Chapter 68: The Weight of Ordinary Warmth

I stopped midway through lifting my spoon and wiped the sauce from the corner of my mouth with a napkin.

My mouth felt bitter and uncomfortable, as though I’d just swallowed medicine.

The rumors surrounding me were mostly baseless and malicious.

Just thinking about those men I’d encountered in the restroom before made that painfully obvious.

That I sold my body.
That the center director and Kwon Yiyul were backing me behind the scenes.

Honestly, if any of that had been true, I wouldn’t have felt so wronged.

But having people invent lies out of thin air and use them to devalue your existence — there wasn’t much in this world more unfair than that.

I was afraid even Ahn Yijeong would become another victim of those rumors simply because he associated with me, so I kept unconsciously creating distance between us.

“Haven’t you heard the rumors about me? Once you get used to life at the center, it’s impossible not to hear them. All those scandals end up exhausting anyone who stays close to me too.”

“Don’t tell me that’s really the only reason?”

“Well… isn’t it obvious? What kind of person would willingly stay close to someone constantly wrapped up in gossip? The moment you get close to someone like that, it’s obvious you’ll end up dragged onto the chopping block too.”

Like I said before, I wasn’t always alone.

Back when I first joined the center, there were people I could call acquaintances.

There were even some I’d become genuinely close with.

I cherished them.

They were the people who reached out first and offered me kindness when I had nowhere else to rely on.

But it didn’t take long before they became exhausted by the rumors and scandals surrounding me.

I told them repeatedly that none of it was true.

That those stories had nothing to do with me.

Even so, they eventually started backing away, insisting it was impossible to stay by my side any longer.

After that, I started avoiding people on purpose too.

‘Who knows? Maybe with his personality, he’ll crawl his way to survival by sleeping around. Wasn’t there already a rumor that the Attack Team leader was backing him? It died down quickly since there wasn’t any proof, though.’

The team members alone already gave me more than enough stress to deal with.

I didn’t want to add the burden of interpersonal relationships on top of it.

“Ugh, I seriously hate people like that.”

“Excuse me?”

“People love tearing others apart however they want. The moment they find someone easy to target, everyone jumps in and throws in their own little comment.”

“……”

“If someone doesn’t suit their tastes, they’ll say whatever they want without caring if the other person gets hurt or if their entire life falls apart. Honestly, if they were put in the same situation themselves, they wouldn’t dare make a sound. But if you stay quiet, they mock you for being easy prey. Seriously, what exactly are people supposed to do?”

Ahn Yijeong paused mid-meal, his face twisting with genuine disgust.

The words coming out of his mouth were far sharper than I ever expected.

“And in the end, the only one left enduring all those endless rumors is the victim themselves. People throw stones carelessly without realizing someone might die from them. Then when the truth eventually comes out, they all suddenly keep their mouths shut and pretend they knew nothing. ‘I didn’t do anything.’ ‘I didn’t know it would turn out like that.’ ‘I was only repeating what everyone else was saying.’”

“…This might be rude of me to ask, but can you confidently say you’re not one of those people, Mr. Ahn?”

“Me?”

“Yes.”

“Well. Even I don’t know that.”

Ahn Yijeong fiddled with the remaining food on his plate.

Soft jazz music drifted through the restaurant speakers.

While he continued speaking, I forgot to even chew the food in my mouth and secretly wiped the sweat forming in my palms.

“Still, I don’t do childish things like gossiping behind people’s backs. What are we, elementary school kids? Unless you actually have a close relationship with the person involved, I think people should just keep their mouths shut. That’s how I see it.”

“I see.”

“What about you, Jaeyoon?”

“Me?”

“Yeah. If I were the person at the center of all those rumors, would you despise and avoid me like everyone else? Would you secretly badmouth me behind my back too?”

I froze at Ahn Yijeong’s question, spoken so naturally as though my opinion genuinely mattered.

I’d always believed I wasn’t someone incapable of speaking — I’d simply never had the opportunity to.

But now, when I actually had to answer, I couldn’t get a single proper sentence out.

My opinion.
My perspective.
My thoughts.

For the past three years, none of those things had mattered.

Like a robot, I’d only bowed my head and obeyed whatever the team members ordered, constantly watching their moods.

So when a situation like this suddenly appeared, there was no way I could respond properly.

“You asked me earlier, so it’s only fair I ask you too. I’m curious about what you think.”

At that moment, I found myself strangely unfamiliar.

When exactly had I become someone so empty-headed?

When had I become someone with no real sense of self left?

“Damn it…”

“…Jaeyoon?”

