Chapter 3: The Weight of Inferiority

“…Ah, I’m sorry. That was insensitive of me…”

“It’s fine. You and I are both just employees—what fault do we have? If anyone’s to blame, it’s those bast—…our team members.”

If I recall correctly, when I first joined, I did have people I could call lovers.

Some relationships lasted half a year, others nearly a full year.

But that was as far as it went.

As the Guide of Assault Team 3, I was constantly being called in at a moment’s notice, and by contract, if an Esper demanded it, I had to comply with even intimate physical contact.

Honestly, who in the world would welcome a partner like that?

On top of that, after enduring the team members for so long, I had long since grown sick of people altogether.

All I wanted was to endure until the contract ended, take the money I had carefully saved, and return home to live quietly.

It wouldn’t be bad to relocate the shelter to a safer place with the others and take care of children in similar situations as mine.

Or perhaps volunteer in war-torn regions where Guides were scarce, helping Espers suffering without proper guidance.

Either way, as long as I could leave this center…

Anything would be fine.

“It’s raining heavily. Are you sure you don’t need an umbrella?”

“It’s not that far. I’ll just run. Don’t worry about it.”

“Alright then, please travel safely, Jaeyoon. And contact me immediately if anything happens.”

“Yes. I’ll be on my way.”

Rain poured relentlessly outside the car window as I rode in Manager Lee’s car.

With nothing to do, I counted the buildings passing by until we eventually arrived at the hotel.

I quickly stepped onto the pavement, avoiding the heavy rain.

As I entered the hotel lobby—known for its exceptional hospitality—

A massive chandelier and rows of dazzling decorations stretched along the wide corridor.

The floors were polished white marble, and every detail—from small ornaments to the elaborate floral arrangements on the walls—spoke of luxury.

I had expected the party to be grand, given it was hosted by the center director…

But I hadn’t imagined it would be this extravagant.

Without realizing it, I grew self-conscious and stiffened my shoulders.

“Excuse me, may I see your ID and invitation?”

“Here.”

“Confirmed. Please enjoy your time.”

I gave a slight nod to the staff member and finally made my way into the banquet hall.

Crossing the large hall slowly, I found a seat in a quiet corner.

From afar, I could see Park Suchang and his group, already mingling with the center’s executives.

No matter how foul their tempers were, the Espers of Assault Team 3 were all from the highest tier of wealthy families in District 1.

They looked completely at ease, as if they belonged here.

They seemed familiar even with high-ranking guests, blending in seamlessly wherever they went.

I already knew the gap between them and me was vast…

But seeing it so clearly in front of me stirred up an inferiority I had long tried to suppress.

I picked up a glass of champagne from the table and took a sip to soothe my dry throat.

I’ll just kill time here and quietly return to the dorm when it’s over.

Opening the inner pocket of my tailcoat, I checked the money I had brought.

Fortunately, it seemed enough to call a taxi later.

“Hey.”

“…Ah, Mr. Park Suchang.”

While I was scanning the hall absentmindedly, rolling my eyes around without moving my head, Park Suchang—who had been by Choi Siram’s side the entire time—approached me.

Startled by his sudden appearance, I nearly fell backward.

“Are you out of your mind?”

“What is it this time?”

“Seriously, why do you always show up dressed like you picked something out of a trash bin? Are you that desperate to show off that you’re a refugee?”

Even though he had received guiding earlier, Suchang still seemed on edge and provoked me relentlessly.

I could roughly guess what he was trying to say.

So I lowered my gaze and stayed silent.

If I angered him here, in a place filled with people…

I had no idea what might happen.

“…This was the only tailcoat available for rent.”

Even if I had to swallow my pride, I couldn’t afford to cause trouble in front of the other guests.

So once again, I crushed what little dignity I had left.

“…This party isn’t for me anyway. It’s for Choi Siram. I’ll just sit quietly and leave when the time comes, so don’t concern yourself.”

“You better. If you even try to get close to Siram, I’ll throw you out the window.”

“…Understood.”

“Then know your place. If you don’t want to find out what real humiliation feels like.”

As always, he said what he wanted and walked away.

When Siram asked where he had gone, he simply brushed it off with a gentle tone, telling him not to worry.

I wondered if I really looked that ridiculous.

Glancing at the stainless tray on the table, I caught my reflection.

An outdated, worn two-button jacket.

A faded navy tie with loose threads.

Cheap leather shoes with peeling soles.

Everything about me looked pathetic…

Like a perfect reflection of my current situation.

So that’s why he was angry.

That’s why he wanted to keep me away.

Of course—someone like me approaching them would only damage their dignity.

He was just warning me in advance.

I hadn’t even drunk coffee, yet a bitter taste lingered on my tongue.

“Oh my, isn’t that dangerous? You said you weren’t feeling well.”

“No, I’m fine now.”

At that moment, laughter echoed across the hall, and a group gathered at the center of the banquet.

Among them… was Choi Siram.

Dressed in a perfectly tailored tailcoat from the department store, he moved effortlessly through the crowd with the team.

He blended into the atmosphere as if he belonged there from the start.

With his playful smile, he drew everyone’s attention and affection.

“My team members always worry about me a lot. Even this morning, they scolded me for wandering around.”

“Haha, they must really adore you.”

“Not that much… but I think they do like me.”

It felt strange to admit it myself, but everything around Choi Siram was always bright—like sunlight in spring.

He was completely different from me, someone filled with gloom and self-loathing.

Accompanied by three outstanding S-class Espers, moving freely across the hall—

If someone said he wasn’t special, that would be the real lie.

Only then did I understand Suchang’s mocking words—

That comparing me to Siram was an insult to him.

Still…

A faint sense of bitterness lingered.

Understanding and hurt are separate things.

Understanding belongs to reason.

Hurt belongs to emotion.

So it’s not contradictory to understand…

And still feel hurt.

“…Hah…”

I straightened my hunched shoulders, forcing a confidence that didn’t suit me.

I struggled to close the gap between Siram and myself.

But the more I tried…

The more miserable I became.

Siram had things I could never have.

No matter how much I tried to imitate him, I could never even reach his level.

He had parents who cherished him more than life.

He had teammates who cared for him.

He had the respectable title of an A-class Guide.

“What am I even doing…”

In the end, I chose to give up.

Desire for what one cannot have only leads to ruin.

If there were two things I excelled at in this world,

They were resignation…

And giving up.

So once again, I chose what I did best.

Thud—

Crash—

“I-I’m sorry!”

“What the hell is this?”

“I’m really sorry! I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t see where I was going…”

“Are you kidding me? Do you even know who I am? You think you can just bump into people like that? Want to die?”

Lost in thought, I failed to notice a cable lying across the carpet and tripped over it.

If I had just fallen, it might’ve been fine.

But the champagne glass I was holding spilled onto the elderly man in front of me, completely ruining his clothes.

“Hey! Are you deaf? Judging by your outfit, you don’t look like an invited guest. Who the hell are you? What do you even do to be this careless, huh?”