Chapter 6: A Quiet Breaking

“…”

“I have no intention of sending you anywhere. I told you before. Just as you cherish me, Siheon, I cherish you too.”

“…”

“So, Siheon-ah. Don’t push yourself. Don’t try so hard. Let’s keep living together with Noona.
Even if Imo comes back, I won’t let her take you away.”

As a high school student, she knew that she was saying something impossible.

But she really wanted it to be that way.

As long as the situation allowed, Kangeun wanted to be with Siheon.

With her father in such a state, she couldn’t send Siheon away somewhere else.

Kangeun didn’t want to be left alone.

“…You don’t hate me?”

“Why would I hate you? You know how much I like you, our Siheon.”

“…”

“So don’t think strange thoughts. Okay? Now, let’s try eating some of this.”

“It’s tuna porridge.”

“It’s cooled down just right.”

“Should we drink some water first?”

“Why are you like that. Are you still weak?”

“Should Noona feed you?”

Miryeong, who had stolen the money and run away, was nowhere to be found.

The police dismissed Miryeong’s disappearance as a cohabiting partner running away from home and didn’t listen to Seongho’s despair.

In the end, Seongho became the pathetic father he used to be, drinking all day, crying, and then falling asleep.

****

A year had passed since the task of collecting and cleaning up the liquor bottles rolling on the floor of the big room was added to Kangeun’s daily routine.

“I told you to sleep more.”

“…”

“You’re not listening to Noona, are you?”

It was early dawn.

Kangeun, who had covered the sleeping Seongho with a blanket and was coming out with a few empty liquor bottles, sighed at the sight of Siheon standing in the yard.

She knew why Siheon, who was already fully dressed and ready to go out, was there.

Today, Kangeun had woken up before the alarm went off.

She had checked that Siheon was asleep beside her before coming out, but as always, Siheon was waiting for her as she came out after ventilating the big room, which was filled with the smell of alcohol.

“Let’s go together.”

“Aigoo, you’re so stubborn.”

Kangeun shook her head as if she couldn’t be helped and put on the coat Siheon handed her.

It seemed she didn’t dislike his suggestion to go together, as a clear smile spread across her face.

In the past year, Siheon had become even less talkative.

But now, he spoke in front of other people too.

Although it was only a few necessary words, Siheon was no longer a child who couldn’t speak to anyone.

It was definitely a good thing, but Kangeun also felt a little sad.

It felt as if the only bit of childishness that the young Siheon, who never knew how to throw a tantrum, had shown only to her had disappeared.

“What, why are you getting on there?”

“Noona, you ride in the back.”

“I’m heavy.”

“You’re not heavy.”

“You’ll fall over like that.”

“I won’t fall.”

Kangeun, who had been staring blankly at Siheon as he naturally sat on the bicycle seat, belatedly noticed the cushion on the back of the seat and smiled.

Siheon, who had started to grow rapidly after being sick, not only had his voice changed, but he had also grown noticeably taller.

His feet grew first, far surpassing Kangeun’s foot size, and not long after he turned thirteen, he had even caught up to Kangeun’s height, who was just over 160 cm.

On top of that, after he started high school and Kangeun’s school dismissal time got later, he had run several laps around the playground and hung from the monkey bars while waiting for her, so his body had grown bigger and his features had become more defined.

It was hard to believe she had mistaken him for a girl when she first saw him; the thirteen-year-old Siheon had become a boy who stood out even among his peers.

While Kangeun naturally accepted this change, she often missed the young Siheon who used to fit perfectly in her arms.

“Alright, I’ll trust our Siheon and ride in the back.”

“Yeah.”

“But tell me if it’s hard. Okay?”

Instead of answering, Siheon pushed off.

In the dawn, where not a single ray of sunlight had yet spread, Siheon’s bicycle with Kangeun on the back sped down the alley.

It was a bicycle that Siheon had brought with a pale face not long after Miryeong disappeared.

Siheon, who had parked the bicycle he got from the local milk delivery agency inside the gate, had said he would deliver milk, that he wanted to contribute money that way.

She had told him there was no need for him to contribute, that he didn’t have to do that, but

Siheon’s stubbornness was strong as he kept his mouth shut.

In the end, after much coaxing, Kangeun started delivering milk with Siheon, and after delivering the milk, they would have expired milk for breakfast and head straight to school.

It had already been a year since then.

From behind Siheon, who was riding the bicycle more leisurely than she had expected, Kangeun looked back at the tightly closed gate.

She had left a simple meal for him, but she couldn’t help but feel uneasy.

