Chapter 93: Begging At The Ruins

“…Choi Han-geon.”

In the fully darkened night, Eun-gyeol’s gaze rushed toward him with urgency.

His low voice carried a desperation utterly unlike his usual self.

He tore off the mask he had been wearing and turned this way.

Han-geon slowly approached him.

Just like before, Eun-gyeol was in an extremely unstable state.

The aggressive ferocity that had once filled his eyes was gone, replaced instead by a suffocating, muted desperation that clogged the air.

By habit, Han-geon glanced around.

After confirming that no one was nearby, he slowly opened his mouth.

“Why are you doing this?

What if someone sees you?”

“That’s not what matters right now.”

“How is it not?

If you expose this place because of yourself, what about the people who live here?”

“…..”

“That’s why I told you to leave earlier.

You really are selfish to the very end.”

Despite the calm tone of his words, the fist clenched at his side trembled faintly.

His mouth moved on its own, regardless of the heart swelling inside him to the point of suffocation.

Eun-gyeol didn’t move, standing still and taking the onslaught in silence.

Eun-gyeol, who had been standing like a statue, finally spoke.

“…Say whatever you want.”

“…..”

“I know better than anyone that I’m selfish.”

So badly did his voice shake that even Han-geon flinched.

“More than anyone else, you know me best, Choi Han-geon.”

He bit his lip, his eyes fragile, as if he might burst into tears at any moment.

Eun-gyeol looked like he was on the verge of collapsing.

But Han-geon looked at him with an indifferent gaze.

The memory of once frantically reaching out to stop him from biting his lip—afraid he might hurt himself—felt unbearably distant.

Seeing Han-geon’s doll-like, erased expression, Eun-gyeol stepped closer.

“I can’t live without you, Han-geon.”

“…..”

“…I like you, Han-geon.

I like you too.

I’ve told you so many times.

I like you too…”

It was a pitiful confession steeped in anxiety and fear.

How many times had he heard those words from Eun-gyeol?

And how many times had he crumbled because of them, how many times had he suffered through a feverish torment?

The aftermath of that heat had been cruel enough to wear his heart down to nothing.

Han-geon had worn away, collapsed, and shattered countless times like that.

His heart, eroded past repair, now showed no reaction at all to Eun-gyeol’s words.

“Choi Han-geon.”

A trembling hand reached out and grabbed his wrist.

Han-geon merely watched Eun-gyeol’s actions with a blank face.

The desperate voice burned hotter than the warmth of the hand gripping him.

“You still like me too.

Your heart never wavered all those years.”

“…..”

“This can’t end like this.

We’re not that kind of relationship.

I’ll make sure you never get hurt again.

I won’t force you into anything anymore.

So…”

“Eun-gyeol.”

He softly called his name and lifted his gaze to meet his eyes.

Eun-gyeol’s face was crumbling.

Yet even as he met eyes filled with overwhelming despair, Han-geon’s gaze remained steady.

“What should I do…

I can’t endure you anymore.”

Eun-gyeol’s pitch-black eyes seemed to tumble off a cliff.

As though he had forgotten how to breathe, he opened his mouth desperately.

“…Choi Han-geon.”

“I…

I don’t like you anymore.”

He slowly pried Eun-gyeol’s hand off his wrist.

Eun-gyeol’s hand immediately chased after him, clinging on again in desperation.

Once more, Han-geon patiently removed his hand—an action devoid of any emotion.

The lips Han-geon had always thought beautiful trembled violently.

Eun-gyeol, his face completely falling apart, couldn’t say a word.

The silence that followed felt eternal.

His wet eyes quivered faintly, and his chest heaved with ragged breaths.

Under the dim streetlight, Eun-gyeol’s face was deathly pale.

“…That doesn’t make sense.”

His murmured voice was hollow.

Shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe it, Eun-gyeol spoke.

“Don’t lie to me.”

“…..”

“You…

Choi Han-geon…

You couldn’t possibly hate me.”

Han-geon spoke calmly.

“Why…

Why do you think that’s impossible, Eun-gyeol?”

“You promised.”

His low voice growled bitterly.

The wounded gaze looking down at him was no different from when he was a child.

Biting his lip to endure his emotions, he looked like a child trapped in a grown body.

“You promised you’d always stay by my side…

That you’d protect me…”

His voice, trying to suppress its trembling, grew rough.

The air in the darkness thickened as he inhaled and exhaled heavy, damp breaths.

Once again, a boiling heat savagely swallowed Han-geon’s wrist.

It was hot enough to consume him whole.

“So…

Come back with me.”

“…..”

“I can’t live without you, Han-geon.”

The desperate tremor reached him.

Han-geon closed his eyes.

He pushed Eun-gyeol away again and again with calm resolve, but Eun-gyeol was the person who knew best in this world how to break him.

That kind of attack could not instantly turn into harmless debris.

Eun-gyeol’s unfamiliar, clinging expression was enough to shake Han-geon’s heart.

“…Eun-gyeol.”

But that was as far as it went.

He might waver, but he could no longer give anything more.

He had already given everything he had to Eun-gyeol, and now there was nothing left to give.

That was why Han-geon could face him calmly.

When his life had been filled with Cha Eun-gyeol, baring his heart had been unbearably difficult.

Now, with not even a strand of lingering attachment left, showing an empty heart was far easier by comparison.

“I can’t have you in my life.”

“Choi Han-geon.”

“If I’m with you, I can’t survive.

It hurts too much.

It’s too painful…”

He tried to pry Eun-gyeol’s hand off him.

Like a stubborn child throwing a tantrum, Eun-gyeol refused to let go.

Slowly, but firmly, Han-geon applied force and pulled his hand away.

