Chapter 21: A Heart That Refused to Die

I wandered endlessly between two conflicting emotions: guilt and responsibility.

Sometimes I thought I should simply endure everything in silence.

Other times, I wanted to abandon it all and disappear somewhere far away.

“Our Yoonie, what are you thinking about so deeply again? You’re making the person right in front of you feel lonely.”

“…The fact that Mr. Kwon Yiyul can even feel loneliness is honestly chilling.”

“Yoon-ah, why are you acting like this too? Can’t you see my expression? I look like I might burst into tears any second now.”

Wearing a harmless face worthy of being called angelic, Kwon Yiyul continuously kissed the back of my neck, and it felt not only disgusting but utterly pathetic.

But what frustrated me even more were my own feelings toward him.

No matter how long I denied it, no matter how desperately I tried, the moment my body touched Kwon Yiyul’s skin, my heart rattled violently inside my chest.

Maybe it was because I unconsciously remembered the kindness he once showed me, but eventually my breathing became uneven, as though hiccups were about to spill out.

I held my breath desperately, trying not to let him notice how tense I was, but he maintained an incredibly relaxed attitude as though he had already seen through my feelings long ago.

“Yoon-ah, stop denying it and just relax. Then our relationship can become much more comfortable.”

“…There’s nothing to deny. You were the one who told me not to show feelings that could never come true, Team Leader.”

“Oh, did I say that? Sorry, I don’t really remember.”

When I trembled with betrayal and lashed out at him in anger, Kwon Yiyul simply said this:

If I wasn’t going to play along with him, then I shouldn’t bother showing it.

That feelings which could never come true should remain hidden.

Maybe because I had placed too many expectations on a relationship where I could never truly lean on him, that single careless sentence clawed mercilessly through my chest.

I locked myself in my room for days afterward, crying endlessly for an entire week.

At least if he had hurt me honestly like Park Suchang did, it would’ve been different.

But Kwon Yiyul genuinely seemed unable to understand what he had done wrong or why I had been so deeply hurt.

Maybe he had never even considered it in the first place.

“But Yoon-ah, do you know something?”

“…What now?”

Kwon Yiyul’s thick golden eyes curved obscenely.

“Even if emotions can’t connect, bodies still can.”

It wasn’t even the first time, yet once again I was wounded by the sincerity hidden in Kwon Yiyul’s words.

He slowly brushed over my lips, the bridge of my nose, and my earlobes one by one while exhaling rough breaths.

The expression on his face as he played with me like a toy looked unbelievably pleased.

I hurriedly tried to wipe away the tears gathering in my eyes, but Kwon Yiyul beat me to it and licked them away with his lips instead.

“Someone told me that if you receive guiding while sleeping with a guide, the effects last much longer.”

“……”

“Well, our Yoonie probably wouldn’t know. For the past three years, the furthest you’ve gone is holding hands like some innocent little kid.”

“……”

“I can pay you as much as you want, so think about it. It wouldn’t be a bad deal.”

Was this man seriously trying to buy me with money?

Now that I thought about it, I vaguely remembered hearing somewhere that when Espers and Guides with more than a two-rank difference matched together, they often maintained physical relationships regularly.

The problem was that Kwon Yiyul and I were absolutely not that kind of relationship, and more importantly, his brainwaves were unstable right now, so he was simply spewing whatever came to mind.

There had to be limits to how far someone could trample another person’s feelings.

What kind of manners was it to suddenly ask whether we should start sleeping together?

“With your status and abilities, Mr. Kwon Yiyul, finding someone for a night shouldn’t be difficult at all. I genuinely can’t understand why you’d take such a ridiculous risk.”

“Well, if I accidentally choose the wrong person and something troublesome happens later, that’d become annoying.”

“…So you brought this up because I’m the easiest target among them all.”

“I’m saying we both win. You get paid in exchange for maintaining the relationship, and I get both my physical needs taken care of and guiding at the same time. What could be more beneficial than that?”

Listening to him, it almost sounded convincing.

Kwon Yiyul excelled at many things, but the most outstanding among them was his ability to speak.

No matter how ridiculous the nonsense he said was, once it passed through his lips, it became polished enough to sound persuasive.

“I’m sorry, but my answer remains the same as always.”

But unlike before, I was no longer some naive child ignorant of the world.

Easy money didn’t exist in this world.

It was nothing more than an illusion.

“…I firmly refuse your proposal.”

I preferred money earned through honest labor.

Wearing down my body was painful enough already, but if I fell for the sweet lies spilling from those lips, there was no telling what hardships awaited me afterward.

By then, even if I tried to regain control of my emotions, I might already be too deeply consumed by him to escape.

