Chapter 17: A Gift Before Goodbye

“Hold your hair for a bit.”

“Ah, yeah…”

Kangeun gathered her hair and held it up as if tying it.

Siheon, standing behind Kangeun, touched the clasp on the back of her neck to put the necklace on her white, fine neck.

“It tickles, it’s ticklish…”

“…It’s not, working.”

“Do it properly. It really tickles.”

The movement that tickled the back of her neck with slight touches didn’t seem to stop.

But it was strange.

It wasn’t just the back of her neck that was ticklish, but also the soles of her feet, the area around her salivary glands, and her lower abdomen.

It felt so strange that she had to tense her legs to keep them from twisting as she tried not to show it.

It felt like electricity was running all the way to the ends of the hair she had gathered so it wouldn’t fall.

“Are you almost done?”

“…Yeah.”

“What, I’ll just do it myself.”

“Just a moment. …Done.”
At the final okay sign, Kangeun turned around and looked up at Siheon.

“Maybe because it’s my first time with a necklace, it feels awkward.”

“…It’s pretty.”

“…”

Feeling embarrassed, Kangeun turned her head and touched her hot-feeling ear.
In doing so, she didn’t realize that Siheon couldn’t take his eyes off her for a long time.

“Don’t take it off. Always wear it, even when you sleep.”

“Even when I shower? Is that okay? Won’t the color change or break?”

“It won’t. It’s not that cheap.”

“I’m not saying it looks cheap…”

“I’ll buy you an expensive one later.”

“You’ll be busy buying them for your girlfriend, you talk a good game.”

Kangeun suppressed a spreading smile and touched the hollow part in the middle of her collarbone.

It was a necklace with a round pendant with a band on a thin gold chain.

The letters K and S were engraved on the front and back, and the feel of it on her fingertips was nice.

“Thank you.”

“Do you like it?”

Kangeun nodded and lowered her head.

Then, she unconsciously moved her lips.

“You should have told him to at least finish the semester. The end-of-year ceremony is just around the corner.”

The frustration she had been holding back naturally flowed out, taking advantage of the cheerful atmosphere.

At her grumbling full of regret, Siheon’s eyes crinkled as he smiled.

“I know, right.”

“That family too. They haven’t seen him all this time, what’s the rush.”

“I know.”

They had promised not to cry.

Because they weren’t breaking up.

Because they would be able to see each other again.

“Of course, they must miss you. I hope your grandfather and father are good people. Since you said you look just like them, they must be good people.”

“Well, I don’t know.”

“What do you mean you don’t know. That’s why they must have been looking for you so desperately.”

“Yeah.”

They had to leave to make it on time.

Both Kangeun and Siheon knew that well.

They were just holding onto each other, saying meaningless things because they didn’t want to go, didn’t want to let go.

They looked at each other for a long time without a word.

They moved their lips, then bit them firmly, looked at each other for a long time, then blinked and lowered their heads.

Then, finally, Siheon bowed to the big room behind Kangeun.

It was a greeting to the sleeping Seongho.

“…I’m going. Don’t come out.”

“…At least to the bus stop.”

“Just stay home. It’s very cold today.”

“Siheon-ah…”

As Kangeun followed him with teary eyes, Siheon, who was walking towards the gate, stopped.

The large back flinched, hesitating whether to turn around or not, and then Siheon finally turned to face Kangeun.

“I don’t think I can go.”

“…”

“Just like usual, tell me to have a good trip.”

“…Okay. Have a good trip.”

Kangeun didn’t want to show her tears.

So she lowered her head again.

But startled by a thud, she lifted her head and was held by Siheon, who had thrown down his luggage and strode over, and was buried in his embrace.

‘I’ll call you starting today. I’ll contact you every day. I’ll come to see you often. I’ll come back as soon as possible. Don’t chase me away saying I’m annoying. Don’t scold me for calling so often either.’

Siheon, who had been listing the words he had been holding back, took a deep breath and at the same time, grabbed the back of Kangeun’s head and pulled her closer.

She was surprised by his rough gesture, which seemed to have lost all restraint, but she could feel just as much desperation, so Kangeun slowly relaxed her body.

The stubble on his chin, which was not completely shaved and felt prickly, touching her forehead was unfamiliar.

‘Stubble.’

‘When did he really grow up so much.’

While Kangeun was lost in her own thoughts, Siheon was still saying the words he had been holding back.

“I won’t be living in that house forever, so I’ll come to you as soon as I get out.”

“Okay.”

“Independence, I don’t know about that stuff. I’m going to live with you for the rest of my life, so be prepared.”

“…Your girlfriend will hate that later.”

“…That won’t happen.”

“Are you not getting married?”

“I will. And as soon as possible.”

“Hey, what woman in the world would want to live with her sister-in-law?”

