Chapter 23: Nine Years to Find You

I woke up with a start, drawing in a sharp breath. I didn’t need to check the time to know it was early dawn.

As I brushed back my hair, damp with cold sweat, I looked down to see that the bed was a mess.
The sorrow, the pain of that time, and the loss—it had been repeating for nearly ten years.

It was that dream again.

My footsteps were heavy as I headed to the bathroom, enduring the tightening headache.

The chill that follows a nightmare is truly terrible.

Hot water poured over my body, which was stiff with tension, but I knew well that it was useless.

[Siheon-ah!]

Your desperate voice calling my name still lingers in my ears.

The hand you reached out to me, the eyes that held only me, you—trying to come to me.

You were crying back then.

Because the image of you I remember last is so sad, and because that sadness was caused by me, I clench my teeth like this again.

“Huu…….”

A long shower only makes my thoughts go deeper.

As I finished and dried my wet hair, I tried hard to shake you off.

Because only by living through today can I get closer to the day I meet you.

As soon as I entered the dressing room, I frowned at my reflection in the mirror.

Today, in particular, I hate the scars left on my body.

The throbbing pain over the places where I was cut, gouged, and torn open felt vivid.

Even though it happened so long ago, that shouldn’t be the case.

I put on a form-fitting shirt to cover myself.

The expectation that this damn phantom pain might lessen if I did so was laughable even to me.

“Ajusshi.”

–Ah, you bastard. Please, seriously.

The voice that came through the earphone was heavy with sleep.

The term “bastard,” which still slipped out occasionally, felt surprisingly intimate, so I let out a dry laugh.

I thought I should change the name ‘Hyun Gitae’ on the phone screen connected via Bluetooth after the call.

“It’s about time you got used to it.”

–Kid, is that even a thing to say?

“Congratulations.”

–For what? Are you congratulating me on the fate of having to wake up from my sleep every dawn to your calls?

“If you feel wronged, you should just wake up first and wake me up.”

–You, you bastard, you’re the guy who doesn’t know what sleep is. Ah, what is it. What are you congratulating me for?

The sound of clattering followed his voice, which was now a bit more awake. It was the sound of him turning on the lights.

I knew that even though he cursed every time, he was a man who eventually adjusted to me.

He was the person who took me—the kid who was terrified and struggling—and threw me into the gutters of the London slums.

Although I was looking down at the island dresser full of accessories like watches and tie pins, and the dressing room that looked as if it had been moved directly from a luxury department store, I felt no interest at all.

Everything that made up this house was per the instruction of my grandfather and the discerning eye of Chief Hwang, his right-hand man.

“From today, Ajusshi, you’re officially Chief Hyun.”

I tied my tie and inserted the tie pin.

As I fastened the cufflinks that matched the tie pin on my sleeves, the sound of water could be heard through the earphones.

–……Yeah. You’re telling me to keep cleaning up your shit, basically.

His pronunciation was unclear, perhaps because he had a toothbrush in his mouth, but the specific word he emphasized came through clearly.

“Weren’t you already doing that? You said you wanted to be my dog. From today, you’ll be my dog in the public eye as well.”

I put on my watch, listening to the string of vulgar curses that followed.
The smooth, cold touch of the watch’s metal band gave me chills every time.

“Get ready. Don’t be late. I’ll be in the study, so if I’m late for any reason, call me immediately.”

I hung up and turned around.

The man reflected in the mirror I faced again was a stranger.

A man standing in a perfect suit from head to toe.

Twenty-six years old. Not Yoon Siheon, but Cha Siheon.

With what kind of eyes would you look at me?

As soon as I entered the study with a cup of lukewarm water, I checked the emails that had piled up overnight.

And in the middle of them, I found your name written as if answering my greeting from just a moment ago.

“Ah…….”

My eyes closed of their own accord from the surging euphoria.

It is not an illusion that the distance between you and me, which felt so far away, seems to have narrowed a little.

Now, I feel like I can see your back, which I missed so much.
I feel like I can reach out and touch you.

The desperate yearning to reach you was no different from before.

Since the autumn I was fourteen, I had begun to desire you in a dirty way.

The day you walked ahead of me, stepping on the fallen leaves, and turned around to smile at me—as a middle-schooler, I dreamed of you.

In my dream, I was lying facing the wall, and behind my back, beyond the curtain that crossed the center of the room, you were changing your clothes.

The rustling sound of fabric rubbing, your scent that I could smell so strongly.

It was just a dream like that, but.

[Siheon-ah, what are you doing……?]

Your eyes were round when you discovered me hand-washing my pajamas and underwear in cold water.

It was dawn, it was hand-washing I had never done before, and I was too flustered to keep my mouth shut.

Realizing the situation belatedly, your ears turned red. And in an instant, even your face turned bright red.

After that, you never asked about that dawn again.

Because you didn’t ask, I became increasingly brazen and bold.

