Chapter 57: Apologies No One Would Hear

Slide—

“We’re here.”

In place of Park Suchang, who had taken Choi Siram back to the office, Kwon Yiyul personally escorted me to my quarters.

The room, located on the eighty-third floor of the east wing, was nearly twice the size of the quarters I had shared with Choi Siram.

Soft lighting lined the hallway, giving off a strangely calming atmosphere, while surveillance cameras installed at both ends continuously tilted back and forth, never relaxing their vigilance for suspicious movement.

“Use this card whenever you enter from now on. If you lose it, contact the center management department and they’ll issue a replacement. You can also use room service, so if you’re hungry, just order whatever you want.”

“Yes. Thank you for your consideration.”

“If anything happens, there’s a phone inside, so don’t forget to contact someone through the intercom. Personnel patrol the area three times a day anyway, so there’s not much to worry about, but it’s still better to be careful.”

I quickly snatched the card from Kwon Yiyul’s hand and pressed it against the sensor.

Click.

The door unlocked, revealing a spacious suite-like room that resembled something out of a luxury hotel.

The bedding, the furniture — none of it looked cheap.

And apparently, staff even came every morning to clean the place separately.

If this weren’t the center, and if I weren’t trapped here as a Guide, I would have wanted to spend the rest of my life without ever stepping outside.

“I’m not a five-year-old child. I can handle that much myself.”

“……”

“Kwon Yiyul-ssi — no, Team Leader — you’ve worked hard since early dawn, so you should go rest too. I’m exhausted and need to wash up. Goodbye.”

Before Kwon Yiyul could say anything else, I firmly shut the door.

The heavy slab of metal — thicker than the doors of most armored vehicles — sealed shut with a dull thud, cutting off all outside noise and leaving only silence behind.

Tap—

“…This is really nice.”

Still clutching the bag tightly against my chest as though I refused to let anyone take it away, I set it down on the table and sat on the soft bed.

The same dim lighting from the hallway filled the room.

It was nice that there was no darkness anywhere.

But being left alone in such a large space felt oddly lonely.

No.

Maybe not lonely.

Bitter.

I wasn’t sure.

The moment I became fully aware of my own situation, bitterness spread across my tongue like poison.

Ziiip—

“…Hah.”

One by one, I pulled out the necessities stuffed inside the bag, along with the medicine packets and the mysterious powdered drug gifted to me by the boss of the underground pharmacists.

Now that I had been dragged back here, situations where I’d have to Guide the team members again would inevitably come.

No — that was the entire reason they brought me back in the first place.

If they didn’t make me Guide, that would be stranger.

“I somehow need to survive with this.”

Fortunately, among all the countless brainwaves overflowing throughout the center, only the brainwaves of Attack Team 3’s Espers significantly affected my body.

But if my already fragile body — one that could collapse at any moment — suffered another severe shock from excessive Guiding, nobody knew what kind of outcome would follow.

Not even me.

‘Here are the medicines you asked for, along with the containers. And this one isn’t commercially distributed. Since you’re Kyungwoon’s acquaintance, consider it a special service.’

‘…What exactly do you mean by service?’

‘Hmm. If I had to classify it, I’d call it a narcotic.’

I stared quietly at the dozens of syringes, powdered drugs, and alcohol swabs sealed inside the large zippered bag.

‘Most people asking for narcotic painkillers gradually lose the ability to move or live normally over time. This medication was developed specifically for people like that. It’s one of our prototypes.’

‘If it’s still a prototype, doesn’t that mean development isn’t even complete? Isn’t it dangerous to use something like that already? What if something goes wrong…?’

‘That’s why you only use it in emergencies.’

Remembering President Han’s voice creeping toward me like the whisper of a devil, I swallowed dryly.

An untested prototype.

A drug whose side effects and flaws hadn’t even been properly identified yet.

No — a narcotic.

The developer himself had called it that, so it was impossible to consider it a normal medicine.

‘Like when your life is hanging by a thread, perhaps?’

Even so, throwing it away unused felt strangely wasteful.

If my body deteriorated further during Guiding, there would inevitably come pain that even narcotic painkillers couldn’t suppress.

