Chapter 40: What Remains of Me

“Ah, forget it. Don’t try to learn more. There’s nothing good that comes from knowing. Our main goal is the medicine anyway, right?”

“…That’s true.”

Leaving the overly sensitive Hwang Yunggu alone, I pulled out the medicine Kim Kyungwoon had given me along with a bottle of water from my bag.

Hwang Yunggu kept glancing sideways at me, clearly curious about what kind of illness could possibly require narcotic painkillers, but eventually pretended not to notice.

At the latest, by tomorrow, we’d both go our separate ways as strangers anyway.

There was no point prying into someone else’s personal circumstances.

Especially in the lower districts, where survival itself was already exhausting enough, asking about another person’s wellbeing was often considered incredibly rude.

Thud—

“Here are the medicines you requested, along with the pill case. And this… is a drug not distributed on the regular market. Since you’re Kyungwoon’s guest, I’m giving it to you as a special service.”

“…When you say service, what kind of medicine exactly is it?”

“Well. If I had to categorize it… I suppose it’s a narcotic.”

The man answered far too casually.

For a moment, I thought I’d misheard him and asked him to explain again.

But his answer remained the same.

A narcotic.

And apparently one far stronger than anything sold on the regular market.

“Most people who seek narcotic painkillers eventually struggle with movement or daily life as time passes. This drug is a prototype developed specifically for those kinds of people.”

“A prototype means it hasn’t even been fully developed yet, doesn’t it? Then wouldn’t it be dangerous to use right away? What if something happens after using it carelessly—”

“Well, that’s why you should only use it in truly urgent situations.”

The man spoke as though the answer was obvious while casually tapping the syringe and white powder sealed inside a transparent plastic bag.

“For example… in situations where your life is hanging by a thread.”

“……”

“Well, it’s only a free service anyway. Whether you use it or throw it straight into the trash is entirely up to you.”

“……”

“But every situation inevitably comes with unexpected variables. So personally, I think it wouldn’t hurt to keep it. Though again, whether you keep it or not is your choice.”

I engraved the man’s ominous words into my mind while staring down at the payment invoice he handed me.

Afraid he might suddenly change his mind, I quickly pulled the borrowed bank account loaded with tens of millions of won from my bag and placed it on the table.

“It’s rare to see customers pay upfront so willingly. Seems I’m lucky today.”

“No. I should be the one thanking you for helping me like this. The password is written inside the bankbook, so you should be able to withdraw the money after checking it.”

At the man’s subtle signal, one of the men waiting nearby immediately collected the account book and stepped back.

Everything important was finished now.

All that remained was returning to the shelter.

But already, my entire body felt unbearably heavy.

Adapting to unfamiliar environments had always been difficult for me.

Back then and even now.

“Ah, right. As you can see, our prototype differs from regular drugs sold on the market. The method requires dissolving a measured amount of this white powder into water before injecting it with a syringe. Beginners often burst veins or develop infections because they don’t know how to inject properly. Would you like an explanation?”

“No, it’s fine. I know the basics already.”

I’d learned how to handle syringes long ago during training camp.

Because the center was responsible for monitoring enormous territories, manpower was always lacking.

And the number of active field personnel was even smaller.

No matter what happened, we were trained extensively so we could take care of our own bodies ourselves.

“More importantly, how much should I actually inject? You still haven’t explained the most important part.”

I asked how much would be safe to use without overburdening my body.

The man lifted the corners of his lips in apparent surprise before shrugging.

“You’re quite impatient.”

“……”

“One pinch of the white powder. As for the water, just enough to fill a spoon without overflowing.”

“Are there any precautions I should know about?”

“Well, that’s something you’ll have to find out yourself over time. Like I said earlier, this is still a prototype undergoing testing on our side. Ideally, we’d like you to use it personally and provide feedback afterward, but considering your situation, I suppose that’s difficult.”

I felt like a frog pinned to a dissection table.

Seriously.

Every single person seemed desperate to use me as some kind of experiment.

An instinctive disgust twisted my expression.

There should’ve been limits to treating people lightly.

Even if he wanted to bring up such a subject, shouldn’t he at least have been more careful about it?

“Our men will escort you safely to the exit. Once night falls, plenty of rats gather outside after catching our scent, so traveling together will be safer for you.”

“…Alright. Then we’ll do that.”

“Ah, right.”