“Ah, sorry. Um… Well, I agree with you too, Mr. Ahn. Judging someone solely based on rumors is a terrible thing to do. No matter what the situation is, people should approach others based on their own judgment. Letting yourself get swept away by rumors and treating innocent people with contempt just means you’re no better than those spreading them.”

“Right?”

“Yes.”

I’d almost cursed out loud without even realizing Ahn Yijeong was sitting across from me.

Thankfully, I snapped back to my senses and shut my mouth in time. Otherwise, I would’ve ended up insulting the very person who had gone through all this effort to invite me here.

“See? I knew it. You and I really do get along well.”

“Do we?”

“You don’t think so? I liked you from the first moment I saw you. It was the first time I’d ever wanted to get close to someone too.”

What was wrong with him today, seriously?

Avoiding Ahn Yijeong’s gaze as he continued acting almost flirtatiously in the middle of our meal, I distracted myself by fiddling with the menu.

It wasn’t that my heart was racing or that I felt romantic feelings toward him.

It was simply… comforting.

Meeting someone who defended me and understood me after such a long time made my chest feel strangely warm and ticklish.

Maybe embarrassed was the right word.

Yes.
That was all.

“Honestly, you’re pretty impressive, Jaeyoon. Not only are you guiding huge figures like Attack Team 3 all at once, but even your ea—”

“What did you just say? Sorry, the music’s a little loud, so I didn’t catch that.”

“…Nothing. I just misspoke for a second. Don’t worry about it.”

After finishing the meal, I scooped up some ice cream that had been served as dessert.

It felt like he’d almost said something important, but since he brushed it off, I probably just misheard him.

“…Wow, how’s lunchtime already over? If I’m late, I’m dead. What should I do?”

“Do you have something scheduled?”

“Well, you saw my ID card last time near the elevator, right? Believe it or not, I’m actually an assistant team leader…”

“That’s true.”

Before I knew it, it was already approaching two in the afternoon.

I briefly considered grabbing coffee at a nearby café, but since Kwon Yiyul had only given me around two hours of freedom, I had no choice but to head back to the center.

I could die at any moment, but I felt certain I’d somehow find another chance to see Ahn Yijeong again.

So leaving didn’t feel unbearably disappointing.

“The truth is, I skipped my afternoon duties to come here, so if I’m late, my supervisor might actually kill me. You probably know him too. Manager Lee Geonyeong from Administration. Well, technically he transferred departments and became Deputy Head of the Attack Teams now.”

Manager Lee Geonyeong.

One of the most infamous lunatics in the entire center.

Just recalling his face seemed enough to send chills down Ahn Yijeong’s spine as he rubbed his shoulders repeatedly.

Honestly, I’d been shocked when I first learned Ahn Yijeong was an assistant team leader.

That position wasn’t an official rank, but team leaders personally selected exceptional members for it, giving them authority nearly equal to an official executive position.

Within Attack Team 3, the unofficial assistant team leader had been Kim Seokhwan, though most people simply called him Director because his family had secured him a separate position within the center.

Because of that, the title of assistant team leader felt unfamiliar and distant to me.

“Seriously, I already hate the position enough as it is. They forced it onto me just because my rank is A+. Calling me assistant team leader is basically just another way of saying they plan to work me to death.”

“That’s true.”

“Honestly, life was easier back at the Northern Center. Sure, monsters appeared more often there, but unlike the Eastern Center, mass civilian casualties were rare. Over here, even the smallest mistake gets you written up, and if you suppress criminals too harshly, suddenly people start screaming about excessive force and human rights violations. Seriously, since when did criminals deserve human rights? Doesn’t that sound ridiculous to you?”

Watching Ahn Yijeong complain so sincerely finally made him feel his age.

At first glance, he honestly looked around the same age as Kwon Yiyul, but in reality, he was only two years older than me.

As we slowly walked toward the shuttle platform to help digest our meal, cherry blossom petals drifted down and spread before us like a silk road.

The occasional warm breeze gradually eased the headache that kept returning every so often.

‘It’s quiet.’

That was all I envied.

I didn’t want much.

Just eating an ordinary lunch and talking casually with someone.

At some point, even those simple everyday things — things everyone else took for granted — had become distant luxuries in my life filled with endless noise.

I’d be lying if I said I didn’t resent the heavens for only letting me experience moments like this when I was already nearing death.

But at least right now, knowing I wasn’t alone anymore made my shoulders lift slightly with pride.

There was someone willing to eat with me.

There was someone who genuinely wanted to see me again.

“So then after that, our team leader said…”

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