So for my plan to quietly die without anyone noticing, the drug President Han gave me was indispensable.

Whether I was destroyed by narcotics or destroyed by illness, the result was the same either way.

At the very least, reducing the pain would help me endure it with my sanity intact.

“…I’ll watch the situation first and decide later.”

Making sure nobody else could find them, I hid the zippered bag containing the syringes and drugs deep inside the mirror dresser drawer.

Even so, casually abusing a drug with unknown effects and side effects felt wrong.

For some reason, it made me feel like a child secretly doing something terrible behind their parents’ backs.

‘How’s Kyungwoon doing?’

“……”

‘It’s been so long since I’ve seen his face. He’s always had a shitty personality, so he ignores me every time I try contacting him. But since he gave you my contact information personally, you two must’ve been close. I figured you’d at least know how he’s doing.’

Thoughts about President Han and the drugs led directly back to guilt about Kim Kyungwoon.

I could vividly imagine him wandering through District 1’s relief zone in confusion, completely alone with nowhere to go.

‘He must resent me.

I would too.’

When people are pushed into extreme situations, they inevitably regret the choices they made.

Kim Kyungwoon was human too.

He probably wasn’t any different.

First, he would resent Kwon Yiyul for threatening him.

And perhaps, second…

He resented me too.

After all, the reason he was fired and driven out of the center was because he helped me escape.

The moment I thought that, I couldn’t stay still anymore.

I hated myself so much I couldn’t even look at the full-length mirror installed across from the bed.

If I could, I wanted to cover every mirror in the room with black cloth.

But my body was too exhausted to even do that.

“…I shouldn’t go see him.

Just… just pretend I don’t know anything.

I have to.”

So I made a decision, as though trying to atone.

I would never seek Kim Kyungwoon out again.

I would make sure we never crossed paths, even by accident.

“Hngh… sob…”

His entire life had already been ruined because of me.

The normal life he barely managed to obtain was shattered.

The people he trusted turned their backs on him.

Even the patients who sought him out were gone now.

“Ah… ngh…”

For someone like me — the cause of all of it — to seek him out would be no different from an abuser approaching their victim in the name of repentance.

Even if the circumstances differed, the result was almost the same.

“…I’m sorry.

I’m sorry.

This is all my fault.

I’m sorry.”

Curled up alone, I cried while repeating apologies no one would ever hear until I eventually fell asleep without realizing it.

“Your center ID card has been reissued. Please be careful not to lose it again. According to center regulations, losing it three consecutive times will result in disciplinary action.”

Morning came.

Because I had fallen asleep without even realizing when it happened, I ended up running late after struggling to fix my tangled hair.

When I suddenly reappeared inside the center after disappearing for an entire month, sharp stares immediately followed me from behind.

Ignoring them as best I could, I headed to the central management office to receive my replacement ID card.

The employee sounded openly irritated, probably annoyed that someone like me was bothering them this close to lunch break.

Beep—

After registering the new card, I headed toward the east wing lined with the attack team offices.

A few familiar faces I had grown somewhat acquainted with approached and greeted me lightly.

I returned the greetings vaguely before walking toward the office with the blinds drawn shut and entering the passcode.

“Hah…”

Choi Siram had apparently left for the northern center alongside Park Suchan, who had gone there on support duty.

Which meant only three people remained in the office today.

Myself.

Kwon Yiyul.

And Park Suchang.

Those two, especially among Attack Team 3, were notorious for doing whatever they pleased, constantly coming and going from the office without any fixed schedule.

I slowly scanned the dark office before dropping my forehead onto the long desk covered in white dust.

“Why the hell does everyone only lose their minds with me…”

Whether it was the medicine’s side effects or simply a complete lack of appetite, I couldn’t even bring myself to walk to the cafeteria.

So I quietly sat alone, lost in thought.

How much time had passed?

Eventually, Park Suchang’s reflection appeared faintly in the window as he swaggered inside with both hands stuffed into his pockets, wearing only a single loose shirt.

Not knowing what to say, I simply lowered my head in greeting.

The moment he saw my face, his expression twisted viciously as though he had been waiting for this exact moment.

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