‘Will Dad eat at least one meal today?’

‘Will he go out again while I’m gone, drink a lot, and fall somewhere?’

‘What if he comes home a mess, covered in dirt and vomit?’

She was worried that he might get into a fight with someone and end up at the police station, or that he might come home injured.

Seongho, who had become Kangeun’s biggest worry, was the neighborhood drunkard who everyone pointed fingers at.

But Kangeun remembered the Seongho who had been kind to her, so she didn’t resent him.

She thought that her father was just a very soft-hearted person.

She felt sorry for her father who, after losing her mother, had lost the money that was the price of her mother’s life and even her traces, and had now given up on life.

Although Kangeun had to take care of him now, she believed that one day he would hold her in his sturdy arms again.

She believed that he would return to being the reliable and cool father he used to be.

Until that day when Seongho, who always came home to sleep no matter how drunk he was, didn’t return even as the sun came up.

****

Early in the morning, after finishing their milk delivery as usual, Kangeun and Siheon stopped by a shop at the entrance of their neighborhood.

She was about to buy bean sprouts when the siren of a fire truck passing by on the main road in front of the shop blared loudly.

“It seemed like several fire trucks passed by during the night, what’s going on?
Did a big fire break out somewhere?”

“You couldn’t see from here, so you didn’t know.
The blanket factory caught fire during the night.”

“Oh my, really?”

Kangeun listened in on the conversation between the customer who was about to pay for their yogurt before her and the shop owner.

“Don’t even talk about it.

The fire was so big that black smoke was billowing up the whole time, aigo, it’s still a mess now.

It’s a big problem because the weather is dry and the wind is strong, so they still haven’t been able to put out the flames.”

“Aigoo, what a shame. How did the fire start?”

“I don’t know. They’ll probably investigate after they put out the fire first.”

“I hope there’s not too much damage. Huh?”

“I know, right.”

The place where the fire broke out was the only factory located in the outskirts where Kangeun and Siheon lived.

Since a considerable number of people in the neighborhood worked at the blanket factory, the shop owner and the customer’s conversation was naturally filled with concern.

Kangeun then realized the source of the acrid, burnt smell she had been smelling all morning while delivering milk.

“I hope at least no one got hurt. Oh, Kangeun is here. What can I get for you?”

“A thousand won’s worth of bean sprouts, please.”

“Are you making bean sprout soup this morning?”

“Yes. Please charge my dad’s tab as well.”

“Alright.

Kangeun’s dad, last night he tried to buy five bottles of soju, but I only sold him three.

It seemed like he had already had a lot to drink somewhere.

The smell, the smell.

Aigoo, after Kangeun’s dad comes by, I have to air out the shop.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“But it didn’t seem like he was heading home.
Does your dad come home regularly?”

“Yes, he used to… But he didn’t come home yesterday.”

“Aigoo, really… You’re going through a lot because of your dad. Take this.”

“It’s a few days old, but it’s fine to eat.”

“I put more bean sprouts in for you too. Huh?”

“…Thank you.”

Kangeun took the bag full of bean sprouts and a can of expired tuna and bowed.
As she left the shop, she pursed her lips at the sound of a tongue clicking behind her.

“Pitiful, so pitiful.

She’s good at her studies, she’s pretty, wouldn’t it have been great if she just had better parents?”

“Why? Who is she…?”

“She’s the kid who lives at the end of the salon alley, her dad just drinks all day long. He doesn’t even act like a father. I feel sorry for her, so I sometimes give her things.”

Kangeun squeezed her eyes shut and stopped.

After her father, Seongho, had stopped working and started drinking again, the people in the neighborhood pitied Kangeun, who was trying to live without being crushed by her difficult circumstances.

Pity without affection is cruel.

It was a pity she had grown used to, but just because she was used to it didn’t mean it didn’t hurt.
Kangeun had learned over the past few years that her misfortune was just a good topic of conversation for her neighbors, whose lives were not much different from her own.

“Oh my, how pitiful.

My daughter is busy playing around… It must be hard taking care of her younger brother too.”

“What younger brother, they’re not even related by blood.
I’ve lived in this neighborhood for a long time, so I know her mother died early…”

Siheon pulled her trembling hand tightly.

Startled by the unexpected strength, Kangeun came to her senses and was pulled along by Siheon.

Siheon’s steps were firm as he walked ahead with long strides.

“Don’t listen.”

“I won’t. You don’t listen either.”

“I can’t hear them.”

Kangeun chuckled and matched Siheon’s pace.