“I feel like I’m going to die…

That’s why…

I left your side.”

“…Han-geon.

I’ll— I’ll do better from now on—”

“So.”

Han-geon’s calm voice cut off his frantic words.

“Please let me live.”

With an unwavering gaze, he severed the path Eun-gyeol was trying to approach.

“I’ve done enough.

As your friend, your manager, and… your partner.

I did everything I could.”

“No, Choi Han-geon…

That’s not it.”

“You said it was good that I was a beta who couldn’t get pregnant…

Now I’m an omega.”

Han-geon stopped mid-sentence.

His lower abdomen, holding something Eun-gyeol should never know about for the rest of his life, tightened painfully.

His throat closed up.

“f*ck, I— I said the wrong thing.

So please… just—!”

Eun-gyeol raised his trembling hands and roughly scrubbed his face.

His bloodshot eyes lunged forward as if to devour him.

The grip on Han-geon’s shoulders was so strong it drew a groan.

“Do whatever you want.

Do whatever you want with me.

If you want to hit me, hit me.

If you want to curse at me, curse me.

Just… do that instead.”

“Let go.

And why would I hit you?”

“You hate me, don’t you.

I treated you like shit.

So beat me until you feel better.”

With a horribly twisted face, Eun-gyeol ground out the words.

“…And then come back with me.”

At last, the tears he’d been holding spilled over.

From eyes that gleamed sharply like blades.

His words, his gaze, his gestures—everything about Eun-gyeol was pleading with Han-geon.

Begging not to be abandoned.

This was the lowest, most desperate form he could show in his own way.

Even as Eun-gyeol wept—so pitiful he seemed to shine alone in the darkness—Han-geon merely looked at him quietly.

Then Han-geon met his gaze head-on.

“Do you know why…

I never once hit you?”

“…..”

“Like you said, even when you treated me however you wanted, I couldn’t hit you.

Because we had filming.

Because people might see.

Because I was your manager.

Sure, maybe those were reasons.”

Something hot and choking surged up from his chest.

But Han-geon calmly swallowed it back down.

He didn’t want to show Eun-gyeol himself wavering.

In the end, the price for emotions he had never properly received in return was something he alone had to bear.

It wasn’t something he should resent Eun-gyeol for.

“…You were too precious to me.”

For the first time, Han-geon calmly confessed the faded truth he had never been able to tell him before.

Amid the ruins where everything had collapsed.

“I liked you so much…

That you were beautiful to me.”

“…..”

“That’s why…

I couldn’t bring myself to lay a hand on you.”

Eun-gyeol’s chest shook violently as he inhaled sharply.

The gaze that stepped closer was desperate, like that of someone who had been starving for days.

Eun-gyeol lifted Han-geon’s hand and pressed it to his soaked face, closing his eyes.

The unceasing flow of hot tears drenched the back of his hand.

“Look…

I’m right here.

I’m the one you liked so much.”

His clenched voice was soaked with heat.

His pale throat bobbed with each rough breath.

“So…

Come back.

I’m right here.

Where you belong is… by my side.”

It was a wretched courtship, a desperate plea.

Rubbing his tear-soaked face against Han-geon’s hand, his movements were pitiful enough to break anyone’s heart.

But Han-geon slowly withdrew his hand from Eun-gyeol’s grasp.

Looking into those despair-soaked black eyes, he shook his head.

“No…

The first thing you should’ve said to me wasn’t that.”

The truth tightly bound in his heart ignited all at once.

Though he had pretended to be calm, a silent, boiling upheaval had been building inside him without his realizing it.

Now, the ignited emotions surged mercilessly.

Han-geon clenched his teeth, trying to suppress the fury rising violently in his chest, but his breathing had already lost control, his chest heaving on its own.

“You shouldn’t have told me to come back.

You shouldn’t have said you needed me.

You should’ve said something else first.

About trampling my heart, about changing my body without my consent…

Just once— even once—”

“…Han-geon.”

“Even once!

You—!”

The roar he’d held back for so long finally burst out.

For the first and last time, he lashed out at him.

Pain exploded in his chest as his breath fell apart.

Unable to regain his rhythm, Han-geon clutched his chest in agony.

He slapped away the hands rushing to check on him and squeezed his eyes shut.

At last, hot tears streamed out from between his closed lids.

The Han-geon who had endured so calmly finally collapsed.

He glared at Eun-gyeol as if he wanted to kill him.

His vision was blurred with tears.

From a heart he thought had been emptied of everything, something burned fiercely.

“You should have…

Even once…

Given me a sincere apology.”

His soaked voice trembled wretchedly.

He’d thought he had cast away all resentment and lingering feelings toward Eun-gyeol, but he’d been wrong.

The anger dragged up from deep within his chest was vividly alive.

Rolling his trembling lips inward, Han-geon violently shook off the hands gripping him.

“This is as far as I go.

I can’t… endure your selfishness anymore.”

“Han-geon.

Just once, listen to me—”

Han-geon turned away, leaving him behind.

Immediately, a terrifying force seized his wrist.

“Go back.

I never want to see you again.”

“Choi Han-geon!”

“Go back!”

With all his strength, he tore his wrist free.

He rushed inside the gate and locked it.

Leaving Eun-gyeol pounding madly against the gate, he opened the front door and stumbled inside.

He shut his eyes tight and covered his ears.

Eun-gyeol couldn’t keep up the rampage forever.

Eventually, he would stop.

Ignoring Jinwoo’s worried gaze, Han-geon went upstairs.

Once inside his room, he pulled the blanket over himself and covered his ears again.

His breath came fast, like someone who had been running for hours.

Between the ragged breaths, sobs slipped through.