Chapter 39: Glass In My Throat

Would it hurt this much even if he swallowed a thousand shards of glass?

His throat felt like it was burning.

Forcing down the heat that kept threatening to burst out, Han-geon got out of the car.

Now that there were no tinted windows to shield him, there wasn’t a single wall left to hide his unsightly state—yet his eyes kept growing hot.

He roughly rubbed at them with his sleeve and trudged out of the company parking lot.

His thoughts, having lost their way, kept circling back to Eun-gyeol, whom he’d just dropped off at the hotel.

If he were truly Eun-gyeol’s one and only friend and manager, he should be wishing for him to get through his rut safely and return in good condition.

He should.

He really should.

And yet, pathetic as he was, his unrequited love came first.

Even though his heart had shattered completely, the broken pieces stabbed into him and drew blood all over again.

He ought to be worrying about Eun-gyeol’s rut—but perhaps this was his punishment for being unable to do so.

The subway station came into view.

He scrubbed hard at his bleary eyes and let out a long sigh.

Though he wasn’t a smoker, he suddenly craved a cigarette.

No—really, if there were anything at all that could shave off even a single fragment of this shattered heart, anything would do.

Cigarettes.

Alcohol.

Anything.

He was achingly lonely.

This feeling didn’t seem like it would be quenched by working out, watching a movie, or drinking beer alone until his nose went crooked.

His feet were faithfully carrying him toward the subway station, but his heart had nowhere to go, wandering aimlessly again and again.

His phone vibrated in his pocket.

What surged up reflexively was a foolish spark of hope—but the name on the screen, as if mocking that foolish heart, belonged to someone else.

After a brief hesitation, Han-geon answered the call weakly.

He didn’t even have the spare capacity to feel suspicious about the fact that the caller was contacting him for the first time.

“…Yes.

This is Choi Han-geon.”

—Manager-nim.

This is my first time calling you.

Did you make it back to Seoul safely?

A relaxed, smiling voice.

He almost let out a sigh without thinking, barely swallowing it back.

He really wasn’t in the mood to talk, but he had no choice.

“…Yes.”

—Where are you right now?

“I… I’m near the company.”

—Oh?

Wait a second.

Eun-gyeol sunbae’s company is in Cheongdam, right?

A faint excitement crept into his voice.

—I’m in Cheongdam right now.

Would you like to grab a drink with me?

“…”

His mouth closed automatically.

If Eun-gyeol were to find out that he’d met Junseong privately, his reaction was obvious without even seeing it.

He’d probably fly into a rage, ready to kill either Junseong or him.

And then, even after filming resumed, the atmosphere would remain awkward the whole time.

So the right answer was to say no—to apologize and say it would be difficult right now.

Besides, he’d clearly turned down Junseong’s offer last time too, saying Eun-gyeol was uncomfortable with it.

Despite that, Junseong had been persistent.

Even if he rejected this invitation as well, there was nothing he should feel particularly sorry about.

And yet.

—Manager-nim? …You didn’t hang up, did you?

“…No.”

A flash of stubbornness flared up.

A sense of injustice crept in alongside it.

Turbulent emotions boiled over, raking through his insides.

How would Cha Eun-gyeol even know?

Would he even have the time to know?

He’d be too busy rolling around in a hotel bed for days.

And even if he did find out—so what?

A scoff escaped him.

Just because Cha Eun-gyeol didn’t like it, did that mean he had to obediently wait at home like a well-trained dog while Eun-gyeol enjoyed himself with someone else?

As if he had no heart, no feelings at all?

Just anxiously waiting for the one call Eun-gyeol might give someday?

All his life, he’d tried not to do anything that might displease Cha Eun-gyeol.

Even knowing full well there was no chance Eun-gyeol would ever look his way, he still wanted to do only the things Eun-gyeol would like.

He wanted to become someone Eun-gyeol would like.

Because he loved Cha Eun-gyeol so much.

Because he never wanted to lose the smiles, warmth, and kindness Eun-gyeol scattered toward him.

And damn it all, that was still true even now.

Just because Eun-gyeol was with someone else at this very moment didn’t mean his feelings would neatly come to an end.

A seventeen-year unrequited love couldn’t fade away so meaninglessly.

It carried a far tougher, stronger vitality than Han-geon had imagined, as if mocking him—if it were the kind of feeling that could end so easily, it wouldn’t have lasted this long in the first place.

And yet, the reason he couldn’t easily tell Junseong no was this crushing loneliness.

He didn’t want to be alone.

At least for tonight, he just wanted to drink until he was drunk, without thinking about anything, with someone.

That was all.

Yes.

Eun-gyeol wouldn’t know anyway.

Just as Junseong said, Eun-gyeol wouldn’t be leaving the hotel until his rut was over.

