my mind, but I knew that, no matter what, these words could not be spoken to Lord Rodd.

No matter how bitter or arduous the secret, I could only keep it buried deep within, silently dissolving it.

“Alas…”

Ultimately, the inexplicable powerlessness persisted, weighing me down until I could not lift my head. I could only silently shrink into myself, feigning to mend a loose thread on my maid’s dress, saying nothing.

I had no idea how Lord Rodd would perceive me, but it certainly wouldn’t be a favorable opinion. Perhaps he would deem me a hopeless case, a piece of mud that couldn’t be shaped, or perhaps a worthless wretch undeserving of a helping hand?

‘Let him think what he will…’

“However, whatever you’re thinking now is irrelevant.”

Suddenly, Rodd’s voice interrupted my chaotic thoughts. I found him drawing uncomfortably close, his strong body shifting in the confined space, instantly forcing me into the corner.

His large hand cupped my jaw, compelling me to look at him with a brutal force.

“Since you refuse to reclaim your freedom, then simply become my property.”

Watching those sharp, brown eyes, my heart trembled as I recalled the scene of him ‘abducting’ me not long ago.

My ownership was the price, exchanged for his promise not to annul his engagement with Miss Cassina.

This was his so-called reason that the latter could not refuse.

Indeed, Miss Cassina could not refuse.

Her engagement was undoubtedly far more important than a mere maid.

I had been abandoned by her.

“Well? Do you regret it now?”

Those wolf-like eyes stared at me, as if scrutinizing prey, or perhaps searching for something on my face.

A complex sensation spread through my heart like a spiderweb.

‘Regret?’

‘In truth, I didn’t feel much regret, because, upon reflection, becoming this man’s maid was, in fact, the optimal solution for me.’

‘I could escape the young mistress’s abuse, get closer to my target, and complete my mission more easily. There were almost no drawbacks.’

‘The only uncertainty, perhaps, lay in this lord’s proclivities.’

‘I had heard that some lords had particularly peculiar tastes; to find more ways to achieve pleasure, they enjoyed sharing their maids like objects with other men, relishing in their broken states…’

‘Tsk…’

‘I suddenly realized that I might not be able to make such a complete sacrifice after all.’

‘Even though I dehumanized myself daily, telling myself that completing the mission by any means necessary was paramount, if I truly encountered such a situation, could I really suppress the revulsion and go through with it?’

‘Perhaps I would completely break before that point…’

“Why aren’t you answering me? Have you gone mute?”

Seeing my prolonged lack of response, Rodd seemed to grow irritated. He pulled me abruptly before him, one hand pinching my face, the other supporting the small of my back.

This gesture was like a wolf about to feed, gripping its prey firmly in its jaws.

“I’m sorry…”

I looked at him, bewildered, my voice trembling distinctly.

“I just… I just don’t know what to say…”

Though it felt shameful to admit, my tone genuinely sounded like a little girl snatched by bandits, utterly pitiful.

“Don’t know what to say? How interesting. Where did that spirited demeanor of yours go just now? You’re trembling all over, like a little lamb caught by a wolf… Am I a wolf come to devour you?”

“No… no…”

I instinctively shook my head, yet avoided meeting his direct gaze.

“Speaking against your true feelings… Never mind.”

He seemed disinclined to dwell on it. The hand on my face loosened slightly, then, feather-light, it slid down my cheek to behind my ear, fingers threading into my hair and slowly stroking it.

‘Hey…’

‘Lord, isn’t this a bit intimate?’

As my thoughts wandered, I heard him ask nonchalantly:

“Your hair is a bit messy. When was the last time you cut it?”

After a moment’s thought, I shook my head.

“I… I didn’t have time. I’m busy with chores every day. Sometimes I’m mopping, sometimes washing clothes. Although a friend helps me share the burden, the work is endless. Even when I finish, the head maid just gives me new tasks, so I just brush it casually… Why, is it very messy?”

Rodd was uncharacteristically silent for a moment before speaking.

“You’re likely being envied by that woman.”

“Envied?”

“Precisely. Was that woman named Bena? The way she looked at you, it was just like that. Older women whose beauty is fading always envy those younger and more beautiful than them. More or less, the head maid you mentioned is no longer even bothering to hide it. I can tell.”

“Uh… surely not, someone like me…”

I was about to say what was there to envy about a lowly servant like me, but then I suddenly remembered my own face, which was no longer the ordinary one it once was.

‘Yes, as Rodd said, youth and beauty—aren’t those what women desire most?’

‘Thinking this way, perhaps her targeting me was inevitable?’

‘And Aisha…’

“Someone like you? What do you mean?”

Rodd seemed to catch a flaw in my words and pressed on.

“Do you think you’re not young enough, or not beautiful enough? Or… do you have some defect?”

“No, no, nothing…”

I forced a smile at him, a very strained one.

“I misspoke, misspoke.”

“Misspoke?”

Rodd’s hand on my waist tightened slightly, like a rope constricting my flesh, holding me firmly.

“As for youth, this face doesn’t even look old enough to marry, and it even exudes a delicate, piteous air, making one feel sorry for you, like an injured lamb.”

“As for beauty, this innocent face, coupled with a strikingly contrasting vulgar body, ignites desire in any man who sees it. Even I want to thoroughly bully you.”

“You possess both youth and beauty. If you truly had no defects, I would find it far too strange.”

His lips curved slightly, revealing an inscrutable expression.

“Isn’t that right?”

His tone was perfectly calm, yet as I listened, I felt every pore on my body contract.

‘What does he mean?’

‘Could he have seen through my disguise?’

‘Impossible. That’s the power of a witch. How could he possibly…’

‘Wait!’

‘Perhaps I was too presumptuous!’

‘Rodd is the Lord of Moon Island. How could he be as ignorant as I am?’

‘Perhaps he, like Lord Axas, has already encountered the power of witches?’

At this moment, a bone-chilling cold rose from the depths of my heart, leaving me utterly terrified!

When I once again met Rodd’s potent gaze, I suddenly felt completely exposed.

‘Turns out, I was the naive one all along…’

A sense of powerlessness surged, overwhelming everything.

‘It seems I no longer have a chance to bewitch this man. My mission ends here.’

‘I’m sorry, Lulona, Daddy can’t do it anymore…’

“Heh heh… heh heh…”

After utterly giving up internally, I paradoxically found the courage to meet his gaze. It no longer mattered.

I saw a flicker of surprise in his eyes, but he maintained his composure.

His attitude, for some inexplicable reason, infuriated me. Deeply infuriated!

‘Why?’

‘Why am I the only one who can’t hold on?’

‘It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s so damn unfair!’

At this moment, an unspeakable indignation, regret for my daughter, long-suppressed grievances, self-disappointment, and the sheer powerlessness of the entire world… finally burst forth!

It all spilled out!

“Fine… fine then… You’re amazing, your eyes are sharp enough, you see everything!”

“Yes, I have a defect, a terrible defect! I’m incomplete, I’m a goddamn cripple!”

“So what? What do you want to do with me? Expose me? Make me public?”

“Heh heh… heh heh heh… Hahahaha—”

Unable to control my emotions, unsure whether to cry or laugh, I finally fixed him with what I believed to be my most venomous glare to date, pouting my lips.

“Damn it… If you’ve got the guts, just f***ing kill me!”

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