Chapter 16: A Cold Answer

“…Yeah.”

“They said I won’t be living with that woman. They said I just have to go live there by myself.”

“…Yeah.”

“I’ll call you every day. I’ll come to see you as often as I can. I’ll sleep over on the weekends.”

It was a dream again.

All Kangeun, who couldn’t lift her head, could see in her wet eyes was Siheon’s new sneakers that she had bought him a while ago.

Watching the sneakers get soaked in the sleet, she thought Siheon’s feet must be cold.

She thought she should hurry home and wash them in warm water.

These were all things Siheon had said on the day they were caught in the rain.

Kangeun’s throat tightened as she retraced that day in her dream.

If Siheon goes to his biological father, the settlement money problem can be resolved.

And above all, it’s a very good thing for Siheon.

That’s why Kangeun couldn’t just be selfish in a situation with no solution.

She couldn’t say that she couldn’t send him away, that it wasn’t hard, that she could endure it as long as he was by her side.

She just nodded her head.

She couldn’t do anything else.

If she was sick, she should at least get some rest, but tears flowed ceaselessly from Kangeun’s closed eyes as she kept reliving that day in her dreams.

So Kangeun didn’t know that while she was sick in bed, Siheon had cried just as painfully as she had.

****

The rain, which had fallen for quite a long time for winter, finally stopped.

On the morning of the third day of her illness, Kangeun’s eyes shot open.

The dust floating hazily in the morning sunlight first caught her focus.

Then she saw the familiar ceiling and curtain.

Finally, Kangeun, who felt Siheon’s presence beyond the curtain, had sadness welling up in her eyes again.

Her right hand, as it had been for the past few days, was over the curtain.

The hand that held hers as if holding the most precious thing in the world.

Kangeun closed her eyes, trying not to forget the warmth of that hand, trying to engrave the scent that filled this space in her heart.

It felt as if her aching lungs were filled with star-shaped ice particles.

Every time she breathed, she felt like she was being stabbed by sharp things all over, and in the end, she felt like she was being torn to pieces.

Through the torn gaps, all the things Kangeun didn’t want to lose were escaping.

And unrefined emotions filled the space, piling up.

Probably for a long time, maybe until she died.

Kangeun knew that she would feel the cold even more because she wouldn’t be able to forget this warmth.

She foresaw that she would miss the gentle gaze that had always been by her side since the first time they met.

****

A few days passed, and the morning of their last day together dawned.

Kangeun, who had tossed and turned all night and had only fallen into a light sleep at dawn, got up to prepare breakfast.

Siheon was not there.
She thought he had gone out for his usual morning exercise.

Yesterday, she had gone far with Siheon to do grocery shopping.

She had picked up ingredients that she usually wouldn’t even look at because they were expensive.

Siheon had taken the food ingredients Kangeun handed him, put them in the basket, and stayed by her side.

“What do you want to eat?”

“I like everything Noona makes.”

“You always say that.”

“Because it’s true.
I’d probably eat it even if you grilled a rock.”

“What’s that supposed to mean…”

After Kangeun got sick, the two of them had lived as if nothing had happened.

Their daily life during the day flowed relatively peacefully, just like before.

But when the sun went down, both of them became quiet.

After hurriedly getting ready for bed, they would lie in their respective spots and toss and turn, then extend their hands beyond the curtain.

Sometimes Kangeun would be first, and sometimes Siheon would be first.

Sometimes Siheon would reach out and pull her hand towards him.

No particular words were exchanged.

They just kept it in, and kept it in.

It was because they knew that if they started talking, they would burst into tears.

It was obvious that whether she cried, or he cried, they would both end up crying until they were exhausted.

They just smiled at each other as usual and encouraged each other.

“Ah, the bracken.”

Kangeun realized that she had only washed and soaked the rice before going to bed last night and had not soaked the bracken.

She had planned to stir-fry the bracken plainly for Siheon, who didn’t like sweet food, but it seemed she would have to leave the bracken as it was.

‘I bought it for Siheon.’

‘Even if I leave it, will I be able to eat it when it reminds me of him every time I see it?’

Kangeun shook her head as if to scatter her deepening thoughts.

She changed her plan to accompany Siheon’s favorite clear beef and radish soup with shredded radish salad.

On top of that, if she grilled the Korean beef she bought yesterday and made a rolled omelet, it would be a hearty breakfast for Siheon.

Kangeun, who had changed her clothes, tied up her hair and touched her face.

Before going to the kitchen, she opened the door to go to the bathroom first to brush her teeth as usual, but the kitchen light was on.

