Chapter 108: There’s a Kind of Love Called Caring

“That wasn’t my first time facing death, but it was the first time I had watched death take away something I cared about. No matter how much money my family had, no matter how good a doctor they found for Baoshi, they couldn’t keep it.”

“It still died.”

“That big white cat that grew up with me, it just died like that. It would never come back to life, it would never meow at me, it would never rub against my hand with a ball of yarn, urging me to play with it.”

“I cried for a long time that day, holding its stiff body and refusing to let go. I cried and shouted, not wanting to let Baoshi go. I even wanted it to lie by my pillow at night. I wanted to continue to fight with it over the ball of yarn.”

“Later, my mom squatted down and patted my head. She said that Baoshi hadn’t died, but had just gone to Cat Star. There were endless little dried fish, mountains of yarn balls, and an endless sun to bask in. Only then did I slowly stop crying.”

“Later, I grew up and gradually understood death from books. The young man’s voice was very soft, as if he were afraid of disturbing something. ‘It’s so cruel, yet it’s also the most equal. It doesn’t matter who you are, it treats everyone the same.'”

Qin Liang lowered his eyes, his long eyelashes casting a small shadow below. But Tang Yunle could see it clearly. Hidden in that shadow was an inerasable sadness, an undisguised fear, and a hint of unwillingness, an unwillingness towards this irreversible end of death.

“But, is it really just an unwillingness towards the death of a cat?”

“So, Ah Liang, you’ve been thinking all these years about where people go after they die?”

Tang Yunle suddenly thought of the books on his bedroom bookshelf, about the “soul.”

Qin Liang looked up and met her gaze, nodding lightly. “That’s right.”

The air seemed to freeze.

Neither of them spoke again.

Tang Yunle opened her mouth, but the comforting words swirled on her tongue. In the end, she swallowed them back.

She could feel the heavy and gloomy aura on the young man, like a water-soaked cotton ball, weighing heavily on her heart.

“Why don’t we… have a drink?” she asked tentatively, her voice soft. “After all, a drink can solve a thousand sorrows. When you’re drunk, you don’t have any worries.”

Qin Liang was silent for a few seconds before he finally said, “Okay,” with a hint of an imperceptible hoarseness in his voice.

Seeing Tang Yunle get up to get the drinks, he added, “I’ll have a fruit beer. I’ve been drinking a lot recently, and I’m a little uncomfortable.”

“Okay,” the girl replied and walked to the wine cabinet.

The bottle was opened with a light sound, and the amber-colored liquid swirled in the bottle, creating fine specks of light.

After her gender transformation, Tang Yunle had a very low alcohol tolerance. After a few glasses, her cheeks flushed with a uniform red, her eyes started to wander, and she started to talk more, saying a few random and unimportant things, her voice soft and sweet.

Most of the time, Qin Liang just listened, occasionally responding, his fingertips unconsciously rubbing the cool wall of the cup.

After an unknown amount of time, Tang Yunle’s voice gradually became lower and lower, and finally turned into a light and shallow breath.

She was lying on the table, her long hair scattered, covering half of her face. Her eyelashes were gently lowered like butterfly wings. She was already fast asleep.

The sun was still bright, but it was mostly obscured by the clouds, giving off a lukewarm warmth.

The few maids who were in charge of the barbecue had been sent away by Qin Liang long ago. Yanhuo, after being fed a full meal of grilled meat, had also found a sunny corner and was curled up, sunbathing and napping.

Qin Liang put down his wine glass, his gaze falling on the girl’s quiet sleeping face. His ice-blue eyes gradually deepened, with a few hints of an imperceptible gentleness.

He reached out and gently held the girl’s small, blank hand. With a peace that even he himself couldn’t imagine, and with a slightly sad voice, he slowly said, “Ah Le, do you know why I wanted to drink a fruit beer? Because there are some things I want to say when I’m sober and you’re drunk.”

“Do you want to know why I brought up death with you? Because I’m really scared, more scared than the past few times.”

“The past few surgeries all had a fifty percent success rate, and I could still face them calmly. But this time, even though there’s a seventy percent chance, I’m panicking.”

“In the past, I had family. I knew that even if I really died, my parents would still have my big brother to take care of them. But now, not only do I have family, but I also have you.”

Qin Liang gently tightened his grip on the girl’s soft little hand. “The more you have, the more you’re afraid to lose.”

“It’s not that I’m not afraid of you laughing at me, but I’m really scared.”

“I’m very scared, very scared that God is playing this ridiculous joke on me. I’m very scared that after I lie on the operating table, I’ll never wake up. I’m afraid I’ll never see my parents, my brother, and you again.”

“Without me, you’ll be all alone in this world. What will you do? Without me, will you find another man who can give you love and change yourself into the appearance he likes? Without me, and you, who are from the same world as me, how long can we last before we’re assimilated by this world?”

A drop of water fell on the girl’s fair hand, cool and warm.

“Although the surgery has a seventy percent success rate, there’s still a thirty percent chance of failure.”

“When I think of these things, I get very scared. I can’t sleep all night.”

“Damn it, I’ve just met the person I like in this life. I haven’t even had the chance to confess, to fall in love, to taste what it’s like to be in a passionate love. Why do I have to face this kind of thing?”

“There are so many beautiful things in this world. Why do I have to have this kind of illness? I haven’t seen all the wonders of this world yet. I haven’t been to all the places I haven’t seen.”

Qin Liang cried.

This big boy, who had never shown his sadness in front of Tang Yunle—the young man who had been doted on by his parents since he was a child and had a wealthy family—was now crying like a child.

Tears fell on the girl’s hand, creating a small wet mark.

He raised his hand to wipe his tears, but his fingertips trembled so much that he couldn’t even touch his eyelids. He could only let the warm liquid flow down his jawline, dripping onto his hand and his clothes, creating circles of dark stains.

He lowered his head, his forehead pressed against the back of the girl’s hand. Tears streamed down his face, mixed with suppressed sobs and light sighs.

“I’m sorry, I put something in your drink. That’s why I drank the fruit beer.”

“Today’s barbecue was also planned by me long ago.”

“I wanted to tell you these things, but I was afraid you would worry if you knew.”

“Over the years, my family has worried enough about me. I don’t want you to worry about me too.”

“There’s a kind of love called attachment.”

“Tang Yunle, please forgive my selfishness.”

After saying this, the young man looked up, his ice-blue eyes still filled with undried tears.

He looked at the girl’s lips. The soft curve had a faint luster under the dim streetlights, like a tempting candy, and also like a longing that he had hidden for a long time and dared not touch.

Qin Liang leaned forward almost instinctively. Just as the tip of his nose was about to touch her cheek, he abruptly stopped.

“Forget it, I’ll let you go this time,” he said with a smile, wiping his tears and poking the girl’s plump cheek.

“When my surgery is successful, I’ll definitely kiss you a hundred times.”

“Tang Yunle, I like you.”