So I decided to cut it off before it could grow any further.

“I’m telling you to make yourself useful, yet our Yoonie still can’t understand words worth shit, huh?”

“…Stop taking your anger out on unrelated things and finish receiving your guiding.”

“Ha, f*ck. Listen to the way you talk.”

Kwon Yiyul suddenly covered my eyes and crashed his lips against mine again.

Then he bit down hard on my lip with his fangs.

The metallic scent of blood instantly spread from the torn skin.

His hand reached toward me.

I twisted my waist desperately, refusing his touch with all my strength.

“Stop it, Mr. Kwon Yiyul. If you keep acting like this, I’ll report you to the Guide Human Rights Committee—”

“Yoon-ah, our innocent little Yoonie.”

Kwon Yiyul’s voice seeped into me coldly like wind echoing through a deep cave, making my spine go numb.

“They’re all beneath me anyway.”

“……”

“They’re just narrow-minded idiots who amount to nothing.”

“……”

“You act all smart and rational by yourself, but you still know absolutely nothing about the world.”

Kwon Yiyul brought my palm to his mouth and slowly bit at the small scratches on it one by one.

Dark bruises quickly bloomed across my pale skin.

“Even if I forced myself on you right here, those so-called human rights activists probably wouldn’t dare say a single thing.”

“……”

“They’d care more about saving their own lives than helping some guide they’ve never met before. Right?”

“…You f*cking psycho.”

The curse slipped out of my mouth before I could stop it.

I reflexively covered my mouth and squeezed my eyes shut, but tears burst out uncontrollably, soaking the collar of my shirt.

The realization that I wasn’t even treated as a complete human being filled me with unbearable sorrow.

“Of course, I’d never actually do something like that to you. You’re one of the only two precious guides on our team, after all.”

“……”

“You’re not as good as Siramie, but your cost-effectiveness is pretty decent.”

I take it back.

Kwon Yiyul wasn’t just politely insane.

He had completely lost his mind.

And yet, somehow, he still forced the shattered pieces together carefully enough to imitate an ordinary person.

Never before had Kwon Yiyul felt less human than he did today.

“…Urk, ngh…”

“Shh, good boy, Yoonie. There, there.”

Like before, Kwon Yiyul warmly hugged me while rubbing my back as I gagged in shock.

Completely forgetting that he was the very person threatening me, I clung instinctively to his solid chest while trying to suppress the nausea rising in my throat.

Maybe I was hyperventilating.

I couldn’t breathe properly, and it felt like my lungs would swell and burst at any moment.

The unfamiliar pain and terror I had never experienced before caused the tears that had finally stopped to pour out all over again.

Clank—

Crunch—

“W-Wait a moment. You can’t do this. Seriously, you can’t—!”

“f*ck, I’ve been looking everywhere for you.”

The locked door crumpled like paper before being ripped open instantly.

Dressed in the same black uniform as Kwon Yiyul and wearing an annoyingly casual grin, Park Suchang appeared through the light pouring in from outside.

A shelter employee desperately tried to stop him, demanding to know what he thought he was doing, but it was impossible for one ordinary person to restrain someone with monstrous physical abilities like Park Suchang.

“Wow, considering your history together, you two sure look close.”

“…Suchang, I heard you got dispatched to the northern region. Why are you here?”

“Why else? I heard this idiot came alone to guide you, so I got worried and followed him. Oh, the other team members came too.”

“…Jaeyoon-ssi!”

Through my tear-blurred vision, I saw Choi Siram running toward me breathlessly.

But because Kwon Yiyul still held me tightly in his arms, Choi Siram couldn’t approach me easily.

“Yiyul-ah, what happened to Jaeyoon-ssi? Did he get hurt again?”

“Mm, no. I just scared him a little for fun, but I guess he got more frightened than I expected.”

“Scared? What do you mean scared?”

“Looks like Suchang’s unusually interested in Yoonie today. Normally he wouldn’t care what happens to him at all.”

Holding me in his arms, Kwon Yiyul smiled brightly at Park Suchang.

Park Suchang fell silent for a moment, as though struck directly at the heart, before casually replying,

“That place is shared property. If something happened during guiding later, it’d become a huge problem.”

“Ah, true enough.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

f*cking bastards.

Watching them casually agree with each other in front of everyone after terrifying me nearly made rage boil over inside me.

Park Suchan and Kim Seokhwan entered the guiding room afterward and greeted Kwon Yiyul before briefly glancing over me indifferently.

When Kim Seokhwan asked how his condition was, Kwon Yiyul answered with a bright smile.

“Seokhwan darling, are you worrying about me right now? I’m about to get emotional.”