And having a beer with someone to soothe the gaping hole in his heart surely wasn’t something so shameful in Eun-gyeol’s eyes.

“…Yes.

I’ll do it.”

He answered in an even voice.

His limp hand clenched tightly into a fist.

From the other end of the line came a small chuckle.

—Then I’ll come over to you now.

***

Despite saying he was nearby, it took Junseong over thirty minutes to arrive.

Sitting blankly in front of the company while waiting, Han-geon took his phone out and put it away again, over and over.

In the meantime, his already-low battery died completely.

They’d agreed to meet in front of the company anyway, and there was no one else who would be contacting him.

Thinking bitterly that it was probably for the best, Han-geon slipped the phone into his pocket.

Just then, a car pulled up in front of him.

“Manager-nim!”

The heavily tinted window rolled down.

At Junseong’s cheerful nod—Get in—Han-geon opened the passenger door as if hypnotized.

“Wow, I can’t believe I finally get to have a drink with you, Manager-nim.”

“Honestly, I thought you’d refuse.”

Saying that, Junseong smiled again.

Come to think of it, this man was persistent too.

If he’d expected rejection, why had he asked again?

The question crossed Han-geon’s mind, but he kept quiet.

Since things had come to this, he figured he’d ask over a beer.

“There’s a place around here I go to often.

I’ll take you there.”

“…Okay.”

“Thank you.”

Despite Han-geon’s awkward, blunt response, Junseong seemed pleased, humming as he drove.

In less than fifteen minutes, the car stopped in front of a building that looked rather upscale.

It wasn’t very large, but it was neat and refined, with a couple of guards standing rigidly at the entrance.

Junseong tipped his cap slightly, and the guards obligingly stepped aside.

A faint, floral scent drifted through the narrow passage leading inside.

Inside the club, house music played at a low volume.

Junseong led the way to an empty table and sat down.

Han-geon glanced around, then cautiously took the seat across from him.

“Do you drink wine, by any chance?”

“Ah, no.

I don’t really drink wine.”

“I see.

Then what’s most comfortable for you?”

“I’m… beer is easiest for me.”

Somehow, it was getting more and more awkward.

If he’d known it was this kind of upscale club, he wouldn’t have followed so readily.

He’d imagined a pub at most.

Feeling foolish now, Han-geon sighed inwardly.

Junseong was, after all, a famous actor too—even if less so than Eun-gyeol.

“Beer?

Beer’s good.

They have some decent craft beers here.

I’ll have beer too, then.”

Thankfully, Junseong matched him with a bright smile.

Pointing at something that looked reasonable on the menu, he ordered two of the same and then looked back at Han-geon.

“It must’ve been a sudden suggestion.

Thank you for agreeing.”

“Oh, no.

There’s nothing to thank me for.”

“Honestly, like I said earlier… since you turned me down last time, I didn’t really expect much this time either.”

Facing Junseong’s hearty laugh, Han-geon asked the question that had been on his mind just moments ago.

“Um… Actor-nim.

If it’s not rude, may I ask you one thing?”

“Yes, of course.”

Popping a complimentary snack into his mouth, Junseong nodded easily.

Even though he’d been planning to ask this the entire drive over, once the moment arrived, the words didn’t come easily.

After rolling them around in his mouth several times, Han-geon finally spoke.

“Why… are you so kind to me?”

“Me?”

Junseong shrugged with a smile, looking completely unbothered.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been particularly kind.

If anything, I’ve been selfish—always calling you out even when you say you don’t want to.”

“…Then may I ask why you keep calling me out?”

“Ha.”

Junseong’s eyes lit up.

Whatever it was that amused him, his face looked genuinely delighted.

“Because I like you, Manager-nim.”

“…”

Caught off guard by the direct approach, Han-geon could only gape.

Junseong, meanwhile, let out a short laugh at his reaction, remaining relaxed in stark contrast to Han-geon’s stiff posture.

“Mm, I’ll explain a bit more.

You look startled.

First of all, I’m on vacation starting today, and my manager’s busy meeting his girlfriend.

Wanting to have a drink during a break with someone in the same line of work isn’t all that strange, right?

I do have other actor friends, but for some reason, you were the first person I thought of.”

His calm explanation sounded plausible.

Still, Han-geon couldn’t shake the feeling that Junseong had been subtly dodging the real intent of the question.

Having come this far, though, he had no intention of letting it slide.

With a firmer tone than before, Han-geon asked again.

“If you’ll excuse my boldness, I’d like to ask one more thing.”

“Yes, go ahead.”

Meeting Junseong’s smiling eyes head-on, Han-geon spoke clearly.

“…Earlier, you said you liked me.”

“That’s right.”

“Then… I’d like to know exactly in what way you like me.”