“…”

Kangeun burst into laughter in Siheon’s silent embrace.

He said he would get married as soon as possible, but that he would live with his noona forever.

She thought she had raised him well, but this was a problem.

Mama’s boys are not popular, so a sister’s boy would be the same.

“…I’m going.”

“Siheon-ah.”

“…Yeah.”

“I made a wish. Earlier. So. So…”
“…Yeah.”

“You will be happy. Wherever you are.”
“…”

Siheon, who had been holding Kangeun for a long time even after saying he was leaving, finally let her go.

He shouldered the bag he had put down on the floor, turned around, took a big breath that made his body heave, and then strode away with his long legs and disappeared out the gate in an instant.

He didn’t look back at Kangeun in that brief moment.

Kangeun stood in the middle of the yard for a long time.

In the spot where Siheon had smiled at her, in the spot where he had hugged her.

She drew the afterimage Siheon had left in her eyes and raised her hands to rub her reddened eyes.

Then, suddenly, she realized the cold she had forgotten and shivered.

The warmth that had been enveloping and comforting her just a moment ago felt like a lie.

“Ah…”

He’s not here.

Siheon is no longer in this house.

Now, all I have is my dad.

It felt empty.
It felt like there was a huge hole somewhere.

Kangeun closed her eyes at the overwhelming sadness.

Then, as if struck by lightning, her eyes shot open and she headed to the kitchen.

It was because she had remembered the new phone she had left next to the kettle.

Whether her drunk father ate it or not, Kangeun’s hands, as she prepared the lunch she always made, were slower than usual.

It was because of the phone she was holding tightly in her hand, so as not to miss Siheon’s call.

****

That evening, and the evening after that, there was no call from Siheon.

Kangeun, who couldn’t wait any longer, called several times, but the announcement said the number did not exist.

Kangeun also contacted Miryeong.

But Miryeong didn’t answer her phone either.

– The number you have dialed is not in service, please check again and…

For a month, while listening to the same mechanical voice repeat the same words, Kangeun, who had turned twenty-three, withered day by day.

It was definitely Siheon’s number, a number she had gotten for him herself, matching her back number, but now it was said to not exist.

Siheon, who would have turned eighteen, did not answer her calls.

It felt like all the moisture in her body was disappearing.

Brittle, as if it would break at any moment.

****

Before she knew it, the cherry blossoms had fallen and it was truly spring, and dry weather continued for days on end.

In the spring of the year after Siheon returned to his biological father, Kangeun returned to school.

With the goal of early graduation, she had filled her schedule with third-year, second-semester classes and had even started working as a translation assistant through her assistant’s introduction.

After her classes ended, she worked as an assistant teacher at an entrance exam academy in the downtown area.

She had quit all her private tutoring jobs.

At school and at the academy, Kangeun was busy.

There were times when she was spaced out, but she seemed to be doing well.

“Kangeun-ssi, how are you so diligent? You’re not big, so are you strong? Isn’t it hard? Are you eating something good?”

“Don’t overwork your body just because you’re young. You’ll collapse later.”

“I was a little worried. Kangeun-ssi, you get nosebleeds often. Here, Kangeun-ssi. Drink this and go.”

“Hurry home and rest. I don’t know if you’ll even have time to rest properly.”

Kangeun, who had greeted the academy teachers who were kind to her because she was the youngest, left the academy.

The faint smile that had been on her lips just a moment ago was gone without a trace.

Thirty minutes on the bus to go home.

Kangeun, who was watching the scenery of the car headlights filling the road like a wildfire, leaned against the window.

She closed her eyes and slowly tilted her stiff-feeling neck from side to side.

The sound of a song coming from somewhere, the advertisement on the large electronic billboard that caught people’s eyes, the chatter of students who were teasing each other by nudging each other, the cuteness of a baby who was singing with its small mouth moving.

“Hoo…”

To the tired Kangeun, it was nothing.

Like a broken person, she was not interested in anything, and nothing sparked her interest.

She didn’t empathize.

She wasn’t happy, nor joyful, nor excited.

But that didn’t mean she was annoyed or angry.

She didn’t feel bad no matter what anyone said.

It felt like all her motivation and energy had evaporated.

“How do you live like that? Is there any fun in life? Sorry if I offended you.”

Today, during the day, Kangeun had declined a classmate who was announcing a department gathering, as she always did.

Why was she thinking about what her classmate had said to her now?

It wasn’t even that she was offended.

“How do I live like that, she asks.”

Kangeun, who was mulling over her classmate’s words, chuckled and wiped her dry face.

It was because the more she thought about it, the more ridiculous it was.

“I’m doing it to live.”

On her face, from which even the faint self-deprecating smile had been erased, only fatigue remained.

Another boring day was passing.