The days where I dreamed of you pretending not to know about my greed, which was well beyond my station, became frequent.

And then, I started to take care of myself while thinking of you.

[Huu…….]

Calling your name, I poured out my white climax in gasps.

Not knowing how black my heart was turning, you still called me your younger brother.

You were proud that you were my Noona.

You, who embraced me when I had no father, and when even my mother abandoned me—I shamelessly wanted you.

While you, now smaller than me, slept beside me, I ravished you in my dreams countless times.

Then, due to a wrong choice, I lost you and fell into a hell where you did not exist.

With one long scar etched across my belly and two holes in my side, I suffered from excruciating phantom pain and counted the days until I could return to you.

And finally, nine years later.

<Tenuto Coffee Korea General Support Team, Lead Manager Go Kangeun>

I trace your name, which is on the list of employees coming to Korea, as if drawing it.

“Go Kangeun.”

I recklessly call that name again, the name that would make you scowl if I said it out loud.
As if you were mine.

“Why are you my Noona? I don’t have a Noona. To me, you are Go Kangeun, the only one I’ve wanted to possess for my entire life.”

As I imagine the day we meet again, my desire recognizes its master and rises, throbbing.
Now, the time has come to reclaim you.

****

“I’m here to pick you up.”

Siheon passed the man who bowed to him and got into the sleek sedan.

The man, who had closed the back door where Siheon sat, walked around to the driver’s seat and fastened his seatbelt.

“I’ll be departing.”

“Cut it out. Since when have you used honorifics with me?”
–……Kid, then what should I do.

Hyun Gitae, the man whose jaw was twisted as if trying to suppress his hot temper, was the one who had become Chief Hyun as of today.

Gitae, who had glared at Siheon in the rearview mirror, turned the steering wheel with practiced ease.

“I’m just worried you’ll make a mistake in front of the Chairman.”

“If I make a mistake, the neck of an Ajusshi who changed owners without permission will probably fly off.”

“You bastard, you always talk like that! Huh?”

“I want to go in silence.”

Siheon’s voice, responding to Gitae who didn’t hide his resentment, was low.

He didn’t even lift his gaze from the tablet PC, where he had pulled up the work he had postponed due to his breakfast schedule with his grandfather.

“If my neck flies off, what about you?”

“…….”

“A bastard who doesn’t have a single person other than me to worry about his meals. You keep acting tough.”

“…….”

“Alright, kid. I’ll shut my mouth. I’ll shut it.”

Contrary to his words about shutting his mouth, Gitae didn’t stop talking while they were heading to the mansion in Yeonryu-dong, where Siheon’s main family home was.

It was because he knew how much Siheon hated going to that house.

I knew that Gitae’s rough, blabbering mouth was intended to calm my nerves, which were standing on edge.

While the car was stuck at a traffic light, Siheon, who had finished his urgent tasks, caught sight of a high-rise office building on the main street.

Siheon, who had been tapping his tablet PC with an electronic pen, finally opened his mouth.

“What about the company housing for the Tenuto Coffee staff?”

“I’ve finished checking. I’ll organize it and upload it by the morning, so check it. You can’t just find one of those office buildings you mentioned by joining several vacant rooms. For now, I can secure four on one floor.”

Siheon’s lips, which had been deep in thought, curved slightly.

“We have to proceed with that.”

“I told you we couldn’t get one, didn’t I?”

“I want one to be a little bigger. At least above the 7th floor, below the 10th.”

“……Why?”
“It’s a shame if the time spent in the elevator is too short.”

“……You crazy bastard.”

“But if it’s too long, I don’t think I’d be able to endure that either.”

“……You, why did you grow up to be such a pervert? You weren’t like that in the past.”

It was natural for rough language to come out of Gitae’s mouth, as he knew who Siheon had in mind when he asked for a bigger office building.

There was no need to ask what he intended to do in the elevator.

The Siheon that Gitae knew was a psycho bastard who only got an erection for one person.

“It’s because that’s all I saw and heard in the place I was kicked out to.”

“……Why are you like this when you graduated from a good university?”

“That’s a story for when I prove my worth.”

“…….”

Gitae, who had watched from the side throughout the whole process of what kind of environment

Siheon lived in when he was first kicked out to England, how he lived, and how he proved his worth and returned to Korea, had nothing to say.

After a moment of silence, Gitae spoke again.

“Yesterday, the Chairman was smiling while receiving a report from Chief Hwang. It seems he was quite satisfied that you beat out Dooseong and signed a contract with Tenuto Coffee.”

“…….”

“He said you seem to resemble him in terms of work efficiency.”

“…….”

“Alright, I’ll shut my mouth. You bastard, you even learned how to curse with your eyes.”

Before long, the car carrying Siheon entered the alleyway of the Yeonryu-dong mansion.

Inside the car, climbing the uphill road in silence, Siheon’s expression was cold and hardened once again.

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