Chapter 31: The Hand That Dragged Me Back

The surroundings were noisy.

Maybe they were rushing somewhere in a car, because the voices of Choi Siram — who had completed his discharge earlier that afternoon and returned to the dorm — along with the other team members echoed loudly through the hospital room over the phone.

Were they celebrating Kwon I-yul’s birthday that they had failed to properly celebrate because of the accident two days ago?

Choi Siram’s voice, occasionally drifting through the phone as he chatted excitedly about what had happened today, sounded unbelievably bright.

The moment my fingernails scraped against the floor, tears poured out of me like madness.

— No, it’s nothing.

Their indifference toward me made my teeth grind.

Maybe it was because I knew my powerless hatred would never wound them in the slightest.

Even without me, the world continued just fine, and I finally realized that my absence made absolutely no difference to the team at all.

— It was a pointless call.

Click—

The unstable connection finally cut off.

Without even managing to say a single word asking for help, without once begging someone to save me, I stupidly lost my chance.

“Hk… sob…”

My burning eyes squeezed tightly shut.

They say that when a person is about to die, memories from their life flash before their eyes like a lantern show.

But the only thing spread out before me was an empty hospital room drowned in darkness.

Until the very moment death stood before me, I remained completely alone — unable to dream of or hope for anything more.

“Hng…”

As though my existence had never even been spoken into being, I slowly faded away.

“Check the patient’s vitals!”

“Doctor, the patient’s numbers are dropping!”

People’s shouts and the shrill cries of machines mixed together chaotically.

Strange devices hung from the tips of my right fingers, and fresh air continuously flowed through the oxygen mask strapped to my face.

The space had changed too — from a private hospital room into an examination room.

“Patient, patient, you need to stay conscious. Patient!”

At the urgent voice calling for me, I barely opened my eyes and quietly rolled them around.

A blinding flash burst before my eyes like a camera going off.

The ringing in my ears wouldn’t stop, and the scenery before me kept distorting and reforming every second.

The expressions of the staff rushing around me looked beyond anxious — they were desperate.

“Patient, patient! Oh my god, doctor!”

‘Jaeyoon, Jaeyoon.’

My eyes snapped open.

The world was dyed black, blue, and gray.

Through the slightly open doorway, I could hear sparrows chirping and see ashes from burned coal briquettes scattered across the yard.

The structure of the house, and even the feeling of waking at dawn like this, was painfully familiar.

After thinking for a moment, I realized this was the collapsing shack where I had lived with my grandmother long ago.

‘Oh dear, my grandson. Why’d you wake up in the middle of sleeping?’

Wrinkled hands gently brushed across my sweat-covered forehead.

The moment her flat, steady voice rang in my ears, I threw myself into the old woman’s arms and burst into tears.

The knitted clothes I used to hate because they were old and worn out, and the socks she treasured until the soles frayed apart — they were exactly as I remembered them.

‘Grandma, grandma. Grandma….’

‘Acting all grown-up and proud on your own, but you’re still just a child, my grandson.’

‘…Ah, seriously. What do I do? What do I do….’

Even if it was only for a brief part of my childhood, the memories of living with my grandmother were among the few warm and precious memories in my life.

Because she was the only person I could ever truly call family.

‘What’s making you so miserable that you keep crying? Stop now, hurry.’

‘Grandma, I… I’m really struggling. It’s so hard….’

As I clung stubbornly to her warm embrace and poured out the words I had never managed to finish, my grandmother eventually brought over a damp handkerchief and wiped my nose for me.

I was far too old to behave this immaturely, but at least in front of her, I always became a helpless child again.

‘That handsome face is ruined now. Look at you, red as an overripe strawberry.’

‘…Sob, hng….’

‘Jaeyoon, my dear grandson.’

After gently stroking my swollen eyes for a while, my grandmother set the handkerchief aside and grabbed my hand.

Then she spoke.

‘If it’s that hard, would you like to come with Grandma?’

‘Hng… what?’

‘It hurts this old woman’s heart seeing my grandson cry so much. So come where Grandma is now. Okay?’

The soft hand holding mine tightened more and more.

I stopped talking and looked down at her hand, which gripped mine hard enough to break it.

‘G-Grandma?’

‘What?’

‘…Could you let go of this? It hurts a little.’

‘But why? Aren’t you happy to see Grandma?’

‘That’s not it….’

At some point, the kind smile on her face twisted into something monstrous.