And the clattering sound was clearly someone’s presence.

Kangeun carefully approached the kitchen.

Siheon, who had noticed Kangeun’s gaze peeking into the kitchen through the slightly open gap, came over and opened the door wide.

“You’re up?”

“Yeah… You, weren’t you out for a run?”

“I took a break today.
It’s just about done, want to taste the soup?
All that’s left is to grill the meat.”

A rolled omelet was neatly placed on a plate on the table.

What was boiling in the pot on the stove was seaweed soup.

The beef and radish soup had been replaced by seaweed soup.

The mushrooms she had bought to accompany the grilled beef were being stir-fried deliciously in a frying pan.

“Dad is…”

“He’s sleeping now.
He was awake at dawn.
Let’s make his meal again later.
The soup and meat will get too cold.”

“Yeah…”

“Noona.”

“…”

“Happy birthday.”

December 23rd, a few days before Christmas, was Kangeun’s birthday.

She had forgotten.

She hadn’t even thought about it.

“Don’t tell me, you didn’t know?”

“…Yeah.”

“It’s Go Kangeun’s birthday today.”

Kangeun’s eyes narrowed slightly at his tone, calling her Go Kangeun instead of Noona.
At that, Siheon chuckled and took out a palm-sized slice of cake from the refrigerator.

“I was trying to prepare it without you knowing… The only place that sells cake at dawn is the convenience store.
I’m sorry.”

The convenience store, big enough to sell cake, was quite far from Kangeun’s house.

Even if he had run there for exercise, it was a considerable distance.

Kangeun bit her lip and turned her head.

“You don’t like it?”

“…I like it.”

“Let’s blow out the candle before we eat.
Think about what wish you’re going to make.”

Siheon, who seemed to have prepared it in advance, took out a candle and lit it on the stove.

He stuck it in the middle of the slice of cake and held it out to Kangeun.

“Here.”

“…”

“Hurry.”

At Siheon’s urging, Kangeun closed her eyes.

The only wish that came to her mind right now was Siheon’s happiness.

‘It’s okay if we don’t live together, it’s okay if we live apart, it’s okay if we can’t see each other every day like now, just be happy wherever you are.’

Kangeun, who had made her wish, blew out the candle, and Siheon smiled.

He placed the cake on the table and served the rice and soup to set the breakfast table.

Sitting across from each other in the small room and eating breakfast, Kangeun chewed her food for longer than usual.

She moved her spoon slowly and her chopsticks sluggishly.

But her throat kept catching, so she drank water.

Thud, thud, she patted her chest and barely managed to swallow her food.

Even the top-quality Korean beef she had bought for a high price felt like chewing on paper.

Kangeun couldn’t say a single word about how delicious the birthday meal Siheon had prepared for her was.

She only knew that the tears that had gathered in her mouth from crying silently were salty.

After finishing the choked-up breakfast, Kangeun stood up.

On the morning when they stood side by side washing the few dishes, Kangeun would look up at

Siheon every time their hands brushed against each other.

Each time, she did her best to smile at Siheon, who met her gaze.

They pretended not to see each other’s tear stains.

****

“Go and greet the adults well.”

“Yeah.
I’ll call you right away tomorrow, no, later today.
Just pick up.”

“Okay.”

Siheon, who had packed his things in advance yesterday, stood in front of the gate.

Kangeun, who had been fidgeting in front of the room, followed Siheon down to the yard.

Then, before crossing the gate, Siheon turned around and handed Kangeun a small paper bag.

“This.”

“…What is it?”

“Go Kangeun’s birthday present.”

“There you go again.”

Kangeun guessed the reason why Siheon was calling her by her name instead of Noona.

It was probably to make Kangeun smile, even a little.

“Open it.”

“Now?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s the occasion?”

Every year on her birthday, Siheon would give Kangeun a present.

Each time, he would be shy and tell her to open it later when he wasn’t around, so Kangeun was going to do the same this time.

But it was unexpected that Siheon would ask her to open it first.

Kangeun, with a puzzled expression, put her hand in the paper bag and took out a palm-sized box that was inside.

“This is…”

The angular, light pink box looked like it would contain an accessory to anyone.

“Hurry.”

At Siheon’s urging, Kangeun opened the box.

What was neatly placed on the cream-colored satin was a gold necklace.

“…Where did you get the money.”

“I had enough money saved up to buy this much.”

“…Don’t tell me you’re bullying kids at school.”

Siheon, with a look of disbelief, chuckled in response and put down his things and reached out.

In place of Kangeun, who couldn’t even touch it and was just staring at it, Siheon took the necklace out of the box.