The man suddenly clapped his hands dramatically and stopped me just as I began to stand.

“How’s Kyungwoon doing?”

“…Pardon?”

“It’s been far too long since I last saw him. He’s always had a terrible personality, so he ignores me every time I try contacting him. But if he trusted you enough to personally hand over my contact information, then the two of you must’ve been close. I figured you’d know how he’s doing at least.”

The calm blue eyes that hadn’t changed even while speaking to me began trembling faintly the moment Kim Kyungwoon was mentioned.

Like someone carefully holding grains of sand that might shatter at any second, the man asked about Kim Kyungwoon with extreme caution.

“…He’s doing well.”

“……”

“Sometimes he says he’s struggling, and sometimes he complains, but… he’s really doing well.”

“……”

“Does that answer your question?”

The strength slowly drained from the hand gripping my wrist.

The man’s grip had been so powerful it made my bones ache, and my left arm trembled instinctively afterward.

At this rate, there’d probably be a dark bruise there by tomorrow morning.

Only after the man gradually stepped away from me did Hwang Yunggu finally relax and remove his hand from the gun hidden behind his back.

“…I apologize for embarrassing myself.”

“…Ah. It’s alright.”

The subordinates who’d been waiting for us approached and offered to clear the path ahead.

The man irritably ripped off his black leather gloves before quickly drinking a glass of cold water prepared nearby.

A strong feeling told me we truly needed to leave now.

Hurriedly, I stuffed the medicine I’d barely managed to obtain into the bag hanging from my shoulder.

The once-light bag became noticeably heavier.

“Then we’ll be going now.”

Vrooom—

“Seriously, that was terrifying. Thought I was gonna shit myself.”

Hwang Yunggu’s grumbling voice sounded much lighter as he restarted the boat we’d left docked earlier that day.

Truthfully, I’d been so anxious about failing to secure the medicine that I could barely sleep.

Fortunately, everything had gone smoothly.

“You made sure to pack everything you needed, right?”

“Yes. Thanks to you.”

We’d waited until dawn before buying some basic necessities at the market, which delayed us considerably.

If possible, I’d wanted to buy armfuls of gifts for the people at the shelter.

But carrying all of it would only slow us down.

More than anything, my body simply wasn’t in a condition capable of handling heavy loads.

Even as I sighed repeatedly in disappointment, Hwang Yunggu didn’t criticize me once.

He seemed to understand there were more complicated circumstances behind it.

Soon, the boat engine roared to life again, cutting smoothly through the calm waters.

“We’ll arrive in about two hours. You haven’t slept properly in days, so just think of it as a nap and get some rest. I’ll wake you once we arrive.”

“No. I’m fine like this. Now that we’re actually close to arriving… there’s just a lot on my mind.”

“So you can’t sleep. Honestly, you look way too alert for someone this exhausted.”

As we passed the midpoint bridge between District 2 and District 3 and accelerated further, the front of the boat rocked violently.

I hurriedly forced down the lunchbox we’d bought alongside the supplies and let the wind seep through my hair.

No matter how strong the painkillers were, they clearly weren’t miracle cures.

Sharp pain still stabbed through me intermittently, forcing me to clutch my chest and take deep breaths.

At least Hwang Yunggu was too focused on steering to notice.

‘You should’ve just died already. If it were me, I would’ve killed myself long ago rather than living like that. I’d have been too ashamed to keep breathing.’

“Ha….”

Now that the tension had eased and I was left alone with my thoughts, a desperate urge rose inside me to erase every horrifying memory from the center.

At the same time, cold fury hardened inside my chest toward those who had treated me like nothing more than a tool until the very end.

‘This is compensation for everything you contributed to our team. Don’t misunderstand. I’m only making preparations so there won’t be any problems later.’

Foolish trust had returned as betrayal.

Pathetic faith had tightened into chains around my own throat.

I never even hoped for emotional affection.

I only wanted to be treated as an equal human being.

But for someone like me, born with nothing, even that much had never been allowed.

‘Since you awakened as a guide anyway, wouldn’t it be better to remain useful until the day you die?’

In the end, all I had left was a ruined body and the money Kim Seokhwan gave me as “compensation” for my service to the team.

That was all.

Someone born with nothing.

Someone pitiful and miserable even at the edge of death itself.

That… was me.

📚 Also on NHV Novels

Enemies on a Single-Log Bridge

AcademyBattleBL

Read Now →
Not interested