From the shadow beside her, dozens of hands stretched out and grabbed my ankles.

Everywhere those bluish, deathly hands touched, my flesh rotted black.

‘Come with me, come with me. Come with me! Together, together, together!’

There was no longer anything in this place that I could call my grandmother.

“Gasp!”

A silent scream burst out beneath the oxygen mask.

Even though nobody had glued me down, I thrashed helplessly on the bed, unable to sit up properly or lie down comfortably.

It still felt as though the black blood flowing from that thing wearing my grandmother’s face stained my fingertips.

“…Jaeyoon-ssi, Jaeyoon-ssi, are you awake now? Jaeyoon-ssi!”

Every time my breathing quickened, the machines shrieked louder, and the doctor monitoring me rushed to my side.

Kim Kyungwoon.

The only person in the center who had ever stood on my side — the same doctor who came running late at night to treat my injuries after Park Soochang beat me up.

“Jaeyoon-ssi, don’t panic. Look at me. Look into my eyes, and slow your breathing before you hyperventilate.”

“…D-Doctor. Doctor.”

“…That’s right. It’s me. Do you recognize who I am?”

Kim Kyungwoon supported my neck and waist with his arms, slowly easing my stiff muscles.

My hospital gown was drenched in cold sweat, sticking unpleasantly to my skin.

“What… what happened to me? I-I….”

“…Jaeyoon-ssi, first, let’s sit up slowly. I need to check if your breathing has stabilized.”

My dry, cracked voice sounded awful.

My head spun violently, but perhaps because they had injected me with several painkillers, the pain itself had dulled considerably.

The dream I’d had right before waking, combined with the intensity of the pain, felt far beyond what a simple cold or fever could explain.

Maybe the shock from the terrorist attack still hadn’t faded from my body.

That was the only explanation I could think of, yet even that left me frustrated.

“…Honestly, this is the first time I’ve ever seen a case like this, so I don’t even know where to begin explaining. A doctor shouldn’t say things like that.”

“…Why are you acting like this?”

“…I’m sorry.”

Sorry for what?

Unable to finish his explanation, Kim Kyungwoon lowered his head before me.

He anxiously bit his lip before dragging both hands down his face in frustration.

I’d already expected my condition to worsen because of my chronic stomach problems, but judging by his reaction, I wondered if my stomach had literally developed a hole in it.

Or maybe the inflammation had become so severe that I needed emergency surgery.

I grabbed the sleeve of Kim Kyungwoon’s gown as he kept unconsciously stepping away from me and demanded a proper explanation as a patient.

“What happened that you’re hesitating this much? At this rate, my throat’s going to dry out before you say anything.”

“…Jaeyoon-ssi, ah. I really, really shouldn’t be saying this. I really shouldn’t….”

“…People say it’s better to get hit sooner if you’re going to get hit anyway, and better to hear scolding quickly too. I’ll be fine, so please just tell me.”

A rough cough escaped my metallic-sounding throat.

When I grimaced and clutched my neck in pain, Kim Kyungwoon finally seemed to decide he couldn’t delay any longer and turned the computer monitor beside the bed toward me.

Pointing at the black screen where the graph rose and fell repeatedly, he told me to watch the numbers carefully.

“Jaeyoon-ssi… have you ever heard of brainwave radiation exposure?”

“…Isn’t that something commonly found in Guides who die alongside rampaging Espers?”

“That’s right. It happens when someone is exposed to excessively powerful brainwaves within a short period of time, causing the organs and bodily functions to break down like radiation poisoning. Most cases stop at physical deterioration, but exposure to the brainwaves of a high-ranking Esper causes the body’s organs to be eaten away, until even healthy cells are destroyed and the victim dies.”

“…I see. But doctor, what does that phenomenon have to do with my condition right now?”

Brainwave radiation exposure.

In academia, it was considered a phenomenon almost identical to radiation poisoning.

I vaguely remembered hearing about it once from a center official who came to lecture us during training camp before I entered the center.

A condition where every cell in the body was destroyed until death eventually followed.

Just hearing about it sent chills down my spine.

But I still couldn’t understand what connection it had to my current condition, so I looked at Kim Kyungwoon with confusion.

“…Because that’s the state you’re in right now.”

“What? I couldn’t hear properly because of the machines. Could you explain that again?”

“…Because that’s the condition you’re currently suffering from, Jaeyoon-ssi. That’s why I’m explaining this to you separately.”